Wednesday, October 23, 2013

  • 10/23/2013

The guests write Amazon reviews of underwear that filters farts.

LET US BEGIN IT'S TIME TO STARTWITH RAPID REFRESH.

RIPPED FROM THE TODAY'SINTERNATIONAL HEADLINES, I'M

GOING TO GIVE YOU A MULTIPLECHOICE QUESTION ABOUT SOMETHING

THAT WAS TRENDING TODAY.

HERE WE GO.

FACEBOOK IS LIKE TWITTER FORYOUR PARENTS.

THIS WEEK, FACEBOOK ANNOUNCEDTHEY ARE LIFTING A BAN ON WHAT?

A, DICK PICKS.

B, DECAPITATION VIDEOS.

WHAT IS MIKE LAWRENCE?

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH C,ALTHOUGH I'LL MISIT THE MOST.

>> IT'S DECAPITATION VIDEOS ARENOW ALLOWED ON FACEBOOK.

I WONDER IF MARK ZUCKERBERG JUSTSIT IN A WEIRD MONTGOMERY BURNS

CASTLE JERKING OFF ON A PILE OFSTATUS UPDATES GOING, "I OWN YOU

ALL INSPECT!

I OWN YOU ALL."

HOLDING THE HEAD OF TOM FROMMYSPACE.

>> DECAPITATED.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> MARX ZUCKER BERK IS LIKE THETAILOR OF SOCIAL MEDIA.

HE JUST HAS TOM'S HEAD ONAISESPIKE OUTSIDE OF HIS CASTLE.

CASTLE.

NEXT ONE, TWO OF THE FOLLOWINGTHREE YOUTUBE COMMENT ON THE

FOOT ANNUAL OF THE HINDENBERGDESCRAEFORT REAL.

THERE IT IS RIGHT THERE.

OH, THE HUMANITY.

WHICH IS NOT REAL.

TWO ARE REAL.

A, IT LOOKS LIKE A FLAMING DILLDOUGH!

IN ALL CAPS.

I'VE NEVER SEEN A DILDO DO THAT.

>> WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH IT.

>> IF YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT.

IS IT B, DRIVER MUST HAVE BEENTEXTING.

OR C?

>> I'M GOING TO SAY B BECAUSEDRIVING AND SEX OF TEXTING, I

WANT TO GET THE WORD OUT.

>> YOU GET THE WORD OUT, JUNEDIANE RAPHAEL.

( APPLAUSE )>> THE NEW iPAD WAS NOT THE

ONLY PIECE UNVEILED TODAY.

MOTO BROUGHT US A NEWS OF A LINEOF HIGH-TECH UNDERWEAR THAT CAN

TO WHAT?

A, ADJUST THE TEMPERATURE OFYOUR GEN TALZ, SEND AND RECEIVE

SEX.

OR C, FILTER OUT YOUR FARTS.

YES, MIKE LAWRENCE.

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH A,BECAUSE THE FUTURE IS IT NOW.

( LAUGHTER )WELL, THE FUTURE IS NOW, BUT

IT'S ACTUALLY, C, FILTERING OUTYOUR FARTS.

WELL DONE, WHOEVER DID THAT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU GUYS DIDN'TREACT LIKE THAT.

THAT SOUNDED GENIUS.

I COULD HAVE SEEN THEM PITCHINGIN ON MADMEN.

>> IT SOUNDS LIKE THE UNDEES AREGETTING CERTAIN FARTS .

>> I DIDN'T KNOW COUCH CUSHIONSWERE LETTING US DOWN SO MUCH.

>> YOU WALK AROUND WITH COUCHCUSHIONS IN THE BACK.

IF I KNEW THERE WAS A PAIR OFUNDERWEAR THAT COULD ARE YOU FIN

"THE NUTTY PROFESSOR."

BEFORE THE BRACK, I TOLD YOU ANEW KIND OF UNDERWEAR HAD BEEN

INVENTED THAT FILTERS OUT THESMELL OF YOUR FARTS.

THEY'RE CALLED SHREDDIES.

I WOULD HAVE CALLED THEM THUNDERWEAR.

WHAT WAS YOUR AMAZON REVIEW?

JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> I GAVE IT TWO AND A HALFSTARS.

IT SMELLS FINE BUT IT STILLTASTES LIKE FARTS.

>> I NEVER FARTED IN FRONT OFHER.

>> THAT'S A LIE.

>> I SWEAR IT'S NOT A LIE!

>> ARE YOU SAVING IT FORMARRIAGE?

>> YES, I'M A FART PERSON.

DO YOU HAVE A FART CHAMBER.

WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND AND I MAKETHE CONTRACT WITH THE LORD I

WILL FEEL FREE ENOUGH.

>> TWO STARS.

YEAH, THEY WORK AND STUFF BUT IKIND OF MISS THE SMELL OF MY OWN

FARTS.

>> MIKE LAWRENCE.

>> FOUR STARS.

THE WORST ENEMY OF BROWN SINCETHE BOARD OF EDUCATION.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )IT'S F.M.L., OR YOLO.

SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO TELL IFYOU SHOULD GRAB LIFE BY THE

HORNS OR COMPLAIN HOW SUPERCRAPPY IS.

YOU HAVE TO GUESS IF THE HASHTAGWAS F.M.L., OR YOU ONLY LIVE

ONCE.

THE ANSWER IS WORTH 250 POINTS.

I WANT TO TOUCH MY LADY PARTSBUT I WORE JEANS.

>> YOLO.

>> SHE WAS GOING TO DO ITANYWAY.

>> NOT YET.

NOT TO HER.

>> SOME PEOPLE ARE JUSTNEGATIVE.

>> IT'S A LOW THRESHOLD FORFAILURE.

I COULD WAIT UNTIL I TAKE MYKEYNES OFF LATER BUT I'M GOING

TO GO TWEET ABOUT IT FIRST.

THE NEXT ONE, I ENJOY THIS ONE,WAXING ME MOM'S EYEBROWS.

YES, MIKE LAWRENCE, " WHY OLO.

>> YOLO!

>> YEAH!

LIGHTS RIP THOSE OFF!

BAM!

HERE WE GO.

BIG, FAT SENSITIVE PREGNANCYNIPPLES.

JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> YOLO?

>> NO!

ALL RIGHT NONE, I JUST TOOK A...

>> I'M SORPRY, WASN'T IN THEGAME ANYMORE.

I WISH I HAD THAT URNT WEAR.

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH YOLO.

>> YOLO!

YOLO!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> DOESN'T THAT HAPPEN DAILY?

>> I'VE BEEN HOLDING THIS IN FOR28 YEARS BUT TODAY IS THE AT A.

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE THAT'S WHATHIS MOM SAID WHEN SHE GAVE BIRTH

TO HIM.

I THINK WE WOULD HAVE SAIDF.M.L.

>>>> SEX TOY OR DOG TOY?

( LAUGHTER ).

>> CAN'T IT BE BOTH?

>> I THINK IT JUST DEPENDS ONWHICH ORDER YOU START.

>> I WANT TO SHOW YOU THEHEADLINE FOR USER REVIEW ON

AMAZON.

YOU TELL ME IF THIS IS A REVIEWFOR A DOG TOY OR SEX TOY.

IT'S WORTH TWO OF 50 POINTS.

THE LITTLE SPINY THINGS ARE TOOSHARP.

SEX TOY OR DOG TOY.

JUNE.

>> DOG TOY.

>> THAT IS A DOG TOY, YES.

A DINOSAUR CHEW POINT.

>> 1500 POINT.

>> YOU GET 250.

I LIKE THIS NAME YOUR OWN SCOREGAME THAT YOU'RE PLAYING RIGHT

NOW.

YOU'RE DOING FINE.

IT'S CHEAP PLASTIC AND SMELLS TOHIGH HEAVEN.

MIKE LAWRENCE?

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH DOG TOYSBECAUSE ALL DOGS GO TO HIGH

HEAVEN.

>> THAT WAS AN ADORABLE WAY TOSAY THAT.

THAT'S AN INCORRECT ANSWER.

THAT WAS A SEX TOY.

IT KIBE DOG TOY.

IT COULD BE.

>> IS IT USED?

>> I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S USED ORNOT.

>> WHY DOES IT STOIRCHG HIGHHEAV JEAN THEY WEREN'T SPECIFIC

ABOUT WHICH POINT IN THE PROCESSTHEY SMELLED IT?

THAT COULD BE USER ERROR.

>> THIS LARGE BLACK ONE WASFINALLY INDESTRUCTIBLE.

JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> DOG AND SEX TOY.

>> IT COULD BE BOTH BUT IT IS ADOG TOY.

>> THAT COULD BE BOTH.

THAT COULD GO ALL KINDS OFPLACES.

♪ WEREWOLVES OF LONDON ♪.

>> I'D BE FOAMING HE MOUTH.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S

HASHTAG WARS.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A HASHTAGAND I WANT TO YOU BUZZ IN WITH

AS MANY TWEETS AS YOU CAN THAT.

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS FAT TVSHOWS.

FAT TV SHOWS.

THIS WILL BE THINGS LIKESIGN-FAT, OR BREAKING BED.

OR TWO AND A HALF MAN.

I AM GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK.

YOU GUYS READY?

GO.

>> THE GOLD BURGERS.

>> POINT.

>> SHOCKY BREWSTER.

>> POINT.

JUNE.

>> PEEL ME ANOTHER POTATO, WON'TYOU?

>> I'LL GIVE THAT YOU, POINT.

MIKE.

>> FAT MIDNIGHT.

>> OH!

I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS AND A HUGFOR THAT ONE.

WELL PLAYED.

WELL PLAYED.

JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> DARK WING PORK.

>> NO, NO POINTS.

JUNE, JUNE.

>> THE RULES OF INDIGESTION.

>> THE CROWD WAS AGAINST YOU,I'M SORRY.

MIKE LAWRENCE.

>> PORRIDGE WARS.

>> YES!

MIKE DOMINATING THIS.

JAMES.

>> GILLIGAN THOUSAND ISLAND.

>> WELL PLAYED.

THE AUDIENCE LIKED IT.

MIKE LAWRENCE.

>> DIFFERENT FATAL STROKES.

>> YOU EEKD OUT CROWD, BUT ILOVE YOU SO MUCH.

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