Conan!

  • 12/15/2013

After an eight-year hiatus, Brody performs stand-up on television again.

Is this a prank?It's not. I'm doing it.

Oh, then it's official,it's not a prank.

I call-- I asked,it's not a prank!

I got Conan.

It's my friend joking around.

Ask him when and where.

Um, when and where?That's all I need to know.

Okay, I'll talk to the booker.Thanks.

How did you get Conan?That's great.

I've just been working on mystand-up. I wanted to get back.

I have a relationship witha lot of the guys over there.

I felt as though that'dbe a good start to getback into comedy.

Why not come back with--

What's your first joke?

Yes!

That's pretty good.

Uh, I'm gonna do some classics,like "I've done a lotof modeling in Serbia."

Serbia.I drive a 1996 Toyota Avalon.

Leather exterior.I don't live with my mother.

I live with my sister...My sister...

in a condominium ownedby my mother.owned by my mother.

So you know these jokes.

Well, it's pretty easyto memorize.

You've been doing it since 1994.

You remember any of my bits?

I probably would if you told me.I can't tell you off-hand.

I'll probably talk about howI went for a swim outin Venice Beach...

and I clogged the drain.

I talked about how I booked...

another movie.

I did book another movie, Mom.

You did?Yeah, it's an adult video.

You're supposed to laugh.All right, that's off the list.

I didn't-- I didn't laughat that.

Maybe you should get up on stageand start performing these jokesfor an audience.

Well, I've been getting up, I'vebeen going to the youth hostel.

I've been going to theComedy Store.

I've been going to Vancouver.

I've been going all over,trying to get my stuff down.

Do they laugh at all thesejokes?No.

Help me out, please.

Unbelievable!

I mean, last night, I'm gettinglaughs, tonight you're playinghardball with me.

I-- I get frustrated, then theylaugh at my frustration.

Stay with me and give me achuckle based on cadence alone.

It takes time just to get usedto my beats and my patterns.

It would have been better if yousaw what I was trying to do...

but you're bullying me, likethey did at Reseda High School.

I fought a Crip in 1987.

I pulled her hair.

You're doing good... onfrustration.

Yeah, I'm the frustrationcomedian.

I like that.You like that?

That's funny.Will Conan like it?

I don't know.

You think I'm gonnado okay on this show?

It seems like I might notbe doing all right.

No, you'll be doing all rightif you get some jokes.

Okay, this is partof the process.

Having your mom tell youthat you're not funny.

And you need jokes, and you'regonna bomb on the Conan Show.

I didn't--Thank you.

I didn't say all that,but that is funny.

Just chuckle.

[BLEEP], comedy's hard.

Just get some more jokes.

I get lonely, sometimes I godown to the batting cage.

Yeah.Just to play catch.

Yeah, that's funny, too.Okay, good.

Two out of seven, not bad.Yeah, yeah.

Hello?Hi.

Oh, hi, Stephanie.Hello.

Great to see you.Great to see you.

Come on in.

Are you nervous about today?Tonight with Conan?

A little bit, I'm nervousin a sense that they maynot get me...

or they may not like meor I'll mess up,but you know what?

That's just normal...Right.

thoughts that probably allcomedians go through.

You know, Mom's happy,look at her, she's smiling.

She's excited.She's seen her two children.

Sitting six inches apart.

Sitting six inches aparton a made air mattress.

STEPHANIE (O.S.):Did you ever thinkyou'd see this day?

No, I didn't.

CAMERA (O.S.)Why?

Because they're alwaysso far apart.

So, um, in honor of your tapingof Conan...

so I made you likea little good-luck bracelet.

You did?I did.

So, it's one of these ones thatpulls, so you want to try it on?

Yeah.

But I don't know if you'llneed to take your hospitalbracelet off.

I want to take offthe hospital bracelet.

I've been waiting to cut it off.

Yeah, why do you stillhave it on?

Ah, just a reminderof where I was at.

Why do you want to bereminded all the time?

Just remind-- reminds meof what I went through.

Let's cut this thing off,Stephanie. Mom, we're doing it.

Okay, good.

We are doing it.

Well, this is--

It's kind of like not working.

You have to have leveragewith one full hand.

Just don't cut the br--you're gonna cut the--

Stephanie, I know that.

Mazel tov.Good, good.

It's off.All right, that's good.

Not there anymore.

Short sleeves on Conan,let's do this.

Little nervous, it's a differentaudience, it's a different set.

It's a different vibe,it's a different night.

You know, my kind of setis different.

My kind of set moves in and out.

Sometimes it doesn't work.

You have to pick yourself upand push through.

Feel those momentsof hurt almost.

It's their fault.

Good luck. Break a leg.Thank you, Stephanie.

Good luck.

I will break my legs.

My next guestis a talented comedian...

who's been seen in films suchas The Hangover and The HangoverPart 2.

Please welcome the veryfunny Brody Stevens.

( BAND PLAYING ) ( AUDIENCE CHEERING )

Thank you, thank you very much.

I know many of you are tryingto figure out where I wasin The Hangover.

I was not the monkey.

BRODY (O.S.):People, give me something,I'm telling you...

I'm from the Valley.818 'til I die. Yes!

Positive energy, feeling good.

Very intense, I get B.O. in theshower.

Sensitive skin, at nightI wear moon block.

Guys, great news,I booked another movie.

Uh, it's an adult videoout in Chatsworth.

Doing a solo sceneon a yoga mat.

BRODY (O.S.):If you hear laughs there...

join in over there.

Let's get this thing going.

I've done table readson this lot.

I'm doing well,I'm getting laughs.

Many of you are DVR-ing this,it's positive.

Uh, but I get lonely, you know.

Sometimes I go downto the batting cage,just to play catch.

A lot of people say, "Brody,you live with your mother."

BRODY (O.S.):And I don't live with my mother,that's a lie.

I live with my sister, in acondominium owned by my mother.

My sister was abusive,she beat me up, true story.

Growing up, she beat me up.

She spit on me,threw keys at me...

beat me with a pan, and you'resaying, "Brody, what beatingshurt the most?"

The beatings with the keys.Yeah. Why, you ask?

Because my sister was a janitor.

BRODY (O.S.):That's a lot of keys.

Guys, thank you very much,I had a great time.

Positive energy. Yes!

Very funny! Thanks-

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