There Once Was a Blank from Nantucket

  • Season 3, Ep 8
  • 09/18/2000

As the victim of sexual harassment, Jerri must decide whether to put out, put up or shut up.

SO, YOU EXCITED ABOUT THECONCERT TOMORROW NIGHT ?

YEAH, I GUESS.

WHAT IS GOING ON, MILES ?

I THOUGHT YOUREALLY LIKED ME.

I DO, JERRI.

I JUST GET THE FEELING YOUDON'T WANNA TALK TO ME.

YOU'RE ACTING SO WEIRD.

NO, I WANNATALK TO YOU.

I'M NOTACTING WEIRD.

( stuttering )GET OUT !

GO ON ! GET OUT OFTHIS HALLWAY.

GO-- LEAVE ME ALONE !

HEY BLANK, WHAT DID YOUTHINK OF OUR LITTLE SONNET ?

I AM WARNING YOU, SKEET.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,JERRI SKANK ?

I WILL RE-WARN YOU UNTILYOU CAN BE WARNED NO MORE.

WAIT'LL YOU SEE THE LITTLECELEBRATION OF YOUR "SLUTITUDE""

THAT WE GOT PLANNED FORYOU AT THE JAZZ RECITAL.

IT WILL BE ACLEAR INDICTMENT

OF OUR STUNTEDEMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT.

QUANDARY.

WHAT'S "QUANDARY" MEAN ?

AAA !

EEE !

III--

OHH !

YOU !

MR. JELLINECK, CAN I PLEASE PUT ON A ROBE ?

WHY DON'T WE JUST PUT AROBE ON THE MONA LISA ?

THERE IS A ROBE ONTHE MONA LISA.

THAT'S MY POINT EXACTLY.

THAT'S HOW REMBRANDTRUINED IT.

OKAY, PEOPLE.

MAKE SURE AND FOLLOWTHE CURVES OF THE BODY,

PAYING SPECIAL ATTENTION TOTHOSE ADORABLE PERT YOUNGTEEN-AGE BREASTS.

( male students )YEAH !WOO !

HEY ! LISTEN, GUYS !FOCUS ON YOUR DRAWINGS

OR I WILL HAVE YOU STAYING INHERE ALL NIGHT

SKETCHING NAKED GIRLS.

AND I MEAN IT !

JERRI, WHY AREN'T YOUDRAWING ?

COULD I TALK TO YOUFOR A SECOND ?

OUT IN THE HALLWAY.

KEEP YOUR EYESON THAT GIRL.

WHAT'S ON YOURMIND, JERRI ?

I'M BEING SEXUALLY HARASSEDAND NO ONE CARES.

AT THIS SCHOOL ?

THEY WROTE SOMETHING ON THESTALL IN THE BOYS' BATHROOM.

BOYS' BATHROOM.

I BETTER TAKE A LOOK.

I HAVE TO GO SOMEWHEREWITH JERRI,

SO I'M GONNA LEAVE YOUHERE ALONE WITH THISNAKED HIGH SCHOOL GIRL.

STRAVULA, STAYPERFECTLY STILL.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING.

I BETTER GRABCHUCK NOBLET.

WE'VE BEEN LOOKINGFOR AN EXCUSE

TO GO INTO THAT BOYS BATHROOMFOR A WHILE

JUST TO MAKE SUREEVERYTHING'S...

YOU KNOW, ALL RIGHT.

NOW, THE JAPANESEAT NANGKING--

CHUCK, WOULD YOU COMEWITH ME TO THE, UH...

BOYS' BATHROOM.RIGHT YOU ARE.

HOLD PERFECTLY STILL.

MR. NOBLET,COULD I PUT A ROBE ON ?

NO !

( toilet flushing )

WELL, WHAT'D YOU THINK ?

THAT, IS THE MOST SEXUALLYDEGRADING EXPERIENCE

I HAVE EVER BEENA PARTY TO.

AMEN.

ARE YOU GONNA BE ABLETO STOP THE BOYS

WHO PUT THAT ONTHE BATHROOM STALL ?

OHHHH.OHHHH--

RIGHT.THE STALL.

WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE--YEAH, WE DIDN'T GET ACHANCE TO TAKE A LOOK.

WHY DON'T WE GOBACK IN THERE ?

I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

JERRI, THIS MIGHTTAKE AWHILE.

♪ SPIT 'EM, PUT 'EM UP,PUT 'EM UP, PUT 'EM UP ♪

( whining along with the bass )♪ YEEEAHH ♪

( trying to scat )

( high pitched )♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ DONE ♪♪

( cheering )

OH, THAT WAS WAY TOO MUCH.

OUT THERE !

YOU GIRLS ARE GONE !

JERRI, DON'T LOOK NOW.

IT'S THAT KIDFROM STUDY HALL.

HE'S GOT A HUGECRUSH ON YOU.

WHERE ?

GOOD MATCH, HUH ?

OH YEAH, IT'S GONNA TAKE A WHILEFOR HER TO WALK THAT ONE OFF.

I WAS WONDERING IFYOU'D LIKE TO GO

TO THE MALLAFTER SCHOOL, MAYBE ?

AND GET A CHAR CHEDDAR CHILE FRYFROM CHEEZY POLISH OR SOMETHING.

OH, YOU FOUND MY WEAKNESS,FATTY SALTED FRIED THINGS.

HEY BLANK, IT'S WEIRD TO SEE YOUON THIS SIDE OF THE BLEACHERS.

YOU'RE USUALLY UNDER THEM,ON TOP OF SOMEONE ELSE.

GOOD ONE, SKEET.

ME AND THE BOYS ARE GOING TOHANG OUT IN DRAKE'S BASEMENT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU COME WITHAND, UH, DO STUFF TO US.

COUNT ME IN.

YOU KNOW, OH, ACTUALLYI BETTER TAKE A RAIN CHECK.

I'M GOING TOTHE MALL TODAY.

WELL, IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.WE'LL BE THERE,

AND WE AREINEXPERIENCED, ANGRY

AND HAVE NO RESPECTFOR WOMEN.

OKAY, DON'T BE STRANGERS.

SEE YA, SLUT BAG.

ANYWAY, MAYBE WHENWE'RE AT THE MALL,

WE CAN SIT IN THEPHOTO BOOTH TOGETHER.

JERRI, I JUST REMEMBERED,I CAN'T GO TO THE MALL,

I GOTTA GO...WASH MY GRANDMOTHER.

JERRI !

YOU SHOULDN'T LET THOSECREEPS TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT.

I THINK LARRY'SKINDA CUTE.

NO, I MEANT THOSE GUYSWITH ALL THE TRASH TALK.

OH, TAMMALA, IT'S JUST SOMEHARMLESS DEGRADING RIBBING.

NO IT'S NOT, JERRI !

IT'S SEXUAL HARASSMENT !

THOSE GUYS SCARED AWAY ANOTHERPOTENTIALLY NICE BOYFRIEND.

( p.a. )LET'S GIVE OUR FLATPOINTWRESTLERS A BIG HAND.

( applause & cheering )

THAT WAS STRATOSPHERIC.

LET'S ALL HITTHE SHOWERS, GIRLS.

THANKS, JAZZY.

GIRLS UH...

I HAVE JUST A FEW NOTESTHAT I, UH...

OHHH, WHERE DID YOUCOME FROM ?

OHHH,THAT'S RIGHT,

I PUT YOU THERE.

ALL RIGHT.

I'M GOING, I'M GOING.

( smack )

HA, HA, HA.

LOOK OUT ! I ALMOSTGOT YOU IN THE MUFFIN.

JERRI...

YOU CAN'T LET THOSE GUYS TALKTO YOU LIKE THAT ANYMORE,

IT'S WRONG.

YOU NEED TO TELL THEM TO STOP,AND THAT YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

SO I SHOULD PRETENDTHAT I DON'T LIKE IT ?

YOU DON'T LIKE IT !

OH YEAH, RIGHT.

I'LL SEE YOUON THE BUS.

LATER, NUTTAGE.

MAYBE SEXUAL HARASSMENTIS WRONG.

AH !OOH, I GOT YOU RIGHTIN THE CRANBERRY.

MILES.

HEY, JERRI.

I WANNA APOLOGIZE FOR MYSWEET AND SOUR BEHAVIOR.

THERE ARE SOME BOYSHERE AT SCHOOL

WHO'VE BEEN SEXUALLY HARASSINGME FOR OVER A YEAR,

WELL ACTUALLY JUST THIS WEEK,THE REST WAS MORE LIKE FLIRTING.

ANYWAY, I WAS AFRAID YOUMIGHT BELIEVE

SOME OF THE HORRIBLE SEXY THINGSTHEY WERE SAYING ABOUT ME.

JERRI...

I WOULDN'T BELIEVEA BUNCH OF LIES.

EVEN THE TRUE ONES !?

WELL...

I'M GONNA TAKEA STAND TONIGHT,

BUT THINGS MIGHTGET PRETTY CRAZY.

I'M BEHIND YOU, JERRI.

NOW REMEMBER,EVERYBODY,

I WANT YOU TOSEDUCE THE MUSIC.

WORK IT LIKEIT'S YO' BITCH.

SLAP IT !

IT WILL RESPOND.

SHOW THAT MUSIC WHO HASTHE UPPER HAND

BY GIVING IT THEBACK OF YO' HAND.

I REMEMBER...

CHARLIE PARKERONCE SAID TO ME,

"JAZZY...

SHUT UP AND GIVE MESOME HEROIN."

YEAH.

NOW LET'S GET ON OUT THEREAND SCORE.

( singing scales )♪ LA, LA, LA, LA,LA, LA, LA ♪

♪ LA, LA, LA, LA, LA ♪

( exercising )GAAAAAAAAAAAA !

( roughly hacking )

( applause )

( Jerri in slow motion )♪ BADA BOOM, BADA BOP,BEE BOP, BEE BOP ♪

( continues )

♪ AAAA, RAAA, EH ♪

♪ A, E, I, O, U,A, E, I, O, UA, E, I, O, U ♪

AAHHHH !

AHHH HAAA !

( weakily )MILES.

♪ OH, YA, LA, ME LA ♪

♪ OH, A, E, OH, A, E ♪

♪ OOP PA LA, BADA BA ♪

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