January 13, 2014 - David Fanning

  • 01/13/2014

A chemical spill threatens West Virginia's water supply, Obama's Iraq policy comes under fire, a company provides retroactive advertising, and David Fanning talks Frontline.

>> TONIGHT DID WE LIFE IRAQTOO SOON OR DID WE NOT START

OUR THIRD WAR THERE EARLYENOUGH.

THEN A NEW BREAKTHRU INMARKETING.

I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT AFTERAN UNSKIPABLE 30 MINUTE AD.

AND MY GUEST DAVID FANNINGIS THE ECK DIFFICULT

PRODUCER OF PBS'SINVESTIGATIVE NEWS PROGRAM

FRONTLINE, DAMMIT, I SAID IWOULDN'T PLEDGE, NOW THEY'RE

COMING TO MY OFFICE.

THE NEW FORD 5150 IS MADE OF97% ALUMINUM WHICH MEANS

IT'S LIGHTER BUT YOU CAN'TPUT IT IN THE MICROWAVE.

THIS IS THE COLBERT REPORT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THANK YOU, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THEREPORT.

GOOD TO SEE YOU BE EVERYBODY,GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN,STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEVEEN, STEPHEN!

>> THANK YOU, LADIES ANDGENTLEMEN, GOOD TO HAVE YOU

WITH US.

IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALLAROUND THE WORLD, STUFF.

YOU WATCH THE SHOW.

I CERTAINLY HOPE THAT YOUDO.

BECAUSE YOU ONE THING I SAIDOVER AND OVER AGAIN IS THAT

I LOVE WEST VIRGINIA.

IT IS MY FAVORITE OF THEDIRECTIONAL VIRGINIAS.

STEP IT UP, EASTERN SOUTH.

THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS.

I WAS SO CONCERNED WHEN THELIBERAL MEDIA MADE A BIG

STINK OUT OF A MERELY LARGESTINK.

JIM?

>> SOME 300,000 PEOPLE INWEST VIRGINIA ARE FACING NOW

A FIFTH DAY WITHOUT TAPWATER AFTER A CHEMICAL SPILL

CONTAMINATED THEIR WATERSUPPLY.

>> THE ONLY APPROPRIATE USEIS TOILET FLUSHING.

SO FLUSHING YOUR COMMODEWOULD BE APPROPRIATE BUT

DON'T MAKE BABY FORMULA WITHIT, DON'T BRUSH YOUR TEETH

WITH IT, DON'T WASH WITH IT,DON'T SHOWER WITH IT.

>> A GROUP OF WESTVIRGINIAIANS WHONT WHO CAN'T

SHOWER, BRUSH THEIR TEETH ORFEED THEIR BABIES, YOU'VE

GOT YOUR NEXT HIT.

FOLKS, THE LEAK'S TOXIN ISSOMETHING CALLED

4-METHYLCYCLOHEXANE METHANOLWHICH IS USED TO WASH COAL

BEFORE IT GOES TO MARKET INSOMETHING CALLED THE FROTH

FLOTATION PROCESS AND CAUSESNAUSEA, VOMITING AND

DIARRHEA.

SO WHETHER YOU ARE A LUMP OFCOAL OR A HUMAN, EXPECT SOME

FROTH FLOTATION.

(LAUGHTER)NOW THE CHEMICAL CAME FROM A

STORAGE FACILITY RUN BYSOMETHING CALLED FREEDOM

INDUSTRIES.

TO WEST VIRGINIAIANS, IFYOU'VE GOT UNCONTROLLABLE

VOMITING AND DIARRHEA, LETFREEDOM RAIN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)NOW THE LIBERALS DON'T

POISON THE RIVER CROWD HASDEMONIZED THIS PATRIOTIC

COMPANY BUT THEIR C.E.O.

GARY SOUTHERN REASSUREDLOCALS THAT ALL IS FINE IN

HIS DISTINCTIVE SOUTHERNACCENT.

>> WE HAVE MITIGATEDDED RISK,WE BELIEVE.

OF MATERIAL LEAVING THEFACILITY AND OUR MISSION NOW

IS TO CLEAN UP, THANK YOUVERY MUCH.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: WELL, THAT HITS

THE SPOT.

EXPLAINING WHY 300,000PEOPLE NO LONGER HAVE A

WATER SUPPLY IS THIRSTYWORK.

(LAUGHTER)I DON'T SEE WHAT PEOPLE ARE

WORRIED ABOUT.

4-METHYL CYCLO HEXANEMETHANOL SHOULD BE VERY

POPULAR IN WEST VIRGINIA,FOR PETE'S SAKE IT'S GOT TWO

METHS IN THERE.

BESIDES-- I HAVE IT ON GOODAUTHORITY THAT IT IS

PERFECTLY SAFE.

>> THE CHEMICAL HAS A VERY,VERY LOW TOXICITY.

IT HAS NO EFFECT ON AQUATICLIFE SO THERE IS NO DANGER

TO FISH IN THE RIVER.

>> Stephen: SEE, LOWTOXICITY, ZERO DANGER TO

FISH IN THE RIVER, WHICHSHOULD BE A RELIEF TO WEST

VIRGINIAIANS WHO HAVE NOWDEVELOPED ILLS.

BESIDES, I THINK WE ALL KNOWTHE SCIENCE ISN'T IN ON

WHETHER HUMAN BEINGS NEEDWATER TO SURVIVE.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHEROPTIONS.

FOR INSTANCE WHAT ABOUTSALIVA.

I'M DRINKING IT RIGHT NOW.

YES, IT'S A LITTLE BLAND BUTI FIND, I FIND I JUST TAKE A

LITTLE COUNTRY TIME LEMONADE-- (LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I JUST PUT A PINCH BETWEEN

MY CHEEK AND GUMS AND I GOTZESTY REFRESHMENT WITHOUT

BEING A SLAVE TO BIG CATS.

WHAT IS THAT TASTE.

IT'S GOT 4 METHTYL CYCLOHEXANE METHANOL.

HMMMM, THAT'S WHAT MICKS ITCOUNTRY.

(LAUGHTER)SPEAKING OF WATERLESS

MOUNTAIN REGIONS,AFGHANISTAN.

(LAUGHTER)IN THE LAST WEEK THE OBAMA

HAS BEEN ROCKED BY DEFENSESECRETARY ROBERT GATES'S

EXPLOSIVE NEW MEMOIRAVAILABLE WHERE OF COURSE

THEY ARE FREE.

NOW THE BOOK, THE BOOK TAKESDEAD AIM, THE BOOK TAKES

DEAD AIM AT THE PRESIDENT'SHANDLING OF THE AFGHAN WAR.

ACCORDING TO HIS OWN DEFENSESECRETARY, QUOTE, PRESIDENT

OBAMA WAS SKEPTICAL, IF NOTOUTRIGHT CONVINCED AT HIS

OWN STRATEGY IN AFGHANISTANWOULD FAIL.

>> FOLKSING I GOT TO SAYIT'S SHOCKING TO HEAR THAT

OBAMA HAS A STRATEGY INAFGHANISTAN.

SURE SEEMS LIKE HE'S FREEBALLING IT.

BUT FOLKS, I'M GOING TO MAKESOME HEADLINES RIGHT NOW.

I WANT TO DEFEND THEPRESIDENT'S POLICY IN

AFGHANISTAN BY SAYING IT'SNOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HIS

POLICY IN IRAQ BECAUSE WHILEOBAMA TWID ELS HIS THUMB

IRAQ IS FALL APPROXIMATINGINTO A STATE OF CRIPPLING

VIOLENCE THAT CAN ONLY BEDESCRIBED AS A ROCK, JIM.

>> AL QAEDA EXTREMISTSMAKING SERIOUS GAINS IN

IRAQ'S ANBAR PROVINCE WHEREHUNDREDS OF AMERICAN TROOPS

WERE KILLED OR WOUNDEDFIGHTING JIHADIES IN THE

LAST DECADE.

TWO CITIES IN PARTICULAR,FALLUJAH AND RAMADI NOW

SEEING SOME OF THE WORSTFIGHTING SINCE THE IRAQ WAR.

>> I CANNOT BELIEVEPRESIDENT OBAMA HAS GIVEN UP

ON IRAQ, CITIES WE CARE SOMEOF ABOUT LIKE FALLUJAH

AND-- HELP ME OUT, RAMADA STHAT IT?

YES, I'M NOT SURPRISED.

I MEAN FOAM PILLOWS THAT ISENOUGH TO MAKE ANYONE STRAP

ON A SUICIDE VEST.

NATION, WE'VE HAD TWO WARSSINCE 9/11 AND OBAMA HAS

REFUSED TO LAUNCH EITHER ONEOF THEM.

LUCKILY, IT'S NOT TOO LATEFOR VICTORY WHICH BRINGS US

TO TONIGHT'S WORD.

FOLKS, OUR PRESIDENT IS THEJOHN MAYER OF WAR.

HE NEVER COMMITS AND AFTERHE LEAVES YOU GET A VIOLENT

FLARE UP IN YOUR TRIBALREGION.

WHICH, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHATIS HAPPENING IN IRAQ.

>> HIS ABANDONMENT OF IRAQLEAD DIRECTLY TO AL QAEDA

TAKING OVER -->> AL QAEDA NOW CONTROLS

WHAT WE FOUGHT SO HARD TOFREE.

>> PRECIOUS BLOOD WASSPILLED AND NATIONAL

TREASURE WAS EXPENDED.

HELPING IRAQIS REMOVE ABRUTAL DICTATOR.

THAT PROGRESS IS NOWTHREATENED.

>> BLACK FLAGS OF AL QAEDAARE FLYING AND THAT'S A

COMPLETE WITHDRAWAL AND YOUMAY SEE THE SAME RESULT IN

AFGHANISTAN AS WE ARE SEEINGIN IRAQ.

>> Stephen: WELL SAID,SENATOR McCAIN.

IF WE LEAVE AFGHANISTAN THATPLACE COULD SINK INTO

WAR-TORN CAY OWES, RIGHT NOWIT IS MERELY BULLET RIDDLED

AN ARCEER.

SO AL QAEDA-- KEEP THIS INMIND, AND THIS IS IMPORTANT,

FOLKS, AL QAEDA WOULDN'THAVE COME BACK IF THE

PRESIDENT HADN'T ABANDONEDIRAQ AFTER A MERE EIGHT

YEARS.

I MEAN I FOR ONE, I FOR ONEWAS SHOCKED, SHOCKED THAT

OBAMA FLEW TO BAGHDAD TO SETA WITHDRAWAL DATE BACK IN

2008 AND EVEN MORE SHOCKEDTHAT HE DID IT WEARING A

PRESIDENT BUSH MASK.

I MEAN THE GUY, THE GUY IS AQUITTER.

IF OBAMA-- (LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: IF OBAMA HADBEEN AROUND DURING THE 100

YEARS WAR IT WOULD HAVE BEEN50 YEARS TOPS.

WELL, I SAY IF IRAQ-- IFIRAQ IS IN CHAOS BECAUSE WE

WITHDREW OUR TROOPS THEN THEOBVIOUS SOLUTION IS TO SEND

OUR TROOPS BACK IN.

RIGHT, SENATOR McCAIN.

>> FIRST OF ALL, NO COMBATTROOPS, OBVIOUSLY.

LET'S GET THAT OUT OF THEWAY.

I WOULD SUGGEST PERHAPSSENDING DAVID PETRAEUS AND

AMBASSADOR CROCKER BACK OVERTHERE.

>> Stephen: OKAY, YEAH,DAVID PETRAEUS COULD FIX

THIS THING IF YOU JUST GAVEHIM A TANK ON THE

BATTLEFIELD.

NOW OBAMA-- (LAUGHTER)

I THINK OBAMA MUST DO THIS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT ISIMPORTANT OBAMA HAS TO DO

THIS BECAUSE ONCE YOU'VEBEEN AT WAR IN A PLACE, YOU

ARE ALWAYS RESPONSIBLE FORANYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENED

THERE.

THAT IS WHY-- AND I'VE SAIDTHIS BEFORE, THAT IS WHY YOU

MUST NEVER END WARS.

THINK ABOUT THIS.

IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT,THEY'RE NEVER, EVER WOULD

HAVE BEEN A WORLD WAR II IFWE HADN'T STOPPED FIGHTING

WORLD WAR I.

THAT'S JUST MATH.

OR ARE YOU A A FAN OF HITLER,PRESIDENT WILSON.

OR TAKE THAT, OR TAKE THATPUSSY NAPOLEON, HE RETREATS

FROM MOSCOW, PRETTY SOONRASPUTIN, THE COMMIES MOVE

IN, CRUSH CHEF BANGS HISSHOES, THE NEXT THING YOU

KNOW PUTIN IS TOPLESS ANDJOHNNY WEIR CAN'T GO TO THE

OLYMPICS.

AND SOON WHAT'S HAPPENING-- IWARE THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN

WHAT IS HAPPENING IN IRAQWILL HAPPEN IN AFGHANISTAN.

AND THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSONTO BLAME FOR THAT, ALEXANDER

THE GREAT.

IN 323 HE CUTS AND RUNS ANDA THOUSAND YEARS LATER ISLAM

IS FOUNDED BOOM, MUSLIMEXTREMISTS.

I AM GOING TO SAY T I'MGOING TO SAY IT, MACEDONIA'S

BEST YEARS ARE BEHIND IT.

TO MAKE CERTAIN THAT THISSORT OF THING NEVER HAPPENS

AGAIN, PRESIDENT O BAMENTANEEDS TO SEND TROOPS

ANYPLACE WE DON'T WANT BADTHINGS TO HAPPEN TO GOOD

PEOPLE.

THAT IS WHY-- (LAUGHTER)

I AM CALLING FOR A SURGEINTO THE UNSTABLE REGION OF

EVERYWHERE.

-OF-COURSE I'M NOTSUGGESTING ANYTHING

PERMANENT.

OUR PREPARE-- TROOPS WILLLEAVE THE MOMENT THEY ANYONE

WILL HURT EACH OTHER AFTERTHAT.

WE WILL RAKE THE SEAS,IMPRISON THE WIND AND COUNT

EVERY STAR.

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

NOW, WILL IT BE EASY-- (LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: NO, IT WON'T BEEASY.

BUT ONCE WE'RE FIGHTING INEVERY COUNTRY ON EARTH, AT

LEAST WE CAN NEVER BE DRAWNINTO ANOTHER WAR.

AND THAT'S THE WORD.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY,THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW THIS SHOWTHAT YOU'RE WATCHING RIGHT

NOW, IT'S PAID FOR, THISSHOW IS PAID FOR BY THOSE

ADS THAT YOU JUST WACHLD.

AND THAT'S A PROBLEM BECAUSENOBODY WATCHES ADS ANY MORE

EXCEPT PEOPLE STILL TRYINGTO FIGURE OUT IF FLO LIVES

IN HEAVEN, THE SOUTH POLE ORSOME KIND OF

INSURANCE-INDUCED COMA.

THAT'S WHY THESE DAYSCOMPANIES OFTEN PAY TO WORK

THEIR PRODUCTS RIGHT INTOTHE SHOW ITSELF.

IT'S CALLED PRODUCTPLACEMENT.

AND NOW A NEW COP CALLEDMIRRIAD IS PROMISING TO TAKE

PRODUCT PLACEMENT TO THENEXT LEVEL AS ROGER FAXON,

THE CHAIRMAN AND MAN WHOSENAME SOUNDS MORE CORPORATE

THAN HIS COMPANY EXPLAINEDON THE FOX BUSINESS.

>> WHAT MIRRIAD HAS DONE ISTO FIND A WAY TO BRING

BRANDS AND GREAT CONTENTTOGETHER, BY CREATING A

LOGICAL AND SEAMLESSINTEGRATION OF BRANDS INTO

GREAT CONTENT.

ADVERTISING IS THECRIT-- CRITICAL INGREDIENT

IN BRINGING GREAT CONTENT TOCONSUMERS.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT,ADVERTISING IS THE CRITICAL

INGREDIENT IN GREAT CONTENTWHICH IS WHY HBO HAS NEVER

PRODUCED ANYTHING WORTHWATCHING.

EVEN THEY ADMIT IT'S NOT TV.

MIRRIAD MAKES GREAT CON ATANY TIME POSSIBLE BY

RETROACTIVELY INSERTINGBRANDS INTO RERUNS.

JUST LOOK HOW THEY HAVETAKEN THIS OLD EPISODE OF

USA'S WHITE COLLAR ANDTURNED A NONDESCRIPT

BUILDING INTO A SUBWAYSANDWICH SHOP THIS IS A

WHOLE NEW PLOT TWIST.

DID SOMEONE KIDNAP-- OR DIDHE JUST GET LOST INSIDE HIS

OLD PANTS.

WELL, NATION, I'M EXCITED TOLEARN THAT MY PARENT COMPANY

VIACOM IS NOW A MIRRIADCLIENT WHICH MEANS SOON,

YEAH, GO AHEAD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THESE PEOPLE GET IT.

THEY'RE AS EXCITED AS I AMTHAT THEY COULD SOON BE

INSERTING ADVERTISING INTOMY OLD SHOWS AND INCREASE MY

PROFITS AND I MEAN, ENHANCETHE CRITICAL INGREDIENTS OF

BRINGING GREAT CONTENTTENFOLD.

WELL, FOLKS, I WANT TO MAKEIT EASY BY PROVIDING PLENTY

OF BLANK SURFACES TO THECONTENT ENHANCED.

WAIT, WHAT IS THIS?

HMMMM, OH, HMMMM, HMMMM, OH.

OH.

(APPLAUSE)>> OH.

THIS SURE IS REFRESHINGINTOXICATING AND OR MUSCLE

MASS BUILDING.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: ESPECIALLY AFTER

I START MY DAY WITH A BIGBOWL OF THESE THINGS.

OH, THERE IT.

HMMMM, HMMMM, HMMMM.

OH, WITH A GENEROUS SERVINGOF THIS, THERE YOU GO.

HMMMM, HMMMM, HMMMM.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THEY'LL DIGITALLY INSERT MEENJOYING THIS A LITTLE LATER

AND I DON'T WANT TO BRAG BUTI GOT ONE OF THESE!

ISN'T THIS THING AWESOME?

I MEAN HOW DID THEY MAKE ITSO MUCH SMALLER OR LARGER

THAN THE LAST VERSION.

I MEAN WHO, WHO, WHO NEEDSTHIS OLD THING ANY MORE.

AND FOLKS, THOSE-OF-US WHOCREATE THE SHOWS WON'T EVEN

FEEL THE INSERTEDADVERTISING.

I MEAN THEY'LL JUST SLIP ITIN.

FOR INSTANCE, I MEAN, WHATCOULD THIS BE?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: I MEAN, I DON'T-- I

DON'T THINK YOU FEEL THIS.

I WOULDN'T MIND THIS BEINGJAMMED INTO MY SHOW.

I MEAN IT COULD BE ANYTHING.

AN ELECTRIC RAZOR.

IT COULD BE A TELESCOPE ORMAYBE JUST MAYBE IT'S A

DELICIOUS SUBWAY FOOT LONG.

EAT FRESH.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY