Alice Quits

  • Season 3, Ep 13
  • 01/30/2013

The guys meet their new boss when Alice quits being their old boss.

LET'S EVISCERATE THESE FOOLS.- YEAH, BABY.

- OH, DON'T YOU--DO NOT SHOOT ME!

OKAY, I'VE GOT LIVE...OFFICE SUPPLIES.

- LIVE--OKAY.

- [yells]BACK OFF, BITCHES!

- END OF THE LINE, TEZ.

- DROP IT OR WE DROP YOU.

- HA HA!AH!

NOBODY MOVE OR THIS BOYGETS PUMPED FULL OF PLASTIC.

- I DON'T--

- GEE--- OH!

both: OH!

- OH-HO-HO-HO!

OH.- WHOA.

- THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.YOU'RE MY HERO, THAT WAS--

- WHAT THE HELLWAS THAT CRASH?

OH, MY--YOU GUYS,I GAVE YOU THE DAY OFF.

TRAVIS.

- I WAS JUST COMING BY TO...

SCOOP THE EVALUATIONS

AND GET A LOOK-SEE ATHOW YOU DO THINGS AROUND HERE.

NOW I KNOW.

- I THOUGHT I'D OPEN THINGS UPAROUND HERE.

BY THE WAY,YOU ARE 32 MINUTES LATE,

WHICH MEANS YOU WILLSTART GETTING PAID

AT THE TOP OF THE NEXT HOUR.- ARE WE?

- YES.- WAIT, WHAT?

YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF US.

- OH, I AM...

TILL I FINDALICE'S REPLACEMENT.

IN THE MEANTIME, I'LL BE MAKINGSOME CHANGES AROUND HERE.

AND I'M NOT JUST TALKINGABOUT THE LUSH GREENERY.

SOME EFFICIENCY ADJUSTMENTS.

SOME NEW RULES,NEW SEATS.

YOU BOYS ARENO LONGER CUBE MATES.

JILLIAN!

PARDONNES-MOI.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- OH, MY GOSH, NO.- I TOLD YOU TO MOVE THE WALL.

MOVE THE WALL!- NOT--NOT HIM.

- OH, JET SET.

- ALL RIGHT, JESSE!

APPRECIATE YOU RINSINGYOUR HAIR OUT.

IT WAS JUST A SANITARY MATTER.

- IT WAS A SILLY HAIRDOANYWAY.

- NOW YOU WON'T BE RUININGTHOSE HEADSETS

WITH YOUR HAIR JELLY.

JILLIAN...

TELL THE FELLASWHERE THEY'LL BE WORKING.

- FOLLOW ME.

ADAM, PARK IT.

BLAKE...OVER THERE.

ANDERS, FOLLOW THE LEADER.

[phone ringing]

- YELLOW?

- YO, BRO.

YOU CAN'T SEE ME,

BUT I'M FLICKING MONTEZ OFFRIGHT NOW.

- NO, I CAN SEE HIM.- OH, YOU CAN SEE ME.

- I'M, LIKE, JUSTLITERALLY TEN FEET AWAY.

- EWW! YOUR HANDSARE SO HAIRY, BRO.

YOU'RE DISGUSTING,YOU'RE A DISGUSTING HUMAN.

I HATE YOU.

ANYWAY, WHAT'S GOING ONWITH YOU, DERS?

- MM, NOT MUCH, MAN.I'M JUST LIVING MY SUCKY LIFE.

JUST HATING IT.- YEAH, I GET THAT.

- MY SALES ARE UP THOUGH.RECORD HIGH TODAY FOR SALES.

- ME TOO!THAT'S BIZARRE!

WE'RE LIKE THE SAME PERSON.- YEAH.

- I HAVE--I HAVE PISSED IN,

LIKE, THIS DUDE'S PLANTS,LIKE, THREE TIMES THOUGH.

- OH, MAN, I MISS YOU.[phone beeping]

- HEY, HANG ON.

BLAZARIUM.

- HEY. IT'S BLAKEFROM THE, UH, OLD CUBICLE.

UM, I JUST MADE A SALE.

AND IF I DON'T SMOKESOMETHING SOON,

I'M GONNA PUT MY FACEIN THE PAPER SHREDDER.

SO PLEASE CAN WE MEET UPIN THE HOTEL LOBBY?

- THAT'S WHAT WE'RE CALLINGTHE STORAGE CLOSET, RIGHT?

- YES.- OKAY.

- YOU'S ABOUT TO GET ZIPPO'D!- OH, MAN!

- LOOK WHAT I BROUGHT.- I MISSED YOU!

- I KNOW, I'VE HONESTLYMISSED YOU A LOT TOO.

IS IT--IT'S BEEN TOO LONG, DUDE.

- IT HAS.- HEY, GUYS, SORRY I'M LATE.

I TOOK A PEEIN ONE OF THOSE BUSHES

JUST LIKE YOU DID.- NICE! GET IN HERE!

I MISSED YOU TOO.HONESTLY I HAVE.

- I'M TRYING TO BE YOU.- I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD.

BUT I DID.- LET'S SMOKE ABOUT IT.

- YEAH, WE'RE GONNA SMOKEABOUT IT.

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WEREPLANNING ON DOING IN HERE,

BUT I'M BETTING IT DIDN'TINVOLVE MAKING SALES CALLS.

- UH--

- IT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU MEANBY "SALES CALLS."

- WE COULD TRY.- LET'S HIT THE PHONES!

HMM?

AND STOP FLIPPING ME OFF.

- HOW DOES HE SEE THAT?THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.

BECAUSEAT THE END OF THE DAY...

WE'RE ALL JUST MEN, RIGHT?

- HA. YEAH, DON'T--- YEAH.

- DON'T LET THE HAIR FOOL YA.

- [laughing]'CAUSE OF YOUR LONGER--YES.

- SO LET'S TRYAND ACT LIKE MEN.

QUIT SNEAKINGAROUND MY OFFICE,

PLAYING LITTLE GAMES.

THAT'S NOT WHAT MEN DO.

AND I KNOW...

BECAUSE I AM A REAL MAN.

- YEAH.- YES.

- DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

NOT EVEN THAT BIG, RIGHT?

- VERY AVERAGE-SIZE.- SURPRISINGLY.

'CAUSE YOU'RE TALL.- YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU'RE A BIG MAN.

YOU'D THINK IT'D BE--

- BUT AT LEASTI'M PUTTING IT OUT THERE.

- MM-HMM.- YES, YOU ARE.

- YEAH.- YEAH, YOU ARE.

- NOW...ARE YOU GUYSREAL MEN?

- YEAH.- ARE YOU?

- YEAH.- TOTALLY, YEAH.

- THEN WHIP IT OUT.

GET YOUR DICKOUTTA YOUR PANTS NOW!

ARE YOU MEN OR NOT?

SHOW IT!

- NO.- THAT'S WHAT I FIGURED.

NOW...

LET'S FINISH THE DAY STRONG,OKAY?

MAKE SOME SALES, HMM?

- ALL RIGHT.YEAH.

- YES.- OKAY, GOOD.

- GET BACK TO WORK.- GET BACK TO WORK.

- WHAT DO YOU THINKYOU'RE DOING?

- MY HAIR.

- WELL, YOU BETTER RINSE IT OUTBEFORE TRAVIS SEES IT!

- WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

- THIS IS NOT THE TELAMERICORPTHAT I USED TO KNOW.

I LOOK AROUND,I RECOGNIZE NOTHING!

WHERE'S ALL THE SMILES,THE GIGGLING?

CAN SOMEBODY TELL MEWHERE THE GIGGLING AT, HUH?

- JESSE!

IF YOU WANNA TALK,STEP INTO MY OFFICE.

- TRAVIS,BEFORE YOU GOT HERE,

WE WAS ALL FRIENDS.

WORK WAS FUN.

WE USED TO LOVE TO WALKTHROUGH THAT DOOR.

BUT NOW, SINCE YOU BEEN HERE,THIS PLACE IS SORRY!

- JESSE!CALM DOWN.

- JET!

MY NAME ISJET MOTHER[bleep] SET!

BUT YOU CAN CALL MEPATRICK SWAYZE.

'CAUSE GUESS WHAT?I'M GHOST.

NOW GIMMEMY GODDAMN CACTUS.

HAVE A GOOD DAY.

SEE Y'ALL LATER,MONTEZ, WAYMOND, ALL Y'ALL.

DERS, ADAMS, BLAKE.

JILLIAN.

- OKAY, THAT HAPPENED.

NOW BACK TO WORK!

- OKAY.THAT HAPPENED.

NOW BACK TO WORK!

SHOW'S OVER.BACK TO WORK!

[birds chirping]

- JILLIAN STILL HASTHOSE BIRDS.

- SHE THINKSSHE'S ABOVE THE LAW.

WELL, SHE JUST GOT MARKEDFOR DEATH.

- I'M GONNA THROW THAT CAGEOFF THE ROOF.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.I GOT A BETTER IDEA.

MAYBE WE SHOULD RATTLETRAVIS' CAGE.

[birds chirping]

- AH!

GEEZ! AH!HYAH!

[sputtering]

[yells]

[all screaming]

- [laughing]

- NO!

FIONA APPLE!

MARTY MCFLY!- HA!

- JIMMY KIMMEL!- HA! HA!

- OH! JIMMY FALLON!THE JIMMIES!

- [yelling]

[parrot squawking]

- NO.

[all exclaim]

- CAN I PLEASE SPEAKWITH A MS. JANET PAULSON?

I'LL SPEAK WITH ANYONEIN THE HOUSE.

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