Extended - Thursday, December 1, 2016 - Uncensored

  • 12/01/2016

Noel Fielding, Kristen Schaal and Rich Fulcher get duped by fake news, #MakeAMovieCold and create historical clickbait headlines in this extended, uncensored episode.

ACCORDING TO THE "AMERICANTRIBUNE," GREEN PARTY CANDIDATE

AND PRESIDENT-NO-SO-ELECT JILLSTEIN HAS BEEN ARRESTED FOR

EMBEZZLING FUNDS FROM HERELECTION RECOUNT MONEY TO THROW

A MASSIVE MARIJUANA-THEMED PARTYIN CALIFORNIA, WHICH IS SPANISH

FOR "MARIJUANA."

(LAUGHTER)HER GUEST LIST ALLEGEDLY

INCLUDED SOME OF THE QUOTE,"RICHEST LIBERALS IN LOS

ANGELES," ALSO KNOW AS THE@MIDNIGHT WRITERS.

NO.

(LAUGHTER)SO, COMEDIANS, WHAT ARE SOME

THINGS YOU MIGHT OVERHEAR ATJILL STEIN'S POT PARTY?

(LAUGHTER)NEVER HAD SOMEONE BUZZ IN FOR

SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE.

KRISTEN SCHAAL.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

UH, I NEED TO GET HIGHER SO THATI CAN FORGET THAT A TOKE FOR

STEIN IS A TOKE FOR TRUMP!

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)POINTS FOR THAT. RICH FULCHER.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> UH, WHICH ONE IS JILL STEIN?

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE & CHEERING)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

NOAH FIELDING.

>> I LIKE HOW RICH'S STONEDVOICE IS THE SAME AS HIS NORMAL

VOICE.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S THE SAME ASHIS REGULAR VOICE.

>> SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> HARDWICK: THAT SCENE WAS...

THAT SCENE WAS JUST CALLED "RICHFULCHER..."

>> I KNEW YOU'D EMBARRASS ME.

>> HARDWICK: THAT SCENE WAS JUSTCALLED "RICH FULCHER AT JILL

STEIN'S POT PARTY," THOUGH...

(LAUGHTER)>> EVEN THOUGH THEY'VE BOTH

BEEN, DO I STILL NEED TO BUZZ?

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: YOU CAN, OR YOUDON'T HAVE TO?

>> YEAH?

>> HARDWICK: OH, SHIT.

>> I'M GONNA DO ANY IMPRESSIONOF RICH FULCHER.

>> HARDWICK: PLEASE.

>> (SLOWLY, IN STRAINED VOICE):"I HOPE DONALD TRUMP GETS IN

THERE.

THEN WE CAN FASHION A BONG OUTOF HIS HAIR."

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, PERFECT.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE & CHEERING)>> THAT WAS DEAD ON.

>> HARDWICK: SPOT ON. SPOT ON.

>> I'M GONNA GET YOU.

I'M GONNA GET YOU!

>> I'M BETTER AT YOU THAN YOUARE.

>> YOU SHUT UP!

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, SO, I

HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.

THAT NEWS STORY WAS COMPLETELYFAKE, YOU GUYS.

TOTALLY FAKE, TOTALLY MADE UP,BUT PEOPLE ARE STILL SHARING IT

LIKE IT'S REAL.

THIS IS PART OF A VERY TROUBLINGTREND OF... PEOPLE BEING STUPID.

(LAUGHTER)FAKE NEWS IS EVERYWHERE THESE

DAYS.

GOOGLE'S BEEN CLAMPING DOWN ONIT.

ONE RECENT REPORT FOUND THAT THETOP 20 FAKE NEWS STORIES WERE

INTERACTED WITH ON FACEBOOKALMOST NINE MILLION TIMES IN THE

WEEKS BEFORE THE ELECTION.

FAKE NEWS IS POPULAR BECAUSE, ITESSENTIALLY JUST PLAYS INTO

PEOPLES' CONFIRMATION BIASES.

THEY WANT TO FEEL LIKE THEY'RERIGHT.

DOESN'T MATTER IF THEINFORMATION IS REAL OR NOT, AS

LONG AS THEY SEE IT WRITTEN IN AFONT.

"HEY, A FONT.

THAT SEEMS OFFICIAL."

AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR TONIGHT'S#HASHTAGWARS.

>> OH, HOLY SHIT!

(CHEERING)>> YEAH!

>> HARDWICK: IT'S DECEMBER NOW,WHICH MEANS THE WEATHER IN A LOT

OF THE COUNTRY IS SOMEWHEREBETWEEN COLD AS FUCK AND ANN

COULTER'S HEART.

(LAUGHTER)WHEN IT'S THIS CHILLY, THE ONLY

GOOD REASON TO GO OUTSIDE IS TOKILL WHITE WALKERS.

(LAUGHTER)OH, IT'S ANN COULTER AGAIN.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

YOU GOT TO JUST...

YOU GOT TO JUST STAY IN ANDWATCH A MOVIE.

THAT'S WHY TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS#MAKEAMOVIECOLD.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE-- TINKER,TAILOR, COLDER GUY,

AND BATMAN V SNOWMAN.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK, AND BEGIN.

KRISTEN SCHAAL.

>> GLENGARRY JACK FROST!

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS!

(APPLAUSE)RICH.

>> JURASSIC PARKA.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)NOEL FIELDING.

>> PASSION OF THE CHRIST IT'SCOLD!

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)KRISTEN.

>> PRETTY IN PINK NOSE ANDCHEEKS.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, THAT'SADORABLE. POINTS.

FULCHER.

>> PEGGY IGLOO GOT MARRIED.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

KRISTEN.

>> BIRRRD... MAN.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

NOEL.

>> NUMB & NUMBER.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

VERY GOOD. RICH FULCHER.

>> THE WOLF OF WALL STREET AND ALOT OF FUCKING SNOW.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

>> OH, DID I BUZZ THE...? OKAY.

UM...

(LAUGHTER)SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING

LONG JOHNS.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

>> YAH, YAH.

>> HARDWICK: UH, RICH THIS TIME.

>> APOCALYPSE PLOW.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)KRISTEN.

>> FULL WINTER JACKET.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

RICH.

>> SNOWBALL FIGHT CLUB.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

NOEL.

>> THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THESNUGGLY.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS!

KRISTEN SCHAAL.

>> UM, AS BOO... ZERO, UH...

NO, FORGET THAT. I JUST...

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: AW...

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

A REDDITOR BY THE NAME OF RAEVIXPROPOSED THIS QUESTION RECENTLY:

"IF HUMANS FROM PAST ERAS HADINTERNET, WHAT WOULD THEIR

CLICKBAIT ADS SAY?"OUR FAVORITE ANSWER CAME FROM

WTXRED, WHO WROTE, "ARE THEY AWITCH?

SEVEN WAYS TO TELL."

NUMBER TWO WILL DROWN YOU.

SO, THIS IS A LOT OF FUN.

COMEDIANS, I WOULD LIKE YOU TOGIVE ME AS MANY HISTORICAL

CLICKBAIT HEADLINES AS YOU CANIN 60 SECONDS.

(SCHAAL GROANS)AND BEGIN.

RICH FULCHER.

>> I DRILLED A HOLE IN MY SKULLAND LOST 12 DEMONS IN A

FORTNIGHT.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

KRISTEN.

>> JOSEPH FOUND OUT MARY GOTPREGNANT WHILE HE WAS AT WORK

AND SHE HAD THE PERFECTRESPONSE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

POINTS.

NOEL.

>> COULD THIS MAN IN AWHEELCHAIR DEFEAT HITLER?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

RICH.

>> 42 GREAT DONNER PARTYRECIPES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

KRISTEN SCHAAL.

>> WE CAN GUESS YOUR FAVORITECHEESE BASED ON WHEN GENGHIS

KHAN ENSLAVED YOUR PEOPLE.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.