Monday, October 10, 2016

  • 10/10/2016

Danielle Panabaker, Kurt Braunohler and Brian Posehn guess what inspired undecided voter Ken Bone's debate outfit, list #KenBoneFacts and create fake villains for "The Flash."

Last night's town hall-styledebate had record participation

with social media, and everyoneon every platform agreed

the clear winnerof last night's debate

was, indeed,power plant technician

-and living Christmas albumKen Bone. -(clapping)

What steps willyour energy policy take

to meet our energy needs,

while at the same time remainingenvironmentally friendly,

and minimizing job lossfor fossil power plant workers?

-(woman whooping)-HARDWICK: Which...

Yes, which he followed upby saying,

"Excuse me.I think you have my stapler?

-Do you? I think."-(laughter)

"Can I get my stapler?

"I just..."-(applause and cheering)

"Can I get my stapler back?

"I'm just...

I'm gonna burn this place down."

(laughter)

I love this man.I love... I love you, Ken Bone.

The Internet loves you.

You magnificent bastard,you taught us it was okay

to be earnest again.

We thought it would beappropriate

to devote our entire segmentto Ken Bone, so welcome

to "The Bone Zone."

-(cheers and applause)-♪ -Yeah.

HARDWICK:That's right.

You thoughtthat was for Top Gun.

Kenny Loggins actually wrote itfor "The Bone Zone."

Ken's questions about energypolicy might have gone unnoticed

if it weren't for his sweaterand mustache,

which made him look likethe host of a children's show

-on the Post Office Channel.-(laughter)

Even GQ tweeted about Ken Bone.

The Halloween costume kitright there.

There it is.That's all you need.

-But there is a...-(laughter)

There is... there is an...

There's an interestingback story

to Ken's fashion choice.

Comedians, why the red sweater?

A: To show solidarity

with victimsof pasta sauce accidents?

B: His Garfield sweaterhad mustard on it?

C: He split the ass of the suithe planned to wear?

Anyone can buzz in.Brain Posehn.

C. Fat guy problem.

-(laughter)-HARDWICK: All right. Uh...

Brian Posehn...let's see if you're correct.

I had a really nice olive suitthat I love a great deal,

and my motherwould have been very proud

to see me wearing on television.

But apparently,I've gained about 30 pounds,

and when I went to get in my carthe morning of the debate,

I split the seat of my pantsall the way open.

(cheering, whooping)

-I love Ken!-I love him.

-I love that man!-I love him.

I mean, he couldhave made up anything.

He's like,"I'm gonna tell the truth."

-By the way... -POSEHN: "Andthrow my mom under the bus."

(laughter)

It was your fault, Mom!

By the way, see,I'm of the belief

that the 30 poundswas all dick weight.

-30 pounds.-(laughter, gasps)

30 pounds of Ken Bone.

I love you, Ken Bone!

I (bleep) love you!

(whooping, applause)

Please come on our show,Ken Bone.

I am inviting youto come on @midnight.

Please come on our show.

You are a beam of sincerity andhope in what has otherwise been

a horrifyingKaiju presidential race.

You are the antidote to modernAmerican politics right now.

We need you, Ken Bone.

And you're the only...also the only undecided voter

I don't want to smotherwith a pillow.

I don't know. Is it too lateto write Ken Bone for president?

-Can Ken Bone just be president?-(cheering, applause)

Now it's timefor tonight's #HashtagWars.

Let's begin.

-(cheering, applause)-It's time...

In this time of unparalleledpolitical divisiveness,

America has finally found a heroit can rally behind.

I'm speaking, of course,about undecided debate attendee

and living Pringles mascotKen Bone.

-(cheering, applause) -My newfavorite person in the universe.

Even Twitter's Momentsfeature, uh...

flat-out said, quote,

"Ken Bone isa national treasure."

Hyperbole?

I don't think so!

This guy is right up therewith Yellowstone National Park

and using donutsas hamburger buns.

I mean... check outKen's Facebook page,

where it turns outhe also plays Pokémon GO,

but he plays as Obi-Wan Kenboni.

(laughter)

I love you, Ken!

(applause)

(grunts)I hope your Team Mystic, Ken,

but cut the red sweater--I think you might be Team Valor.

That's okay. We can crossbarriers and still be friends.

Uh... in fact, he's taking onlegendary status.

Like some kind of folk hero.

♪ Ken Bone.

(laughter, applause)

-(cheering)-Oh. How convenient.

We have a folk hero here.

So in honor of thissensible Paul Bunyan,

tonight's hashtag is#KenBoneFacts. #KenBoneFacts.

Examples might be:Ken Bone is the fraternal twin

-of every NFL assistant coach,and... -(laughter)

Ken Bone doesn't givemustache rides,

he gives mustache journeys.

(laughter, whooping, applause)

And here to help us outwith this game,

all the way from his homein Lizard's Thicket,

the thrice-divorcedsinger-songwriter,

Slim Whiteman is here!

(cheering, applause)

MAN:Yeah!

♪ Ken Bone.

All right, perfect.Thank you very much.

So I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

-Kurt.-Uh...

Ken Bone owns over 1,000 DVD's,

but they're allof the movie Sully.

-All right.-(laughter)

♪ Ken Bone.

-(laughter)-All right.

-(applause, whooping)-Brian Posehn.

-Ken Bone's sleep apnea machinegets cable. -All right.

♪ Ken Bone

HARDWICK:Kurt.

Ken Bone's sweater isn't red,

it just blusheswhen he wears it.

HARDWICK:All right, points.

(cheering, applause)

Brian Posehn.

When Ken Bone is stuck intraffic,

the "N" word he yells is nutmeg.

(Hardwick laughing)

Rogues Gallery. Rogues Gallery.

Since we have one of the starsof The Flash here tonight,

one of the greatest showson television,

a show which I genuinely enjoywatching

while giggling and clappingmy hands with delight--

not during the sad parts-- uh, Iwould like to play a Flash game

highlighting the show's awesomebut hilariously named villains,

like Captain Cold,

Weather Wizard,

and Gorilla Grodd.

So let's channel Cisco Ramonand name some fake villains

that might fight the Flashin future episodes.

Before we do,I need to slip into something

a little more comfortable.I'll be right back.

(cheering and applause)

Ah. That is... way better.

(cheering and applause)

And...

I do feel pretty exposed

that you can see all my absand stuff. Uh...

60 seconds and begin. Kurt.

The Pussy Grabber!

Points. Brian.

The Incredible Cuck.

Points. Kurt.

Cops, in general.

Points. Brian.

Gay Face.

Points. Danielle.

Bunion Boy.

Points. Brian.

The Mansplainiac.

Points. Kurt.

Megatwon, the Transformerwith a lisp.

Points.

Very well done. Points.

Posehn.

The Millennial!

Points. Danielle.

Harley Quinn, Medicine Woman.

Yes, points. Kurt.

Mr. Saxophone at 2:00 a.m. Guy.

Points. Danielle.

The Joker, the Smoker,the Midnight Toker.

Yes, points. Brian Posehn.

The Down-Puncher.

All right, points. Kurt.

Brian the FedEx guythat apparently doesn't know how

to use my (bleep) doorbell!

I'm home, Brian! I'm home!

Points.