@midnight
Season 1

Thursday, April 10, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 01050
  • 04/10/2014

Jen Kirkman, Morgan Murphy and Paul F. Tompkins guess what's inside the wildly inappropriate book cover, list #WorseCoachellaBands and write Yelp reviews as goths in trees.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES

IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

>> THE FINAL SEASON OF MADMEN BEGINS ON SUNDAY,

AND THE INTERNET IS EXCITED.

I WILL SHOW 3 MAD MEN TUMBLRS,2 OF THEM WE MADE UP.

WHICH ONE IS REAL?

>> CATS DRESSED AS MAD MENCHARACTERS, MEOW, MEOW ♪

♪ MEOW, MEOW ♪ MEOW.

>> B, DON DRAPER ISCONSTIPATED, WHICH TURNS HIS

HARDEST MOMENTS INTO A HARDSTOOL.

C, CHRISTINA HEN-CHICKS WHICHIS JUST PICTURES OF

CHRISTINA HENDRICKS HOLDINGA CHICKEN LEG.

>> YES, PAUL.

>> WELL, IF MY GOOD BUDDYWADE IN THE TOILET IS ANY

INDICATION I BET IT'S B.

>> THE CORRECT ANSWER S INFACT, B.

THIS IS THE REAL TUMBLR.

ESSENTIALLY IT PICTURES OFMOMENT WHERE DON DRAPER

LOCKS LIKE STUFF SHOULDHAPPEN BUT JUST CAN'T.

HERE'S A COUPLE MORE.

WHO IS THAT URGNT ABOUTCONSTIPATION?

THAT FIRST ONE DOESN'T WORKAT ALL.

>> YOU'RE CALLING SHENANIGANSON --

>> YES NO ONE IS RUSHING TOBE CONSTIPATED.

>> ALL RIGHT.

SO FOR A 100 BONUS POINTSWHAT HE IS RUSHING TO?

>> HE'S ABOUT TO HAVE A BABYIF THAT TOILET!

>> POINTS.

POINTS.

>> ALL RIGHT, NEXT, WE FOUNDTHIS ON KOTAKU.COM.

THIS LOOKS LIKE A KOREANTRANSLATION OF A SEXY

ROMANCE NOVEL.

>> BUT IT IS NOT. IT'S ACTUALLYWILDLY INAPPROPRIATE.

WHAT IS THIS THE ACTUAL BOOKCOVER OF? IS IT A, THE DIARY OF

ANNE FRANK?

B, THE BOOK OF MORMON, OR

C, 12 YEARS A SLAVE.

>> JEN KIRKMAN.

>> I DON'T WANT IT TO BE,BUT I THINK IT'S THE DIARY

OF ANNE FRANK.

>> THE CORRECT ANSWER IS THEDIARY OF ANNE FRANK.

YUP.

YEAH, THAT'S EXACTLY WHATTHE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK --

>> THAT'S HOW I PICTURED IT.

>> I DIDN'T KNOW THEY HADDENIM IN THE 40S.

>> COMEDIANS WHAT IS THEFIRST LINE OF THIS SHOULD-

NEVER-HAVE-HAPPENED-EDITIONOF THE DIARY OF ANNEE FRANK BE?

MORGAN.

>> I THINK IT'S DEAR DIARY --THE TRADITIONAL START,

RIGHT-- DEAR DIARY, REALLYLOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING

ALL THOSE CUTE BOYS AT CAMPTHIS SUMMER.

IS TIME FOR TONIGHT'S #HASHWARS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> GUYS, ONE OF AMERICA'S

BIGGEST MUSIC FESTIVALS IS THISWEEKEND, COACHELLA IS

HAPPENING.

>> (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> WHO LIKES TO GO TO THEDESERT FOR MUSIC.

THE FESTIVAL WILL CLOGSOUTHERN CALIFORNIA FREE

WAYS AND DEPLETE OUR SUPPLYOF POT AND V-NECK T-SHITS. SO IN

HONOR OF THIS, OUR HASHTAG ISWORSE COACHELLA BANDS.

EXAMPLES WOULD BE ARCADEPREVENTION, OR 9 INCH KALES.

I WILL PUT 60 SECOND ON THECLOCK, GO.

>> PHARRELL WILLIAMSBURG.

>> GOOD ONE.

>> MORGAN.

>> AMY MANBOOBS

>> SONS & ROSES, THE MUFERMFORDAND SONS AND GUN & ROSES

TRIBUTE MASHUP BAND.

>> I SAY WELCOME TO THEJUNGLE ♪

♪.

>> FOSTER THE PEOPLE'SCHOICE AWARDS.

>> YES, POINTS.

>> MORGAN, PRESS IT. PAUL?

>> ADELE DAZEEM.

>> YES, POINTS.

>> TEAGAN AND SARAH PALIN.

>> YES, POINTS.

>> LANA DEL RACHEL RAY.

>> KECHA, WHICH IS LIKE KE$HABUT WITH A CENT INSTEAD.

IT IS NOW TIME TO PLAY "WHEEL OF4CHAN"!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 4CHAN IS AMESSAGE BOARD WHERE

USERS SUBMIT CONTENT, THEN(BLEEP) ALL OVER IT.

SO BASICALLY IT'S LIKE THEGRIMEY UNCLE OF REDDIT.

I'M GOING TO SPIN THE WHEELAND READ PART OF A COMMENT

FROM THE CATEGORY THAT ITLANDS ON.

YOUR JOB IS TO FILL THECOMMENT IN.

IF IT'S FUNNY, POINTS.

LET'S SPIN THE WHEEL.

RANDOM! WHOSE'S READY TOLEARN ABOUT BLANK.

>> MORRISSEY'S EARLY LOVE OFGLAM ROCK.

>> NO POINTS,.

>> NO POINTS. THE CROWD WASN'TWITH YOU.

>> I HAVE ONE! WHO IS READYTO LEARN ABOUT WHY

MR. ROGERS WAS CONDEMNED TOHELL.

>> IT'S AN INTERESTINGSTORY.

>> POINTS.

>> YOU WOULD WANT TO HEARIT.

>> POINTS FOR YOU! DO YOU HAVEONE, MORGAN.

>> WHO IS READY TO LEARNABOUT MY GRANDMOTHER'S

DIARRHEA...AND OTHER RECIPES.

>> POINTS, WELL DONE.

>> LET'S SPIN AGAIN.

LET'S SPIN AGAIN.

>> ADVICE, HOW I CAN CHEATON MY BOYFRIEND WITHOUT --

>> MY WIFE FINDING OUT?

>> POINTS.

YES.

>> WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING ABOYFRIEND?

POINTS.

>> THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BELIKE YEAH, GIRL, NOT LIKE

SAD.

YEAH, YEAH.

>> THE CORRECT ANSWER IS HIMKNOWING ABOUT IT.

>> YOU GOT A FREAKY SCENEGOING ON, MAN.

BEFORE THE BREAK I SHOWEDYOU IMAGES FROM THE BLOG

GOTHSUPTREES.NET ANDASKED TO YOU WRITE A

YELL REVIEW OF THIS PARK.

LET'S SEE YOU WHAT WROTE.

>> THE TREES ARE IN BLOOMWHICH IS AGAINST THE VERY

REALITY OF LIFE AND LOVEITSELF.

IT WAS SO CREEPY THERE WASSOME DUDE PLAYING BALL WITH

HIS SON.

WILL GROW UP WELL-ADJUSTEDAND BLIND.

NO STARS.

LIKE MY SOUL.

>> WOW.

VERY DARK.

SOME REAL DARKNESS IN YOU.

MORGAN MURPHY.

>> I WROTE, I CUT MYSELF ONTHE TREE. NO, I MEAN I CUT

MYSELF WHILE I WAS ON THETREE, WHY WON'T ANYONE

LISTEN MY CRIES FOR HELP,ALSO TOO MANY KIDS, TWO

STARS.

>> PAUL.

>> MY WIFE AND I CAME TOTHIS TREE FOR OUR THIRD

ANNIVERSARY, THREE YEARS ISA BAT ANNIVERSARY.

WHEN WE GOT ON THE TREE WECOULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE IT

DID NOT OPEN UP INTO ANINCY BLACK VORTEX FROM

WHICH WE COULD HEAR THESCREAMING OF UNMOORED SOULS.

DO NOT BELIEVE THE BROCHURE.

ONE STAR, AMPLE STREETPARKING.

>> I ENJOYED ALL OF THOSE.

I WILL GIVE EVERYONE A THOUSANDPOINTS.

CONGRATULATIONS.

>> STOP HUGS, YOU GUYS,WE'RE ALL JUST GOING DIE.

REST OF FESTS

>> WELL, SOUTHERN CALIFORNIAIS OFFICIALLY JUST CLOSED

THIS WEEKEND BECAUSE OF THECOACHELLA MUSIC FESTIVAL AS

WE TALKED ABOUT EARLIER, SOGUYS I WANT TO YOU NAME

SOME FESTIVALS THAT I WOULDNEVER WANT TO ATTEND.

A LOT OF PEOPLE GOING TOCOACH ELLA BUT I WANT TO YOU

NAME AS MANY CRAPPYFESTIVALS AS YOU CAN.

GO.

>> AMBER ALERT-APALOOZA.

>> POINTS.

>> BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY,THROW SOME LYE IN TO YOUR

EYE....WEEKEND.

>> YOU CAN NEVER PUT LYE INYOUR EYE, POINTS.

> THE LATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS.

>> PAUL.

>> THE JUGGLING OF THEGATHEROS.

>> NICELY DONE.

>> THE GATHERING OF THEORTHODOX JEW-GALOS

>> POINTS.

MORGAN MURPHY

>> IRAQI WAR REENACTMENT.

>> WHAT?

>> PAUL.

>> NECRONOMIC COMIC-CON.

>> ABSOLUTELY POINTS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)OKAY, STOP, STOP, BE QUIET.

BECAUSE GUYS I HAVE SPECIALGUEST HERE TO HELP WITH FOR

THE WIN. STAR OF THEUPCOMING FILM OCULUS AND

FORMERLY ON DR. WHO.

KAREN GILLAN.

>> THANK YOU.

>> HELLO KAREN GILLIAN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> OH, I FORGOT TO WEAR MY

TALLER LEG TONIGHT.

SHE'S WEARING HEELS, GUYS,SHE'S WEARING HEELS.

>> IT'S TRUE.

>> SO AN ENGAGEMENT RING ISAN IMPORTANT SYMBOL OF LOVE.

IT IS GOES ON FOREVER LIKELOVE DOES, SO NATURAL YOU

WANT TO BUY THAT THING INTHE SAME PLACE YOU LOOK FOR

CHEAP FURNITURE AND RANDOMSEX, CRAIGSLIST! SO HERE

IS A POST FOR A SPECIAL RING,WOULD YOU PLEASE READ THAT?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> SO THE POST READS, FORSALE. I HAVE 1.5 CARAT

TOTAL WEIGHT ENGAGEMENT RINGSET IN 14 CARAT WHITE GOLD.

THE RING IS IN LIKE NEWCONDITION, ONLY WORN FOR

SHORT PERIOD OF TIME BYSATAN HERSELF.

WARNING, RING MAY BE CURSEDAS IT TENDS TO LEAVE A PATH

OF DESTRUCTION BEHIND IT.POSSIBLE EVENT ASSOCIATED

WITH THIS RING INCLUDE BUTARE NOT LIMITED TO DAMAGE

SUSTAINED TO HOUSE, VEHICLE,HEARTS, DOWNED POWER LINE,

FALLEN TREES AND SWARMS OFLOCUSTS.

CONSINDER HAVING CURSE REMOVED BY VOODOO PRIESTS OR

SOMETHING BEFORE PRESENTEDBY LOVED ONE. OTHER THAN

THAT, IT IS A VERY NICEPIECE OF JEWELRY.

>> WOW, DON'T SEE A REASONWHY WE SHOULDN'T GET THAT.

PLEASE HELP ME THANKS KARENGILLIS FOR BEING HERE.

BEAUTIFUL, SO NICE TO SEEYOU.

>> NICE TO SEE YOU.

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