May 18, 2016 - Anthony Anderson

  • 05/18/2016

Donald Trump buries the hatchet with Megyn Kelly, and Larry discusses a controversy surrounding the NBA's Steven Adams with Anthony Anderson, Ricky Velez and Holly Walker.

Thank you very much.Thank you very much.

Man. What a great crowd tonight.

Welcome to The Nightly Show. I'm Larry Wilmore.

We have a good...This crowd wants to be

thoroughly entertainedtonight, you guys.

Thoroughly entertained.And we're gonna do it,

'cause my buddyAnthony Anderson from Black-ish

-is on the panel tonight.-(cheering, applause)

Love that guy.

Now, listen, guys,I have to say...

-(woman whoops)-Look, as... Thank you.

Um... I'm as sick of thispresidential election

as anyone, right?Well, almost anyone.

This is Mary Anne Noland.

And this is her obituarythat ran yesterday

in the Richmond Times-Dispatch. This is true, okay?

(cheering, applause)

Now that's keeping it 100,right there.

Man.

(exhales)Oh, man.

It's okay, guys-- this electioncrap'll be over in six months,

and there's lightat the end of the tunnel,

so just keep moving towardsthat light. No, not...

not that light.Not that light! No.

Well, except for you, Mary Anne.Move towards that light.

Yes, yes, yes.

As for the rest of us,it's time to check in

with The Unblackening.

(humming a tune)

Okay, while the Democratssplit their primaries,

Donald Trumpwon the Oregon primary easily.

Although winning67% percent of the vote

in an uncontested primary

is actually not that impressive.

No, really, if, look, if I wasplaying basketball by myself,

and the other team still managedto get 33 points on me...

I'd be a little worried.

Man, I have horrible defense.Man, it's terrible.

But credit where credit is due--Trump is winning,

and so it's time for a pivot

from terrifying, deranged,

loudmouth psycho clown to...

cuddly, electableloudmouth psycho clown.

Enter Megyn Kelly,who interviewed Donald

in a prime timeFox special last night.

That's right-- Kelly-Trump, you guys.

It's this generation's Frost-Nixon interview,

but with less sexual tension.Guys...

Hey, man, I was therefor the original.

America was clamoringfor that Frost-Nixon smooch.

You guys... Whew.

But they weretotal pros about it.

They kept it... kept it cool.All right.

All right, now, Megyn Kelly'sa hard-hitting, take no guff,

tell it like it is journalist.I'm sure last night

she really hit Donald hard onthe issues that matter the most.

Yes, you are. The thing thatgets me in trouble is retweets.

The retweet is really moreof a killer than the tweets.

The tweets I seemto do pretty well with.

You retweet some of those.It's not just the fans.

Yeah, but notthe more nasty ones.

You would be amazedat the ones I don't retweet.

We're talking about retweets?

Um, "retweet" is not the buttonI'm most worried

about Trump having hisLilliputian-sized finger on,

all right? Um... okay.

But I'm sure Megyn eventuallygot to the real issues,

the ones thatreally affect Americans

in their day-to day lives.

-Let's talk about us. -Okay.

We were always friendly.

Right, good relationship.

No. Why are we talkingabout your relationship?

I honestly don't care

about your relationship.

You're not Ross and Rachel,you know?

You're n...you're not... Right?

You're not Cookie and Lucious.Right?

You're not, uh...whoever they are.

I don't watch Big Bang Theory, sorry.

I don't. How I Met Your Mother. You know this. Hey, that's...

Okay.

No, you're a journalistand a presidential candidate.

Well, okay, technically,Abraham Lincoln and Helen Thomas

were a couple for a while,but nobody knew about that.

White House press corpsinside joke, everybody.

Yeah. That's for myC-SPAN peeps, right there.

All right,get that out of there.

And this is the firstyou and I have ever discussed

what happened between usover the past nine months,

'cause you and Idid not talk about that.

We never discussed it.No, we didn't discuss it.

Any regrets?

Any regr... Is this an interviewor the awkward meet-up

after you've broken up, right?

Maybe she left some CDsat your house, and...

yeah, she's tryingto get 'em back,

and you left some Trump steaksat her place, right?

Hoping they'll be returned.

Uh, absolutely, I have regrets.

I don't think I want to discusswhat the regrets are,

but absolutely I could've donecertain things differently.

Seriously, are they tryingto hook up one last time?

That's what it sounds like,you know?

Hello, we're here, you guys.We're still in the room.

You probably had some prettynasty tweets sent your way.

You retweet some of those.It's not just the fans.

Yeah, but notthe more nasty ones.

You would be amazedat the ones I don't retweet.

Bimbo?

Uh... Well, that was a retweet,yeah. Did I say that?

Many times.

Ooh. Okay.

Excuse me.(chuckles)

Hey, remember that timeI called you a bimbo

and you were all like, "Stop."

And... and I was like,"What? What?

I just retweeted it."And you were like, "Yeah,

but that hurts my feelings."And I was like, "No, it doesn't.

You got bloodcoming out of your wherever."

And you were all, like, "Gross."

Remember that? Remember that?

I have great respect for you,that you were able to call me

and say, "Let's get togetherand let's talk."

To me, I would nothave done that.

I...

I want to compliment youon your desperation

and your complete lackof journalistic integrity.

Thank you for that.Mm-hmm.

(sighs)

No offense, Fox,but we're not interested

in Donald Trump's relationshipto Megyn Kelly.

We're interested in DonaldTrump's relationship

to the truth.

And that's a very abusiverelation... ship, okay?

Can't even get itout of my mouth.

And the American mediahas become the enablers.

I mean, look,I get it, Megyn Kelly.

You want to be Oprah.You want to be Barbara Walters.

You know, I don't mindyou code-switching.

I ain't mad at you, but...

You want to get awayfrom your Fox & Friends.

I get it, I get it.

But you can't do itwith this guy.

A journalist should not have toapologize to someone

running for president in orderto get an interview with him.

If anything, this orange trolltaint should have to apologize

to the American people for notever saying anything substantive

this entire election cycle.

(cheering and applause)

Right? And...

and, by the way, by the way,

if a presidential candidateis so afraid of you

and upset with youthat he doesn't want

to sit down with youfor, like, a year,

that's a good thing!

That means you're doingyour (bleep) job!

(cheering and applause)

Man!

Now, look, fine.

After the election,after Trump has hopefully lost,

then you can go to Trump Tower

and ask him allthe softball questions you want.

But until then,Trump shouldn't be sitting down

with lightweight Megyn Kelly.

He should have to answerquestions from this Megyn Kelly.

You've called womenyou don't like fat pigs,

dogs, slobs,and disgusting animals.

You once told a contestanton Celebrity Apprentice,

it would be a pretty pictureto see her on her knees.

Does that sound to youlike the temperament

of a man we should electas president?

That's right.

I want to see fire coming outof your...

wherever.

We'll be right back.

(whoops)Yes! Thank you! Welcome back!

Now, after their recent win,

Oklahoma City, uh, Thundercenter

and New Zealand-bornSteven Adams,

uh, the NBA's Khal Drogo,

um--

very close--

showed off his Kiwi flavor.

For you, as a big,to get out on the perimeter

and chase these guys around,how much of a challenge is that?

I don't... I don't envy guards,mate.

They're quick little... quicklittle monkeys, those guys.

Hey, congratulations.Good game, man.

-All right. Cheers, mate.-Good game. Yep.

Mm...

That was kind of bad.

But-but, guys,

it was worth itfor the micro-moment

when ESPN's, uh, Chris Broussard

stares into, like,middle distance,

right, and decidesto soldier on.

Can we show that again?

...quick little monkeys,those guys.

Hey, congratulations.Good game, man.

-All right. Cheers, mate.-Good game. Yep.

Look at his face! Oh, my God!

"Mm-hmm.

"Uh, that giant is racist.

"I'm like... You see me.

"You see that I'm black,

"and you still gofor 'quick little monkeys'?

"You don't even look mein the eye

"when you say itwhile we're on TV.

"Talk about passive-aggressiveway to test

a mother(bleep)'sprofessionalism. Damn."

Of course, people were offended,

and Adams, uh, respondedto the flak.

REPORTER: He said that differences in the use

of language in his home country led

to his poor choice of words Monday.

Adams, who is of English and Tongan descent,

told USA Today, "it was just a poor choice of words, mate,

but I'm truly sorry."

Weak tea, mate.

It was a poor choice of wordsbut you're sorry?

Which one is it, man? Come on.

If it was a misunderstanding,then you clear it up.

Why are you apologizing,brother? But I get it.

There's a lot of confusionwhen people come over here

from other countriesand don't understand

why certain thingsare inappropriate.

And because this is sucha problem,

our very own Mike Yard has begunteaching

a racial sensitivity classto people new to America.

So let's check in with him now.Mike Yard, everybody!

(cheering and applause)

Hey, Larry!

-Hey, Mike! How's it going?-Hey.

Welcome to my class, Larry,How to Avoid Getting Beaten

Within an Inch of Your Lifeby a Brother in America 101.

Wow. That's-that'sa very aggressive title, Mike.

Listen, man,you got to be real direct

with these mother(bleep)s,Larry.

-Okay.-For example, hey, class.

Remember when I saidit was customary in America

to give an appleto your teacher?

I said "apple,"not just any fruit.

(bleep) whoever gave methis (bleep).

Oh.

Right.

So a foreignerwho just likes watermelon

needs to be told to keep itto yourself, right?

Exactly, Larry. Now, let mebring out one of my students

-to help demonstrate whatI teach in this class. -Okay.

This is Dmitri,and he is new to our country.

Hey! Is two black peoples!No big deal!

Okay, okay, Dmitri,calm the (bleep) down.

You are trying way too hard.

Now, let's talk about somebasic racial traps, Dmitri.

Let's say you get a deliciousbox of fried chicken,

and you see a starvingblack person on the street.

-What do you do?-Oh, is easy.

Give the black person somechickens to save their life!

-Ooh...-Man, you can't do that!

That is a good way to get beatenwithin an inch of your life!

Because chickens is stereotype,and stereotypes is bad.

Damn right!Best you just let him starve.

Wait, no, no, no, no.

Starve? Mike, uh, I'm not surethat's the best advice.

Okay, what aresome of the other lessons?

-Situational awareness. Watchthis, Larry. -Situational...

-Yeah. Situational awareness.-Okay. All right. Got it.

Dmitri, you need directionsto Times Square,

and you see me on the street.What do you do?

Okay, I approach yous,I look yous directly in eyes...

-Okay, let me stop youright there. -Mm-mm.

-You already got (bleep)ed up.-Wow.

Your first mistakeis you never make eye contact

with a brother you don't know.Especially one you don't know.

No eye contact, yes.

That's true. That'sa really good point, Mike.

A lot of peopledon't know that point.

So how do I get directions?

You cross the streetand use Google Maps.

Don't waste my time,mother(bleep).

Don't waste time.

-Don't waste time. -Don'twaste time, mother(bleep).

-Yes.-Right.

Mike, you have him sayinga lot of extra stuff

that I don't think is important.

I don't know if these lessonsare the proper ones.

Look, trust me, Larry.I am saving this brother's life.

Pop quiz: the stereotype is

that black men havebigger dicks. True or false?

Okay. Stereotypes is bad,

so... false.

Mother(bleep), I will beat you

within an inch of your life!

-Whoa, Mike, Mike, calm down!Calm down! -Is true?

-Do your research, son! That(bleep) is science! -Is true?

Mike, Mike, Mike, it's okay.It's okay.

All right, next lesson,the N-word.

-No, Mike, let's not go there!Let's not go there. -Nyet.

-I don't want to see...Mike Yard -Nyet.

-and one his students,everybody! -No. -What?

We'll be right back.Don't-don't go there, Mike.

(cheering and applause)

Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Ricky Velez.

(cheers and applause)

And Nightly Show contributorHolly Walker.

-(cheers and applause)-Hi.

And he stars in Black-ish,

and his new movie Barbershop: The Next Cut

is in theaters now--Anthony Anderson.

-(cheers and applause)-Hey!

And for everyone at home,join our conversation...

There you go.

...right nowon Twitter @NightlyShow

using the hashtag #Tonightly.

Okay, so as we mentionedearlier in the show--

and I'm sureyou saw this on video--

Oklahoma City Thunder centerSteven Adams

said this after the game.

For you, as a big,to get out on the perimeter

and chase these guys around--how much of a challenge is that?

I don't envy guards, mate.

They're quick little... quicklittle monkeys, those guys.

Hey, congratulations.Good game, man.

-All right. Cheers, mate.-Yup.

(laughter)

Now yesterday, he apologizedfor his comment.

Do you think he neededto apologize for this?

I... You know...

Yes, Larry,he needed to apologize.

WILMORE:Apologize or just clear it up?

-He needed to apologize for...-WALKER: Yup.

-First, he... Both.-WILMORE: Oh. What...?

He needed to apologizefor calling black men "monkeys."

-WILMORE: Well...-And then, two...

-WILMORE: Uh-huh. -Clear it upby saying, "Well, you know..."

-I... He... Clear it up, my ass.-Who was he calling...?

-How the hellcan you clear it up? -Yeah.

And who did he call a monkey?

Because he couldn't have calledKlay Thompson a monkey.

Well, then, yes,that's my point.

-Right.-So I didn't get it.

So, I mean, unless he called him"an albino monkey."

-No? And in my researchon this subject... -Uh-huh.

...I found out thatthat is the new, uh, uh, uh...

-What word are we looking for?-WALKER: Slur.

-Racial slur for white people.-WILMORE: Mm-hmm. Is what?

-We can call themalbino monkeys. -(laughter)

Look it up! I'm notmaking it up! Type it in.

What do you mean "Look it up?"What does that mean?

Time in at... Google!Google "albino monkey."

-WILMORE: It doesn't matter.-ANDERSON: And it's gonna say

-it's the new racial slur...-I don't get...

-...against white folks.-Just 'cause somebody

wrote it down, and it Googles,it doesn't mean that it's true.

I'm just saying.

Because suddenly I'm reading it,it renders it true.

WALKER: I believeeverything from Goggle.

Anything on Google,

-I read it, I believe it.-ANDERSON: I'm just saying.

VELEZ: You got to stop usingUrban Dictionary.

-That's some bull (bleep).-ANDERSON: ...dictionary--

that was the white man'sdictionary.

-Yup.-No, but...

But was it racistor just awkward?

That's what I'm saying,you know.

Awkward is when

he tries to give one of theblack teammates a high five.

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.-That's awkward.

-ANDERSON: Yeah. Yeah. -That(bleep) racist. That is racist.

-You think it was racist, too?-You thought it was racist?

-To a point. It's not...-Intentionally?

Come on. Like, look...

-He's from New Zealand!-WALKER: Uh, yeah.

-WILMORE: Yeah. So you're...-Yes! -WALKER: No.

-(laughter)-I don't think so.

-I thought it was just awkward.I.. -WILMORE: Uh-huh.

-And I'm gonna give hima pass... -WILMORE: Uh-huh.

...'cause he had just spent thenight chasing around black men.

-WILMORE: Careful. Careful.-ANDERSON: No. No. Monkeys.

-No, no. -He's chasingaround some monkeys.

-WILMORE: Careful. -WALKER:Chasing around black men,

and I have saidsome very awkward things

after chasingaround black men myself!

-Whoa.-(applause and cheering)

-So I will give him a pass!-Okay.

-That being said...-Yes.

...what awkward thingshave you said

or called these said black menafter the chase?

-If I catch 'em, "Hallelujah."-Okay.

(laughter)

-Okay.-It's very awkward at the time.

-Okay.-I mean, there...

-I'm not gonna mention anynames... -WILMORE: All right.

...but there are some playerson the Golden State Warriors--

they're not point guards--that do look monkey-esque.

WILMORE:Now, now, see,

-here's the thing, Anthony.-Now why can you say that?

-ANDERSON: I'm a black man!-Okay, wait. Hold on a minute.

-So... -I'm part monkey,according to him!

WILMORE:No. No, no, no.

Not according to him.So...

Well, according to who?!

Oh, so you're sayinga black person

can call another black persona monkey?

That's not what I said, Larry!

But you know...It is what you just said.

That is not what I just said.

I did not say it was coolfor another black man

to callanother black man monkey.

You just calledanother black man "monkey."

-I said they are monkey-esque.-Yes.

-That is the same.-I did not call...

-And I didn't mention no namesor positions! -Monk...

-Monkey-esque?! -I just saidthey're monkey-esque.

Okay, okay,I just want to make it clear--

I'm not calling you a monkey,I'm only saying

that you give offa monkey thing.

WALKER: A monkey-esque...You are kind of...

-There's a monkey-nessthat is around you. -Yes.

And... and, white guys,you are white monkey-esque.

-WILMORE: Albino monkey..-ANDERSON: No, no, albino.

You can just straight-upcall them albino monkeys.

WALKER: Okay. Albino monkeys.I'll remember that.

WILMORE: But if somebodydoesn't intend something,

if there is no intent of malice,

why is an apology needed,is my thing?

Can't it just be cleared up?That's what I want to know.

I think you have to apologize,

'cause it'sthe right thing to do.

'Cause if you don't apologize,then you're Donald Trump.

-WILMORE: What, it's like a...?-ANDERSON: Oh, and...

-then you kiss the baboon's ass.-WALKER: There you go.

-There you go.-WILMORE: But he intends to say

horrible things-- that's hisintent, to say horrible things.

I don't think this guyintended to say...

Yeah, but that's another (bleep)up thing I want to talk about.

-Like...-Yes, please, go ahead.

This dude was stillout of breath from the game.

-Yeah. -Yeah.-He was sweating.

-Mm-hmm. -Right. -Everybody'slike, "I would never say that."

Well, you don't playprofessional basketball

and know the stressof walking out of...

You think the stressmade him say "monkey"?

I think being a microphonethrown in your face

after guarding Steph Curryall game

might bea (bleep) problem, yeah.

Really? So...so he's so stressed,

-he's like, "Uh, monkey!"-Monkey!

(laughter)

-Basketball! Monkey! Monkey!-And-and I'm just...

and I'm just curious--how many monkeys

has he chased in his lifetime?

-(laughter) -VELEZ: Are they...are they native to New Zealand?

I don't think monkeysare native to New Zealand.

WILMORE: So what you'resaying is he's not drawing

on actual monkey-chasingexperience.

-I-I don't know. -He's inventinga monkey-chasing scenario

-in the moment, is what you'resaying. -Yes, he is. He has to.

-Okay.-Is his apology even sincere,

or is it, hey,I better say some (bleep)

'cause I got to get backinto that locker room.

-Like, is that... -WILMORE:And play with those monkeys?

Well, I mean,he has to keep his job,

-Right.-'cause he's from New Zealand,

and the only jobs back thereare being a hobbit, so...

-(laughter) -like, you have to,so I think it was sincere.

ANDERSON:Or a monkey chaser.

-Or a monkey chaser.-WILMORE: Right.

Or a monkey chaser.That's right.

Too tall for hobbit, too tall.

What animals are okayto compare people to?

If... if monkeys are off thetable, what are we left with?

-Honey badger.-Honey badger.

-Honey badger.-Okay.

-He a sweet honey badger.-Yeah, he a sweet honey badger.

-Uh, a wildebeest. -VELEZ:You're gonna call another man

-"honey badger"?-Another man has already

been called honey badger-- I'm not calling him.

That's what he's called.He went to LSU.

He's in the league now.Honey badger.

VELEZ: Why are we describinganybody as animals anymore?

We're (bleep) humans, man!

(laughter)

It (bleep) make sense to me.

WILMORE:I ain't mad at honey badger.

ANDERSON:Honey badger. Wildebeest.

VELEZ: I mean, if we're gonnatake "monkey" off the table,

we got to take everythingoff the table,

and now we're being racisttowards monkeys,

-and that's (bleep) up.-ANDERSON: No, no, not at all.

-Not at all.-WILMORE: Yeah?

I walked in behind her,and her ass is on her back

-like a greyhound. -WALKER:Okay. -(audience groans, shouts)

-A greyhound?-A greyhound. It's up.

-A greyhound?-Yeah, it's up.

-WALKER: It's true. -Okay,Holly, you get the last word.

-I get the last word?-Yeah.

That was a good word. That...

(laughter)

ANDERSON: You'll bechasing me, too, Holly.

-I won't run far.-Okay, all right.

WILMORE: I'll be... I'llbe back with my honey badgers

and monkeys right after this.

We'll be right back.

YARD: If you live in the New York City area

or are planning to visit, grab some free tickets

to The Nightly Show.

All right,I want to thank my panel,

Ricky Velez, Holly Walker,Anthony Anderson.

We're almost out of time,but before we go,

I'm gonna Keep It 100.

Tonight's question is froman audience member named Neil.

All right, let's take a look.

Hey, Larry,what would your closing line be

for President Trump's

White House CorrespondenceDinner? Keep It 100.

-Oh.-(audience groans)

Well, uh, oh, man.Well, I'd want to be respectful,

so I'd have to say, uh,

"Thank youand go (bleep) yourself."

-(laughter)-Thanks for watching.

Good Nightly, everyone.

-He Kept It 100!-Oh, is that inappropriate?

He Kept It 100!

Oh, man!

Oh, man, look at that!

-♪ -(cheering, applause)