Bolster, DiMaggio, Essman

  • Season 1, Ep 0112
  • 05/30/1994

with the fact thatI'm 32 years old.

You know why Ifeel good about it?

How many people are, like,in their twenties here?

[applause]

All right.

I grew up in the '70s--OK-- which culturally

and stylistically was the worst.

You know, we had polyesterbell bottoms and everything.

All right.

But we could have sexwith anything that moved

and not have to worry about it.

Thank you, God!

I feel good about that.

Birth control was simple too,you know-- condoms, the pill.

That was basically it.

Now you have to deal with--it's like preparing for war

for the youngergeneration today.

Things like contraceptivefoam, for example.

Does anybody knowanything about this stuff?

Oh, only me.

OK.

All right.

Well, then let me tell you.

Contraceptive foam comesin an aerosol cans.

So you know Americanslove this right away.

This is-- this is like theCheez Whiz of birth control.

Buy two boxes of Wheat Thins,you get a can of this stuff.

Contains an ingredient--the active ingredient

is spermicide.

Now, I don't know aboutyou guys, but intrinsically

that word-- spermicide-- doesn'tit sound like if there was

enough of it it couldkill a grown man?

Come on.

You're at a bar, you see a girl.

Hey, how you doing?You want to have a drink?

She pulls a canout of her purse.

(SPRAYING NOISE)

Actually the word spermicidesounds like something

sperms would doas a last resort.

Doesn't it?

I'm not going out anymore.

I can't take it.

Spermicide hotline,we can help you.

Please stay on the line.

Don't hang up it's1-800-Spermicide.

Please.

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