Not Without My Daughter

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 02/22/2007

Sarah enters a girl into a pageant, and Steve's rude behavior in a police car has consequences.

[alarm buzzes]

[Yaz's Situation]

Unique New York.Unique New York.


Am I pretty enough, Daddy?


November 9, 1942.

Peter found some crackers.

Mama says we mustn'tchew too loud

or the Germans may hear.

To think we were once Germans ourselves.

Well, Hitler's takenour nationality.

And he's taken our humanity.

But he's not gonna takeour rhythm.


Sarah, stop.

Please stop.

As we tell you every year,

you're too oldto be Little Miss Rainbow.

And as I tell you every year,when I wasn't too old,

this pageant screwed me over.


Because I didn't--

Because I didn't win.

Next, please.


I will be performinga monologue

from Oliver Stone's Wall Street,

starring Michael Douglas.

Well, my point is,ladies and gentlemen,

that greed,for a lack of better word,

is good.

Greed in all its forms.

Greed for life, money, love,knowledge.

Hmm, not bad.

And greed will save not only Teldar Paper,

but that othermalfunctioning corporation

called the U.S. of A.!

(judge) Stop right there, please.

You're doing a great job,

but I noticed there'sno legal guardian signature

on your entry form.

Please, sir, thisis my last year of eligibility.

All I've ever wantedwas to win this pageant.

Sorry.No mommy, no pageant.

I'm her mommy!

I know what you're thinking.

It's crazy.

I look like I was tenwhen I had her.

Especially down there,if you know what I mean.

[whispering]On my vagina.

[upbeat guitar music]

♪ It was brownand it had raisins ♪

♪ And we flushed itfor those reasons ♪

[together]♪ This is a poop song

♪ This is a poop song

♪ I was walking to the malland I had to make a poop ♪

♪ This is a poop song

♪ This is a poop song

♪ We pooped at the malltoday ♪

♪ We pooped at the mall-- [phone ringing]

♪ You're a little flat ♪


Hey, you called earlier?

(Sarah) Yeah, I want you guys

to come over and do somequeer stuff to my daughter.

Excuse me?

You know, I mean she needsa whole makeover.

I need you guysto come over and, like,

do a whole montage on her.

Make her look fabulousand stuff.

Sarah, being gay doesn'tmake you genetically able

to do makeovers.

And besides, do Steve and I

seem at all fashionable to you?

No, you guys look horrible.

I thought it was just like,you know,

"the shoemaker's sonhas bare feet" kind of thing.

I guess.[knocking]

All right,hold on a second.

[insistent knocking]

[electric crackling]

(Steve) Oh, my God!


[phone beeps off]Good-bye.

You know, I've nevergotten along this well

with anyone before.

The nuns at the orphanage

said I was selfish and inconsiderate.

But it really doesn't seemto matter to you.

I'm sorry.I zoned out.

what we know right now is that a bomb

has been plantedinside a patrol car.

The suspects claimto have really

"squeaked a Henry this time."

Though the term has causedsome confusion

with ballistics experts,

authorities are describing the situation

as extremely dangerous.

(officer) Get those people back!

Watch your head, please.


Now, I figure you guysmay be crazy,

but you're not suicidal.

So you're gonna walk usthrough this nice and easy.

All right?

Oh, sure.Whatever you want.

All right, where is the devicethat triggers the bomb?

Look, man, you just lay the bomband get out fast.

Close the door and the next guyin the car

gets a face full of it.

Haven't you everdone this before?

Yeah, I've done this before,ass-wipe.

All right, Team Echo,

proceed to the package

with extreme caution!

♪ Amazing grace

♪ How sweet the sound

♪ That saved a wretch

♪ Like me

♪ I once was lost

♪ But now am found

♪ Was blind

♪ But now I see ♪