April 19, 2016 - Tony Hale

  • 04/19/2016

Bill O'Reilly receives backlash for his racist comments on forehead tattoos, and Larry examines political pandering with Tony Hale, Ricky Velez and Franchesca Ramsey.

-(crowd chanting "Larry!")-Thank you very much!

Thank you! Oh, so kind!

Thank you so much!

Please have a seat.You're too kind.

Welcome to The Nightly Show.

No, you're right.I'm Larry Wilmore.

You're right. You're right.

I am so excited, guys.

I found a San Diego Padres cap.

Mine.

Little inside jokefor you people at home.

They're like, "What?"

Um, but, yeah, we havea really good show tonight.

Actor and two-time Emmy winnerTony Hale is with us tonight,

-you guys. I'm very excitedabout that. -(cheering)

On the show Veep. Very funny.

Very funny man.

He funny, he funny, he funny.

Oh, but first-- very excited--it's primary day

here in New York.And, you know-- it's so funny--

it's very easy for candidatesto pander

in other parts of the country,right?

Like, in Iowa,you simply eat some corn

at a state fair, right?

In New Hampshire, you chat withvoters at a diner, you know?

In Florida, you have to getarrested shirtless, right?

Right? 'Cause it's Florida.

You have to relateto the people, right?

That's what you have to do.

But New York is tricky.

It's not just one thing,so you have to pander

to all types of voters,you know.

So put on your yarmulkeand sit down for some pizza

and put in your weave,'cause it's time to check in

with what's happeningwith the Unblackening:

Pandering Edition.

(dramatic music playing)

Okay. Now, presidential wannabesknow the way

to a New York voter's heartis through their stomachs.

And they've been spottedeating hot dogs,

Italian food, more Italian food,

all of the Italian food.

Good Lord,

Kasich, do you have a tapeworm?

Even Huckabee's at home,like, "Damn."

Right? And the gastro-panderingdidn't stop with the Italians.

With Passover coming up,both Kasich

and Ted Cruz made visits to Brooklyn matzo factories.

Matzo factories.

Come on, guys,that's a little on the schnoz.

Mmm. Sorry, guys. I'm sorry.

I know that was tasteless,just like the matzo.

Sorry! I can't stop!I can't stop.

Now, while meetingwith the Jews, uh,

-uh...-MAN: Oh.

Uh, well, sorry.

Kasich did worsethan go off script--

he actually went off Torah.

It's a wonderful,wonderful holiday

for our friends in theJewish community, the Passover.

The great link between the...

blood that was putabove the lamppost,

the blood of the lamb,

is Jesus Christ, who's known...

as the Lamb of God.

(groaning, laughter)

Jesus Christ, man!

I mean, literally Jesus Christ.

You brought upthe one Jewish guy

that makes this the completeopposite of pandering.

Why don't you just headto the mosque and drop off

those pictures of Muhammadyou sketched earlier.

There you go, guys. Nice.

Okay, Donald Trump,meanwhile, decided to get all

of his ethnic pandering outof the way at once

by hostinga diversity coalition yesterday.

Today he's actually meetingwith a diversity coalition

-that's backing him. -A top aide to Trump

say there are about 500 membersof this group.

Representing everyone from Native Americans to Hispanics,

Muslims and women,

Sikhs, and others.

Wait, black peopleare just "others" now?

We went from "the blacks"to "others"?

Maybe you forgot the B-Rin front of "others," okay?

I blame all this on Ben Carson.

Trump did enlist one of hisfavorite of the blacks, Omarosa.

Um, yeah, he felt havinga failed reality show contestant

added some gravitasto the event.

I guess he couldn't lock downSanjaya.

Yeah. I'm scared...look, couple of you.

Couple of you. American Idol season... (mumbles)

All right, Omarosa, do whateverit is you are there to do.

-This is some turnout, huh?-It's huge.

-Thank you very much. I appre...-Do you see all the women?

(laughter)

I love how Omarosa hasto point out the women to him.

"Look, Mr. Trump, it's women!

"Those adult girls you despise.You know.

"Just picture them all as yourhot daughter in her underwear,

-and you'll be relaxed.You'll be relaxed." -(groaning)

When I say "Donald,"you say "Trump"!

-Donald! Donald!-Trump! Trump!

When I say "Donald,"you say "Trump"!

-Donald! Donald!-Trump! Trump!

When I say "Mexicans,"you say "rapists"!

Mexicans!

-Mexicans!-(scattered "Rapists!")

You guys actually said it? No!

You're not supposed to say it.

Oh, my God.

"Larry Wilmore made us say'rapists.'

He did it."

Elsewhere in the pander city,Hillary Clinton thought

she'd play it subtle and joinbrothers in a typical game

for a 68-year-old white woman,dominoes.

Oh! Oh!

-You win it! Oh!-(cheering and applause)

You win!

Yeah?

-Yeah? -(laughter)-That's awesome.

Okay, two things.

First, Chinese?

Don't mention another ethnicgroup mid-pander, Hillary, okay?

And second, Hillary actuallylooks like she can play.

Did you see that? Bam.

She did. No, by the way,look at her motorcade leaving.

Yo, dawgs, that's some expertpandering right there, man.

I'm telling you. Hillarythen made a radio appearance

where she uppedthe pandering game.

What's somethingthat you always carry with you?

Hot sauce.

-Really? Really? -You...-Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

(laughter)

Really? Okay. All right.

At first, I thoughtthis was bull(bleep), you know?

Oh, because Beyoncé saysshe had hot sauce in her bag,

now you carry hot saucein your purse, okay?

Everyone knows the only thingHillary carries with her is...

Benghazi secrets.

WOMAN:♪ Benghazi

Uh...

but it turns out... no,it turns out that this is true.

So apparently Hillary is, like,crazy into hot sauce.

Have you guys heard this?I'm not making this up.

So... No, it's... Really.When she was in the White House,

she had, like, a collectionof over 100 different types

of hot sauces. And thenwhen she became a senator,

she moved the hot sauces toa private server in her house.

That's what she didwith the hot sauce.

But it really does looklike she is pandering.

-Yes. -Now, listen,I just want you to know,

people are gonna see thisand say, "Okay,

she's panderingto black people."

(laughter)

Okay. Is it workin'?

(laughter)

(fake laughing)

They laugh,and actually it is working.

Oh, America,you'll fall for anything.

-We'll be right back.-(cheering and applause)

Welcome back!

So, here's the deal.So, last week,

Bill O'Reilly was, uh, tryingto explain why poor blacks

couldn't get jobs, and, um,

he blamed it on the tattooson their foreheads.

Um... Yes, it wasa horrible, racist statement.

And a bunch of peopletook offense to it,

and Bill O'Reillyactually doubled down

on that last night.

When I asked Mr. Trumphow he would combat a culture

among some African-Americansthat scorns

conventional behavior,he replied

that job growthwould take care of it.

-And they're gonna have jobs.-But how are you gonna get jobs

for them?Many of them are ill-educated

and have tattooson their foreheads.

-Okay. Well, as long as we're...-(laughter)

Yes. Very good.

As long as we're replaying clipsfrom our own shows,

um, I'll just replay the clipof my reaction

to your clip the first timeyou did it.

(cheering and applause)

Yeah, that's right!

(bleep) you, O'Reilly!(chuckles)

That's right.(bleep) you, Bill O'Reilly.

Two can play at that game.But the worst part

is that O'Reilly had the gallto be upset

by the backlashfrom his statement.

Now, the race hustlers,who apparently have not walked

the streetsof poor neighborhoods lately,

immediately accused meof racism.

No.

Regular people accuse youof racism.

And by the way,you can't use fantasy hands

to describe racism, okay?

Fantasy hands are bestfor saying things like "Ta-da."

Right? And when the (bleep)have you ever walked

in a poor black neighborhood?

Like I'm supposed to believe youspend your Saturdays strolling

through Compton countingforehead tattoos, right?

Ugh. You know, I have tried

getting through to youonce, O'Reilly.

Why don't you get to it?

You know, talking reasonablyisn't gonna do it.

You know, I'm gonna haveto take you to church.

-MAN: Go ahead.-WOMAN: Yeah.

-(organ music playing)-(applause and cheering)

Now, church,

the devil... the devil has comein Bill O'Reilly's clothing.

Now you preach a messageof lack of hard work

and motivation, Mr. O'Reilly,but what you fail to see

is that black people work twiceas hard to gain half as much.

WOMAN:Amen.

Y'all don't hear me!

We work twice as hardto gain half as much.

-Can I hear that amen again?-AUDIENCE: Amen!

All right.That's better.

It's not tattoos on ourforeheads that condemn us.

It is separatebut unequal education,

red-lined housing, banksthat will not provide us loans,

and a criminal justice systemdesigned to keep us in chains.

Those are the proverbialforehead tattoos

that consecratethe Mark of the Beast

for black people in America.Can I get another amen?

-AUDIENCE: Amen!-(clapping)

Thank you very much.

We don't need tattooson our foreheads

when all peoplelike Bill O'Reilly see

is our inky black skin.

Did Eric Garner have a tattooon his forehead

when he was strangledin the street? No.

Did Trayvon Martin have a tattooon his forehead

when George Zimmermandecided to end his life?

AUDIENCE:No!

And did Rachel Dolezalhave a tattoo on her forehead

while she was runningthat chapter of the NAACP?

Well, actually, maybe.I don't know.

She turned outto be a white lady. I'm sorry.

-But let the people say amen.-AUDIENCE: Amen.

Demons walk among us, church.

And earthly demonslike Bill O'Reilly may pretend

that they are the victims,but we know better.

Though they cry the tearsof oppression,

they are the oneswho are doing the oppressing

with their blasphemous lies.

-I think I need another amen.-AUDIENCE: Amen!

-I need a louder amen.-AUDIENCE: Amen.

Y'all ain't trying to amen!

AUDIENCE:Amen!

That's better.

Yea, though I walk through thevalley of the shadow of death--

known as Fox News...

(laughter)

I will... Thank you.Thank you, young man.

(laughter)

I will fear no evil,for truth art with me.

Whose truth wins?

AUDIENCE:You!

-Whose truth wins?-AUDIENCE: You!

Now lead me not into temptation,but away from Bill O'Reilly.

Let us cast him outfrom these airwaves.

Just cast him out.Cast him out!

PEOPLE:Hallelujah!

-You don't hear me.Cast him... -PEOPLE: Out.

Or just don't watch Fox News,even though I realize

your options for qualitynews programs are limited.

-Can I get a hallelujah?-AUDIENCE: Hallelujah!

Much like Jesus,we'll be right back.

-(applause and cheering)-Amen! Can I get another amen?

Can I get a hallelujah?Can I get a hallelujah?

I need an amen.Oh, man, this is too hot.

-(applause and cheering)-Okay, welcome back.

I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor

-Ricky Velez.-(applause and cheering)

And Nightly Show contributorFranchesca Ramsey.

(cheers and applause)

And you can see himin season five of Veep,

airing on Sunday, April 24 at10:30 on HBO-- actor Tony Hale.

-Hello!-(applause and cheering)

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter @NightlyShow,using the hashtag #Tonightly.

Uh, so, New York primary'stoday.

Uh, we don't know the resultsyet, as we tape this.

And, uh, we talked about thisearlier in the show,

that the last weekthe candidates have been here

trying to be new Yorkers.Hillary had her...

Or they're pandering.

You know, Hillarywith the hot sauce in her purse.

Bernie went to Nathan'sfor a hot dogs.

Uh, Kasich just ate everything.

(laughter)

-Cruz schmoozed with the Jews.Right? -(laughter)

Basically, they're allpandering, so here's my...

Why is pandering so important?

Why do we need politiciansto be like us?

-The thing that does bug me...-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

-...is when with they try to belike, "I'm one of you." -Right.

"I'm one of you,"and it's kind of like,

-"No, I... I know you're not."-WILMORE: Yeah, right.

"I know you got an agenda,and there are strings attached."

-That's the hard part.-I mean, yeah, exactly. Like...

-Right. Exactly right.-Hillary with the hot sauce.

Like, "It's in my purse."

When was the last timeyou saw Hillary with a purse?

-It's, like, that doesn'thappen. -(laughter) -HALE: Yeah.

Hillary's not running aroundwith a purse.

She's got a guy, like,you and me handling the purse.

-HALE: She does have a guy.-WILMORE: Right. -Absolutely.

Yeah, that's rich peoples'(bleep).

That's-that's not...But, like, she got...

WILMORE: Hot sauce in the purse,or not having a purse?

-RAMSEY: Having some...-I mean, she doesn't have

-to carry her own purse.-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

Listen, Hillary is panderingout of control.

She can't stop.She really can't.

She did the... she did the...

-She-she had the motherswith her of the shot... -Mm-hmm.

Then she's doing the Nae Nae.

Then she goes ahead,and she's doing the Dab.

She's a week awayfrom saying she has sickle cell

-so black people vote for her.-(laughter)

I'm not kidding!It's ridiculous!

You thinkblack people would vote for her

because she had sickle cell?

-VELEZ: She's trying to relatein any way she can. -Man,

she's relating too much(bleep), man,

-if she's got sickle cell.-HALE: Yeah.

I'm voting for Hillary.

RAMSEY:I mean, the thing is, though,

I think everybody,at some level,

-humans want to be liked.-WILMORE: Right. -VELEZ: Yeah.

And so, we do that naturally.

-VELEZ: Definitely. -WILMORE:Sure. -Everyone kind of panders

in some way or another,and so, I can't really

-blame them, because it works.-VELEZ: I think... but...

WILMORE:Do you think it works, though?

-I mean...-Does it translate to votes?

-That type of...-Well, I think it does,

-but again, if it feels notauthentic... -WILMORE: Uh-huh.

...or it feels it feels...it doesn't... it feels fake...

-I mean, it makes mekind of do this. -Yeah.

I mean, it's also... (laughs)

I just thought about this thing.

It's that kind of thing, like,I see what you're doing.

WILMORE:Uh-huh.

It's like someonewith a bad plastic surgery.

-It's like, "No, I see it."-WILMORE: Right. -(laughter)

-I see what you're trying...-WILMORE: Yeah.

Like, you're tryingto hide your feel...

-That's not your face.-WILMORE: I know, yeah.

-You know? -I really don'tunderstand the food pandering.

Like, here's the thing. So let'sshow the photo of Kasich.

-I do, 'cause I love food.-Are you a foodie?

Oh, yeah, but I mean,I think it's kind of

-a hospitality thing.-WILMORE: Yes.

It's like you kind ofbring people into your home.

-WILMORE: Okay. -You serve themfood. I mean, I get that.

WILMORE: I get that.Okay, but here you go.

So Kasich-- he reportedlyconsumed two plates of

spaghetti Bolognese, right?

A salami sandwich,an entire plate of pasta.

VELEZ:That's intense.

WILMORE: And selections froma massive plate of antipasto.

And his campaign tookextra cannolis to go.

-I... -Kasich-- he should not beallowed to eat anymore. -Right.

You know, I think that Kasichknows that he's not gonna win.

He's not pandering to us.

He's trying to getonto one of those, like,

food Japanese shows where youjust, like, stuff your face.

HALE:Sure.

He's, like, "Politics is notgonna work for me.

-I will be a star in Japan."-That's right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

"And I will just eatall of the things."

-HALE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.-(laughter, applause)

That's hilarious.

-Kasich is treatinghis campaign... -Uh-huh.

...like, uh, likethe free samples at Costco.

-(laughter)-Like he's just... -Yeah. He...

Just going, "One."

-Right. The woman's like,"I seen you here before."

"No, no, no, no, no.No, not me.

-Not me."-HALE: Yeah.

WILMORE: Yeah, actually.Yeah, if you're...

If you're a little tightin the money this month,

you know,can't buy some groceries,

-start running for president,man. -HALE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Yeah.-You don't say no to free.

-Just bring it in. -VELEZ:But the food thing's weird.

I was recently at a restaurant,and, uh, Obama went there

while he was in town, right?

And the waiter came over to me,like, five different times.

I didn't know what I wanted.He was like,

"Obama had the burger.Obama had the burger.

Obama had the burger."I was like, "Yeah,

and he's also ordereddrone strikes."

I don't have the same palate.I'm sorry. I don't...

I'm not the same type of person.

-Who do you think...-I don't want the burger.

who do you thinkpanders the most?

-Do you think Hillary pandersthe most? -No. -Oh, no.

-No? Who do you think panders...-I think Trump, hands down.

-Trump panders the most?-He panders the most,

-and he's the best at it,because... -Yeah.

he does not haveanything in common

with the people thatactually are supporting him.

-WILMORE: Uh-huh. Right.-This is a dude who grew up

in a country club and somehow hemagically speaks monster truck.

-(laughter) -Yeah.-And that's why...

-Yeah. Right.-his audience loves him.

-(whooping, applause)-WILMORE: So, he, uh...

-That's good. -That's true.So he panders with his policy,

-is what you're saying...-No, he doesn't have any policy.

-'Cause I've never seen...-He uses, like, this cr...

He's like, "My (bleep),"and they're like, "Yeah!

I have a (bleep), too!"

-WILMORE: I've never... -Like,he doesn't have to talk about...

-"He's our man!"-Yeah, exactly!

"I want a presidentwith a (bleep)!" Like...

Are you telling me Trump--'cause he pulls out that paper,

um, "All right, my (bleep)..."

-Yes, no, absolutely!-Actually,

on that paper is a huge (bleep).

That's all it is.

Uh... yeah, I guess so.

So, do you think he's...he's the best panderer?

-I think so.-No. Bernie.

-Bernie's the best panderer?-Bernie.

How is he the best panderer?How does Bernie pander?

Bernie... Bernie'salmost got me a few times.

-He came out, and he...-WILMORE: Uh-huh.

-Like he almost tricked you?-Bern... Yeah, man.

Bernie came out, he was like,"We should legalize pot."

-I was like, "That's dope!"Right? -(laughter)

-Oh, nice double entendre there.-But he thought

he was gonna get me so highI wasn't gonna realize

he's gonna (bleep) me in taxes,you know? It's, like...

-(laughter)-That college is not free, okay?

I'm paying for that (bleep).I'm going back.

Does-does any of this have aneffect on you as a voter, Tony?

A German chocolate cakewould get me in a second.

-(laughter)-No, I need...

The way that youwould pander to me is,

you need to keep itall the way real.

-Okay. -I would love itif a president...

But isn't that supposedlyBernie and Trump?

No. I need a presidentwho's gonna say, "Look,

"it would be really awesomeif I would be the president,

"but I need congressto agree with me on (bleep).

"I can't do anything.Actually, take care

"of your local elections,'cause presidents

-don't actually makeall the decisions." -Mm-hmm.

Then I would be like, oh, wow,

-they actually kept itreally honest. -Mm-hmm.

-You make all of these promises,-Yeah. -(applause)

and, like, the president'sa big job,

but the presidentcan't do everything.

-Mm-hmm.-So you've got to, you know,

-have to compromisein some way or another, -Yeah.

and that's whatI would need to hear

-in order to really believe it.-Yeah.

Yeah, I mean,I just think about my show,

like, you just... we make f...

'cause we're kind ofa behind-the-scenes

-of what's really going on,really. -Right.

And, I mean, all the posturing,you never see someone doing...

-Exactly. -I mean, younever see someone doing that.

I mean, that would be great, butthat spinning that's happening

-behind the scenes...-You talk to a lot of people

behind the scenes who arein politics, too, right?

Yeah, and they actually...I-I get the sense

that they really like our show,because I think it's...

-Mm-hmm. -it's more maybea realistic picture

of what is going on,because we put these people

on such pedestals, it's like,oh, my God, they're everything,

but you know they go behindthe scenes and they freak out

and they get insecureand they said something

they shouldn't have, and theirteam is trying to spin it...

What's the craziest,uh, thing that you've heard?

-That you can share.-Um...

-Or that you can't share.-(laughter)

Exactly.This is the place to do it.

Um... I don't know.

I mean, I...I don't know if it's crazy,

-I mean, it's, like,a lot of, um... -Mm-hmm.

just, like,terms that we learned.

-Mm-hmm. -Like, uh...Am I allowed to cuss on this?

WILMORE: Yeah. Say whateverthe (bleep) you want.

(laughter)

But, uh, but I remember,like, one term was, like,

-"pencil (bleep)," I remember.-Uh-huh. Really?

And it was the thing where

-someone would havea speech ready, -Uh-huh.

and then they called it"pencil (bleep)"

where someone would come inand go, doomp, doomp, doomp,

doomp, doomp, you can't saythat, that, that.

I bet Obama does a lotof pencil (bleep).

-(laughter) -But it was...but it was just...

but it was the kind of thingthat they...

then they would get up-- ithappened to Selina on the show--

and then they'd get upand she has nothing to say.

They have nothing to say,'cause it's been completely

-pencil (bleep).-Yeah.

And that's somethingI never knew.

-A little behind-the-sceneslingo. -I know.

Uh, one last wordon the pandering--

anything elsethat bugs you, Ricky?

I just don't like the panderingthat's like, "I'm like you."

-Like, that's...-Right. That's insulting.

Do you want a presidentthat's like you? Like...

(laughter)

WILMORE: Wait, do I wanta president that's like you?

I got drunk last week and...

took the headrestout of an Uber.

Like, I don't wanta president like me.

-I don't want that in my life.-There you go.

I think he said it beautifully.We'll be right back.

(cheering, applause)

If you live in the New York City area,

or are planning to visit, grab some free tickets

to The Nightly Show.

Thanks to my panelists,Ricky Velez,

Franchesca Ramsey and Tony Hale.

We're almost out of time,but before we go

I'm gonna keep it 100for you guys. Keep it 100. Yeah!

Tonight's question's froman audience member named Liam.

Let's take a look.

Hey, Larry. I've gotsome great news for you.

You now have hair.But here's the thing.

You have to choosebetween Bernie Sanders' hair

and Donald Trump's hair.

Which do you choose?Keep it 100.

-I have hair! It's just...I'm not even gonna say. -No.

Uh... I'm...I'm going for Bernie's hair,

'cause thenI never have to comb it. Yeah!

-Yeah! -Oh!-Thanks for watching.

Good Nightly, everyone.Easy answer.

Challenge me! Challenge me!

-♪ -Oh, no!

(cheering, applause)

Oh, thank you very much!

(cheering continues)