I Just Got Voodoo'd

  • Season 1, Ep 3
  • 10/26/2010

Three cooks battle it out on "Top Meth," and a star ballet dancer's physique causes trouble.

♪ P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E ♪

♪ P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E.

Announcer: ON THE SEASON FINALE OF THIS YEAR'S HOTTEST SHOW,

"TOP METH," IT'S DOWN TO OUR FINAL THREE COOKS.

AND LET'S SAY THE LAB IS GETTING HOT.

MAN, I AIN'TNO DAMN HARRY POTTER.

THIS SOMEWHITE PEOPLE BULL.

HEY, MAN, WHY DON'T YOUGO ON "TOP CRACK" THEN?

BECAUSE I'M GONNA WINTHIS SHOW RIGHT HERE.

"TOP CRACK"?I GOT YOUR TOP CRACKRIGHT HERE.

- BOOM, BOY.- OH, -- YOU, OBAMA.

I'MA HURT THIS WHITE BOY.SOMEBODY BRING ME BACK MY GUN.

Announcer: CASSIE REMAINS COMPLETELY STRUNG OUT.

WE'RE OUT OF INGREDIENTS,SO I HAD TO -- THAT GUY

TO GET THE BATTERIESFROM HIS WALKMAN.

THESE AAs ARE REALLYGONNA SPICE UP MY BATCH.( shudders )

Announcer: AS THE COOKS ARE PUSHED TO THEIR LIMITS, PANIC SETS IN.

Wayne's voice: I GUESS THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS CILANTRO,

WHICH IS SOME LEAFY-ASS --.

SMELLS LIKE GODDAMN AIDS,BUT HOPEFULLY IT'LL BRING OUT

THE PAINT THINNER REAL GOOD.YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I SUCKED MY OWN --ON EASTER.

Announcer: THE RECIPE BETTER BE STRONG

BECAUSE THESE JUDGES HAVE A HIGH TOLERANCE.

FEELS LIKE RAT --.

NAH, MAN, I CUTTHAT LITHIUM WITHMY OWN DOOKIE.

- ( blows raspberry )- I CAN FEEL THE DOOKIE RIGHT HERE, ASS--.

( sniffing )AIN'T NO DOOKIE IN THIS.

YOU GOING THROUGHTO THE NEXT ROUND.

THAT'S WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT, MAN!

I'MA SUCK MY -- IN FRONTOF MY WHOLE FAMILY.

HOLD UP.WHAT ABOUTCASSIE'S BATCH?

( explodes )

HER LAB BLEW UP.DISQUALIFIED!

I WIN!

Announcer: "TOP METH."

♪ THIS IS AN EMERGENCY...

HEY, EVERYBODY.THANKS FOR TUNING IN.

TONIGHT'S EPISODE FEATURESONE OF MY FAVORITE SKETCHES

BECAUSE IT WAS UNCASTABLE,IT WAS SO FILTHY AND WEIRD.

IT WAS A ROLEOF A GRANDMOTHERAND A MOTHER,

AND NOBODY WOULD DO ITBECAUSE IT WAS SO DISTURBING.

SO WE HAD TO REWRITETHE ENTIRE SKETCH.

SO LOOK FOR ITIN TONIGHT'S EPISODE.

IT INVOLVES FREDDY KRUEGER.I'M DANIEL TOSH.

I AM SORRY, NICK.

I DON'T UNDERSTANDWHY I HAVE TO LEAVE.

IS IT MY WORK ETHIC?

NO, YOU WORK HARDERTHAN ANYBODY ELSE.

YOUR TENACITYIS UNPARALLELED.

THEN IS IT TECHNICAL?ARE MY MOVES SLOPPY?

NO, YOUR JUMPSARE FLAWLESS.

YOUR PIROUETTESARE OF THE HIGHEST QUALITY,

BETTER THANANY DANCER IN RUSSIA.

SO THEN IS ITMY ATTITUDE?

- DO THE OTHER DANCERS HATE ME?- NO, OF COURSE NOT.

THE OTHER DANCERS,THEY LOVE YOU.

MIKHAIL,HE CRIED FOR HOURS

WHEN HE HEARDOF YOUR DEPARTURE.

- THAT IS NICE TO HEAR.- YES.

THEN IT IS NOTMY HYGIENE?

NO, YOU SMELLOF WARM CIDER.

- MY PLIE?- LIKE A YOUNG BARYSHNIKOV.

- MY STYLE?- ARMANI WOULD BE PUT TO SHAME.

THEN LET MEASK YOU SOMETHING,

AND BE HONEST WITH ME.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN BE.

IS IT BECAUSE I HAVETWO PENISES?

YES, OKAY?YES, IT IS BECAUSEYOU HAVE TWO DICKS.

NOBODY WILL PAY ATTENTIONTO THE SHOW WHEN YOU DANCE.

SOME OF THE AUDIENCE,THEY LAUGH.

OTHERS, THEY MASTURBATE.

IT IS RUINING THE ACADEMY.I'M SORRY, NICK.

THANK YOUFOR YOUR HONESTY.

I WAS HOPING THATNOBODY NOTICED.

IT'S HARD ENOUGHTO HIDE ONE PENIS

IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS,LET ALONE TWO.

WELCOME TO MY PRISON.

IF ONLY YOU HAD TWO VAGINAS.

- THIS IS TRUE.- NO!

IF ONLY YOU HAD TWO VAGINAS.

TELL MIKHAILI WILL MISS HIM--

HIM AND HIS TWO BUTTHOLES.

YOU FILLED HIM WITH BOTH

TREMENDOUS RESPECTAND YOUR TWO --.

- ( Muzak playing )- THAT'S WHERE THAT GOES.

HI. HAVE YOUOR SOMEONE YOU LOVEBEEN PLAGUED BY VOODOO?

IF SO, CALL ME,MERV FARENZ...

( echoing )VOODOO LAWYER.

I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN200 TIMES.

YOU AND YOUR LADY FRIEND,

YOU GO TO NEW ORLEANSFOR SPRING BREAK ON A WHIM.

YOU ORDER SOME DRINKSLIKE PEOPLE DO.

YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION. YOU'RE IN LOVE.

( people gasp )

OOPS, YOU'VE SPILLED YOUR DRINKON A HIGH VOODOO PRIEST.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE BARFING SNAKES.

- ( screaming )- ( hissing )

- ( dings )- THEY OPEN EVERY TIME.

VOODOO SEASONIS ALMOST UPON US,

SO DON'T WAIT TO GETYOURSELF CHECKED OUT.

RIGHT NOW YOU'RE ASKING,"MERV, HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH

ABOUT HELPINGVOODOO PEOPLE?"

WELL, I'LL TELL YOUIF YOU GIVE ME TWO SECONDS.

WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE,I DECIDED TO SPEND A SUMMERIN THE AMAZON.

I LOVED ADVENTURE.

IT WAS THERE THAT I GOT VOODOOED.

OH!( crying )

Merv's voice: I SPENT THE WHOLE TRIP CRYING SPIDERS.

( muttering )OH NO, I'M CRYING SPIDERS.

( sobbing )

WHY DID I GET VOODOOED?

Merv's voice: BUT INSTEAD OF LEAVING, I DECIDED TO LEARN.

DOES IT HAVE TO LOOKLIKE THE PERSON?

JUST A CRUDE REPRESENTATIONIS OKAY?

I GOTTA TELL YOU,YOU'RE A LIFESAVER.THIS IS GREAT STUFF.

HOW DO I WANNA SETSOMEBODY ON FIRE?

LIKE, IF I WANTED TO BURNSOMEBODY OR SOMETHING?

OH, JUST A LIGHTER?I SEE.

OH, SO THAT'S LIKEWE HAVE AT HOME.

PUSH IT DOWNLIKE THAT AND AROUND.

DOING A CRAZY-- GO INTOA CRAZY TRANCE, RIGHT?

OH, I DON'T HAVETHE THINGS, BUT--YEAH, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

YEAH YEAH YEAH,I GET YOU.

GREAT!THANK YOU.

AND I BROUGHTTHAT KNOWLEDGE BACK HERE.

SO IF YOU'RE SUFFERINGFROM TINY SHRUNKEN HEAD,

PLANT HANDS, SNAKE PUBES,CORK FOOT,

OR ANY OTHER VOODOO AFFLICTION,DON'T HESITATE TO CALL.

I'M URINATING MAGGOTS!WHAT THE HELL?

HAVE A SEAT, BUDDY.WE'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

Merv's voice: MERV FARENZ, VOODOO LAWYER.

( suspenseful music playing )

WE'VE DONE IT,LORD JIM--

THE TOMB OF TUTANKHAMEN.

WOW, FATHER,YOU AND JIM DID IT.

NOW WHAT DOES IT SAY?

OH, UH,"WHOSOEVER DISTURBS

THE PHARAOH'S SLUMBER

SHALL DIE AT THE HANDSOF HIS MUMMY."

THAT'S JUST TO SCAREAWAY LOOTERS, RIGHT?

- I HOPE SO.- ( woman gasps )

LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFULSTATUE MADE OF GOLD.

( rumbling )

HILLARY!

THE DOOR!

- ( Hillary screams )- NO!

WE'RE TRAPPEDAND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

NO NO,THE FAULT IS MINE.

I-- I NEVER SHOULD HAVEDRAGGED YOU ALONG

ON THIS MOST DANGEROUSEXPEDITION.

NOW WAIT.THERE'S GOTTA BEA WAY OUT OF HERE.

THERE'S GOTTA BEA LEVER OR SOMETHING.

( moaning )

THE MUMMY'S COMING.HE'S GONNA KILL US!

I DON'T MIND DYINGIN THE NAME OF ANTHROPOLOGY,

BUT I NEVER WANTED THISFOR THE TWO OF YOU.

ALL RIGHT, STAY BACK.I'LL PROTECT YOU.

IS-- IS THAT HIS KID?

UH, TUTANKHAMENHAD NO OFFSPRING.

HE'S TINY.

Dad: RESEARCH DATA SAYS THAT A MAN OF THAT PERIOD

WOULD HAVE AVERAGEDABOUT 5'2".

I MEAN, HE'S 5'-ISH.

RARH!

LORD JIM, WE DON'T KNOWWHAT'S IN STORE FOR US.

RIGHT.

( groans )

WHAT-- WHAT A PUSSY.

HE'S JUST A SPOILED RICH KIDWRAPPED IN TOILET PAPER.

WATCH THIS.

I THINK WE CAN HAVEA LITTLE BIT OF FUNWITH OUR MUMMY.

- DO IT.- CANNONBALL!

Both: OH!

( laughing )

HE'S SUCHA LITTLE PIECE OF --.

LET ME HAVEA WHACK AT IT.

- GET HIM.- OKAY.

- ( groans ) OH NO NO.- WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

COME HERE.

- HERE.- Men: OH!

- ( groans )- DAD, YOU GOTTA GET IN ON THIS.

YOU DON'T HAVETO ASK ME TWICE.

- GET UP.- ( whimpering )

OH, TRYING TO PULL A WEAPONON ME, HUH, TOUGH GUY?

WELL, HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?HOW DOES THAT FEEL?

I'M ALIVE, ALIVE!

YOU IDIOT MUMMY.

- HA HA HA.- OH, DAD!

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT.

WHY DON'T YOU TWOHOLD HIM DOWN

AND I'LL WIPE MY ASSON THE BANDAGE

UNDERNEATH HIS NOSE?

- INSPIRED.- GOOD PLAN.

THIS WILL BE A JOY.

OH, HERE IT COMES, MUMMY.THIS IS WHAT YOU DESERVE.

- YOU HAD THIS COMING.- WHOO!

HERE WE GO.

( thumping )

ANUBIS,

THE EGYPTIANGOD OF DEATH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NOTHING.

PULL YOUR PANTS UP.

YOU'RE NOT GONNAKILL US NOW, ARE YOU?

NO.

I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN WANTINGTO GIVE THAT GUY A BEATING.

JUST COULDN'T GET THATFREAKIN' SARCOPHAGUS OPEN.

NOW STEP ASIDE AND LET MEINTRODUCE YOU TO ANUBIS,

THE GOD OF TEA BAGGING.

- ( laughs )- HOORAY!

- Hillary: YES! DO IT!- ( laughing )

- YOU GO!- U.S.A.!

I'M PSYCHED TOFINALLY MEET THE BOSS.

I HAVE TO ADMITI'M KIND OF NERVOUS.

DON'T BE.

- BUT YOU KNOW THE DEAL THOUGH, RIGHT?- WHAT DEAL?

OH, HE'S BLIND,

BUT HE DOESN'T THINKANYONE KNOWS,

SO JUST KIND OFGO WITH IT.

WHAT?SERIOUSLY.

ALL RIGHT, HOW ARE YA?

DO YOU HAVE-- AH.HEH.

GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE.

- GOOD MORNING, SIR.- MORNING, SIR.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?HAPPY TUESDAY.

OH! OH.

SORRY. PHIL!

PHIL, GOOD TOSEE YOU, BUDDY.

YOU GOT SOME LITTLE CRUMBON YOUR CHEEK THERE.I GOT IT FOR YOU.

ALL RIGHT.HAPPY TUESDAY,HAPPY TUESDAY.

( vocalizing )

NOW WHERE ISTHE NEW GUY?

RIGHT HERE, SIR.

TED, WELCOME TOTHE TEAM, BUDDY.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

TED, HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU

YOU LOOK EXACTLYLIKE BRAD PITT?

UH, OF COURSE.ALL THE TIME.

ALL THE TIME, RIGHT? IT'S WEIRD.

I THOUGHT I WALKEDINTO A FIGHT CLUB.

I LOVE SITTING DOWNIN A SMOOTH WAY

AND JUST EASINGINTO IT.

( sighs )

LET'S STARTTHE PRESENTATION.

ABSOLUTELY, SIR.

AS YOU CAN SEE,WE HAD GREAT RETURNS

LAST QUARTERIN THE CAPITAL SECTOR.

PROFITS ROSE BY THAT MUCH THERE.

ALL RIGHT. YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD GRAPH.

COSTS FELL BECAUSEOF THAT GRAPHIC

ILLUSTRATEDRIGHT THERE.

INTERESTING.THAT'S A PRETTY BIGSPIKE RIGHT THERE.

( imitates changing slides )

THIS IS THE OUTCOMEFOR THE SECOND QUARTER.

NOW, UH,SOMETHING'S OFF HERE.

AM I RIGHTABOUT THAT OR--?

GREAT CATCH,MR. HODGES.

LET ME JUST FIX THAT.

( groaning )

FEELS BAD.

YES.YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.

HEY, MR. HODGES,IF YOU DON'T MIND,

I'D LIKE TO GETYOUR THOUGHTS ON A--A QUESTION I HAD.

ALL RIGHT. SHOOT, TED.I LIKE YOUR ENTHUSIASM.

I KNEW IT!

GAME OVER, HODGES.

WOW, AMAZING!

I COULD SMELL THE AIRCOMING AT MY FACE.

TELL IT TO THE JUDGE.OFFICERS!

TED, WHAT--WHAT IS HAPPENING, MAN?

I'M UNDER COVERWITH THE S.E.C.

HODGES WAS FILINGFALSE TAX RETURNS

ON THE GROUNDS THATHE COULDN'T SEE THEM.

WE HAD A HUNCHHE WAS FAKING.

NOW WE KNOW.

SEE?FAKE GOONY EYES.

PHIL, I'M SORRY.

YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGHYOU SPENT A LOT OF TIME

PLAYING TRICKS ON ME,YOU WERE LIKE A SON.

HE WAS FAKINGBEING BLIND?

IS THAT RARE?HOW--

HOW MANY BLIND PEOPLEARE JUST FAKING?

ALL OF THEM, PHILIP--EVERY SINGLE ONE.

- AND CUT.- WHEW.

ALL RIGHT, PRECIOUS,THAT WAS GREAT.

UM, NOW REMEMBER,WE'VE GOTTA GET TOTHE FIFTH LEVEL HERE,

WHICH IS YOURLITERACY CLASS.

AND I NEED YOU TO REALLYEMOTIONALLY DIAL IN ON THIS.

- OKAY.- THIS IS GONNA BE A BIG VIDEO GAME.

THE "PRECIOUS" VIDEO GAMEIS GOING AGAINST "HALO 6,"

SO THAT'S A LOTOF COMPETITION, ALL RIGHT?

SO DIAL IN THE GHETTO.

ROLL PLAYBACK.

HERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT,ROLL PLAYBACK, JERRY!

- GOD DAMN IT!- ( suspenseful music playing )

ALL RIGHT,YOU'RE ON LEVEL ONE.YOU'RE CLIMBING.

UH-OH, A BEER MUGIS FLYING AT YOU.

- WAVE YOUR ARMS. AND DUCK, WHOA!- LIKE THIS?

YEAH, GREAT.NOW TAKE YOUR BABY.

USE YOUR BABY.

THERE'S YOUR BABY YOU MADE, YEAH.

NOW TO GET TO LEVEL TWO,

YOU GOTTA GET DOWNTHE STAIRS, ALL RIGHT?

DODGE A T.V. SET.

OH MY GOD, A T.V. SET ALMOST HIT YOU.

OKAY, WHOA!

OKAY, NOW START WAVING YOUR ARMS.

NOW HERE YOU HAVE TO GOTO THE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE.

SO ON THE WAY YOU GOTTACARJACK SOME GUY

AND SHOOT A HOOKER, OKAY?

BUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPENIN THE MOVIE.

OH, IT DIDN'T?'CAUSE I DON'T CARE.I DIDN'T SEE THAT MOVIE.

ALL RIGHT, OKAY, NEXT IS LEVEL THREE.

YOU'VE GOT TO GETTO THE FREE CLINICFOR YOUR PREGNANCY TEST.

YOU'RE HAVING ANOTHER BABYOUT OF YOUR VAGINA.

- HERE'S A CROSSBOW.- WHAT'S THIS FOR?

IN ORDER TO GET TOTHE CLINIC YOU GOTTAKILL OSAMA BIN LADEN.

WHY BIN LADEN?

BECAUSE HE PLAYSYOUR DAD CARL

IN THE VIDEO GAMEVERSION OF THE MOVIE.

I MEAN, JESUS CHRIST.

COME ON, MORE ENERGY.SHOW ME PRECIOUS!

WHERE IS PRECIOUS,THE GIRL EVERYBODY LOVES?ALL RIGHT?

NOW COME ON, YOU'RE BEING CHASED

BY A T. REX IN A PARKING STRUCTURE.

FIGHT HIM OFF WITHYOUR FRYING PAN, OKAY?

- ( pan clangs )- GET THAT T. REX. "GET OUTTA HERE, T. REX."

- ( music stops )- THIS IS STUPID.

LOOK, DO ME A FAVOR, OKAY,AND JUST WAVE YOUR ARMS AROUND.

WAVE THOSE BIG PILLOWSAND MAKE SOME MONEY.

- MAKE EVERYONE MONEY.- THAT'S ENOUGH, LITTLE MAN.

I'M ABOUT THIS CLOSETO SLAPPING THE --OUTTA YOU.

HI, LOOK WHO SHOWED UP--PRECIOUS.

PERFECT.CAN YOU KEEP THAT?

AND WE'LL DO IT AGAIN.THAT WAS GREAT.THAT WAS GREAT.

UM, I LIKE THAT SASSTHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW.

THAT'S WHATI WANNA SEE, OKAY?

THAT INTENSITYJUST GOT YOU ANOTHER JOB.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?"BIG MAMA'S HOUSE"THE VIDEO GAME.

OKAY, SO ONE IMPORTANT THINGABOUT THIS NEW JOB--

CAN YOU FART OUTTHE BIRTHDAY CANDLESON A BIRTHDAY CAKE?

IS YOUR FACEA BIRTHDAY CAKE?

- MAYBE.- HMM.

Precious: Oh, ha ha! That's right.

Hold up, baby.

Mama about to givesomeone a dirt nap.

Sit down, mother--.

Oh no, you didn'tjust throw that TV at me!

Ha ha! Here comes my call of duty.

This is my master queaf,Master Chief.

- ( farts )- Ooh, I just unlocked the fart upgrade.

Hah!

I'M GONNA GOFIND THE GIRLS.

JUST WAIT HEREAND DO NOT FALL ASLEEP.

I'M SO TIRED, MAN.

THAT'S THE ONLY WAYTHAT FREDDY'S GONNAGET YOU, NICK.

STAY AWAKE.

Freddy: PERFECT--

TWO DEAD BODIES FOR THE PRICE OF ONE.

( laughing )

- WHY'D YOU STOP?- OH NO.

NATASHA?

COME ON, BIG BROTHER,LET'S DO THIS.

YOU'RE BANGINGYOUR SISTER?

THAT'S SICK, MAN.

- I HAVE WEIRD DREAMS SOMETIMES.- NO MATTER.

WE'LL KEEP THIS BLOOD FESTIN THE FAMILY.

- ( laughing )- Man: PUT YOUR HAND DOWN.

YOU'RE BLOCKINGTHE CAMERA, IDIOT.

- GRANDPA?- NOW GET INTO IT, NICK.

I WANNA MOVE INTO A 69.

AND TAKE THE CONDOM OFF, PUSSY.

IT'S YOUR SISTER.SHE'S CLEAN.

OKAY, UH...

THIS IS REALLY SICK.

I GUESS I'LL JUST KILLTHE WHOLE FAMILY TREE!

- ( laughing )- WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?

I'LL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH.

LET ME GET THAT ON CAMERA.THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON.

NO! I'LL KILLALL OF YOU!

COME ON, BROTHER, IGNORETHIS BURNT ACNE WEIRDO.

I'M NOT SOMESTUPID PERSON.

I'M FREDDY KRUEGER!

STOP, GET OFF ME.

- GO!- OW!

THAT TINGLESMY DOWNSTAIRS.

OKAY, YOU NEEDTHERAPY, MAN.

- WHO IS THIS GUY?- I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK I JUST HADA LOT OF SUGAR YESTERDAY.

THIS IS A LOT MORETHAN SUGAR.

PET MY PUSSY?

( meows )

NICKY, LET'S JOIN HIM!

- ( meows )- GRANDPA, DON'T VIDEOTAPE THAT.

NICE KITTY.

YOU'RE A PERVERT!

THIS IS A DISTURBING DREAM.

I'M OUTTA HERE.

( screaming )

HE'S GONE.WHO ARE YOU, ANYWAY?

( distorted )I'M YOUR FUTURE WIFE.

Man: NICK, NICK.

- NICK, WAKE UP!- ( snorts )

FREDDY'S DEAD.YOU KILLED HIM.

- YEAH.- HOW'D YOU DO IT, MAN?

- WHAT HAPPENED IN YOUR DREAM?- OH, DUDE, IT WAS CRAZY.

UH...

I SHOT HIM IN THE FACE.

REALLY?THAT'S IT?

YEAH, I FOUND A GUN.I SHOT HIM IN THE FACE.

BULLET, FACE,DEAD, GONE.

WE'RE ALIVE, DUDE.

WHY WERE YOU MEOWINGIN YOUR SLEEP?

UH, I FOUND A CAT IN MY DREAM.

YEAH, I WAS HOMELESS AND FREDDY WANTED TO KILL IT.

I WAS PLAYING WITH IT.

( lisping )NOPE, WIDE RIGHT.

YOU HAVE TO FACTOR INTHE WINDS FROM THE SOUTH.

20mph,

JUST AS I THOUGHT.

THESE CONDITIONS WILL BEWORSE ON GAME DAY.

LEAN MORE ON YOUR LEFT FOOTAND FALL BACK ON YOUR HEEL.

THAT SHOULD GIVE YOUA BETTER TRAJECTORY.

COOL.

THANKS A LOT, GAY ROBOT.THIS IS REALLY HELPING ME OUT.

OF COURSE.I'LL HOLD YOURBALLS ANYTIME.

I MEAN, I DIDN'TMEAN THAT IN THE WAY--

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,GAY ROBOT.

- I WAS TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALLS.- I KNOW.

BUT I'D HOLDTHE OTHER BALLS TOOIF YOU WANT.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINKTHAT YOU'RE UGLY.

I DON'T, BUT THANKSFOR OFFERING.

- JUST COVERING BASES.- I KNOW.

BUT I'LL ALSOCOVER FACES,REAL TALK.

LET'S KICKSOME BALLS, BUDDY.

COPY THAT.

REMEMBER THE HEEL, TROY.

YOU CAN DO IT.I BELIEVE IN YOU.

Gay Robot: HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES!

- NICE!- WHOOHOO!

SWEET KICK.

I OWE IT ALL TO YOU,GAY ROBOT.

- I SAY WE GET A BEER.- YEAH, LET'S GET A BEER.

- IN THE STEAM ROOM?- NO.

- I MEAN, AT THE BAR.- THERE YOU GO.

- NAKED.- LET'S JUST GO TO THE BAR, BUDDY.

TOTALLY.TROY, IS IT ME

OR DID YOU HEARA POP IN YOUR THIGH?

I THINK YOU NEEDA MASSAGE.

♪ P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E. ♪

Man's voice: TERRIFIC.

AND JUST EASINGINTO IT.

- HOW WAS THE SPRINGSTEEN CONCERT, SIR?- LOUD.

SOMEONE WITH ENHANCED HEARINGWOULD HAVE HAD A TERRIBLE TIME,

BUT LUCKILY MY HEARING'S NORMALSO I MADE IT THROUGH.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY,MR. HODGES?

IF YOU KILL A BUTTERFLY

TRYING TO FEELTHE SHAPE OF ITS WINGS,

SHOULD YOU FEEL GUILTY?

- NO, SIR.- ABSOLUTELY NOT, SIR.

A FRIEND OF MINE CALLED MEWITH THAT QUESTION EARLIER.

I'LL-- I'LL CALL HIM BACKAND TELL HIM HE'S ALL RIGHT.

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