April 18, 2016 - Terry Crews

  • 04/18/2016

Sarah Palin mocks Bill Nye's status as a scientist, and Larry discusses derailed efforts to feature women on U.S. currency with Terry Crews, Grace Parra and Holly Walker.

Thank you very much.Thank you very much. So kind.

Please have a seat.Such a great crowd.

Thank you.Thank you so much.

Such a great...Thank you very much.

You tried.I appreciate that, right, Dre?

He went... He's like...He went, "Larry, nobody..."

-Okay. I'll just...-(laughter)

Welcome to The Nightly Show.

I am Larry Wilmore.Um, man...

Oh, you know,before we get started,

there's something I needto get off my chest.

As you know,I am a science nerd.

Um, blience blerd, if you will.

Uh, which is whyI was deeply troubled

when Sarah Palin said thisabout climate change.

Um, too many peoplebelieve that,

"Oh, well, I guessif 97% of every... you know,

"all scientists believe

"that man's activitiesare creating changes

in the weather,who am I to question that?"

-Yes!-(laughter)

Who are you to question that?Correct.

-(cheers and applause)-Yes, who are you?

Ugh! Unf... (laughs)

Unfortunately, unlikeour planet's polar ice caps,

Sarah Palin isn't going away.

-Mm.-(laughter)

And while attemptingto discredit 97% of scientists,

Palin went after our friend,Bill Nye the Science Guy.

Take a look.

WOMAN: The ex-governor of Alaska lashed out at Nye

while speaking at an invitation-only screening

for an anti-climate change documentary.

She said:

(audience groaning,Wilmore sighs)

First of all, he's never claimedto be a scientist.

He's had a science guy, all right?

(laughter)

Nay, he is the science guy,all right?

And who better to weigh inon the merits of someone

who's spent his lifedisseminating scientific ideas

to a popular audiencethan a failed governor

who's supporting a confor president,

and is about to becomea fake TV judge? Hmm?

-(laughter)-Hmm?

I don't know the answer to that.

Okay, onto our top story.

With America inching closer

to finally putting a womanin the White House,

our nation is alsoone step closer

to putting a womanon that paper.

It's official. The $20 dollarbill will soon have a new face.

That's right.

The treasury department isexpected to announce this week

that Andrew Jacksonwill be replaced by a woman.

Wow. This is great, you guys.This is true.

They're replacingAndrew Jackson,

who was a notoriouslypro-slavery president,

as well as the most bloodthirstyracist in the Jackson Five.

-Um...-(laughter and groaning)

It's true. It's true.

You guys knowI don't make this stuff up.

-You know that.-(laughter)

I... (laughing)

Uh, so when can we getAndrew off the $20

and replace him with a Janet?

WOMAN: Don't expectany changes right away

because a new $20 bill--

it will not be issueduntil at least 2030.

Oh, 2030?

But by then, Janet Jackson willbe in her, like, mid-sixties

at an AARP expo flashingher Super Bowl titty.

-We... No... It's that...-(laughter)

Nah. Okay.

Sorry. Thank you very much.Thank you.

(laughter)

So pathetic.

But a woman will beon currency before then, right?

I mean, Treasury SecretaryJack Lew has already promised

that a woman would replace

former Treasury SecretaryAlexander Hamilton

on the ten dollar billin the next few years.

WOMAN: Lew is expected to announce Hamilton will remain

on the front of the ten dollar note,

and a scene of women throughout history

will be added to the back.

(laughter)

-On the back?-(people groaning)

Agreed. You know what?

In today's job market,

the only thingmore insulting would be

to put a woman on the frontof a 78 cent bill.

-All right?-(laughter)

Am I right?Am I right?

(applause and cheering)

-Am I right?!-(whooping)

It's true.

So why is everyoneso suddenly interested

in keeping Hamiltonon the ten dollar bill?

WOMAN: Alexander Hamilton will stay on the ten dollar bill,

thanks in large part to the popularity

of the Broadway play Hamilton.

♪ I am notthrowing away my shot! ♪

♪ I am not throwing awaymy shot... ♪

-Okay. Hold on a second, now.-(laughter)

All right, okay. Mm.

You're telling me that becauseof a hit Broadway musical,

we now have to wait until 2030to see a woman on our currency?

Which, incidentally,is how long it will take

for you to get ticketsto see Hamilton.

-(laughter)-The irony.

Look, guys,I loved Hamilton.

Hamilton's fantastic. I thoughtit was an amazing show.

But are we really goingto shift public policy

because of a Broadway musical?

I'm just saying, when Book of Mormon was all the rage,

we didn't elect Mitt Romney.

(laughter)

-(applause and cheering)-We didn't do that, right?

That being said...

That being said, passing a law

outlawing fiddlers on roofsmakes sense, all right?

-(laughter)-That's a public safety issue.

But this Hamilton thing--it's just ridiculous.

You know, here to talkabout the decision

to keep Hamilton on the tendollar bill is one of the women

affected by the decision,Harriet Tubman.

(cheers and applause)

Uh, wow. Hi, Harriet.

I appreciate you coming backfrom the beyond

to, uh... to speak with us.

And I appreciate yousummoning me.

-Ooh, man. So scary. Wow.-Mm-hmm.

Now, now, you know,now many predicted

you'd take Hamilton's placeon the ten.

What do you think of this?

I thinkthis is some bull (bleep)!

-(laughter)-WILMORE: Mm.

I mean, last year,

everybody wanted me on that ten dollar bill.

Now I'm getting bouncedfor a musical

just 'cause some white man'sbeing played

by a Puerto Ricanwho can rhyme good?

-(laughter, applause & cheering)-Well...

Well, I mean...

what about what about the ideaof them putting you

on the $20 bill in 2030?Is that all right for you?

20, 30. Larry, I've alreadywaited 100 years

just to have this conversation.

-Now a dead sister's got to waituntil 2030? -WILMORE: Okay.

-Well, I know. It's true.-Come on.

Well, I mean,since you're dead,

it's really not that far away,you know.

-(laughter and groaning)-I think. Potato, po-tah-to.

Larry, paper money won't even exist in 2030.

We'll be using bitcoinand Apple Pay

and virginityfor currency by then.

-(laughter, clapping)-Yeah.

Virginity?

-Yeah, it's a one-time payment,but it's very valuable. -Oh.

The point is,

I'm not gonna let some reverseminstrel show ruin this for me.

Well, what about the ideaof having a group of women

on the back of the newten dollar bill?

Um, that happens in justa couple of years. Is that cool?

-The back of the bill?-Yeah.

Oh, so you Rosa Parks-ing menow, Larry?

-WILMORE: No.-(audience jeering)

-I... was not doing that.-Yeah, and why has it got to be

a "gaggle" of women?

All of a sudden

we're Ray Charles'backup singers or something?

Uh, you've been keeping upwith a lot of pop culture

-since you've been dead.-(laughter)

Look, don't change the subject,Larry, okay?

-I'm sorry. I apologize.-I'm serious about this.

-Okay. -I don't want peopleto forget me.

I am the H-A-R-R-I-E-T

Tubman, come escape with me!

-WILMORE: Okay, okay.-(whooping)

-I get why you're upset.-Right?

-I get it. I get it.-Thank you.

-And I understand.-Thank you. Thank you.

I think it's just going to bea little difficult to get done.

-Difficult, Larry?-Yeah, I think.

You're gonna tell Harriet Tubmanabout difficult?

Come on, Harriet Tubmangot slaves out of the South,

-True.-and you can't figure out

how to get a woman's pictureon some paper

that's filled with imageswith some men who were

the whole reason I had to get mypeople out of the South?

-(whooping, applause)-Really?

-Uh...-Really?

That actually, uh, that actuallyis a good point, Harriet.

-Thank you. -Look, you know,thank you so much for appearing.

Uh, do you have any planswhile you're in town?

Oh, yeah.I'm gonna go see Hamilton.

I hear it's amazeballs.

It is, it is.Harriet Tubman, everybody!

-(cheering, applause)-We'll be right back.

Yes, it really is.

All right!

-(whooping)-Welcome back! Okay, thank you.

There's a new studyfrom the University of Virginia

that caught my side-eye.

A new study findsAfrican American patients

are often treated differently

when it comesto medicine and care.

Implicit bias existsthat may help explain

why black people are sometimesundertreated for pain.

Hmm. "Implicit bias"?

It's like what, exactly?

Like how some unarmed black people complain

of shooting painsbut get no relief?

-Like...-(audience groans)

What?

(laughter)

Okay, I mean,what kinds of implicit bias

are we talking about here?

NEWSWOMAN: Medical students believe that African Americans

felt less pain than white patients,

and even thought their skin was thicker.

(audience groans)

Well, if we have thicker skin,it's because we have to listen

to (bleep) like thisfor years and years. Right?

-(whooping, applause)-Are you kidding me?

All right, now, obviously,this isn't the first

we're hearing about black peoplegetting sketchy medical care

for dubious reasons, but I'dlike to get to the root of this,

so let's check in with ourconspiracy expert, Mike Yard,

in the latest installmentof The Y Files.

-♪ -(cheering, applause)

Hi, Mike. So, uh,so let me get this straight.

-So, you have a theory on that?-Yes, I have a theory--

AKA the truth.

Okay? And the answeris so obvious, Larry--

it's Washington.

Uh, so hold it. So you thinkDC is behind all this.

No, not that Washington.

-Denzel Washington!-(laughter)

It's all right there, Larry.It's all right there.

Denzel... Wait,what does Denzel Washington

have to do with the perceptionthat black people

-don't feel pain?-Oh, I don't know. Everything?

-(laughter) -I mean, have youever seen the movie Glory?

Have you ever seenthe movie Glory, Larry?

-Yeah.-You ever seen it? Watch this.

-Okay.-Watch this.

(whip strikes)

YARD:Did you see that?

-Did you see that?A single tear? Come on! -Yeah.

The brother's getting whipped,Larry. Whipped!

And he trickles out one tear?

Yeah. I mean, I thoughtthat was a very moving scene.

So he should be screaming,sobbing.

Now, if I'm a white personwatching that,

why shouldn't I think thatblack people feel less pain

and their skin is thicker?

Because it's a movie.

Okay, what about this one?What about this one?

-All right. Okay.-Denzel is literally

-a man on fire.-(laughter)

Literally!

And yet, look at his face,look at his face.

He's showing no pain.

That's becausehe's not on fire, Mike!

It's-it's the titleof the movie!

-Yeah, to you. -What?

But that's the dangerof Denzel, Larry.

He's so good, people thinkeverything he does is the truth.

And that's why I'm introducinga new theory of mine--

the Denzel Effect.

-The Denzel Effect?-Yep. Every stereotype

about black people tracesright back to a Denzel movie.

Okay, Mike,that-that cannot be true.

Larry, where do you thinkthe misconception

that black people can't swimcomes from?

Um... socioeconomic factorsthat limited the access

-minorities had to public, uh...-Wrong!

It was all Denzelin Crimson Tide.

(laughter)

-Okay? Submarine floods,-Okay.

three men drown--ergo, black people can't swim.

(laughter)

Mike, that's ridiculous.

Two of the peoplethat drowned were white.

Damn, you knowyour Crimson Tide.

-Well...-Okay. Okay.

-It's in my Netflix queue.-I hear you.

Well, answer me this, brother.

-Okay.-Why is it that you think...

why do you think nobody wantsto help blind black people?

Why do you think that?

Mike, that's definitelynot a stereotype.

Because... in the movie The Book of Eli

-Uh-huh.-Denzel played a blind dude

who goes aroundkilling everybody with a sword!

I mean, after that, I wouldn'thelp a blind brother, either.

Thanks, Denzel.

(laughter)

Mike... Mike, you-you can't pinevery stereotype

on Denzel Washington!

And it really sounds like you'remaking some of this stuff up.

-Ah. Okay, Larry, okay,okay, okay. -Right? All right.

-Fact or not a fact?-All right.

There aren't a lot of blackairline pilots, are there?

Um...

-okay, that is a fact.-Thank you.

'Cause you'd never geton a plane to hear this.

Yeah, this is your captain,

uh, Lejamarcus.

Uh, we're gonna be delayeda little bit,

'cause your captain's waitingon a little package

to come through.

But just sit tight, everybody.

-Yeah, you're right,you're right, -It's all good.

-you're right, I'venever heard that. -Thank you.

-You're right. -And whydo you think that is, Larry.

Uh... systemic racism?

Nope. Denzel Washingtonin the movie Flight.

(laughter)

Denzel made everybody thinkthat black people

fly planes upside downwhile coked up.

(applause)

I mean...

-(whooping)-he don't stop.

-Mike... that is ridiculous,Mike. -He just won't stop.

That doesn't make sense.

Look, a pilot like thatcan't even get a job

at Spirit Airlines, Larry.Let's be real.

-(laughter) -Okay,that actually does make sense.

-Thank you. Yeah. -Mike Yardand The Y Files, everyone!

-Now you see it! Now you see it!-We'll be right back.

That actually...that actually does make sense.

Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Grace Parra.

-Hi. -(cheering, applause)-WILMORE: Yeah.

And Nightly Show contributorHolly Walker.

(cheering, applause)

And you can see my next guest onthe hit show Brooklyn Nine-Nine,

which has its season finaletomorrow night

at 9:00 p.m. on Fox.Actor Terry Crews, everybody.

-Yeah! Hey!-(cheering, applause)

Yeah!

And for everyone at home...

Stop showing off.For everyone at home,

join our conversationright now on Twitter.

@NightlyShow, using the hashtag#Tonightly.

Okay, so, we mentioned thisearlier in the show.

Uh, the treasury secretary, uh,

was consideringreplacing Alexander Hamilton

on the ten-dollar billwith a woman. But now,

due to the smash success of theBroadway show play Hamilton,

uh... They're not gonnatake away his shot, now.

Uh, there's talkthat he'll stay on the front

of the ten-dollar billand the women's suff...

I think the women's suffragemovement is gonna be depicted

-on the back instead.-CREWS: Oh.

And, uh, they'llreplace Andrew Jackson

on the $20 billby the year 2030 with a woman.

So, my question--okay, first of all,

how do we feel about a Broadwayplay influencing the government?

-Oh, God. -I...In the words of Harriet Tubman,

that is some (bleep).

Well, you know, it's funny,it's kind of like, you know,

we want to put Princess Leiaon the bill

because Star Wars was so successful.

You know what I mean?That's kind of ridiculous.

You know, I-I really... I mean,if you want... If you were

going to do it, just, you know,just, I mean... First of all,

we as men in America

have always valued ourselvesmore than women.

And I have to say that.I mean, I was guilty...

And I-I literallyhad to change my whole life.

I became a feminist--a card-carrying feminist--

once I realized...No, I-I really did.

Because I play...I was in sports culture...

They have cards for that now?

-I have mine. I do, I do.-You don't have a card, uh-uh.

No, but it's-it's weirdbecause there's, like,

a cult of masculinity, and it'sthis thing where, you know,

it's about being the man.It's about, you know, uh,

being over a womanand this kind of thing.

And we've always valued,uh, men more than women,

-and it's about time...-Well, the ultimate expression

of value is being placedon currency, I suppose.

Well, that's what I'm saying.When you're talking about value

you see all these guys

and they've been on moneyfor years. It's just time.

-And I think they shouldn'tdelay it one-one second. -Now...

How important is itto have women on currency?

Well, I was gonna say, as awoman, I don't give two (bleep).

What I care about...

What I care aboutis getting equal money,

not whose face is on the moneythat I'm getting.

-CREWS: Wow, you got a goodpoint. -Yes. -I don't care.

You can put SpongeBobon that (bleep), I don't care.

-That's a great point.-Just, I don't want 78 cents

-on the dollar.-Do you... do you...

Is it an important issue, Holly?Is it... is it something, uh,

is it somethingthat just needs to be done

because it feels likean injustice, or...

I... But... I-I'm right whereTerry is, um,

in the fact thatyou're-you're honoring people

by putting themon wom... on money,

and we-we want to honor women.

And I think, yeah, we should beon money. We should...

There's half of usin the country,

-there should be half us on themoneys. -PARRA: On the moneys!

-It makes sense. -On the moneys.Have us on the moneys.

Does it feel...Does it feel weird that, uh,

that the womenhave to go on the back?

-That's kind of... -Well,listen, men are always trying

to hit it from the back, if youknow what I'm talking about.

Up top. Up top.

WILMORE:Nice. Very nice.

Uh, who do you... who do youthink... Which woman

should be put on the...Well, who should be

put on a bill first-- a womanor just a person of color?

I think we should have bothand it should be Oprah.

-Mm, okay, okay. -Oprah?Oprah should be on money?

-A woman... -Oprah prob... Oprahprobably is on money somewhere.

There's some country that said,"Oprah money, yes, Oprah money."

You know what the... Wait,there's a whole lot of ways

to do this. I mean, you couldhave a 2.5-dollar bill.

You know what I mean?We can-we can keep it going.

-That's true.-Uh, you know what I'm saying?

I mean, there's a lot of whitepeople on this money.

You know what I'm saying?We can change it all up.

I-I don't have a problem...I think this...

It-it almost gets religiouswhere nobody

wants anything to change,but change is inevitable.

-Yeah. -Yes. This is what wehave to figure out and face

-in America. We have to changethings. -So, we... so, we

-should have a $7.50 bill?-That's what I'm saying.

-And put some womens on it.-You know what I mean?

WILMORE: You could have a...a $420 bill for drugs.

-A four... Yeah.-Oh! Oh!

-There you go.-Oh.

But you know-you knowwho's got to be taken off--

Andrew "Trail of Tears" Jackson

-has got to go. -Wow. -Well,that's what a lot of people

-have been arguing.-Yeah. Oh, my God.

That guy wasall about Indian genocide.

And yet every time I-I,you know, go to a restaurant

-or whatever, that man's faceis staring at me. -Yeah.

E-Every time I seeBenjamin Franklin's face,

it's kind of like...You-you ever see his face?

-It's a little bit like,"Mm-hmm." -So smug.

-You think he's judging?-Yeah, he's judging you.

Like, "You don't...you don't deserve to hold me."

-Yeah. -Mmm. It's like...If you've ever seen

-Benjamin's face, he's like,"Mm." -No, Terry, he is

-not judging you.He had syphilis. -What happened?

-That is, "Ooh, I got a symptom.Mm. Mm. -Oh. Ew.

-Mm." That is... that isa syphilitic kind of look. -Wow.

-That's what it was.-A-And he just got electrocuted.

-He had a lot of (bleep)...-That is true. It's a wonder

-he looks that photogenic.-He had a lot of stuff going on.

Uh, how do you...what if they, uh, said, "Okay,

"we're getting a woman on, uh,one of the bills tomorrow,

but we're taking off'in God we trust'"?

-Mmm.-Mmm.

-Scandalous. -Like,how-how would people feel

-about taking off... Do we needthat on-on our currency? -Oh.

People would lose their mindsif we took off

"in God we trust." Yeah, theywould lose their minds, yeah.

I mean, I think there's room.There's room for everything.

Why do we...Why is God on our money?

-But it... It got quiet here.-No. -Yeah, it did.

-I know. We're all thinking.-Oh, (bleep). I don't know.

Because, like, I-I personallydon't have a problem with it

on money,but I completely understand

if people are offended by it,too. So it's a tough-tough,

-like, line to toggle. -I don'tknow if people are offended

-by it. I don't think people-I think atheists are, for sure.

even... Do people even notice itanymore?

-It's weird. -I don't thinkthey do. -I'm just like,

-"Thank God I have money."-That's the thing.

That's what it is.That's what it is.

-"Thank God I have money."-Like, instead-instead of...

instead of "in God we trust,""thank you, Jesus."

But the truth is,who has actually seen

-their money anymore? You knowwhat I mean? -I don't use cash.

Who actually...I haven't seen a dollar bill

-in a long, long time.-Should we get rid of cash?

I have cards,I have all this stuff. I mean,

-put "God... in God we trust"on American Express. -Mm-hmm.

But I haven't seen actual moneyin a long time,

and I think every daythat goes by, all the ca...

You know, this may bea moot point we're talking about

-in about five years. -Well,I think we're... It's gonna go

to, like, sponsorships. "AT&Tpresents the five dollar bill."

As long as it's not Ni... Ithink as long as it's not Nike,

because "just do it"is the worst mantra

you could possibly hear whenit comes to anything financial.

"Should I buy those shoes?""Just do it."

-"Okay, there you go."-"Well, Nike told me to."

"Trump Steaks presentsthe $100 bill."

The-the newest movie promotionon the back of your dollar bill.

-Right. -I know. That'swhat we're going to. I know.

"Fandango presentsthe one dollar bill."

All right, we'll be right backright after this.

(cheering and applause)

YARD: If you live in the New York City area or are planning

to visit, grab free tickets to The Nightly Show.

Thanks to my panel! It wasGrace Parra, Holly Walker,

and Terry Crews. We're almostout of time. Before we go,

I'm gonna keep it 100for you guys, all right?

Tonight's question is froman audience member named Justin.

-Let's take a look.-Hey, Larry,

who's more of a New Yorker,Clinton, Trump, or Sanders?

-Keep it 100.-Ooh. Keep it 100. -Mm-hmm.

All right. Oh,this is actually interesting.

-Okay, well, Hillary moved hereto be a senator, -Mm-hmm.

and Bernie, like, moved awayabout 150 years ago.

I mean, people may not likethis, but if I'm keeping it 100,

Trump is the most New York,'cause he stayed here

the whole time. I mean...What? You're gonna boo me?!

-It's true! It's true!-He's 100! He's 100, though!

I kept it 100!Thanks for watching!

Good Nightly, everyone!(chuckles)

Boo! Boo, me! Good Nightly!(laughs)

-♪ -(cheering and applause)

MAN: Ooh, sorry.