Lil Jon on Lil Jon & Black Bush

  • Season 2, Ep 13
  • 04/14/2004

Jamie Foxx, Lil Jon and Big Boi stop by, and President Black Bush makes the case for war with Iraq.

female narrator:PRESIDENT BUSH CONTINUES

TO MAKE HIS CASEFOR AN INVASION OF IRAQ.

- AFTER CAREFULLYEXAMINING THE REGION,

ME AND MY CABINET AGREETHAT THAT AREA

IS DEFINITELY RIPEFOR REGIME CHANGE.

- A'IGHT?

- BUT IF I CAN BEREAL ABOUT IT--

- BE REAL, SON.- REAL?

- BE REAL REAL, SON.

- TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER, MAN.

all:WORD.

- I DON'T PLAY THAT SHIT.

- SAY WORD, HE TRIEDTO KILL YOUR FATHER, SON.

- THAT NIGGER TRIEDTO KILL MY FATHER!

- WORD TOEVERYTHING WE LOVE,

WE COMING TO SEE Y'ALL, SON.

announcer:MEANWHILE, PRESIDENT BUSH

AND BRITISH PRIME MINISTERTONY BLAIR

OFFERED A SPIRITED EXPLANATIONFOR A POSSIBLE WAR WITH IRAQ.

- THIS NIGGER VERY POSSIBLYHAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.

I CAN'T SLEEP ON THAT.

NOT ON MY WATCH!

THAT'S NOT HOW I ROLL.THAT SHIT IS SERIOUS!

NOW, IF YOU DON'T WANTTO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT,

WHY DON'T YOU ASKTONY BLAIR?

HE GOT A WHOLE NOTHERSET OF INTELLIGENCE.

WHAT'S UP, TONY?

- WE DON'T KNOW MUCHABOUT SADDAM,

BUT WE CAN'T TRUSTRANDOM NIGGERS

WITH THINGS LIKE THAT,AS GEORGE SO ELOQUENTLY PUT IT.

I'M WITH HIM100% OF THE WAY.

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HE HAS.

male narrator: IF THE UNITEDSTATES GOES TO WAR WITH IRAQ,

WILL IT FIRST HAVETO PROVIDE EVIDENCE

THAT SADDAM HUSSEINHAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION?

SO FAR, THE U.N.HAS FOUND NOTHING,

BUT PRESIDENT BUSHCOUNTERS WITH THIS:

- THE NIGGER BOUGHTALUMINUM TUBES!

DO I NEED TO TELL YOU

WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN DOWITH AN ALUMINUM TUBE?

ALUMINUM!

THAT DON'T SCARE YOU?

FINE.I DIDN'T WANT SAY THIS.

THE MOTHERFUCKER BOUGHT SOMEYELLOW CAKE, OKAY, IN AFRICA.

HE WENT TO AFRICA,AND HE BOUGHT YELLOW CAKE.

- ARE YOU SURE?

- YES, I'M SURE, BITCH!

I GOT THE HEAD OF C.I.A.RIGHT HERE--HE'LL TELL YOU!

- WHAT UP?ARE YOU SURE?

ARE YOU SURE?

I CAN'T BELIEVEYOU MOTHER FUCKERS.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.RIDICULOUS!

ME AND JEB JUSTCOMING BACK FROM AFRICA.

- CRADLE OF FUCKINGCIVILIZATION.

- AND THIS NIGGER OUT HEREBUYING YELLOW CAKE.

- FROM THE MOTHERLAND.

- ARE YOU SUREIT WAS YELLOW CAKE?

- Y'ALL NIGGERSDON'T BELIEVE ME,

I GOT SOME YELLOW CAKERIGHT HERE!

LOOK, YOU SEE?YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT NOW?

- DON'T DROP THAT SHIT!

- I KNOW.I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT!

THAT'S WHY I GOT IT WRAPPED UPIN THIS SPECIAL C.I.A. NAPKIN.

- JUST DON'TDROP THAT SHIT HERE.

- YOU BETTER HOPEI DON'T DROP THIS SHIT!

- PRAY TO GODYOU DON'T DROP THAT SHIT.

- YELLOW CAKE.

- FUCKING RIGHT.

male announcer:A SENSITIVE ACCUSATION

FOR THIS ADMINISTRATION

IS THE THEORY HELD BY MANYTHAT THE REAL REASON

THE U.S. IS SO INTERESTEDIN TOPPLING SADDAM

IS CONTROL OF THE OILTHAT IRAQ IS SITTING ON.

- WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO SAY

YOU'RE ONLY INTERESTEDIN THE MIDDLE EAST FOR OIL?

- WHAT?

HUH?OIL?

WHO SAID SOMETHINGABOUT OIL, BITCH?

ARE YOU COOKING?OIL?

MAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT--

COME ON Y'ALL.GET OUT OF HERE!

announcer:PRESIDENT BUSH MET

WITH U.N. SECRETARY GENERALKOFI ANNAN

AND MADE IT CLEARTHE U.S. WILL ACT

EVEN IF THE U.N.IS RELUCTANT.

- U.N., YOU HAVEA PROBLEM WITH THAT,

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?

YOU SHOULD SANCTION ME.

SANCTION ME WITH YOUR ARMY.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE!

YOU DON'T HAVE AN ARMY!

I GUESS THAT MEANSYOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!

THAT'S WHAT I'D DOIF I DIDN'T HAVE NO ARMY.

I WOULD SHH!THE FUCK UP.

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

THAT'S RIGHT,KOFI ANNAN.

THINK I'M GONNATAKE ORDERS FROM AN AFRICAN?

YOU MIGHT SPEAK 16 LANGUAGES,BUT YOU GONNA NEED THEM

WHEN YOU IN TIMES SQUARESELLING FAKE HATS.

I KNOW GUCCIWHEN I SEE IT, NIGGER.

I'M RICH.

I GOT A COALITIONOF THE WILLING.

I GOT 40 NATIONSREADY TO ROLL, SON!

- LIKE WHO?

- WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?

HUH?HUH?

LIKE WHO?

ENGLAND.

JAPAN'S SENDING PLAYSTATIONS.

STANKONIA SAID THEY'RE WILLINGTO DROP BOMBS OVER BAGHDAD.

RICKETY ROW IS COMING!

AFRIKA BAMBAATAAAND THE ZULU NATION.

THAT MEANS I AM NOTDOING THIS BY MYSELF,

AND I AM NOTDISRESPECTING THE U.N.,

EVEN THOUGHTHEY DON'T GOT NO ARMY.

GO SELL SOME MEDICINE, BITCHES!

I'M TRYING TO GET THAT OIL--

OH![coughs]

female announcer: THE U.S.FIRED THE OPENING SALVO

IN THE WAR ON IRAQ

WITH AT LEAST 40 TOMAHAWKCRUISE MISSILES

AND PRECISION GUIDED BOMBS,CENTERING ON BAGHDAD.

[Hail to the Chief playing]

male announcer:GOOD EVENING.

TONIGHT, PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSHIS ON BOARD

THE AIRCRAFT CARRIERU.S.S. ABRAHAM LINCOLN

OFF THE CALIFORNIA COAST.

IT WILL BE THE SITEOF WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY

HIS VICTORY SPEECHIN THE WAR AGAINST IRAQ.

- [clears throat]

WHAT DID I SAY?

I'M NOT GLOATING,BUT WHAT DID I SAY?

DID I NOT SAYTHAT WE WOULD WIN THAT SHIT?

WE ROCKED THEM 'BAMAS!WE ROCKED THEM!

[whispering] NIGGER, YOU SEE MECOME IN ON THAT PLANE?

SHHHHOOO.

DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAH!

announcer:FOR THE SECOND STRAIGHT DAY,

THESE HARD-LINE IRAQIS

PROTESTED THE AMERICANPRESENCE HERE.

- MR. PRESIDENT,WHEN DO YOU THINK

THEY'LL HOLDGENERAL ELECTIONS IN IRAQ?

- DAMN, I KNEW I SHOULDN'THAVE CALLED ON THIS NIGGER!

I SHOULD NOT HAVE CALLED ON YOU'CAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS

TRYING TO DISTRACTMOTHERFUCKERS

WITH THINGS LIKE THE WARAND SKIRT ALL THE REAL ISSUES.

GAY PEOPLE AREGETTING MARRIED, FOLKS.

YES.

NASTY!IMAGINE THAT.

TWO WOMEN TOUCHINGON EACH OTHER'S TITTIE BALLS,

WRESTLING THEM,

GENTLY STROKINGTHOSE NIPPLES

TILL THEY GETJUST SO STIFF AND ERECT!

BLOWING ON THEM.

[blowing]

MEN.BARBECUE.

"I LIKE YOU.""I LIKE YOU TOO, DOG."

"LET'S GET MARRIED, MAN."

IT'S CRAZY!

- WHAT ABOUT YOUR--- THAT SHIT IS GROSS!

- MR. PRESIDENT.MR. PRESIDENT, SIR.

HOW DO YOU EXPLAINTHE CONTINUAL UPHEAVAL IN IRAQ

EVEN AFTER THE CAPTUREOF SADDAM HUSSEIN?

- WHY ARE YOUDOING THIS, MAN?

I THOUGHT YOU WASMY BLACK BROTHER.

WHY YOU ASKING MEQUESTIONS LIKE THAT?

FINE, I'LL ANSWERYOUR STUPID-ASS QUESTION.

HERE'S WHAT I FEELABOUT IRAQ.

I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS KEEP TRYINGTO DISTRACT PEOPLE WITH IRAQ

WHEN I'M FOCUSINGON OTHER THINGS,

NAMELY THE MOON.

YES, I SAID IT,THE MOON.

CAN'T BE DISTRACTED.

"WHAT'S GOING ONWITH THE WAR?

WHAT'S WRONGWITH THE ECONOMY?"

STOP WORRYING ABOUT THAT!I GOT THAT SHIT UNDER CONTROL!

LET'S FOCUSON SPACE, NIGGER.

THE UNITED STATES OF SPACE.

'CAUSE I AIN'TSTOPPING AT THE MOON.

WRITE THIS DOWN:

M-A-R-S.

MARS, BITCHES.

THAT'S WHERE WE ARE GOING.

MARS.RED ROCKS!

- YEAH, YEAH!

[phone ringing]

- HELLO,AND GOOD EVENING.

- IT'S ME.

- WHAT?

- IT'S ME.

- WHAT?

- IT'S ME,LITTLE JON.

- OKAY!

- I'M FEELING LONELY.

I FEEL LIKE I JUST NEEDTO TALK TO SOMEONE

WHO WILL UNDERSTAND,AND, WELL,

THAT SOMEONE IS YOU, JON.

- OKAY!

- DON'T YOU LIKE POPSICLES?

- WHAT?

- I SAID, DON'T YOU LIKEPOPSICLES?

- WHAT?

- I SAID, DON'T YOULIKE POPSICLES?

- YEAH!

- WHAT?- YEAH!

- OKAY!

- SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKEI AM ALL ALONE IN THIS WORLD,

AND I HAVENO ONE TO GO TO!

- WHAT?

- I SAID, SOMETIMES I FEELLIKE I'M ALL ALONE

IN THIS WORLD,AND I HAVE NO ONE, SIR!

- WHAT?

- NO ONE!

- WHAT?- TO GO TO.

- HUH?

- NO ONETHAT UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN!

- YEAH!

- YEAH!

- SOMETIMES WHEN I'M ALONE,

I SIT ON MY HANDAND WAIT TILL IT GETS NUMB

AND MASTURBATE.

I CALL THAT "A STRANGER."

HAVE YOU EVER GIVENYOURSELF A STRANGER?

- WHAT?- A STRANGER?

- YEAH,YEAH, I DO.

- OKAY!

- YEAH!

[phone ringing]

- HOLD ON.THEY CALLING ME.

- LIL JON?IT'S OPRAH.

- HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD.LISTEN, I'M PREGNANT.

- [laughs]

ARE YOU SURE IT'S MINE?

- I'M SURE.IT'S YOURS.

- AHH, SKEET, SKEET,SKEET, SKEET!

- I LOVE YOU.

- OKAY, BYE-BYE!

IT WAS OPRAH.[laughs]

SHE'S HAVING OUR BABY.

- YEAH!

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.MY CELL PHONE'S BREAKING UP.

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

SOUNDS LIKE YOUR PHONEIS BREAKING UP.

- WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

- OKAY!- YEAH!

- YEAH!- YEAH!

- YEAH.- WHAT?

- WHAT?- OKAY!

- OKAY.- YEAH!

AFFIRMATIVE.HUH?

ROGER!YEAH!

WHAT?

MELTING DOWN!AHH!

- BYE, NIGGER!

female announcer:YOU'VE JUST WATCHED

"A MOMENT IN THE LIFEOF LIL JON."

- GOOD EVENING,I'M PHILIP HALSTON.

IN 1954, THE UNITED STATESWAS MARRED WITH UNREST.

WITH THE BUS BOYCOTTSIN MONTGOMERY

AND "BROWN VERSUSTHE BOARD OF EDUCATION"

STILL UNDER DELIBERATION,

THE SOCIAL CLIMATEWAS CHANGING RAPIDLY.

IT WAS IN THIS CONTEXTTHAT ONE MAN,

CYRUS HOLLOWAY,MADE HISTORY

WHEN HE TOOK ON THE RURAL TOWNOF HARTSFIELD, ALABAMA.

- I REMEMBER IT WAS A HOT DAY,

AND I WAS WORKING THE DOUBLESHIFT AT THE STEEL MILL.

BETWEEN SHIFTS,I WENT OUTSIDE

AND BOUGHT MYSELFA ROAST BEEF SANDWICH

FROM A BOY THAT USED TOSELL THEM OUT FRONT,

BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW THATTHAT ROAST BEEF SANDWICH

WOULD CHANGEMY LIFE FOREVER.

NOT LONG AFTER LUNCH, I FELTA BUBBLING IN MY STOMACH--

AN EVIL BUBBLING.

A BUBBLE THAT, TO ME,SIGNIFIED NOTHING ELSE

BUT THE EARLY STAGESOF MUD BUTT.

I HAD TO TAKE A DUMP.

I HAD TO TAKE A DUMPIMMEDIATELY.

- THE CLOSEST COLORED BATHROOMWAS LOCATED

IN THE BASEMENTOF THE STEEL MILL,

NEAR THE BOILER ROOM.

- OH, THAT TOILETWAS DISGUSTING.

WASN'T FIT FORCHRISTIAN BUTT CHEEKS.

MY ONLY OPTIONSAT THAT TIME WERE,

I COULD EITHERGO DOO-DOO IN MY TROUSERS,

WHICH I COULDN'T DO--

THAT WAS MY ONLY GOOD PAIRAT THE TIME--

OR I COULD USETHE WHITE RESTROOM.

IT WAS RISKY,BUT SO WAS MUD BUTT.

- MR. HOLLOWAY PROCEEDEDTO GO TO THE WHITE RESTROOM

AND TAKE WHAT WOULD BE KNOWN

AS ONE OF THE MOSTSIGNIFICANT DUMPS

IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

AFTER THE HISTORICDUMP BEGAN,

ONE OF HOLLOWAY'S CO-WORKERS,AUSTIN STRINGER,

ENTERED THE RESTROOM.

HE IMMEDIATELY CALLEDTHE LOCAL POLICE,

WHO WERE BEING FOLLOWEDBY A TELEVISION CREW.

- [farts]

- THERE HE IS, OFFICER!

- COME OUT OF THERE,HOLLOWAY.

- WITH ALL DUE RESPECT...

[farting]

I GOT THE MUD BUTT.

WHILE I WAS ON THE TOILET,THEY SICCED DOGS ON ME.

[dog barking]

SPRAYED ME WITH WATER.

GOOD LORD, IT'S MUD BUTT!

FINALLY, I JUST LET THEMHAUL ME OFF TO JAIL.

- BOOK HIM.

DESECRATION OF A WHITEFACILITY WITH NEGROID FECES.

HERE'S YOUR EVIDENCE.

- I CAN MAKE ABOUT THREE,FOUR MORE BAGS OF THAT

IF YOU WANT, SIR.

- CYRUS WAS CHARGED WITH USINGA WHITE REST FACILITY

AND FACEDNINE YEARS IN PRISON.

WORD SPREAD QUICKLYAROUND HARTSFIELD

AND THE NATION AT LARGE.

CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVISTSTHROUGHOUT THE UNITED STATES

DESCENDED ON THIS TINYALABAMA TOWN

ALMOST IMMEDIATELY.

- MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS,

WE ARE GATHERED HERETODAY TO DISCUSS

MATTERS OF THE COCKA-DOOKIEAND THE STINKY-STINKY.

- YES!- YES, SIR!

- I HAVE A QUESTIONTO POSE TO THE GOVERNMENT.

[farting]

WHY CAN'T MY TURDFLOAT NEXT TO YOURS?

[cheering]

OUR VOICES WILL BE HEARD!

- IT WAS THE FIRST AND LARGESTDEMONSTRATION OF ITS KIND--

THE NATION'S FIRST SHIT-IN.

- NO, MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS.DO NOT RUN!

TURN YOUR BUTT CHEEKSTOWARD THE AGGRESSORS,

AND LET THEM CLEANYOUR BUTT CHEEKS

WITH THE CASCADING WATER.

THIS IS A GOOD THING,MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

- THE SHIT-IN MADENATIONAL NEWS,

AND THE AMERICAN LEGAL SOCIETYPICKED UP THE CASE

AND TOOK IT ALL THE WAYTO THE SUPREME COURT.

[protesters chanting]

- IN THE CASE OF HOLLOWAY VERSUSTHE STATE OF ALABAMA,

THE SUPREME COURT RULESIN FAVOR OF MR. HOLLOWAY.

[cheers and applause]

[gavel pounds]

- IT IS MY OPINION THAT,

NO MATTERWHAT THE COLOR OF YOUR SKIN,

YOUR FECES WILL BE BROWN.

EXCEPT FORTHE CLAY-COLORED ONES

AND, OF COURSE,THE SPINACH GREEN.

AND, NO MATTER WHATTHE HUE OF YOUR POO,

IT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY STINK.

GOOD DAY.

[applause]

- BY THE TIME THEY READTHAT VERDICT,

MUD BUTT...MUD BUTT WAS CALLING.

I SUPPOSE I WASHAPPY ABOUT WINNING.

I THINK WHAT I WASMOST HAPPY ABOUT

WAS THAT I COULD GET UPFROM THAT COURTROOM

AND USE THE TOILET.

HOW YOU DOING,MS. PIPPEN?

[farts]AHH!

I JUST REMEMBERGOING IN THAT BATHROOM

AND TAKING THE FIRST...

[farting]

FREE DUMP THAT I'D EVERTAKEN IN MY LIFE.

A BEAUTIFUL DUMP.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,THE CHOIR FROM MY CHURCH CAME.

- ♪ WELL, I'M GONNALAY DOWN MY BURDEN ♪

♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE,DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪

♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE

♪ I'M GONNALAY DOWN MY BURDEN ♪

♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE

♪ AIN'T GONNA STUDYWAR NO MORE ♪

- [farts]

- IT IS ALL JUST A MATTER

OF THE STINKY-STINKYAND THE COCKA-DOOKIE.

- I'M PHILIP HALSTON.GOOD NIGHT.

- ♪ WELL, I AIN'TGONNA STUDY WAR NO MORE ♪

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