December 9, 2014 - James Corden

  • 12/09/2014

A Discovery Channel special sparks outrage, Rep. Jack Kingston joins Stephen for the final installment of Better Know a District, and James Corden discusses "Into the Woods."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE

REPORT," EVERYBODY!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

THANK YOU SO MUCH! COME ON!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOU'RE THE HEROS! YOU'RE THEIT-GETTERS!

YOU'RE THE PEOPLE DOING THIS,NOT ME!

THESE PEOPLE, RIGHT THERE. BESTPEOPLE IN THE WORLD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)FOLKS, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR

BEING HERE.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I REALLYNEED -- THANK YOU FOR THAT

ENERGY BECAUSE I NEED ITBECAUSE, FOLKS, I GOTTA TELL YA,

I COME TO YOU TONIGHT A SHAKENMAN.

BECAUSE RECENT REVELATIONS HAVEPROVEN THAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE

WERE SYSTEMATICALLY ANDREPEATEDLY LIED TO.

FOR MORE, LET'S GO TO MYCOLLEAGUE BRETT BAIER.

>> LAST NIGHT WAS THE BIG NIGHT,THE AIRING OF THE DISCOVERY

CHANNEL'S EATEN ALIVE, WHERE AMAN OFFERED HIMSELF UP TO BE

CONSUMED BY AN ANACONDA.

MANY VIEWERS FOUND THE PAYOFFTOUGH TO SWALLOW.

>> TURNS OUT THE SNAKE SORT OFPUT HIS MOUTH AROUND HIS HEAD

AND THE GUY TAPPED OUT AND SAIDPULL ME OUT, PULL ME OUT,

AND THAT WAS IT.

>> 70 MINUTES INTO THE SHOW,ROSOLIE TAPPED OUT SAYING THE

SNAKE WAS ABOUT TO BREAK HISARM.

SO IN THE END, ROSOLIE WAS NOTEATEN ALIVE, NOT EVEN A SCRATCH.

>> Stephen: FOR SHAME,DISCOVERY CHANNEL!

YOU PROMISED US PAUL ROSOLIE WOULD BE EATEN!

HENCE THE TITLE "EATEN ALIVE ."

BUT YOU ONLY GAVE US "CUDDLEDALIVE"!

AND I'M SORRY, THAT'S JUST SNAKEFIRST BASE.

AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'SANGRY, FOLKS

TWITTER TWEETED, "NEXT TIME IWATCH SOMETHING CALLED

#EATENALIVE, SOMEBODY BETTER GETEATEN ALIVE."

AND "THIS GUY HAD ONE JOB.

LITERALLY ONE (BLEEP) JOB TO GETEATEN ALIVE AND HE (BLEEP) IT

UP."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)IT'S OUTRAGEOUS! BUT I GOTTA SAY

AS ANGRY AS I AM, DISCOVERYDID HAVE A COGENT RESPONSE.

"PAUL CREATED THIS CHALLENGE TOGET MAXIMUM ATTENTION FOR ONE OF

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ANDTHREATENED PARTS OF THE WORLD,

THE AMAZON RAIN FOREST."

TRUE.

THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO BRINGATTENTION TO THE AMAZON RAIN

FOREST THAN TO COVER YOURSELF INPIG'S BLOOD AND CLIMB INTO A

SNAKE'S MOUTH. YOU SEE THAT

AND YOU THINK, "MAN, WE GOTTASAVE THOSE TREES."

JUST LIKE THE BEST WAY TO SAVEOUR OCEANS IS TO PUT ON SOME

FLIPPERS AND BONE A NARWHALE.I GOTTA TELL YA,

NOT EASY IN SUCH COLD WATER.(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.

YEAH, C'MON!

WELCOME BACK!

NATION...

NATION, AS YOU KNOW, "THECOLBERT REPORT" GOES OFF THE AIR

NEXT THURSDAY.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)>> Stephen: NO, NO, IT'S ALL

RIGHT.

NO, NO, NO, NO...

SO WHAT THE CRITICS SAID WHENIT STARTED IS FINALLY

TRUE -- IT WON'T LAST MORE THANA COUPLE WEEKS.

(LAUGHTER)FORTUNATELY, THERE'S STILL TIME

TO PRAISE ME.

IN FACT, THIS MORNING, MY DOCTORTOLD ME MY CHOLESTEROL WAS OFF

THE CHART!

(LAUGHTER)THIS IS WHO'S HONORING ME NOW.

♪♪(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

TONIGHT'S HONORING OF ME NOWCOMES FROM ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

BECAUSE I'M ON THE COVER!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)IN FACT, I'M ON THE THREE

DIFFERENT COVERS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)YES, I HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED

INTO LEGOLAS GANDALF AND BILBOTO CELEBRATE THE RELEASE OF THE

FINAL FILM IN THE HOBBITTRILOGY -- "THE BATTLE OF THE

FIVE ARMIES."

AND I'M DOING THIS FOR A VERYGOOD REASON -- ENTERTAINMENT

WEEKLY ASKED ME IF I WANTED TOGUESS DRESS UP LIKE MIDDLE EARTH

PEOPLE, AND I SAID, "UH, YEAH."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)AND MY TRANSFORMATION WAS TRULY

SOMETHING TO BEHOLD.

THESE ARE TIME LAPSES OF MEGETTING INTO COSTUME FOR THE

COVER OF ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY.

I'M STOKED.

♪♪OH, GOD, THIS IS PERFECTION.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> YES, YES!

>> Stephen: YOU SHALL NOTPASS!

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

YOU THERE ON THE BRIDGE.

YOU SHALL NOT PASS, OKAY?

READ THE SIGN -- NO PASSING.

THANK YOU.

I WILL CALL SECURITY IF YOU TRYTO PASS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

AND INSIDE, FOLKS THERE AREMORE AMAZING PHOTOS OF ME

AS THE CHARACTERS IN ACTIONSHOTS.

LIKE THIS ONE WHERE GANDALF ISAT STARBUCKS.

WHAT IS HE DRINKING?

>> CHAI, YOU FOOLS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: THE ISSUE -- THE

ISSUE ALSO --(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THE ISSUE ALSO FEATURES MYINTERVIEW WITH PETER JACKSON

WHICH IS CHOCK FULL OFDIRECTORIAL INSIGHT, LIKE WHEN

JACKSON SAYS TO ME, "I HADN'TREALLY THOUGHT ABOUT

THAT, BUT YOU'RE RIGHT."

MY ISSUE HITS THE NEWS STANDSTOMORROW.

BUY YOUR COPY TO FIND OUT WHAT IWAS RIGHT ABOUT -- THIS TIME.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY!

MY GUEST TONIGHTSTARS IN THE FILM ADAPTATION OF

"INTO THE WOODS," AS "THEBAKER."

I HOPE THERE'S SOME HARD-COREFROSTING.

PLEASE WELCOME JAMES CORDEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

HEY, JAMES!

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

>> NICE TO HAVE YOU ON!

I'M A BIG FAN!

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> Stephen: YOU ARE FOR THEPEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW A TONY

AWARD-WINNING ACTOR, WRITER,COMEDIAN, YOU CO-CREATED

AND STARRED IN GAVIN & STACEY

ON THE BBC WHICH IS A GREATSHOW.

AND ON BROADWAY IN "ONE MAN, TWOGOVERNORS" WHICH I SAW AND

WAS JUST INCREDIBLE.>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH

>> Stephen: AND NOW THE BIG NEWSTHAT PEOPLE ALREADY KNOW IS

IS THAT YOU'RE TAKING OVER THE

"LATE LATE SHOW" ON CBS STARTINGIN MARCH.

>> THIS IS TRUE.

>> Stephen: WOW!

INCREDIBLE.

GOOD FOR YOU, MAN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> Stephen: I HAVE TO SAY,THOUGH, FOLLOWING DAVID

LETTERMAN, THAT MUST BEINTIMIDATING.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: YOU MUST HAVE SOMEBALLS!

LUCKILY I'M AN HOUR LATER.

SO GOD HELP THAT GUY.

>> Stephen: YEAH.

PEOPLE ARE REALLY WORRIEDABOUT IT THE NETWORK.

>> Stephen: YEAH.

I DO 160 SHOWS A YEAR.

HOW MANY SHOWS HAVE YOU DONE ONTELEVISION?

>> ABOUT EIGHT.(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: THAT'S THE BBCMODEL.

YOU HAVE EIGHT AND THREE YEARSTO DO THEM, RIGHT?

>> YEAH, I'M FINISHED BEFORE ISTART.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: IF I COULD GET YOU

ADVICE, GET SLEEP NOW.

>> OKAY.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE I HAVEBEEN DOING THIS SHOW FOR NINE

YEARS AND MY BODY HAS STARTEDBURNING MY TEETH FOR FUEL.

ALL RIGHT?

>> ALL RIGHT.>> Stephen: BUT YOU'RE GONNA BE

GREAT. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE SUCHA GOOD TIME.

>> WELL I'M REALLY LOOKINGFORWARD TO IT

Stephen: WHEN DOES IT START?>> IT STARTS IN MARCH.

IT WILL BE EVERY NIGHT OF THEWEEK.

>> Stephen: YEAH!

IT'S GOING TO BE FANTASTIC!

>> IT'S GOING TO BE A COMPLETEDISASTER, LET'S BE CLEAR.

>> Stephen: NO, HERE'S WHATYOU WILL LIKE ABOUT IT.

I'M GETTING OUT OF THE GAME, BUTTHIS IS WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO

LIKE ABOUT IT IS IF YOU THINK OFSOMETHING THAT DAY YOU GET TO

SEE WHETHER PEOPLE LIKE IT THATNIGHT.

>> I REALLY LOVE A DAY THATWORKS TO A POINT

>> WHEN I WAS IN THE PLAY ONEMAN, TWO GOVERNORS,

I REALLY ENJOYED A DAY THAT'SGOT A FOCUS WHERE YOU'RE

WORKING TO 7:30, THE AUDIENCE,THE GUYS SELLING THE TICKETS,

THE PEOPLE, THE CREW, AND WHENIT'S GONE, IT'S GONE.

YOU CAN'T CELEBRATE YOUR HITS ORWORRY ABOUT YOUR MISSES, THERE

IS ANOTHER SHOW THE NEXT DAY ANDI'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT

SORT OF CONSISTENCY.>> Stephen: NOW YOU'RE MORE

THAN JUST A CHAT SHOW HOSTYOU'RE ALSO AN ACCOMPLISHED

ACTOR. YOU HAVE A SERIOUSMAJOR MOVIE "INTO THE WOODS."

>> YES.(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: DID YOU ALWAYSLIKE SONDHEIM?

>> I THINK HE'S THE GREATESTLIVING COMPOSER AND LYRICIST IN

THE WORLD.

>> Stephen: HE'S OURSHAKESPEARE.

>> I THINK HE'S INCREDIBLE.

>> Stephen: HE'S OURSHAKESPEARE.

HE'S AN AMERICAN.

YOUR SHAKESPEARE HAS BEEN DEAD ALONG TIME.

WE HAVE A LIVING SHAKESPEARE.

>> YEAH. WELL WE HAVE ANDREWLLOYD WEBBER WHO IS NOT AS GOOD

>> Stephen: VERY GOOD. HE'S VERYGOOD

>> Stephen: YOU'RE DOING ITWITH SOME SERIOUS PEOPLE, TOO.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: JOHNNY DEPP'S INTHERE, MERYL STREEP'S IN THAT.

MERYL STREEP -->> YEAH.

>> Stephen: MY GOD, WHAT'S ITLIKE TO ACT WITH MERYL STREEP?

THAT MUST BE INTIMIDATING.

WHAT'S IT LIKE?

>> IT'S TERRIFYING.

IT'S A CONSTANT FEELING OFTRYING TO THINK ITS VERY

ORDINARY THAT YOU MIGHT JUST BEACTING WITH MERYL STREEP.

IT'S A BIT HOW I AM RIGHT NOW,I'M SITTING HERE PRETENDING THIS

IS AN ORDINARY THING TO DOWHERE, INSIDE, I'M, LIKE,

OH, MY GOD! I'M ON "THE COLBERTREPORT"! THIS IS AMAZING!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT

WHEN YOUR SHOW STARTS, I HAVEFREE TIME WHEN THIS THING IS

OVER, CAN I COME ON YOUR SHOW?

>> I WOULD LOVE YOU TO COME.

IT WOULD BE AMAZING.

(APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT

YOUR LOVE OF SINGING. HOW DIDTHAT START?

HAVE YOU BEEN A SINGER A LONGTIME?

>> THE FIRST MUSICAL I DID WHENI WAS 17, A MUSICAL ON THE WEST

END CALLED MARTIN GUERRE,WRITTEN BY SCHONBERG AND

BOUBLIL WHO WROTE LES MIS ANDMISS SAIGON

>> Stephen: WAS THAT BASED ONTHE MOVIE?

>> RIGHT BUT IT WAS A TERRIBLESHOW, A DISASTER.

BUT I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MUSICALS.

>> Stephen: I SING A LITTLE.I'VE WORKED WITH MR. SONDHEIM.

HE'S A FRIEND. AND HEACTUALLY SENT ME A LETTER SAYING

I HAVE A PERFECT VOICE FORMUSICAL THEATER.

A LETTER, I HAD IT NOTARIZED.HE LEGALLY CAN'T TAKE IT BACK

EVEN AFTER HE HEARD ME SING.>> THAT'S AMAZING.

>>Stephen: WE SING ON THE SHOWSOMETIMES. DO YOU WANT TO

DO A LITTLE SONG TOGETHER?(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> OK>> Stephen: LET'S SO A CHRISTMAS

CAROL. WHAT DO YOU LIKE?

>> HAVE YOUR SELF A MERRY LITTLECHRISTMAS.

>> Stephen: WE KNOW THAT ONEHERE ON THIS SIDE OF THE POND

♪ HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLECHRISTMAS ♪

♪ MAY YOUR HEART BE LIGHT ♪ FROM NOW ON OUR TROUBLES WILL

BE OUT OF SIGHT ♪♪ THROUGH THE YEARS WE ALL MAY

BE TOGETHER ♪♪ IF THE FATES ALLOW

♪ HANG A SHINING STAR UPON THEHIGHEST BOUGH ♪

♪ AND HAVE YOURSELF A MERRYLITTLE CHRISTMAS...

NOW ♪♪(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: JAMES CORDEN,"INTO THE WOODS," AND THE LATE

LATE SHOW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE

REPORT"!

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!