June 27, 2016 - Joanna Coles

  • 06/27/2016

Nightly Show pundits fiercely debate the fairness of the no-fly list, and Larry examines the implications of the Brexit vote with Joanna Coles, Rory Albanese and Mike Yard.

Yes!

Welcome to The Nightly Show!

(cheers and applause)

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!

I am Larry Wilmore.

Now, I don't know

if you guys have been watchingthe news the past few days,

but there was a major breakupthat everybody is talking about.

No, not Iggy Azaleaand Swaggy P.

(laughter)

Though I am heartbrokenabout that, too.

Hey, man, if those two crazykids couldn't make it work,

what hope is therefor the rest of us?

-(laughter) -MAN: Yeah!-Hmm?

(laughter)

Someone's over there,"Who's Swaggy P?"

(laughter)

Uh, it's an ex...I think he's still a Laker.

Okay, enough of that.

But I was actually talkingabout a much bigger breakup.

People have even gone so far

as to give this onea cute nickname.

MAN: The wordof the day is "Brexit."

-Brexit. -Brexit.-Brexit.

MAN: The word was "Brexit."

-Brexit. -Brexit.-Brexit.

Brrrr-exit.

(laughter)

Now, you're probably saying,

"Yo, Larry,what the hell's a Brexit?"

Well, to help us understand it,we have The Nightly Show's

own British chimney sweep,Nigel Crumpetberry.

-(applause and cheering)-Hi!

(with Cockney accent):What-o, Larry?!

-Hey, Nigel!-Yeah, that's right.

-By the way...-Thanks. Uh...

By the way, your flue'sas fit as a fiddle...

-Yeah. -...just in time forJuly. Just in time for July.

Yeah, thanks.I appreciate that, Nigel.

-Yeah. -Come on out.Come on out.

-All right, all right.-Now, Nigel,

could you help us explain,or could you explain to us

what is the Brexit?

Why, the Brexit is just the UKleaving the European Union.

Brexit means "British exit."

It's a portmanteau,

like "hangry" or "Hiddleswift"or "boldgy."

(laughter)

Which is "bollocks" and "dodgy,"

two British words that I can saybecause I'm British!

(laughter)

-Yeah, we get it. You'reBritish. We get that. -Well...

Okay, and anyway, Nigel,back to the Brexit.

How did this happen?Walk us through it, okay?

Okay. I thoughtyou'd never ask, Larold!

-All right.-(laughter) -Mm-hmm.

The European Union was foundedin 1993

to strengthen Europe's economies

with a single currency--the euro. Cha-ching!

Right, and the border agreement,right?

Right, what makes Europe worklike one big country.

"Oh, welcome to the EU, poorcountries, Portugal and Poland!"

"Governor, we needs work."

"Um, all right, come on over!

Easy migration,and Bob the Builder!"

(laughter)

Um, I think you mean,"Bob's your uncle," right?

No, Bob would never shag meauntie!

She's a right slag, she is.

(laughing):Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, all right,can you speed it up, please?

Just get to the partabout the Brexit vote?

(laughing): Oh, Larry,you're such a crippled gibbla.

(laughter)

Now you're just making up words.

Oh, flibbertigibbet!

So from 1993 to 2014,

the UK's foreign-born populationdoubles.

UK conservatives is like,"We're not Germany!

"Why should we floatall these deadbeat losers,

especially the brown onesfrom ISIS?"

-Wait.-(audience groaning)

So, you're blamingthe Brexit vote on xenophobia?

-Oh, you did it yourself there!-What?

Xena, the warrior princess, plus"Phobia," the Greek god of fear.

-(laughter)-No. -Nice. Yeah.

"Xenophobia" is actually a word.It's not that.

-Please continue.-All right.

Well, keep your knickers on,yeah?

All right, so, Prime MinisterDavid Cameron's like,

"But we can't leave the EU!"

And the conservatives are like,"Oh, do shut up, yeah?

We're in power you!Hold a vote!"

"Fine! I say, chaps,yea or nay?"

And the British people go,"(bleep) the EU! Brexit!"

So, let's go take the piss outof some foot, yeah!

Okay. Well, thanksfor clearing all that up for us!

-I appreciate it.-Yeah! Yeah!

Culturally-suspect chimney sweepNigel Crumpetberry, everybody!

-(cheers and applause)-No problem, governor.

-Uh...-Back to the roof.

-(groaning)-Nigel, uh...

I think you should really thinkabout a dental plan, Nigel.

You should reallythink about it.

Okay, so the people of theUnited Kingdom voted for Brexit,

but come on. I mean, it can't beall that bad, right?

WOMAN:It was a weekend of turmoil

after the prime minister saidhe will step down.

Meanwhile, the pound continuesto plummet against the dollar.

ROSE: Stock markets in Europecontinue to fall this morning.

Between today and Friday,

$2 trillionof global wealth has evaporated.

-Evaporated?-(laughter)

No, water evaporates.Milk evaporates.

Money doesn't evaporate.

-Somebody loses that (bleep).-(laughter)

That's $2 trillion!

Who votes "yes"to a true... true...

$2 trillion loss?!

I can't even say it!

(laughter)

It's so (bleep), it can't evencome out of my mouth!

-(applause and cheering)-$2 trillion!

All right, here's the thing.

One thing I knowabout the British, though--

they're very high-informationvoters.

I mean, they take the timeto study the issues.

The day after the vote,the most thing Googled

in Britain was "What is the EU?"The day after.

-(laughter) -You have to be(bleep) kidding me.

(laughter)

That was the second most Googledquestion.

Oh! And this is true, guys.

The firstmost Googled question was,

"What does it meanto leave the EU?"

(laughter)

It means you're gonna lose$2 trillion

in the global economy.

You know what I blame this on,seriously?

I blame this on the word"Brexit."

-(laughter)-I do.

It's just too (bleep) cutesy.

(British accent): "You goingto vote for the Brexit?"

"Oh, I don't know."

"Well, why not?Sounds cute." You know?

-(laughter)-Right?

It should have been called thefinancial (bleep) pocalypse

-or something, right?-(laughter)

-Right? "You think...?" "Oh!No." -(cheers and applause)

Ugh. Because, look,and here's the thing.

There were a lot of pro-Brexitforces saying that money

which was going to the EUwould be diverted

back to the UK, even thoughno one could say how.

And everyone kept contradictingthemselves.

So it's possiblethat a lot of people thought

that Brexit was going to bringeconomic benefits. Fine.

But the main reasonfor the Brexit win was something

a little more reliablethan economics.

WOMAN: The UK's high employment rate has drawn migrants

from poorer countries in the EU, like Poland and Lithuania.

But many in Britain resent these migrants,

and that resentment was a key driving force

in the decision for Britain to leave the European Union.

Yeah, good old-fashioned racism!

-(laughter)-(Wilmore laughs a silly laugh)

Let me see if I can explain thisreally quick.

Imagine you're an old white ladysitting in your car,

and a brother walks by, and youlock your doors and drive away.

(laughter)

Basically what Britain just did.

(laughter)

(cheers and applause)

And, hey, by the way,no, no, no, no.

I don't meanto pick on old white ladies.

I might have donethe same thing, all right?

-(laughter)-(quietly): I doubt it.

If you don't thinkit's about xenophobia,

look who's cheering it.

Basically,they took back their country.

That's a great thing.

Trump even says President Obamamay have caused it

by speaking outagainst the referendum.

So classic Trump--say that something is great,

and then blame Obama for itat the same time!

The man can juggle.

(whispering):Because he's a (bleep) clown.

(laughter,cheers and applause)

Mm? (muttering)

Okay. All right.

But here's what really gets meabout this, okay?

England, you're upset

about foreigners cominginto your country?

You've got a lot of nerve.

You know who would have loveda nice clean Brexit?

India. Mm-hmm.

-How many times...?-(applause)

How many timeswere you the foreigners

storminginto a sovereign country

when your whole deal was,

"the sun never setson the British Empire"?

You're mad about immigration,so you Brexit,

but you guys used to loveto Brenter other countries.

-(laughter)-Right?

(applause and cheering)

You... you did, guys!

You were Brenteringall over the damn place.

So, very sorryto everyone in the UK

who doesn't know what'shappening to their country.

My heart goes out to you.

But to the Brexit voters, pleasego Breck yourselves, all right?

We'll be right back.

(applause and cheering)

Welcome back.

Now... in the wakeof the Orlando shooting,

there's a push in congressto ban those

on the Department of HomelandSecurity's no-fly list

from buying guns.

But the ACLU and news outletshave reminded us

that the no-fly list isa civil rights disaster

that disproportionately affectsArab Americans

without due process or recourse.

Now, does the no-fly list causemore problems than it solves?

We need to debate this,and since we're on cable,

the only way is to have peopletake polar-opposite positions

and argue over each other.

So without further ado,here's another installment

of Pardon the Integration.

-Grandmother?! Where's...Racism?! -(indistinct shouting)

-Yeah! Always... -My grouphas nothing to do with that!

(bell clangs)

All right, please welcome Nightly Show contributors

Mike Yard and Rory Albanese,everybody.

-(cheering, applause)-Hey, gentlemen.

Okay, tonight's topic:Is the no-fly list racist?

Mike will be against the no-flylist's unchecked racism,

and Rory will be in favorof profiling Muslims.

-Ready? -Let's do this. -I'mnot even remotely in favor of...

And... begin.

Of course the no-fly listis racist.

You know how I know?Because I have a list of my own

of white people I don't trust.

And believe me,that list is racist as hell.

Uh-huh. Who caresif it's racist, Mike?

So what if "hurt feelings"are the price we pay

for landing on a tarmac insteadof at the bottom of the ocean?

-How about that? -But thisis a government program

that keeps Americansfrom going anywhere!

We already have one,and it's a disaster!

-It's called public housing.-Here we go. -(audience jeering)

(whooping, applause)

Freedom of movementis a human right, Rory!

Mike, we needto keep Americans safe,

so drop the liberalKum-Bah-Yah bull (bleep)!

Kum-Bah-Yah? Oh, I'm-I'm black,so I talk African mumbo-jumbo?

Is that what it is?Huh? Is that what you're saying?

I'm saying the no-fly listis a necessary evil,

like prenups and... prenups.

I pay a lot in alimony!

Look, do you know... do you knowhow hard it is for a black man

to live in Americawithout being on a list, Rory?

Huh? This is straight-upracial profiling!

I bet the NYPD gave thatno-fly list five stars on Yelp!

So what, man?!

Quit pretending certain MuslimAmericans aren't a threat!

Look at the San Bernardinoshooters or the Atlanta shooter.

None of them wereeven on the no-fly list.

You want to be stuckin a middle seat

-between any of those people?-(bleep), no!

I don't want to be ina middle seat between anybody!

Really? Really, Mike?

Not even in an exit row?You are a liar!

-(bell clangs)-Okay, gentlemen, okay.

That noise meansit's time to switch seats

and arguethe opposite perspective.

(laughter)

Because remember, we're on cableand this is a mindless argument.

-(laughter)-I'm not doing it.

-What? -Nope. Every timeyou guys screw me over

and make me looklike a race trader.

-Not gonna do it.-Uh, Mike, stop it.

Look what I did.I had my lawyers draw up

this legal binding documentright here.

It's writtenby top lawyers-- Jews--

and they guaranteewe will not... it's a guarantee

we will not throw youunder the bus this time.

Take a l...peruse that bad boy.

(groans) I don't even have timeto read all of this!

It's okay, I read it, Mike.It's all legit.

-Thanks, Larry.-Mm-hmm.

Fine!

All right, let's do this.

Okay, great. Now, Rorywill be against the no-fly list,

and Mike will be in favorof stripping Muslim citizens

-of their rights and dignity,okay? -Sounds good. -What?!

Jesus Christ, no!

-Sounds good.-And... begin!

Fine! Because I have to.

Look, I guess a listdesigned to stop terror

is gonna havea few Muslim names on it.

It's not likethere's a lot of jihadists

-named Seamus O'Callahan.-Are you kidding me?!

Really, Mike? The Irish?

The IRA is, like, the O.G.of terrorist organizations.

-What?!-Irish car bombs,

the Kingsmill massacre, all ofthose Liam Neeson movies. Hello?

The point is, a personof any race, gender or religion

can be a terrorist, Mike.

-Why are we so focusedon Muslims? -All right, then,

well, let's be equal-opportunitysuspicious then.

'Cause it's also racistto treat all brown people

like they can do no wrong.

There are some brothersin my neighborhood

that should be on a list or two!

Oh, yeah? Well...I have no comment on that.

That's what I...

-Not an idiot. Not an idiot.-Look... look...

look, we still havea black president right now,

which shows everybodyin America has a chance

regardless of race, okay?

Even if you're Muslim!

Wait, did you just call Obamaa secret Muslim?

-'Cause I feel like that'swhat just happened. -What?!

-I feel...-No!

Whoa, Mike. Man!

-Why would you... -I mean,one black man to another,

-what the (bleep) wrong withyou, man? -Thank you, Larry.

-Thank you...-Hold up. No, no, no. I never...

-That's what I heard.-I never said that.

-Look, look...-I never said that.

this is somethingyou should understand, Mike.

People of color have it toughenough as it is in this country.

-Exactly. -Shockedthat you don't know that.

-I know!-Kind of weird. Call me crazy,

but I think everyoneshould be treated fairly,

-Yep. -especiallyour brothers and sisters

of the noble faith called Islam.

-That's right.-Am I right, audience?

-Come on! -(bell clangs)-(cheering, applause)

-Yeah! -I feel the same way!-Okay, wow!

-I think I'm right.-What a comeback!

The winner is Rory, becauseno one slanders the president

-Thank you. Thanks. -on my showand gets away with it.

-Wow. Wow.-Mm-hmm.

What the (bleep)?What about all this, Larry?

With the legal documents.I thought you said you read it.

I did. It's the termsand conditions for iTunes.

-It is. Yeah, Larry...-(laughter)

I... can't even believeyou actually read that.

I'm sorry, read what?

You know what?(bleep) all of y'all!

-That's fair, that's fair.-(bleep) all y'all.

This has beenanother pointless episode

of Pardon the Integration.

Mike Yard and Rory Albanese,everybody.

We'll be right back.

Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Rory Albanese.

(cheering, applause)

And Nightly Show contributorMike Yard.

(cheering, applause)

And she's the editor in chiefof Cosmopolitan,

Joanna Coles.

(cheering, applause)

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter @NightlyShow usingthe hashtag #Tonightly.

So, as we talkedabout earlier in the show,

the Brexit ison everyone's mind.

Late last week, Englandvoted to separate themselves

from the European Union.

As a result, stock pricesaround the world fell,

the pound crashed,uh, David Cameron announced

he was resigning,like, almost immediately.

And a lot of people saythat a lot of this vote

was about the borders,closing the borders.

And, like, for me,I think it's ironic

that London getsits first Muslim mayor

and then all of a sudden,"Close it!

Shut it down."

Do you think xenophobiaplayed a part in this?

Yeah. I mean, of courseit played a huge part

in the same waythat Donald Trump is using it

to stir up, uh, people here.

And also people who feelthat they've been left behind

-in globalization.-Yeah.

But the other part of it, whichI think is less obvious here,

is that it's also abouta really intense rivalry

between two men: David Cameron,the now outgoing prime minister

-Yes.-and Boris Johnson.

-And Boris Johnson. -Theywere at high school together

-at Eaton, they were at Oxfordtogether as students, -Mm-hmm.

and they have alwaysboth been determined

to be prime minister, and ithas always been Boris's dream.

So you're telling mea pissing match between two men

-Yes. Yes. -is causinga $2 trillion global loss.

And you should notbe surprised by that.

I mean, it oftencomes back to crazy men

at the center of everything.

-Am I right? -Yes, that's true.-(cheering, applause)

-That's fair. That's fair.-That's true. Okay.

-That's a fair point.-COLES: We do...

we do need more womenin politics.

But the worst... the worstpossible thing about this,

Larry, is that one really feelsthat Boris Johnson,

who was heading upthe leave campaign, and who is

-a very, very charismaticspeaker, -Yes. Mm-hmm.

-he was the mayor of London.-Right.

No mayor of Londonwould seriously believe

in splitting from Europe.

Because they understandhow important

-the city is -What do you thinkis his motivation behind it?

-to the economy of London.-Mm-hmm.

I think his motivation wasto position himself

against David Cameronto be the next prime minister

and he never for a momentthought the campaign would win.

-Which is why they have no plan,right? -But it's bizarre...

There is no plan.

I know, but it's...it was Cameron's idea

to bring the referendum.That-that makes no sense.

That's like if Obama said,"All right, let's have Amer...

let's have the people vote--you guys want slavery again?"

No, Obama, don'tlet the people vote on that!

It's like, there are somethings you don't...

But the older people are saying"we didn't know our vote

was gonna count." And you'relike, well, why would you

make it, then? Why bothergoing to the polling station?

And they're like, "We hadno idea it was gonna count."

But was-was that the same?Because I know

-most of Scotland seems likethey voted to remain. -Yeah.

Where the same... was it thesame breakdown on ages there?

-Um, or was it just mainlyin England? -Well...

that-that's a good question.There are different issues

going on in Scotland and now,

-when it looks like... -Well,Scotland's wanted to break away

-from the UK for... -Right,for some time. -But Scotland...

Didn't Scotland side with JonSnow? That's what I thought

-happened, right?-Exactly.

No, 'cause I thought the wholething was with Cer...

-No, that's Game of Thrones. -Oh, I'm sorry.

-I don't understand.-Yeah. -It's not real life.

I don't understandglobal politics.

But-but there is... there isthis wistfulness about yesterday

and wanting to make thingsthe way that they were.

There's no time machines.I don't know what's wrong with

people. They think they canturn back the clock.

The clock moves forward,it doesn't go back.

Well, and clearly people weren'treally paying attention,

and the awful thingis what's becoming clear now

is that because the Brexitcampaign was known as

the Leave campaign, peopleare coming out and saying,

-"Oh, I thought 'leave' meant'immigrants leave'. -Oh, wow.

I didn't think... I didn'tthink it meant Europe...

Britain was leaving Europe."They thought it meant

-immigrants leaving.-YARD: You know, that...

Xenophobia is powerfulin England.

I-I had a... I actuallywas in England for a week

and ran into that. Had a... oneof the most racist incidents

-in my life, man.-WILMORE: Really?

Yeah, man. Go into this,uh, pool hall,

this guy was arguing withthe bouncer at the pool hall.

And this bouncer was a blackguy, he was a white guy

and he was cursing him out,'cause he was drunk,

the black dude wouldn'tlet him in. So he was like,

"You know, you (bleep)black (bleep),

"you don't tell mewhere I can and cannot go

in my (bleep) country."And then he said this

to the black dude, he said,"I'll be back, yeah?"

And he did this. And thenhe left. And I was like,

"Eh, he's not coming back,let's go play some pool.

He came back.

And he shot the (bleep) bouncer.

-No. -Yes, he did.Yes, he did.

He shot the bouncer.He shot...

And then, here's the craziestthing about it...

-You won the pool tournament?-When he came back

and shot the bouncer...No, I had a bet.

I had a b... When-when, uh, Ispoke... the cops interviewed us

afterwards and they were li...and we were telling them

what we saw and they were,like, "That's strange, because

"quite a few peoplesaid that the shooter

"was a young black male

with baggy jeansand a hooded sweater."

-Was that you?-No. But what I d...

No, 'cause I leftmy baggy jeans at home.

But what I did...what I did realize is that's

the same dude thatshoots everybody in America.

Apparently, he got a passport,and he is franchising.

Should have made his Brexit.

-Uh...-True story.

He didn't die, though,he survived.

How much of an effect willthis have on the States?

Do you think there will bea Donald Trump effect here?

That... that that points to thator it signifies that?

Well, I do think we want to makesure that millennials vote,

because that really is shockingthat only 36% of them

-actually botheredto go to the poll. -Right.

Um, but I think in terms of,you know, we saw $2 trillion

off the worldwidemarkets, right?

It's highly possible there'llbe a recession in Britain.

The nightmare is if Europeitself starts to unravel,

the security implicationsfor that are really serious

and that will affect Americaas will a recession in Britain

-or in Europe. -YARD:It's already affecting America.

-I lost a lot of money.-But here's the thing...

-The spirit of the... Yes.-Britain owes me money.

The whole spirit of the EU...the whole spirit of the EU

really... You can go back asWorld War I, League of Nations,

but certainly World War IIand the dominance of Germany

and now all the pressure goesback onto Merkel and Germany.

So it's like, England,that's what you want--

you want to make Germanyin charge of everything again?

-Well...-(audience): Whoa.

I'm not saying Germany'sdoing anything wrong,

but I'm saying...

But they do have a reputation.I think that's...

-I think that's fair.-I'm just saying...

I'm just pointing outthe irony of it all.

I'll say Germany and power--(buzzes) Not a good mix.

-Just pointing out the irony.-Not to...

Well, and it's also unclearwhether or not Angela Merkel

will stay, right? Becausethere's an election upcoming

in Germany and it's not obviousthat she will remain

and this gives the license forright-wing groups in Europe

to really have some confidenceand start demanding

they pull out. Or that they-theydemand more seats at the table.

But I feel like this willhurt Trump more in the end.

Because Trump is playing...First of all,

he said Scotland left, whichthey didn't, which was awesome.

YARD: And he was in Scotlandwhen he said it.

This one guy in Scotlandbrought, uh,

golf balls with, uh, swastikas.And I'm like, God bless you.

That's not a protest of passion,that's a protest

with malice and forethoughtright there. I mean, 'cause

he had to call Titleist,you know, to get those made.

Excuse me, do you haveNazi balls, by any chance?

I mean... -I love... -They hadto find them in the basement.

I love when they'reon the course-- it's like,

"Who's playing Swastika 2?'Cause I was playing..."

-WILMORE: Exactly.-Well, and I think it's true

that he did hear people shouting"leave" when he got there,

but they were shouting at him,

they weren'tshouting out their vote.

-Oh, okay. I see.-Yeah. Very nice, very nice.

All right, we'll seewhat's gonna happen.

We'll be right back.

ANNOUNCER: If you live in New York City or are planning