The Time of My Life

  • Season 3, Ep 10
  • 03/17/2015

C-Czar pitches a new gadget, "Show Us Your Songs Commonwealth" holds its finale in London, and Detective Smart's pursuit of Dr. Armond comes to a surprising conclusion.

- WHAT'S UP?I'M C-CZAR,

DISENFRANCHISED FATHER.- OKAY.

- HEY, ARE YOU LOOKINGFOR A JOB BY ANY CHANCE?

- YEAH, I USED TO GETTHE BLOW JOB OVER AT CHIKK CLUB.

- HIS NAME IS SKYLORD.- HIS NAME IS PINNOCCHLIO.

- I AM GOING TO RECOMMENDCOUPLE'S COUNSELING

FOR THE TWO OF YOU WITHMY GOOD FRIEND RON FUNCHES.

- RON, YOU SEEM LIKEA SAFE PLACE,

LIKE YOU A BEACON OF LIGHTFOR ME RIGHT NOW

IN A WORLD THAT'S FILLEDWITH DARKNESS.

- MAYBE THEY'LL GIVE MEAN EXTRA HOUR FOR THAT ONE.

[upbeat rock music]

- I LOVE MY BABY SO MUCH.

[toilet flushes]

- $64.20?

THAT'S ALL I'M MAKING FOR ALLTHAT WORK?

TWO WEEKS IN PLUGS?

- YOU POOR BITCH.MM.

- YEAH, WELL,FOR SOME OF US,

THIS MONEY DON'T COME SO EASY.

WE DON'T ALL HAVE A RICH-ASSACCUSED MURDERER FOR A DAD.

- MY DAD IS A LEGEND.

YOU BROKE AS [bleep]!

- WE GOTTA THINK OF AN INVENTIONSO THAT YOU CAN MAKE MONEY

TO SHOW THATYOU'RE A GOOD FATHER.

- BOO. YOU BORING ME NOW,OLD MAN.

- YEAH, I KNOW. I'M A JERK.SORRY.

GOO-GOO GLASSES,OH, IT'S PERFECT.

- I WROTE IT DOWN!- IT'S LIKE

LITTLE COMPUTERIZED GLASSESFOR BABIES WHEN THEY HAVE

NOTHING TO LOOK AT.- OKAY, GREAT.

- HELLO, WE'D LOVE TO MEETWITH SOMEBODY

TO DISCUSS OUR NEW INVENTION,GOO-GOO GLASSES.

- I'M SORRY,I DON'T SEE ANY MENTION

OF AN APPOINTMENT FOR YOU.- GET US INSIDE.

YOU KNOW ME. I'M C-CZAR.GET LIZ.

- UM, OKAY. WELL, LET ME SEEIF SHE'S AVAILABLE.

- HEARD THERE'S A BITOF A SITUATION WITH YOU.

- MM.- CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?

- I'M COMING TO YOU WITHA BUSINESS POP-A-PROSAL.

- PROPOSAL.- THANK YOU, RON.

WITH MY BUSINESS PARTNER,BOB DUCCA.

SHOUT-OUT TO BOB DUCCA.- YEAH.

I'M WELL AWARE OF BOB DUCCA.

- SHE, LIKE, BLOWS ME OFF.

YOU KNOW, NOT LIKETHAT BLOW OFF, THAT, LIKE,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,SHE DOES SO GOOD.

LIKE, STRAIGHT UP, LIKE,TAKE IT ALL, LIKE, CRAZY.

- LESS OF A GOOD BLOW OFFAND MORE OF, LIKE,

YOU--YOU DON'T FEEL SUPPORTED.

- NO, THEY'RE NOT GONNA BLOW USOFF. THIS IS TOO GOOD AN IDEA.

- LIZ!- C-CZAR, PLEASE.

- BLAP, BLAP, BLAP, BLAP!COME ON, LIZ!

- WHEN I, LIKE, BLOW HIM OFF,I, LIKE, GO TO WORK.

AND, LIKE, IN THE SAME WAY,

HE WAS, LIKE, COMING TOMY PLACE OF WORK, ALL RIGHT?

- LIZ.- WHAT?

- C-CZAR IS HERE.- OH, MY GOD, NO.

LIKE, I CANNOT HANDLE THISRIGHT NOW, CASSANDRA.

- BLAP, BLAP! COME ON, LIZ!- HE IS, HONESTLY, LIKE,

THROWING THOSE GUNS AROUNDTHAT ARE FINGERS.

AND IT'S, LIKE, DISRESPECTFUL.

- IT'S, LIKE, SO DISRESPECTFUL.IT'S, LIKE, RUDE.

- HE SAID HE WANTS HELPPROMOTING HIS GOO-GOO GLASSES

FOR BABIES.- OH, MY GOD.

THAT'S, LIKE, SO CUTE. LIKE--- [growls]

- ACTUALLY, JUST, LIKE, TELL HIMTHAT, LIKE, HE SHOULD, LIKE,

MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.

- SO LIZ IS SUPER SLAMMEDRIGHT NOW.

IS THERE ANY WAY THAT I CAN MAKEAN APPOINTMENT FOR YOU?

- [babbling][spits]

I'M TRYING TO GET THAT MONEYFOR PINNOCCHLIO.

- TRYING TO PROVIDEFOR YOUR CHILD.

IT'S, LIKE, MAYBE PINNOCCHLIO

GET THEM GOO-GOO GLASSESON HIS FACE.

THAT WAY HE NOT CARRYINGA CELL PHONE AROUND,

BREAKING UP HIS BRAIN.

- I'M SORRY, BUT, LIKE, I'MNOT GONNA GIVE SKYLORD GLASSES,

GOO-GOO OR GA-GA OR WHATEVER,BECAUSE THOSE ARE FOR DORKS.

- FROM MY PERSPECTIVE,HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.

- PLEASE, BOB.- C-CZAR AND I

WERE DOING A CLASSICBUSINESS AMBUSH--

- BLAP, BLAP, BLAP.- WE'RE HERE TO DISCUSS

OUR PRODUCT, GOO-GOO GLASSES.

- HEY, BOB. HOW ARE YOU?- I'M VERY WELL. HOW ARE YOU?

- OH, I'M GREAT.I'M AMAZING.

- YO! ME AND MY BOY, BOB DUCCA,WORKING HARD ON THIS.

BOB DUCCA'S, LIKE, WILDLY ILL.- MM-HMM. I SHOULD BE DEAD.

- YOU'RE LOOKING MUCH BETTER.- THANKS. I FEEL TERRIBLE.

- YOU DON'T WANNA SEEMY POWERPOINT PRESENTATION.

THERE YOU GO, THEN.HOW ABOUT THAT?

- [screams]- SET YOUR COFFEE THERE.

[overlapping chatter]

- I DON'T WANT TO--[cries]- HOW ABOUT THAT, THEN?

I CAN'T TAKE THIS MISTREATMENTANYMORE, LIZ!

- YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART,C-CZAR.

YOU'RE THROWING MEALL YOUR PIECES.

LIKE, I OBVIOUSLY DON'T--AAH!- C-CZAR!

- CAN I SAY SOMETHING?- [scoffs]

- OF COURSE.- THEY CAME AT US THE WRONG WAY.

I THINK, YOU KNOW, I CAN--

- YOU HAVE NO IDEAWHAT IT'S LIKE

WHEN ANYONE COMES AT YOU,CASSANDRA, YOU WISH.

[overlapping shouting]

- C-CZAR--AAH!

- [growls]

- WHAT IS GOING ON?- BLAP, BLAP, BLAP, BLAP, BLAP!

- MAN, I DON'T NORMALLY SEETHIS MANY PATIENTS,

BUT THE IDEA OF STACKINGFOUR HOURS AT ONCE,

I COULDN'T TURN IT DOWN.

- LET'S GET IT UP. GET IT UP.COME ON, LET'S GET IT UP.

- GOD, YOU'RE REALLYMAKING ME MAD.

- I KNOW.LET'S GO IN THE CRY ROOM.

- CASSANDRA, GET OUTAND GO FILE THE GARBAGE.

- GET OUT OF THE CRYING ROOM!- GET OUT! GET OUT!

both: GET OUTOF THE CRYING ROOM!

- IT'S MY FAVORITE PARTOF THE SESSION.

[upbeat music]

- LET'S CHECK INWITH THE CONTESTANTS.

- ARE YOU LOOKING FORA NEW HOBBY?

THIS IS THE EUROPEAN'S GUIDE TO BEING A CANNIBAL.

[techno music]

NOW, IT IS TIME TO GATHERTHE SUPPLIES YOU NEED

ONE THING YOU MUST NEED IS LYE.

IT WILL HELP BREAK DOWN THE BODYQUICK AND FASTER,

SO THAT YOU CAN MAKE ITTO A DJ RAVE IN BUDAPEST.

[dance music]

LOOKING FOR A COOL VICTIM?WELL, CHECK OUT THESE VICTIMS.

I HIGH-SPEED RAILTRAIN CONDUCTOR,

A COOL FOR SCHOOLSKATEBOARDING YOUTH,

A FORMER CLASSMATEFROM UNIVERSITY

WHO YOU'VE HAD AN OBSESSION WITHFOR ONE HALF, TWO HALF DECADES,

A FRIENDLY FRENCH MILKMANWITH FAT BUTTOCKS

THAT WILL BE WONDERFULFOR FRYING IN OLIVE OIL.

[dance music]

MAYBE YOU WILL SAVE THE SKIN

SO THAT YOU CAN WALK AMONGSTEVERYBODY AS SOMEONE ELSE.

AND WHILE YOU MUST WASHTHE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE

OF YOUR MURDERSUSING A 1/2 LITER OF BLEACH,

THE MEMORIES WILL LIVE FOREVER.

AND YOUR BRAIN WILL BE STRONGER

BECAUSE YOU HAVE CONSUMEDA BRAIN OF OTHERS,

AND THEIR MEMORIESWILL BECOME YOUR OWN,

AND YOU WILL BECOME A GODAMONGST MEN.

- WHAT'S GOING ON?

- WELL, UH, LET ME JUSTTEE UP THIS VIDEO

BY SAYING THAT THE LASTTWO YEARS OF YOUR LIFE

HAS BEEN AN ILLUSION.- A PSYCHODRAMA!

- IT'S ALL A LIE, OKAY?EVERYONE YOU'VE MET

HAS BEEN FAKING IT,AND EVERY EXPERIENCE YOU HAD

HAS BEEN MANUFACTURED.

SO LET'S JUST LET YOUR SON ROMANDESCRIBE IT TO YOU.

[movie reel clicking]

- ALL RIGHT.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ CONGRATULATIONS

- OH, MY.

- HI, DAD.IT'S YOUR SON, ROMAN.

I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANTTO TELL YOU.

EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOUIN THE LAST TWO YEARS

HAS ALL BEEN AN ELABORATEADVENTURE PLANNED BY ME,

FUNDED BY YOU.

THE MARRIAGE, THE TRIAL,THE KILLER,

THEY WERE ALL FAKE.

- HEY, DR. ARMOND...- THAT'S DETECTIVE SMART.

- I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOUSO MUCH FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY.

IT WAS SUCH A PLEASURETO WORK WITH YOU.

- WHAT AN HONOR IT HAS BEENTO PLAY CAT AND MOUSE WITH YOU.

- THERE HE IS.- PLANNING TO SLAUGHTER

AND CONSUME PEOPLE.

BUT IN FACT,JUST BE A HIRED HAND

IN A MUCH LARGER GAME.

- HELLO THERE, ARMOND, IT'SYOUR OLD FRIEND KELSEY GRAMMER.

JOKE'S ON YOU, PAL.

- PERSONALLY, I WONDERED WHYYOU NEVER FIGURED IT OUT

WHY I WAS LAUGHINGTHROUGH YOUR WHOLE TRIAL.

- YOU'RE A BORING,PREDICTABLE BITCH,

AND THAT'S WHY I DID THIS.

- YOU KNOW, I NEVER--I NEVERTHOUGHT TO DREAM THIS BIG...

- OH, DON'T CRY,DETECTIVE SMART.

- ...YOU GUYS AGAIN,IF WE EVER, YOU KNOW,

MESS WITH SOMEBODY ELSEFOR ANOTHER TWO YEARS.

SO THANK YOU.- AND, DAD,

I HAVE ONE LASTBIG SURPRISE FOR YOU.

- WOW, THERE SHE IS.

OH, SHANNON, HOW I LONGTO SEE YOU AGAIN.

[footsteps]

AND THERE SHE IS.

IS IT JUST ME, OR IS ITGETTING WARM IN HERE?

- [laughs]

- SHE'S GORGEOUS.

HELLO, SHANNON.- WELL, HELLO, ARMOND.

- YOU LOOK MORE BEAUTIFULTHAN EVER.

- THANK YOU.

- I'VE BEEN SEARCHINGFOR YOUR KILLER THE WHOLE TIME.

- I KNOW.- EVEN BETTER THAN THE KILLER,

I FOUND YOU.- OH, ARMOND!

THOSE WERE THE NICEST WORDS THATYOU'VE EVER SAID TO ME.

- [laughs] THAT'S A--THAT'S REALLY SWEET.

- I GOT IN ON THE HOAXBECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WOULD--

YOU COULD LIVE YOUR LIFEAND GROWN...

- YEAH, UH-HUH.- AND THEN IF YOU'D COME BACK

TO ME...- SURE, MM-HMM.

- THEN WE WOULD HAVE SUCHTHE BEST RELATIONSHIP EVER.

- WHAT AN ADVENTURE.I FEEL LIKE GULLIVER,

FROM GULLIVER'S TRAVELS,THE BOOK.

- OH, NICE.I LOVE GULLIVER.

- WELL, THINKING ABOUTALL THE COORDINATING ROMAN DID

AND ALL THE MONEY OF MINETHAT HE SPENT,

THINKING ABOUT ALL OF YOUHELPING TO DO IT,

MY HEART IS BURSTINGWITH LOVE.

- DON'T THANK US THERE, PAL.

THANK YOURSELF,'CAUSE YOU GAVE US QUITE A SHOW.

- I MEANT IT AS A METAPHOR,BUT MY HEART IS BURSTING,

LITERALLY, THROUGH MY CHEST.

THERE IT IS.THERE'S BLOOD.

OH, NO.

BUT HIS HEART ISACTUALLY BURSTING.

IF I HAD ANY LAST WORDS,IT WOULD BE THAT MY LIFE

WAS A-OKAY.[bell dings]

- MEDIC.

- TELL ROMAN I LOVED HIM.

WELL, WELL, WELL, THAT WASAN EXTRA-LARGE UNEXPECTED TWIST.

- UH, HERE'S ANOTHER TWIST.

EVERYONE WINS.

- WELL, HOW ABOUT THAT?

- SAFE PASSAGE, DR. ARMOND.

HE DOESN'T WIN.

HE JUST GETS THE QUIET PEACEOF THE NEXT LIFE.

- ♪ YOU DID IT