Is This Forever?

  • Season 1, Ep 18
  • 07/26/2016

Nikki provides the dialogue for a hospital porn scene, calls out annoying behavior on social media with her guests and works with couples to plan for their eventual breakup.

- We are gonna try to, like, sneak some messages in

about women's right, you love women.

- I love women, I love rights,

I, mixing them up, we'llsee what happens today.

- Let's get started.

- Okay, Jake, go ahead and walk in,

Miss Benz, I'm Dr. Dong.

- Miss Benz, I'm Dr. Dong.

- Dong?

Is that French?

- Is that French?

- No, it's Korean.

- No, it's Korean.

- [Glasses Guy] I was adopted.

- I was adopted, and raised in Seoul.

- I do a monthly exam--

- On my titties.

- [Nikki] But I could use some help.

- But I could use some help.

- [Glasses Guy] Miss Benz, this is a hospital.

- Miss Benz, this is a hospital.

- We don't call them titties here.

We don't call them titties here, they are ba-zoingas.

- [Nikki] What's this? - What's this?

- [Glasses Guy] That's a uh-- - [Doctor] That's a uh--

- Titty listener. - [Doctor] Titty listener.

- What are they saying?

- What are they saying?

- Hold on, let me translate from the Korean.

- Hold on, let me translate from the Korean.

Believe it or not, they're saying "ah-ooh-ga!"

(laughing)

- Push her down like you're gonna start eating her pussy.

Just another day at the office.

- This is the best meal you'll ever have at this hospital.

- This is the best meal you'll ever have at this hospital.

- Actually, you're wrong.

- Actually, you're wrong.

We do a really good Salisbury steak here.

(moaning)

- I want you to leave me messier

than your handwriting on a prescription.

- I want you to leave me messier

than your handwriting on a prescription.

- That's a classic doctor joke.

- That's a classic doctor joke.

(moaning)

- This is a blow job.

- This is a blow job.

(moaning)

♪ Blow jobs, blow jobs

♪ It's the funnest thing to do

♪ Blow jobs, blow jobs

♪ It's the funnest thing to do

♪ If I had my wish I would

♪ Give a blow job

♪ Every single day

♪ Well it's your lucky day

♪ Because I happen to be a genie

♪ Imma grant your wish of allowing you to

♪ Daily suck my peeny

- Yes!

- It's a whole new world!

- It's a whole new world!

- I feel like Aladdin.

- I feel like Aladdin.

- And I'm not Jafar from blowing my load.

- And I'm not Jafar from blowing my load.

(laughing)

- Yes.

- I'm gonna finish inside of you.

- I'm gonna finish inside of you.

- But on the off chancethat I get pregnant--

- Do you perform abortions here?

- [Glasses Guy] Yes, but-- - Yes, but--

- Since you're a woman,

I have to counsel you against it--

- Then you're gonnahave to wait 24 hours--

- I'm gonna call a pastor--

- He'll get in touch--

- Tell you why you're wrong for doing it--

- And then if you really, reallydecide you're gonna do it--

- I will tell everybodywhere you live.

- I will tell everyone where you live.

- Okay--

- Maybe just come on my tits then?

- Okay, so turn aroundand accept his deposit.

- I consent, I consent!

- I consent, I consent!

- Nothing's sexier thanenthusiastic consent.

- Nothing's sexier thanenthusiastic consent.

- Oh, I'm about to shatter the glass ceiling

with my load.

And do it, shatter that ceiling.

(groaning)

I've never told a man to come before.

(laughing)

Or have I?

- [Voiceover] Hey, cuties.

- How's it going, Jay.

- What's up, Jay?

Nice to meet you guys.

Have a seat.

This is Hamed.

- [Hamed] Hi, how are you?

- How you doin' today?

- So nice to meet you.

- How long have you been together?

- Couple months.

- Four months.

- From February.

- How's it goin'?

- It's goin' great.

- So he's the one?

85% of relationships don't work out.

You guys seem like you definitely will,

but like, they won't.

But if you don't, wejust wanna protect you.

So, Hamed is a notary.

We're gonna draw up a contract for you two,

that once you break up, you'll know how to proceed.

Let's begin.

Where did you guys have your first date?

- At El Compadre.

- So, if you break up, who get's that restaurant?

- Me, I don't care, youdon't have a choice.

- You live in Santa Monica.

- I love that place.

- So, El Compadre, put that down, okay.

Do you guys have any petnames for each other?

- She calls me Officer Schmoopy.

(laughing)

That is a real deal.

- Would you guys ever call each other "Snuffles,"?

- "Snuffles,"?

- Yeah, I would definitely call you that.

I mean, "Schmoopy," and "Snuffles,"-

- I wouldn't call you "Snuffles,"

you're not a "Snuffles."

- What do you think I am?

- You're the Burger Queen.

- You guys share music tastes?

- Yes.

- Okay, what's your favorite artist

that you share in common?

- The Weekend.

- I never would have guessed.

(laughing)

- I know you would've.

- So, in the event that you break up,

and Lana Del Rey comes to town,

who's gonna get to go to her concert?

- Me.

- He does.

- Christopher may have Lana Del Rey.

Is there anyone that you would be willing to give her?

- Yeah, I mean, you can go to the NBA game, you know.

- An NBA game?

Do you like the NBA?

- She loves just, you know, big-

- Black guys.

- Running around.

- Big black guys running around?

- So you could have that.

- So she can just have all the big black guys

running around that she wants.

Let's talk about sex.

Write down the minimum amount of times in a month

that you would like to have sex,

and if it drops below this number,

that you would like to have a talk about things.

Wow, okay.

Leia says, 18, 20.

- I almost said 20.

And then I thought itwas a little ridiculous.

- [Man] No, 20's not ridiculous.

- [Leia] I know.

- [Man] We can make that happen.

- [Leia] We can make it happen, yeah.

- CJ has written five times.

Five times a month you expect it,

and that is a problem if you don't get five, okay?

- [CJ] So I'm gonna be honest with you.

I smoke a little bud, and I get tired,

you know what I'm sayin'?

What she got, two?

- 16.

- Gah!

- Alright guys.

Let's sign these.

Sign these contracts nowbecause you gotta get

outta here, you have a lot of fucking to do.

(laughter)

- Is this forever?

- Is this forever?