May 12, 2016 - Audra McDonald

  • 05/12/2016

Bernie Sanders refuses to drop out of the presidential race, and Larry discusses George Zimmerman's gun auction with Audra McDonald, Jordan Carlos and Robin Thede.

Yes! Thank you very much!

Thank you!

Welcome to the show.Oh, thank you.

You're so kind.Thank you so much.

Please have a seat.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

Such a great crowd.Welcome to The Nightly Show.

I am Larry Wilmore.

Such a great crowd tonight.

Man, Audra McDonaldon the show tonight.

I'm very excited about that.

-(cheering, applause)-Mm. Mm.

So talented.

One of the mosttalented people... ever.


(chuckles):It's true.

Oh. By the way, first off,

um, I want to show yousomething remarkable.

A rare momentof unanimous bipartisanship

in the U.S. Senate.

NEWSWOMAN: The senate unanimously passed a measure

removing offensive terms

such as "oriental" from federal law.

-WOMAN: What?-(laughter, whooping)


That term is still usedin federal law?!

Oh, my G...Well, I mean, I can see

why that wasa unanimous decision.

-(bugle playing Taps)-Uh... Oh.

-(continues playing Taps)-(laughter)

Oh, my God.

All right, guys...

Hey, guys, what's up?What are you doing?

We lost another one.We're here to pay our respects.

-WILMORE: Oh.-Damn PC police!

We can't have any fun anymore.

So, Larry, if you don't mind,we'd like to retire this word

by hoisting it upinto the rafters.

It served us wellfor a long time.

-(playing Taps)-(applause)

So long, "Oriental."



WILMORE:Pretty good.

By the way, Lar, thanksfor bringing the N-word back

-for us to use. -Oh, yeah.-No, no, no, no, no.

-Yeah! -I did no such th...Get out of here!

Get out of here, you guys.Go! Get, get!

Bringing back...I didn't bring that back.

-(applause, whooping)-(mumbles)

I had, uh... I had no ideawe can't use "toots" anymore.

-I did not know that.-(laughter)

(laughing):I'm gonna have to stop using it.

All right, moving onto our top story,

Societal malignant tumorGeorge Zimmerman.

George Zimmermanis selling the gun he used

to kill unarmed teenagerTrayvon Martin,

placing it up for auctiononline today.


This is America, everybody.

Um... I'm justgonna give everyone

a home minuteto pick up any items

you may have just thrownat your television set.

-(laughter)-Mmm... Pick it up.

Okay, who woke up this rottingpiece of human excrement?

And... and better yet,why is he doing this?

NEWSMAN: Zimmerman says he doesn't feel comfortable

simply locking it away.

I would feel very comfortablesimply locking you away.

(laughter, whooping, applause)

It would make mevery comfortable.

You don't haveto lock it away--

you can just throw itin the trash.

You know, trash?That thing that you are

and always will be?

-(whooping, applause)-Right?


All right. What else didthis bloated tank gristle

have to say for himself?

NEWSWOMAN: Speaking on the phone,

he was unapologetic about the sale.

Yeah, so why don't you take yourpossessions and shoot yourself?

-(applause)-Just do it.

Okay, guys, and in caseyou weren't disgusted enough,

let's take a lookat the original ad

he posted for the gun.

Check outthe "Item Condition-- Used."

-(audience groans)-Okay?

Now, America...


I need to ask youa serious question.

What the entire (bleep)?


I mean, and by "used,"he means the firearm

"was used to defend my life

"and end the brutal attackfrom Trayvon Martin.

"It has recentlybeen returned to me

by the Department of Justice."

And then he says...

Okay, first of all,"B. Hussein Obama."

I love how racistscan work in a Muslim slam

into any unrelatedconversation, right?

He really killed two birdswith that racist stone.

Of course, then he also claimedthe birds were attacking him.


But reason has no placein this ad.

Zimmerman even claimsthe gun is a hot item

on the museum circuit.

He says...

Okay, first of all,

please do not castMichael B. Jordan

for this Night at the Museum movie.

Please do not do that.

Way too dangerous.

And incidentally, George,

the Smithsonian denies anyinterest, you stupid (bleep).

-(laughter, applause, whooping)-All right?

They're not interested in that.

Okay, now,it looks like the auction site

has been taken down,so, yay, America...


But here's whythis gets me so angry.

Every time George Zimmermanis a trending topic on Twitter,

every time his namepops up on the news,

every time he takes up anyreal estate in my brain at all,

it's a reminderthat he's a free man

who can dowhatever dumb (bleep) he wants

while Trayvon Martindoesn't get to grow up.

-So tonight...-(applause)

So tonight I'm thinkingabout you, Trayvon,

and not that assholethat killed you, all right?

And, George Zimmerman,you can go to Hell.

-(whooping, applause)-Go to Hell.

Oh. And actually...actually...

on that subject,let's go live to Hell

to see how this newsis now being perceived.

(cheering, applause)

All right.

Thanks, uh...thanks for joining us, Satan.

That's very nice of you.

Thanks for having me, Toots.(chuckles)

-Toots? -No PC policedown here, pal, right?

-Oh. -By the way, loved youat the Correspondents' Dinner.

-Oh, oh, um...-Loved it. Yeah.

-Thanks, I guess. Um...-Just real edgy stuff.

All right, so, so, now,what's the reaction

to this Zimmerman story been,like, down there in Hell?

All right, man,I'm just blown away.

You know, I mean,look, seriously,

when it comes to evil,like, I'm kind of the guy.

You know what I mean?I mean, I've brought hellfire

and brimstone, basically,since the dawn of time, Larry.

But I look at this Zimmerman guyand I'm like, man,

this mother (bleep) pure evil,you know what I mean?

Like... not gonna lie,

a little worried about my jobright now, you know?

-Really? -You know how thoseLatinos like to steal jobs.

-Well... -Build a fence,that's what I say.

Well, I know, but... I-I thoughtbeing the Prince of Darkness,

-you would love this story,right? -Oh, love it?

No, it's a nightmare, man.

I don't even have a placedown here that's dark enough

for this soulless, bloatedgenital wart, swear to you.

-Nothing here. No room.-I don't understand.

You don't have a place?I don't know what you mean.

-What do you mean?-Ain't nobody down here

is willing to bunkwith this monster.

I'm not... look...Am I right, Idi?

-Come out here. Idi Amin!-Oh, oh, Devil, listen to me.

I don't even wantthis hairy bag of (bleep) stink

-eating in the cafeteriawith me! -True.

-Do you understand?-Oh, my God.

-Not even eating with me.-Wait, is that Idi Amin?

-Yes.-Okay, okay, two questions.

First, you havea cafeteria in hell?

Yeah, it's crap, it's crap.But, hey, listen,

we are getting a Subwaywhen Jared comes down here.

-True. -Okay.-It's coming, it's coming.

-Five dollar footlongs. -It'scoming, I can't wait. -Okay.

-I cannot wait. -Five dollarfootlongs! (whoops) -All right.

Second question,second question.

So, Zimmermanis too much for you-- Idi Amin?

Look, look, Larry,look, look-- sure, sure,

I killed and I atemy political enemies.

-Yes, he did.-I did this. I did it.

-Right.-I did it. Am I proud?

-I-I don't know, sometimes.-Little bit. Little proud.

Okay, but I didn't go off andtry to auction my knife and fork

as souvenirs, okay?That is just wrong, Larry.

-(bleep) up. -That is wrong.(bleep) that guy.

-(bleep) that guy, Larry.(bleep) him. -You're right.

-(bleep) him. Yes, he's (bleep)up. -That is right.

Oh, by the way, great jobat the correspondents' dinner.

-Oh, oh, thank you. Very nice.-It was amazing. I loved it.

-I loved it. It was good, it wasgood. -Killed it. -Thanks.

He killed it,you really did. Edgy.

-By the way, Larry...-Yes?

It ain't just me and my boy Idiwho are creeped out

-by this (bleep) whack job,all right? -No.

Hey, uh, break it down for him,Adolf. Get out here.

-There he is.-Hey, hey, my boy. My boy.

Hold for applause.

George Zimmerman is a fat tubof rancid goat (bleep).

Reasonable people like us canagree on this, nein?

-Yeah, I think you can.-Uh...

I would say I'd rather notagree with you on anything.

Look, I've done some bad stuff.


And even some stuffyou don't know about.

I invented Crocs.

-Yes, he did.-Yeah, he did.

You invented Crocs?

-I told you, I'm evil.-Okay.

But I will nothave the Hitler name

associated withGeorge Zimmerman.

By the way, loved youat the correspondents' dinner.

-Okay, thank you, thank you. -Itwas very good. -Yes, great job.

-We were just telling him.-It was good, it was good.

-We told him this. -Look, Larry,we don't have all night.

We g... You know,evil doesn't rest, all right?

We got to get back to work

overturningTom Brady's suspension.

-Yeah, man. -Let's go Patriots!-Go Patriots!

-Hell's team, baby! -Belichickrules! -Okay, I figured that,

-I figured that.We'll be right back. -Belichick!

-♪ -Belichick!-(cheering, applause)

All right, welcome back.

Okay, guys,it's time to check in

on what's happeningwith The Unblackening.

My favorite song.(hums a tune)

So, Bernie Sandersis having a bittersweet week.

Though he won West Virginia,

Hillary still wound up withhalf of the state's delegates.

Yet according to this interviewwith MSNBC's Andrea Mitchell,

Bernie isn't backing down.

We have a shot.It is a steep hill to climb,

but we're gonna fightfor every last vote.

So please do not moan to me

about Hillary Clinton'sproblems.

-Um...-(cheering, applause)

Bernie, I don't knowif you get to control

Andrea Mitchell's moaning. Uh...

There's only one manwho can do that

and it's her sex god husbandAlan Greenspan.

Just saying. Just a point.

Still, Hillary wasn't the onlypresumptive nominee

to benefit from Bernie's win.

The exit poll datafrom West Virginia which shows

that 34%--34% of the Sanders' voters

said that they wouldvote for Donald Trump

in a Trump-Sanders matchup.

A third of Bernie voterswere just Trump supporters

with nothing better to do?

Is West Virginia that boring?

Surely there's some gargantuanball of twine

or mouse-themedcarnival pizzeria

that's more fun than (bleep) upthis election, you guys.

All right, here with howthe Clinton camp

is handling these Sandersvictories

is Clinton campaign aideCarlos Jordanson.

-(cheering, applause)-Hey, how you doing, Larry?

Hey, Carlos.Okay, so, Carlos, tell me,

So, what's the feeling amongstthe Clinton campaign right now?

Well, this whole thing is reallyan inspiring underdog story.

Oh, wow, so-so eventhe Hillary camp

can't help but get, uh, swept upin the Bernie story, huh?

Uh, no, no, no, no,Hillary Clinton is the underdog.

-What? -Yeah. A small-town girlfrom Illinois, Arkansas

and New York City. Yeah.Trying to win the presidency.

It's-it's a storystraight out of Hollywood.

One of those classic richesto more riches stories.

Um, I-I think you meanrags to riches, right?

Uh, gross.(chuckles)


Hillary may have been on theboard of directors at Walmart,

but that's as closeas she gets to rags.

Okay, all right.Okay, fine, but come on,

Hillary... Hillary's nota Hollywood underdog. Come on.

Uh, considering how much moneywe get from Hollywood,

I think we're the onesto make that determination.

-Okay. -But you're right,she's not an underdog.

-Thank you.-No, technically,

she's an "underdog" underdog.

Hillary is losingprimary after primary,

and yet she's stillout there plugging away

like goddamn Seabiscuit.

Is she gonna win this race?I don't know. (exclaims)

It's such a nail-biter.(exclaims)


I don't know, man--you know she's gonna win.

I can tell.

I don't know, you know?Bernie looks so strong.

Stay in there, Bernard.Ooh! (laughs)

Wait, hold on--you want Bernie to stay in?

His victoriesenable our victory.

It's like the giftthat keeps taking, you know?

Like, think of it asthe tortoise and the hare.

The tortoise crossesthe finish line first,

but then the hare'sdeclared the winner

because she's got friendson Wall Street.

That's awful.

Yeah, hey, blame that broke-ass,stupid-ass tortoise.

-All right, Car... I don't knowwhat it means, either. -Sorry.

Carlos Jordanson, everybody.We'll be right back.

-♪ -(cheering, applause)

Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show Contributor Jordan Carlos.

-(cheering and applause)-Yeah.

And Nightly Show ContributorRobin Thede.

-(cheering and applause)-Wow.

And she's currently starringin the Broadway musical

Shuffle Along, Tony,Grammy, Emmy Award winner,

Audra McDonald, you guys.

-(cheering and applause)-Yeah.

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter, @NightlyShow,using the hashtag, #Tonightly.

-Man, I love this crowd.-Yes! -Yeah. It's a good crowd.

Okay. So, we talked about this,uh, monster earlier in the show.

Uh, this morning, acquittedmurderer, uh, George Zimmerman

put the gun he used to killTrayvon Martin up for sale.

Then the gun auction wasactually taken down, I think,

after a few hours. Okay, sowhat's the most offensive part

of this, the selling of it

or the people who actually wantto buy it?

Yeah. Listen... Sorry,

I-I have been lividabout this all day.

(stammers) To me,if you have to choose one,

it's the peoplewho want to buy it.

George Zimmerman is a murderer.

I expect himto do terrible things.

But people who actually wantto own this?

Like, what... I don't...I don't understand that at all.

-I'm not absolving GeorgeZimmerman. -Yeah, I-I think,

actually... I-I think I findGeorge Zimmerman more disgusting

in this case, because I couldsee how someone would have

some weird sort of fetishwanting to buy it and then ma...

I mean, for me, it was like,could something good come

of this? Yeah.Someone could buy that gun

and then either melt it downor then...

or then use it to, like,I don't know, raise money

and awarenessfor something else.

-Oh, in a good way. -You know,something good could come of it

-in that... in that respect.-Or-or choke him with it.

I... You know, it's funny,because I don't ever wish...

-I don't ever wish deathon anyone. -I do.

Well... I've been thinkingabout... I've been thinking

-about what I would wish onGeorge Zimmerman, -Yes. -Yeah.

and my wish is that he ends upin, like, the most dangerous

women's prison in America.

(cheering and applause)

That's where I want himto end up.

-The most dangerous women's...-Women's prison.

-No, 'cause they will tear himlimb from limb. -Yes. Good.

-That's what I want. -Well,because he beats women also.

-So... Yeah. Yeah. -That's whyI want him in a women's prison.

-Exactly.-How is this guy walking around?

-I mean, how can the policejustify giving -It's phenomenal.

any kind of weaponto this person?

Well, uh, Florida,

-I think, is probably the answerto your question. -Yeah.

I mean, Florida is...I mean, it's the only state

that Texas, where I'm from,we look down on.

You know? Like, "At leastwe're not Florida! Geez!"

You know? But, yeah, that's...I mean, that's the problem,

the corruption and-and, youknow, you get... you get, uh,

-a situation like this.-Do you think this has to do...

Who said "fetish"? Do you thinkthis has to do with our fetish

-for guns in America? -Well,I mean... Yeah, I think...

Yeah, there's obviouslya fascination in this country

with guns, but I think alsothere is a-a, you know...

a-a fetish for, you know, thingslike the fact that you have

women that will sort of writeto-to people in jail and say

"I want to marry you"or you have people who-who want

to buy strange, like...Supposedly there's some, uh,

-auc-auction for CharlesManson's hair. -Yeah. Oh, yeah.

-Oh, my God. -Yes. -There'sactually a s... a site called

-Murderabilia. This is true.-Oh, there it is. Unbelievable.

Where people want...Okay, seriously, people?

-No. -It's pretty... it's prettyboyish. It's pretty lux...

Well, the thing is... Youreally want that greasy hair?

-I mean, I get it. I mean...-No, but-but recently Manson,

right, he was gonna get marriedand then, like, he was like,

"I don't know. She'sa little too crazy for me."

-Like, he backed off.-That's an indictment.

-He backed off.He, like, totally... -Oh, man.

-he totally ghosted her.-Is there, like, a special

-murderer Tinder or something?Like... -Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you know, and I think ithas less to do with our fetish,

uh, in this case, with our...less to do with our fetish

for guns and more to do withthe disregard of black lives.

Because what's happening here--and follow me--

-no one's buying the guns thatwere used in Columbine. -Mm-hmm.

-Yeah. -You know why? Becauseit's a horrible thing to do.

But the difference betweenthat case and the difference

-between this caseis a black life. -Yeah.

And he was a teenage child andhe did not deserve what he got,

-and it's just appalling.It's appalling. -It is true.

Because there's th...there's this kind of ambiguity.

They're like,"Was Trayvon Martin a-a kid?

Was he a-a man?" He was17 years old. He was a child.

That's what I'm saying.But-but in Columbine

and-and in Sandy Hook, we'resure that they were children

and things like that. I thinkthat that kind of, like, benefit

of the doubt was givento George Zimmerman, whereas...

-And I'm saying in this case.-Yeah. Although no one

-actually bought the gun,you know. So... -Yeah.

-I bet somebody would have.-Well, they took it down.

-Somebody would have.-But I have to say, for me,

I-I also feel so badlyfor Trayvon Martin's family,

-'cause every single timethis-this sort of.. -Yes.

-Can I say a bad word?This (bleep) stain -Yes!

-comes back up-- excuse me---Ah! -Yes!

-every time he does,every time he does -Absolutely.

and he tries to gain notorietyfrom this horrible thing

that he did, they have to reliveover and over and over again.

And why isn't Trayvon Martintrending?

-Why is it alwaysGeorge Zimmerman? -Thank you.

-Why is it alwaysGeorge Zimmerman? -Wow. -Yes.

You know? It's just disgusting.

-(applause)-Yeah. -By the way...

I love it. But I would just add,in the audience,

that people were emotinglike we're in black church.

-It was very beautiful.-THEDE: Yes. Thank you.

They're like, "Yas, queen! Yas!"

-(laughter)-"Say it!

-Preach (bleep)! Do that(bleep)." -(applause & cheering)

You know why? 'Causethey're sick of this, too!

-Yes. -WILMORE: Yes.-McDONALD: Yes. Sick.

-It's like this man keepspopping up. -Yeah. -Yeah.

And the people that support him,I do not understand.

-Yeah. -WILMORE:I don't understand it at all.

And they wantto say it's about gun control...

-WILMORE: Right. -...andtheir right to bear arms.

-No, it's not. No, it's not!-No.

-It is about racism!-CARLOS: Yeah. -(applause)

Pure and simple! It is!

-McDONALD: Yeah. I tell youwhat. I tell you what.

-THEDE: Ugh!-I know this much.

-I know this much.-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

-That if Trayvon had beena white child... -THEDE: Yes.

...and George Zimmermanhad been a black man...

-THEDE: Come on.-CARLOS: Mm.

...and even if he had...even if he had ended up

being acquitted withthe stand-your-ground law...

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.-CARLOS: Yeah.

...they would neverin a million years

have given him back the gun.

-Never in a million years.-THEDE: No. No.

Never in a million years wouldGeorge Zimmerman have that back.

-Yeah. -No. -Never in a millionyears. -(applause)

-(Wilmore groans, Carlos whoops)-We're just...

I don't understand why thiswasn't punished as a hate crime.

-Yeah.-Oh. Yeah.

I mean, I don't understandwhy this wasn't...

WILMORE: Well, it wasn'tpunished as a crime at all.

Well, right,because he was protected

under stand-your-ground,

but does Florida not have hatecrime laws? I don't understand.

CARLOS:Again, guys, it's Florida.

I mean, Florida,you can ride manatees, you guys.

-You can ride manateesin Florida. -Oh, God.

Yeah, it's true,and by the way, when you...

Isn't there a shark that canattack him or something?

-No, no, no, no, no. -Isn't thatwhat happens in Florida?

But when you enter Florida.

Women's prison, I'm telling you. says, "Welcome to Florida.All bets are off."

-It says that.-(laughter and groaning)

"Abandon all hope." Like...

-Can I read you something?-Yes, go for it.

-I have something in my bra.-Oh. Oh. -What is the...?

-Um...-Uh-oh. Robin... -CARLOS: What?!

Thede's bringing something outfrom the bra, yeah.

I'm sorry.This just made me so mad today!

Okay, in the ad that he putonline... -Sure. -Mm-hmm.

...he said, "Offers to purchasethe firearm have been received.

"However, the offers wereto use the gun in a fashion

-I did not feel comfortablewith." -MAN: What?

-What? Exactly. So, so...-CARLOS: Yeah, yeah.

The fashion he's comfortablewith is shooting people!

-Is killing people! Thank you!-WILMORE: Yes. Ugh!

-What?! -McDONALD: Becausesomeone wanted to use it

to what, go to a turkey shoot?I don't...

No. No. You knowwhat it probably was?

To use it the way you said.To melt it down...

-WILMORE: Yeah.-McDONALD: Yeah. Or... Yeah.

...and to use it to provideassistance for Trayvon's family.

Yeah. I have to say, I didn'teven like the fact that one

of his excuses of saying, "Well,you know, look, even people...

even museums want this piece."

-WILMORE: Right. Mm-hmm.-THEDE: Oh, please. (Bleep).

But, yeah, I'll tell you what.

-WILMORE: Yeah. -Museums alsohave huge exhibitions

for things like all the horriblethings that Hitler did.

-THEDE: Yeah. Yes!-CARLOS: Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

And these are all the toolshe used or whatever.

-WILMORE: Right.-So I think he was thinking

that he was gonna be somegorgeous museum piece

where he's, you know,floating with the angels

-beside him and all that.-There is a place... Yeah.

-Right. -There is a placefor infamy certainly...

-Absolutely. those typesof institutions.

I mean, certainly, you know,with people like Oswald

-who shot Kennedy...-Yeah, sure. -CARLOS: Mm.

-That rifle has a place.A place of infamy. -Yeah.

But this type of infamy-- I wantit expunged from our memory.

-CARLOS: Absolutely. -THEDE:Yes. -At least this guy.

-McDONALD: Yeah. THEDE: Yeah.-(applause)

The thing now... I don't wantto see this guy ever again.

-I just want him gone, you know.-McDONALD: Yeah. -THEDE: Yeah.

Yeah, it's not even likehe's leading some movement.

-Exactly. -He's not evenas powerful as the KKK.

He's just an asshole.

WILMORE: He's not even reallya guns advocate.

-No, he's not.-He's an asshole advocate.

-That's right. That's right.-WILMORE: Yeah. Yeah.

CARLOS: He's an asshole rightsadvocate. It's true. -Yes.

-I agree. All right.-Yeah.

We'll be right back.I think we solved that one.

(laughter,applause and cheering)

ANNOUNCER: If you live in the New York City area

or are planning to visit, grab free tickets to:

All right,thanks to my panelists--

Jordan Carlos, Robin Thedeand Audra McDonald.

Go see Shuffle Along ifyou're here in New York. -Yes!

-(applause and cheering)-Okay, we're almost out of time,

but before we go, I'm gonnakeep it 100 for you guys.

-(musical sting)-Oh, thank you very much.

All right, tonight's question's

from an audience membernamed Andrew.

All right, Andrew,let's take a look.

Hey, Larry. Would you ratherspend five minutes

in The Octagon with Ronda Rouseyor mud wrestle with Jon Stewart?

Keep It 100.

Are you kidding me?!Easiest question ever!

Come on, Jon Stewart!Let's mud wrestle, man!

-Me and you!-(applause and cheering)

That's nota Keep It 100 question.

-So hot.-That's too easy!

Thanks for watching!Good Nightly, everyone!

-I'm trying...-(cheers and applause)