Extended - Thursday, November 19, 2015 - Uncensored

  • 11/19/2015

Emmy Blotnick, Johnny Pemberton and Ron Funches bid farewell to Bobby Jindal, dabble in Snapchat art and describe #ThanksgivingIn5Words in this uncensored, extended episode.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)NOW IT'S TIME TO SEE WHAT'S

LURKING BEHIND THOSE FLAG PINS.

IT'S PANDERDOME!

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)LOUISIANA BOOGER BOBBY JINDAL,

WHO LOOKS LIKE SOUTH ASIANGILLIGAN DEFENDING HIMSELF IN

TRAFFIC COURT...

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

...HAS, UH...

>> YES.

>> HARDWICK: ...DROPPED OUT OFTHE PRESIDENTIAL RACE.

HE'S DONE.

SIGNED OFF ON HIS RUN FOR THEWHITE HOUSE WITH THIS IMAGE,

WHICH MAKES HIS CAMPAIGN SEEM ALITTLE COOLER THAN IT ACTUALLY

WAS.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING

THERE.

IT LOOK...

HE'S EITHER OPENING FOR CARROTTOP AT THE LUXOR, OR HE'S

PERFORMING FOR SEASON THREE OF"WALKING DEAD" WHEN THEY WERE AT

THE PRISON.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS.

(LAUGHTER)I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS BACK

THERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING.

UH...

>> IT ALSO LOOKS LIKE HE WANTSTO SELL YOU AN IPOD SHUFFLE.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: 100 POINTS TO RON

FUNCHES FOR THAT.

I ALSO LIKE HOW HE USE... MAKESFAMOUS THE USE OF THE ORIGINAL

BOBBY JINDAL CATCH PHRASE,"THANK YOU."

(LAUGHTER)THAT'S HIS.

THAT'S HIS PHRASE.

>> I'VE BEEN WONDERING.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, YOU KNOW.

BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT, THISPHOTOS, UH, SORT OF BADASS.

HE KIND OF LOOKS LIKE CLIP ARTBRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, MINUS THE

CHARISMA.

>> REALLY?

>> HARDWICK: SO, COMEDIANS,LET'S ASSUME THIS IS BOBBY

JINDAL'S FAREWELL CONCERT.

WHAT SONG SHOULD HE CLOSE WITH?

RONALD FUNCHES.

>> ♪ OH... JINDAL'SOUT THE DOOR. ♪

(LAUGHTER)♪ HE'S A LOSER, BABY

SO WHY DON'T YOU KILL HIM?

'CAUSE IT WILL BEA HATE CRIME. ♪

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

AH.

POINTS FOR RON FUNCHES.

JOHNNY PEMBERTON.

>> "MY BOBBY IS A JINDAL LAND."

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)>> I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SING THAT

EXACTLY, BUT MY...

>> HARDWICK: WAIT. SING IT.

>> ♪ MY BOBBYIS A JINDAL LAND! ♪

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

ALL RIGHT, GOOD.

>> THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

>> HARDWICK: MOVING ON.

IF SNAPCHAT FEELS A LITTLEWISPIER TODAY, IT'S BECAUSE

FATHER TIME'S UNCLE, BERNIESANDERS, JUST JOINED.

(LAUGHTER)THAT LOVEABLE SOCIALIST GALOOT

POKED FUN AT HIMSELF BYTWEETING, "WHAT IS THIS SNAPCHAT

THING, AND WHY DO I ONLY GET TENSECONDS?"

(LAUGHTER)UH...

THAT IS ADORABLE.

THAT IS ADORABLE!

>> I LIKE IT 'CAUSE IT ANSWERSTHE QUESTION, "WHAT IF COLONEL

SANDERS WAS A GHOST?"(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> HARDWICK: WELL, HE IS,

TECHNICALLY.

ANYWAY, BERNIE SANDERS IS ONSNAPCHAT.

THOSE ARE GONNA BE SOME REALLYAWKWARD DICK PICS.

UH...

(LAUGHTER)JUST GONNA HOLD DOWN ON THE

SCREEN AND SEE THE TIME...

IT'S JUST LIKE... IT JUST...

IT LOOKS LIKE AN ELBOW SKINHANGING FROM A...

(AUDIENCE GROANING)...PICKED-APART COTTON BALL.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)OR IT'S LIKE...

"BERNIE SANDERS KEEPS POSTINGTHESE WEIRD TAFFY PULL PICTURES.

I DON'T... I DON'T UNDERSTANDWHAT HE'S DOING."

SO, COMEDIANS, HOW WILL BERNIECHANGE SNAPCHAT?

UH, RON FUNCHES.

>> UH, HE WON'T.

HE'S JUST GONNA BE ANOTHERWEIRD-LOOKING DUDE ASKING FOR

BUTT PICKS, UH... WHICH I DON'TAPPRECIATE, 'CAUSE THAT WAS THE

PLATFORM I WAS RUNNING ON FOR...

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

YEAH. YEAH.

(APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: EMMY BLOTNICK.

>> BUTT PICKS 2016!

(LAUGHTER)>> ALREADY A BETTER CAMPAIGN

THAN BOBBY JINDAL.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: YOU ALREADY HAVE

MORE VOTES.

EMMY BLOTNICK.

>> HE'S GONNA RENAME IT NAPCHAT.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

PERFECT. ABSOLUTELY. POINTS.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)SOME REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES

TOOK THEIR PANDERINGTO SLIMY NEW LOWS THIS WEEK BY

PICKING ON THE CURRENTLY MOSTHELPLESS PEOPLE IN THE WORLD,

SYRIAN REFUGEES.

MALFUNCTIONING SHOWBIZ PIZZABANJO BEAR MIKE HUCKABEE SAID

THAT...

(LAUGHTER)...SYRIANS SHOULDN'T COME HERE

BECAUSE AMERICA IS TOO COLD FORTHEM!

IT'S TOO COLD HERE.

AND WHILE THAT WAS HAPPENING,CONSTIPATED SCARECROW DONALD

TRUMP SUGGESTED THAT WE...

(LAUGHTER)...TAKE IT ONE STEP FURTHER AND

CLOSE ALL THE MOSQUES, 'CAUSEFUCK THE CONSTITUTION!

SO WHEN PRESIDENT OBAMA, APRACTICING ILLUMINATI MUSLIM

FROM KENYA, CRITICIZED THEIRRHETORIC AS SHAMEFUL AND

UN-AMERICAN DURING THE G-20SUMMIT IN TURKEY, OUT-OF-WORK

HELICOPTER PILOT AND ASPIRINGTRUE BLOOD EXTRA TED CRUZ...

(LAUGHTER)...GOT REAL INDIGNANT.

>> IF YOU WANT TO INSULT ME, YOUCAN DO IT OVERSEAS, YOU CAN DO

IT IN TURKEY, YOU CAN DO IT INFOREIGN COUNTRIES, BUT I WOULD

ENCOURAGE YOU, MR. PRESIDENT,COME BACK AND INSULT ME TO MY

FACE.

>> HARDWICK: WHOA!

(AUDIENCE SHOUTING, JEERING)>> THAT'S A BADASS RIGHT THERE.

>> HARDWICK: NO, HE'S N...

OBAMA WOULD BEAT THE FUCK OUT OFTHAT GUY!

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)I MEAN, HE WOULD WRECK THAT

DUDE.

IN A FIGHT? IN A FIGHT?

OBAMA WOULD JUST, LIKE, PUNCHTHROUGH HIS SOFT BRIE-LIKE CHEST

AND JUST...

(LAUGHTER)...AND RIP THE BLACK HEART OUT

OF HIS... HIS FESTERING RIBCAGE.

>> YEAH. LOOKS LIKE TED'SCRUISIN' FOR A BRUISIN'.

>> HARDWICK: YES. YEAH. POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)BUT I KIND OF WANT TO SEE THIS

SHIT GO DOWN.

WE'VE ALL HEARD OF SUCH CLASSICFIGHTS AS THE THRILLA IN

MANILA, THE RUMBLE IN THEJUNGLE, SO, COMEDIANS, WHAT

WOULD YOU CALL THIS THROWDOWNBETWEEN BARRY AND TED?

JOHNNY.

>> THE... SECRET CIGARETTESMOKER VERSUS THE TEXAS HORSE

FUCKER.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT. POINTS.

BUT I LIKE THAT THAT PART'S NOTSECRET.

(LAUGHTER)>> HE'S VERY OPEN ABOUT THAT.

>> HARDWICK: HE'S VERY OPENABOUT IT.

>> YEAH. HE HAS... HIS PLATFORMIS THE PLATFORM HE USES TO STAND

ON TO FUCK HORSES.

(LAUGHTER, GROANING)'CAUSE HE'S A HORSE FUCKER.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: EMMY.

>> UH, IT'D BE, UH, THECOMMANDER IN CHIEF VERSUS THE

SALAMANDER WHO QUEEFS.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: YES!

OH, MAN!

(APPLAUSE)HE REALLY DOES LOOK LIKE HE

QUEEFS.

(LAUGHTER)>> HE'S GOT SORT OF A REPTILIAN

VIBE AND THAT KIND OF AIRY PUSSYTHING GOING ON.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: THAT SHOULD BE

IN... THAT SHOULD BE IN ONE OFTHOSE CAMPAIGN VIDEOS.

BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT TED CRUZHAS AN AIRY PUSSY?

(LAUGHTER)>> IT'S NOT JUST SALAMANDER

VIBE.

>> HARDWICK (LAUGHING): IT'S...

VERY AIR...

(SOUTHERN ACCENT): IT'S NOT MYFAULT-- IT'S FROM ALL THIS DOGGY

WE'VE BEEN DOING.

(LAUGHTER)>> IT'S NOT A FART. I SWEAR.

>> HARDWICK: I THINK IT'S FUNNYWHEN THAT GETS BLAMED ON...

YOU KNOW HOW DOGS QUEEF ALL THETIME.

>> SURE.

>> HARDWICK: RON FUNCHES.

>> OH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ICANNOT PONTIFICATE THIS ENOUGH.

YOU'LL BE DOING YOURSELF A GREATINJUSTICE IF YOU DO NOT WATCH

THE BATTLE OF THE KENYAN VERSUSTHE GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE A MINION.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)KENYAN VERSUS MINION.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

(CHEERING)AH, THANKSGIVING-- THAT DAY

WHERE YOU TRY TO EAT AS MUCHPUMPKIN PIE AS POSSIBLE BEFORE

YOUR UNCLE TEACHES YOU HOW TODRAW A TURKEY BY TRACING HIS

PENIS. UH...

(LAUGHTER, GROANING)HEY, KIDS, GOBBLE, GOBBLE.

(LAUGHTER)UH...

>> AT LEAST HE DIDN'T NEGLECTTHE BALLS, YOU KNOW?

>> HARDWICK: NO. UH, IT'SADORABLE-- IT LOOKS LIKE A

LITTLE PILGRIM.

AND IT... AND IT SPREADS DISEASELIKE ONE, TOO.

(LAUGHTER)SO IN HONOR OF ALL OUR UPCOMING

TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES, TONIGHT'SHASHTAG IS THANKSGIVINGIN5WORDS.

THANKSGIVINGIN5WORDS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE... SECRETLYFUCK THE CRANBERRY SAUCE, AND...

SORRY, INDIANS, HERE'S SOMECASINOS.

UH, I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK, AND BEGIN.

RONALD FUNCHES.

>> POLITICAL CONVERSATIONSENDING IN ARREST.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)EMMY BLOTNICK.

>> DOES CRANBERRY SAUCE CUREUTI?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

YEAH, YEAH, IF YOU SMEAR IT ON,THAT'S WHAT I HEARD.

JOHNNY.

>> MY UNCLE DAVE'S ON ACID.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

FUNCHES.

>> WHICH BROWNIES DID YOU EAT?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

EMMY BLOTNICK.

>> (SLURRING): DONALD TRUMPMAKES SOME EXCELLENT POINTS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

JOHNNY.

>> MASTURBATED IN MY CHILDHOODBED.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

RON FUNCHES.

>> HEY, THE COPS ARE HERE.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(APPLAUSE)EMMY.

>> GRANDMA LOVES CHARDONNAY,HATES WELFARE.

NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAYGIF-O-MERCIAL. GIF-O-MERCIAL.

(CHEERING, WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)THE ABSOLUTE MOST DELICIOUS PART

OF ANY INFOMERCIAL IS WHENEVERYTHING ALL GOES

BLACK-AND-WHITEY SO A BUSY MOMCAN GO, "HOW DO I ORGANIZE ALL

THESE NECKTIES WHEN MY ARMS AREFULL OF LOOSE POOL NOODLES?

(LAUGHTER)WHO IS MAKING ME DO THIS, AND

WHY?

AM I A PUPPET IN A GRANDERSCHEME?"

WELL... WELL, THANKS TO THESUBREDDIT...

(LAUGHTER)HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?

WHAT DO I DO NOW? MY ARMS!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW THEY WORKANYMORE.

WELL, THANKS TO THE SUBREDDIT"WHERE DID THE SODA GO," WE CAN

ENJOY THEIR INANE STRUGGLESFOREVER IN GIF FORM.

SO, COMEDIANS, I'M GONNA SHOWYOU A GIF OF AN INFOMERCIAL

FAIL AND FOR 250 POINTS, IWANT YOU TO GIVE ME THE

VOICE-OVER THAT SHOULD GO WITHIT, ALL RIGHT?

FIRST UP-- THIS BREAD BLUNDER.

OH.

(LAUGHTER)THAT'S... YEAH, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE

TO NOT DO IT THAT WAY.

RON FUNCHES.

(LAUGHTER)>> ARE YOU SICK OF YOUR TOAST

TALKIN' SHIT?

(LAUGHTER)(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)

>> STOP BUTTERING ME, YOU LITTLEBITCH.

(LAUGHTER)>> JUST... JUST STAB THAT

MOTHERFUCKER.

>> HARDWICK: WELL DONE.

HUNDRED POINTS TO EMMY BLOTNICKFOR THAT.

NEXT UP-- THIS GROOMING GUY.

AH, WHOA...

♪ DA, DA, DA-DA... RON.

>> YOU EVER WANT YOUR HAIR TOLOOK EXACTLY THE SAME?

>> HARDWICK: YES! POINTS!

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)I MEAN, THE ONLY THING THAT

CHANGED BETWEEN ONE AND TWO ISTHAT HE JUST WENT LIKE THIS.

(LAUGHTER)JOHNNY.

>> CAN'T QUITE MASTER THATTED CRUZ LOOK?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

EMMY.

>> IS YOUR SHIRT MADE OF DRAPESFROM A COMMUNITY COLLEGE?

WHY?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

VERY WELL PLAYED.

NEXT UP, THIS OLD FELLA.

UH...

OH...

OH, NO.

NOW I JUST GOT TO LIVE IN HERE.

RON.

>> DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN YOUREALIZE THEY STILL HAVEN'T FOUND

TUPAC'S MURDERERS?

>> HARDWICK: HIS... THE WHOLEBACK SEAT IS JUST FULL OF

CONSPIRACY EVIDENCE FOR WHY...

>> I'M GONNA GET HIM FOR YOU,TUPAC!

>> HE'S THE GUY WHO THOUGHT TOTIE THE BANDANA IN THE FRONT.

>> THAT WAS HIS MOVE.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT UP, THISSLEEPY SURPRISE.

OH.

RON?

>> REMEMBER TO PAY YOURINSURANCE, BITCH.

>> HARDWICK: WOW, AFLAC ISREALLY GETTING AGGRESSIVE.

JOHNNY PEMBERTON.

>> TIRED OF SOMETHING HAPPENINGTHAT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ANYONE,

EVER?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

EMMY.

>> QUACK, QUACK, QUACK, QUACK,QUACK, QUACK, QUACK?

>> HARDWICK: YES.

>> IT'S A COMMERCIAL FOR DUCKS.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S THE DUCK...

YEAH.

>> THE MAN IS AN ACTOR IN ACOMMERCIAL FOR DUCKS.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, THECOMMERCIAL IS... IT'S-IT'S...

YEAH.

IS IT...

>> GIVE IT UP FOR DUCKS.

>> HARDWICK: THE COMMERCIALIS... IT'S A PRODUCT THAT KEEPS

THE ELDERLY OUT OF DUCK PONDBEDROOMS.

UH...

>> LET A MALLARD LIVE.

>> HARDWICK: LET A MALLARD...

IS YOUR PILLOW A WIZARD?

WHY WOULD IT TURN INTO A...

NEXT UP, THIS DISTRAUGHT WOMAN.

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

RON.

>> JUST REALIZED YOU NEVERLEARNED HOW TO READ?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

WHAT DO THESE WEIRD SQUIGGLES ONTHIS PARCHMENT SAY?

JOHNNY.

>> TIRED OF SANTA WRITING YOULETTERS?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

EMMY.

>> KEEP RECEIVING MESSAGES FROMYOUR HUSBAND'S CAPTORS?

IT'S KIND OF DARK, I KNOW.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

MY... MY QUESTION IS WHAT WOULDBE THE PRODUCT THAT WOULD FIX

ANY OF THAT?

>> RUSSELL CROWE.

>> HARDWICK: OH, THAT'S RIGHT,PERFECT.

>> THERE WE GO, YEAH,LIAM NEESON, COME ON.

>> HARDWICK: LIAM NEESON, YEAH.

LAST ONE, THIS COMMON KITCHENANNOYANCE.

OH...

OH!

AH.

OH, NO.

I'M...

OH, THESE... HOW...

JOHNNY.

>> ARE YOU A SOUP DJ?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

♪ I GOT TWO TURNTABLES AND AMINESTRONE. ♪

UH...

>> DJ SLURP.

>> HARDWICK: EMMY.

>> DOES EVERYTHING YOU TOUCHTURN TO COMPLETE SHIT, MARGARET?

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S THE MOSTTARGETED AD IN THE WORLD.

>> THIS ONE'S JUST FOR MARGARET.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S JUST FORMARGARET, YEAH.

THAT'S IT-- THE SOLUTION IS"NO MARGARET".

RON FUNCHES.

>> ARE YOU RUNNING OUT OF PLACESTO HIDE YOUR BULIMIA?

>> HARDWICK: OH, NO.

OH, NO.

OH, NO.

OH...

OH...

>> I KNOW THAT WAS GOOD-- ITMADE THE CAMERA GUY LAUGH.

>> HARDWICK: I KNOW IT DID.

RON, YOU DON'T HAVE TO STARTPOINTING OUT THE CREW, WHO'S

ENJOYING YOUR JOKES AS WELL.

>> HE WASN'T LAUGHING, HE WASTHROWING UP, HE'S BULIMIC.

>> GET IT TOGETHER, MAN, YOU'REBEAUTIFUL HOW YOU ARE.

BEFORE THE BREAK, I SHOWED YOUMY SNAPCHAT MASTERPIECE WHERE I

TURNED MY FIANCÉE'S CAT INTO AWEATHERMAN, BECAUSE THE

INTERNET'S RIGHT-- I AMINSUFFERABLE.

AND...

AND I ASKED YOU TO GIVE ANOTHERPET A JOB.

UH, EMMY, YOU HAD THIS SCRUFFYDOG.

LET'S SEE WHAT JOB YOU GAVE IT.

(LAUGHTER)IS THAT HOMER SIMPSON'S DICK?

>> I'D LIKE TO THINK IT COULD BEANYONE'S DICK, YOU KNOW?

UH, 'CAUSE YOU ALREADY DID A CATSURROUNDED BY DICKS, SO I DID

SORT OF, LIKE, A FULL DOG TODICK TRANSFORMATION, YOU KNOW?

PEED A LITTLE BIT OF BLOOD'CAUSE HE'S ON HIS DOG DICK

PERIOD.

LITTLE BIT OF BLOOD.

>> HARDWICK: HEY, YOU KNOW WHATTHOUGH, THAT JUST MEANS HE CAN'T

GET PREGNANT, SO IT'S ALL GOOD.

>> THERE YOU GO.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, JOHNNY.

JOHNNY, YOU HAD THIS CHILL CAT.

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S SEE...

>> SUPER CHILL.

>> HARDWICK: I MEAN, WHAT COULDYOU POSSIBLY HAVE DONE TO THAT?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW. LET'S SEE.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU DID.

(LAUGHTER, GASPING)NICE.

NICE.

WELL-PLAYED.

>> HE'S BOMBING A PAKISTANI DOGWEDDING.

>> HARDWICK: OH, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

RON, RON, YOU HAD THIS... YOUHAD THIS ADORABLE BUNNY.

>> MM-HMM.

>> HARDWICK: I KNOW.

LET'S SEE WHAT JOB YOU GAVE IT.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)>> YEAH, THAT'S-THAT'S... IT'S

MY MAIN MAN, B RABBIT.

HE'S A... HE'S AN ASPIRINGRAPPER.

HE'S ONLY GOT ONE SHOT, BUT HE'SNOT GONNA MISS HIS CHANCE TO

BLOW.

AS WE GO TO OURNEXT GAME, BATTLE CREEK: EARTH.

BATTLE CREEK: EARTH.

BACK IN THE DAY, BREAKFASTCEREAL DIDN'T JUST GIVE YOU

DIABETES.

YOU ALSO USED TO GET LITTLEPRIZES, LIKE DECODER RINGS OR

PUZZLES OR DEAD MICE.

COME TO THINK OF IT, UM, THATMIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN A PRIZE.

SO, COMEDIANS, I'M GONNA SHOWYOU A VINTAGE CEREAL BOX, AND I

WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHATSURPRISE YOU GOT INSIDE, ALL

RIGHT?

FIRST ONE, CRISPY NUMBERS.

CRISPY NUMBERS. EMMY.

>> YOU GET ONE FREE VISIT FROMCHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

NEXT ONE, UH, THESE RICEKRINKLES DON'T LOOK VERY...

THAT FEELS WRONG FOR A LOT OFREASONS.

UH, RON.

>> ACTUALLY, UH, THE LITTLE KIDWAS THE PRIZE.

UH...

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. POINTS.

UH, NEXT UP, PUNCH CRUNCH.

PUNCH CRUNCH. RON.

>> YOU GET THE PHONE NUMBER OF AVERY AGGRESSIVE SEXUAL HIPPO.

>> HARDWICK: WAIT, I JUST WANTTO DO A LITTLE ACT-OUT OF THE

SCENE.

"I'M GONNA FUCK THE SHIT OUT OFYOU!"

"HEY, COME ON NOW!

TAKE IT EASY!

LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS."

>> "I'M-A CRUNCH-ATIZE YOUR ASS,CAP'N."

>> HARDWICK: NEXT UP, COCOAHOOTS.

COCOA HOOTS. JOHNNY.

>> A COMMUNITY COLLEGEAPPLICATION.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

LAST ONE, MR. WONDERFUL'SCHOCOLATE SURPRIZE.

WHAT'S THE SURPRISE, RONFUNCHES?

>> UH, ECSTASY.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.