Wednesday, November 12, 2014

  • 11/12/2014

Bob Odenkirk, Mike Mitchell and Mike Hanford of "The Birthday Boys" guess which Kim Kardashian meme got the most retweets, #FixTheInternet and list meaningless world records.

>> CHRIS: RIPPED FROM TODAY'SINTERNET HEADLINES IT'S RAPID

REFRESH.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> CHRIS: WELL, IT FINALLYHAPPENED. PAPER MAGAZINE

UNVEILED THEIR UPCOMING COVER"BREAK THE INTERNET KIM

KARDASHIAN" AND THUS THEINTERNET BROKE.

SO I'M GOING TO CARVE OFF ALEG.

GRANDMA LIKES THE THIGH.

THE HASHTAG #BREAKTHEINTERNETHAS BEEN TRENDING SINCE AND HAS

INSPIRED HUNDREDS OF MEMES.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MEMES GOTTHE MOST RETWEETS?

A, KIM CENTAUR-DASHIAN.

B, THIS POTATO THAT LOOKS LIKEKIM KARDASHIAN, BUT LESS GREASY.

C, THIS PICTURE OF PRINCEFIELDER WITH THE CAPTION: KIM

KARDASHIAN LOOKS GREAT.

MITCH.

>> I'M GOING WITH A.

BECAUSE IT'S THE ONE THAT KINDOF TURNS ME ON THE MOST.

>> CHRIS: OKAY, SURE.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS B.

OH.

THAT'S THE ONE THAT TURNS ME ONTHE MOST.

TOOBERS.

JUST TO BE CLEAR, THEKARDASHIANS ARE EVERYONE'S

FAULT, GUYS.

BUT MOSTLY RYAN SEACREST FORPUTTING THEM ON TELEVISION.

COMEDIANS, WHAT DID YOU DO TOCONTRIBUTE TO THE BREAKING

OF THE INTERNET.

OKAY, I'LL START. I'M TALKINGABOUT THE KARDASHIANS RIGHT NOW.

MITCH.

>> I'M THE ONE WHO PROPSED THAT9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB.

>> CHRIS: THAT WAS YOU!>> YEAH, SORRY.

>> CHRIS: SOCIAL MEDIA'S GOINGCRAZY WITH THAT NEWS THAT THE

ROSETTA SPACE CRAFT LANDED ONA COMET.

MORE AMAZING STILL IS THAT THESTORY IS TRENDING DESPITE HAVING

NOTHING TO DO WITH A GIANTGREASY BUTT.

THE COMET IS FULL STRANGE,UNEXPLAINABLE MYSTERIES, LIKE

THAT GIANT GREASY BUTT.

LET'S TAKE A LISTEN.

>> ROSETTA IS ALREADY PICKING UPTHIS MYSTERIOUS, UNEXPLAINED

SINGING NOISE FROM THE COMET.

>> CHRIS: SOCIAL MEDIA CAN'TSTOP TALKING ABOUT THE SCIENTIST

INVOLVED IN THE LAUNCH, LIKE THELEAD SCIENTIST, WHO'S BEEN

TRENDING ON IMAGUR BECAUSE OF OFTHAT SHIRT.

LOOK AT THAT.

THAT OF COURSE IS A NAME BRANDSHIRT, LADIES.

I WOULD SAY THAT IF THIS BILLNYE THE SCIENCE GUY FIERI WASN'T

A ROCKET SCIENTIST, WHAT WOULDYOU GET GUESS HIS JOB WAS?

BOB ODENKIRK.

>> MODELING CASINO CARPETING.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.>> IT'S A REAL JOB.

>> CHRIS: MIKE.

>> MAN ANGER AT THE SCHOOLESTLENS CRAFTERS IN MICHIGAN.

[LAUGHING]

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

>> GUYS IT WASLY OWE DICAPRIOSBIRTHDAY TUESDAY AND NOBODY -- I

KNOW OUR LITTLE LEO'S GROWINGUP.

BUT NOBODY WAS MORE EXCITED FORIT THAN LARRY KING.

THERE IS THE FILE PHOTO OF LARRYVERY EXCITED.

OUR GOOD FRIEND AND HUMANSUSPENDERS RACK TOOK TO TWITTER

TO SEND HIS WELL WISHES ANDPRETTY MUCH BLEW UP THE SPOT.

HEY BUDDY, HAPPY 40TH, LEODICAPRIO.

WE'LL BE AT YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTYTONIGHT AT THE SOHO HOUSE.

HASHTAG HERE'S THE PHONE NUMBER,ADDRESS AND SOCIAL SECURITY

NUMBER --

YOU HEARD IT, FOLKS.

SOHO HOUSE TONIGHT. LEO WILLBE THERE. COME SAY HI.

FROM TWITTER, I'M @KINGSTHINGS.

CLEARLY LARRY WAS READY TOPARTY.

COMEDIANS, GIVE ME ANOTHER TWEETSENT TO LEO LATER THAT NIGHT.

BOB.

>> CAN'T MAKE. BUNIONS.SCHENECTADY!

>> CHRIS: POINTS. MITCH.

>> IS IT COOL IF I BRING THEGRIM REAP ERAS MY PLUS ONE.

>> CHRIS: POINTS. MIKE.

>> LEO. HAD TO BOUNCE. NASTYDIAPER LEAK. TEXT ME FOR BRUNCH.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

GREAT.

THAT BRINGS US TO THE END OFRAPID REFRESH.

SCORES ARE TIED AT 300S.

THANK YOU FOR PLAYING WITH US ATTWITTER LAST NIGHT.

OUR TWEET OF THE DAY WAS FROM@JOHNKBORNE WITH THE HASHTAG

#REJECTEDMUPPETS MISS PIGGYSMALLS.

AKA THE NOROTIOUS P.I.G. --BONUS POINTS FOR THAT.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR THE HASHTAGWARS.

AS MENTIONED EARLIER, THEHASHTAG #GREATTHEINTERNET HAS

BEEN TRENDING ALL DAY INREPSONSE TO A PHOTO OF KIM

KARDASHIAN'S ASS.

BUT WE WANT TO BE PART OF THESOLUTION.

SO TWEET US YOUR PICTURES OFYOUR PUPPIES OR KITTENS,

ANYTHING ADORABLE THAT CAN BEYOUR ANTIDOTE TO KARDASHIANS.

AND OF COURSE YOUR JOKES,BECUASE TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS

#FIXTHEINTERNET,

#FIXTHEINTERNET.

EXAMPLES OF THIS MIGHT BE,INSTALL SEATBELTS ON THE BANG

BUS.

OR ABOLISH ANONYMOUS COMMENTING

OR GLUTEN-FREE CAKE FARTS.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO.

YES, MIKE.

[LAUGHING]

>> CHRIS: DAD IT'S A VCR.

COME ON, DAD.

NO, YOU JUST HIT IT.

MIKE.

>> INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON MEMES,LET TRY FOCUSING ON YOUMS.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS. I LOVEIT.

MITCH.

>> UNPLUG IT, AND PLUG IT BACKIN.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, THAT'S WHATYOU GOTTA DO.

COUNT TO 10 AND PLUG IT BACK IN.

BOB ODENKIRK.

>> MAKE IT ALL ONE BUTTON.

>> CHRIS: YEP.

YES, MITCH.

>> TWEET A PICTURE OF KIMKARDASHIAN'S THOUGHTS.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

OH, [BEEP].

NO THAT BROKE THEIR MINDS.>> THAT ENLIGHTENED THEM.

>> CHRIS: MIKE.

>> BUT ON FACEBOOK, DON'T JUSTLIKE SOMETHING LOVE SOMETHING.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, POINTS.

BOB.

>> FREE U2 ALBUM. THAT'LL CHASEEVERYONE AWAY.

[LAUGHING]

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

MIKE.

>> BRING BACK THE HARLEM SHAKE!

>> I'M MAD AT YOU FOR THAT.

>> CHRIS: MITCH.

>> READ A [BEEP] BOOK.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY"BETTER CALL SOMEONE ELSE."

BY THE WAY, HOW DOES THE FIRSTSEASON END OF BETTER CALL SAUL.

>> IT'S A DREAM.

>> CHRIS: OKAY, GOOD. PERECT.

ONCE YOU HAVE SEEN ONE LAWYERYOU HAVE SEEN THEM ALL.

BUT OUR FAVORITES LIKE SAULGOODMAN FROM BREAKING BAD STAND

OUT BECAUSE OF THEIR AMAZINGCAMPAIGNS.

SO, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU A REALCAMPAIGN FROM SOMEONE THAT

ACTUALLY HAS A REAL LIFE LEGALDEGREE OF SOME TYPE.

AND FOR 250 POINTS, YOU HAVE TOCOME UP WITH A MORE APPROPRIATE

CATCHPHRASE FOR THEM.

FIRST, YOUR UNCLE AND HIS PETBEAGLES.

YES, MIKE.

>> GUESS WHERE MY FINGERS ARE INTHIS PICTURE.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

POINTS.

YEAH, THOSE ARE FINGER PUPPIES.

>> THEY ARE NOW, CHRIS.>> CHRIS: MITCH.

>> WE'VE SPENT YEARS DEFENDINGHUMANS LIKE THIS ONE.

[LAUGHING]

>> CHRIS: ALRIGHT POINTS, MITCH.BOB.

>> ONE OF US IS A LAWYER.

>> CHRIS: YOU DECIDE WHICH ONE.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> CHRIS: FREE CONSULTATION FORTRUCK, CAR, MOTORCYCLE CRASHES,

WRONGFUL DEATH CAT.

NEXT ONE THE LAWYER WITH THEFORMER WRESTLER ON THE

BILLBOARD.

YES, BOB.

>> BAD HAIR CUT? I WILL MAKE ITRAIN.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

POINTS.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> CHRIS: NEXT ONE TWO MIDDLEAGED WOMEN WHO GO ON TRIPS

TOGETHER, BUT THEY'RE JUSTFRIENDS.

BOB.

>> RELENTLESS AND SHRILL.=ATTORNEYS AT LAW.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

[LAUGHING]

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE FALLINGOUT OF THE PICTURE.

OR THE CAMERA WAS GOING DOWN.

>> CHRIS: YOU KNOW -- IT SAYSEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN.

THE WEBSITE ISEVERARGUEWOMEN.COM.

I DIDN'T KNOW WOMEN COULD BESEXIST TOWARDS WOMEN.

THAT'S SO STRANGE, MITCH.

>> WE STAY PROFESSIONAL EVENWHEN THE JURY STARTS CHANTING

"KISS, KISS, KISS."

>> CHRIS: POINTS. POINTS.

>> HEY, HEY. AND SO DO WE.

AUDIENCE CHANTS KISS! KISS! KISS!

>> WOW.

>> I ONLY HALF WENT FOR IT, HEREALLY WENT FOR IT.

HE'S GOT MITCHELL BEARD HAIR INHIS TEETH --

>> CHRIS: MIKE -->> CHECK THAT OFF THE BUCKET

LIST.

>> CHRIS: MIKE.

WE'RE ACTUALLY BOTH MARRIEDTO MEN, ALTHOUGH THAT'S NONE OF

ANYONE'S BUSINESS.

>> CHRIS: POINTS, POINTS.

ALRIGHT.

HOW ABOUT MR. CLEAN HERE.

HOW ABOUT MR. CLEAN.

[LAUGHING]

MY BALD LAWYER, I NEED A HOOK.

MITCH.

>> I'M NOT REALLY BALD IT'S JUSTTHE CHEMO.

>> CHEMO.

>> CHRIS: NO POINTS.

>> OH.

>> CHRIS: MIKE.

>> HEY, TEENS.

PLEASE GRAFFITI MY BILLBOARD.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

LOOK AT ALL THE REAL ESTATE.

THINK OF ALL THE PLACES YOU CANPAINT DICKS ON HERE.

BOB.

>> DUI, MR. BOND.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

POINTS.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME.

REDONKULUS RIFT.

OKULUS RIFT IS THE NEXT STEP INGAMING, WHICH INVOLVES VIRTUAL

REALITY SIMULATORS THAT ARE SOLIFE-LIKE IT'S HORRIFYING.

THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF GAMES INDEVELOPMENT NOW, SOME OF WHICH

ARE JUST A LITTLE BITDISTURBING.

SO I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU TWOTITLES FOR OKULUS RIFT GAMES,

AND FOR 250 POINTS, YOU HAVE TOTELL ME WHICH ONE IS REAL.

FIRST ONE PIGEON DROPPINGS,WHERE YOU PLAY A PIGEON WITH THE

RUNS.

OR ALIEN MAKEOUT, WHERE YOU MAKEOUT WITH ALIENS.

MITCH.

>> I HOPE ALIEN MAKEOUT IS REAL.

>> CHRIS: I MEAN, IF THEY KNOWTHEY'RE TRYING TO DEMO IT

PROBABLY IS.

LET'S FIND OUT.

YEAH.

>> OH. LET'S GO BACK TO MY SPACESHIP.

[LAUGHING]

>> CHRIS: NICE.

>> WE'RE GETTING THAT GAME.

>> GETTING THAT GAME.

>> PREORDERED.

>> CHRIS: NEXT ONE THANKSGIVINGTURKEY SIMULATOR OR SPACE MARINE

BOOT CAMP.

MIKE.>> TIS THE SEASON.

THANKSGIVING TURKEY SIMULATOR.

>> CHRIS: FEELS RIGHT.

LET'S FIND OUT.

NO.

>> -- I WILL PUSH YOU TILL YOUPUKE.

>> I FEEL, I FEEL TERRIBLE.

I GOT IT WRONG.

>> THAT'S THANKSGIVING TURKEYSIMULARTOR.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, RIGHT THERE.BOTH. TECHNICALLY.

AS WE JUMP TO OUR NEXT GAME,LAME WORLD RECORDS.

LAME WORLD RECORDS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SATURDAY IS GUINNESS WORLDRECORDS DAY.

SO IN HONOR OF THIS HOLIDAY TOSELL A PAPERBACK BOOK AT YOUR

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL WHEN YOUHAD BOOK FAIRS, I WANT YOU GUYS

TO COME UP WITH LAME WORLDRECORDS.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO.

MIKE.

>> HORNIEST GRANDPA.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

MITCH.

>> SMARTEST MAN IN FLORIDA.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

MITCH.

>> WORLD MOST AVERAGE SIZEDTWINS.

>> CHRIS: POINTS. -- THE SKLARBROTHERS.

BOB.

>> JONGEST ILL.

>> CHRIS: POINTS. JONGEST ILL --

MITCH.

>> MOST CONSECUTIVE VIEWINGS OFTHREE NINJAS ON VHS.

>> CHRIS: POINTS -- THAT'S YOU,MITCH. BOB.

>> BEST WESTERN.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS.

IT WORKS

IT WORKS.

MR. ODENKIRK.

>> ASSIEST KARDASHIAN.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

MIKE.

>> SMALLEST TALLEST MAN.

CHRIS: BOB.

>> FASTEST RACIST.