Charlotte's Web of Lies

  • Season 3, Ep 9
  • 10/11/2007

Captain Hero confronts a big fear after a drunk driving accident, and Ling Ling locates his inner monster.

READ TO YOU? HA!

I'D JUST AS SOON KILLAN INNOCENT WAITRESS

AS SHE WALKED TO HER CARAFTER HER SHIFT ENDEDTWO DAYS AGO.

BUT I'M TOO WEAKTO READ BY MYSELF.

[COUGHS]

OK, FINE.

"I..."

OH, I CAN'T READ!

OK?THERE, I SAID IT!

I CAN'T READ!

AND NOW YOU'RE AFRAID TO TRY.

[WHIMPERING]

DON'T BE AFRAID ANYMORE,FOR I AM WITH YOU.

NOW PICK UP THAT BOOKAND READ!

READ LIKEYOU'VE NEVER READ BEFORE!

"I N-N-NEVER THOUGHTIT WOULD H-HAPPEN TO ME."

KEEP GOING,

YES.

"I WHIPPED OUTMY 7-INCH D-D-D--"

SOUND IT OUT.

[BLEEP]

AND FED IT TO HERVOLUPTUOUS T-T--"

YOU CAN DO IT!

[BLEEP]

BY THE WAY,DO YOU WEAR READING GLASSES?

OH, YEAH.I TOTALLY FORGOT.

"AND THEN WE BOTHSHOUTED WITH PLEASURE

AND COLLAPSEDIN A SOAKING-WET PUDDLEOF STICKY DELIGHT!"

I'M ACTUALLY READING!

WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVEWE GOT THE REAL LING-LING!

AND WE WERE ABOUTTO GIVE THE PARTTO FRAN DRESCHER.

YOKO ONO, MITSUBISHI.

I HAVE A SMALL PENIS.

[LAUGHING]

AS A FORMALITY, LING-LING,

YOU MIND SHOWING USSOME OF YOUR MOVES?

♪ THE ITSY-BITSY SPIDERWENT UP THE WATERSPOUT ♪

♪ DOWN CAME THE RAINAND WASHED THE SPIDER OUT ♪

♪ OUT CAME THE SUNAND DRIED UP ALL THE RAIN ♪

♪ SO THE ITSY-BITSY SPIDERWENT UP THE SPOUT AGAIN ♪

SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS!

YOU'RE THE WORST DANCERI'VE EVER SEEN!

LING-LING DREAM, HUH?

OK, KID,I'LL GIVE YOU A CHANCE.

IT'S A SMALL PART--JUDGE FUDGE.

THE REAL GUY DROPPED OUT

BECAUSE APPARENTLYHE WAS FAR TOO BUSYWITH SOMETHING ELSE.

REGRET?

UNLESS DIRECTINGTHIS MUSICAL

CAN GIVE ME MORE AIDS,

I DON'T REGRETANYTHING ABOUT IT.

AHH.

HUH? "SOME PIG"?

MM-HMM.YOU WERE SOME PIGLAST NIGHT.

THAT WAS THE HOTTESTINTERSPECIES SEX

SINCE MATTHEW BRODERICKNAILED SARAH JESSICA PARKER.

YOU'RE SAYING WE, UH...

8 TIMES! HA HA HA!

SO I WAS THINKINGWE COULD GO TOMY PARENT'S PLACE

FOR DINNER.

THAT WOULD BESO MUCH FUN!

UH...I GOT TO GO.

CALL ME?

EH, YEAH, YEAH.I GOT YOUR NUMBER.

BUT YOU NEVER EVENLOOKED AT IT!

THERE ARE TWO THINGSSPANKY HAMDOESN'T FORGET:

PHONE NUMBERSAND HIS GRANDMOTHER'SBIRTHDAY.

HERO, IT'S YOUR SHIFT

TO TAKE CARE OFTHE HOMELESS GUYWE RAN OVER--

BECAUSE WE WEREDRINKING AND DRIVING.

D'OH! BUT I WAS GONNAGO MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING.

BESIDES, I'M TERRIFIEDOF HOMELESS PEOPLE,

WITH THEIR OPEN SORESAND WRINKLY, RANCIDBALL SACKS.

PTUI!

I ALREADYDRESSED HIS WOUNDS.

I EMPTIED HIS BEDPAN.

I EVEN GAVE HIMA KIDNEY TRANSPLANT.

[BLEEP] DAMN IT!

THE LEAST YOU CAN DOIS CHANGE HIS BANDAGES.

AFTER ALL,WE WERE DRINKING--

OH, FINE!

OH, HO, HO!

YOU GUYS GOT MEA PRESENT!

PLEASE LET IT BEA RANDOM HOMELESS BUM.

OH, MY GOD.

THIS ISN'T A RANDOMHOMELESS BUM.

THIS IS HIM!

MY...ARCHNEMESIS!

THANK YOU FORSHARING, LING-LING.

LING-LING MUST FINDSOURCE OF ANGER.

SOURCE OF HULK ANGEREXPOSURE TO EXCESSIVEGAMMA RADIATION.

LING-LING, WHATYOUR GAMMA RADIATION?

"[U CAN'T TOUCH THIS" PLAYING]

[SCATTING]

LING-LING CAN'T TOUCH THIS!

[THWACK]

AAH!

LING-LING, YOU CANFORGET ABOUT DANCING.

LIKE EVERY KIDWHO HAS EVER BEEN ADOPTED,

YOU ARE DESTINED TO KILL.

[ROARING]

HULK THINKLING-LING KNOW

WHAT LING-LINGHAS TO DO NOW.

LING-LING MUST...

NO, DANCE!

UNLESS LING-LINGWANT TO KISS HULK.

RIGHT, RIGHT.

WHY WOULD LING-LINGWANT TO KISS HULK?

ESPECIALLYWHEN HE LOOKS SO FATIN THESE PANTS!

STUPID HULK!STUPID HULK!

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