Wednesday, October 23, 2013

  • 10/23/2013

The guests write Amazon reviews of underwear that filters farts.

INTERNET, WHICH IS APPROPRIATE.

>> WELL PLAYED.

LET US BEGIN IT'S TIME TO START

WITH RAPID REFRESH.

RIPPED FROM THE TODAY'S

INTERNATIONAL HEADLINES, I'M

GOING TO GIVE YOU A MULTIPLE

CHOICE QUESTION ABOUT SOMETHING

THAT WAS TRENDING TODAY.

HERE WE GO.

FACEBOOK IS LIKE TWITTER FOR

YOUR PARENTS.

THIS WEEK, FACEBOOK ANNOUNCED

THEY ARE LIFTING A BAN ON WHAT?

A, DICK PICKS.

B, DECAPITATION VIDEOS.

WHAT IS MIKE LAWRENCE?

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH C,

ALTHOUGH I'LL MISIT THE MOST.

>> IT'S DECAPITATION VIDEOS ARE

NOW ALLOWED ON FACEBOOK.

I WONDER IF MARK ZUCKERBERG JUST

SIT IN A WEIRD MONTGOMERY BURNS

CASTLE JERKING OFF ON A PILE OF

STATUS UPDATES GOING, "I OWN YOU

ALL INSPECT!

I OWN YOU ALL."

HOLDING THE HEAD OF TOM FROM

MYSPACE.

>> DECAPITATED.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> MARX ZUCKER BERK IS LIKE THE

TAILOR OF SOCIAL MEDIA.

HE JUST HAS TOM'S HEAD ONAISE

SPIKE OUTSIDE OF HIS CASTLE.

CASTLE.

NEXT ONE, TWO OF THE FOLLOWING

THREE YOUTUBE COMMENT ON THE

FOOT ANNUAL OF THE HINDENBERG

DESCRAEFORT REAL.

THERE IT IS RIGHT THERE.

OH, THE HUMANITY.

WHICH IS NOT REA

TWO ARE REAL.

A, IT LOOKS LIKE A FLAMING DILL

DOUGH!

IN ALL CAPS.

I'VE NEVER SEEN A DILDO DO THAT.

>> WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH IT.

>> IF YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT.

IS IT B, DRIVER MUST HAVE BEEN

TEXTING.

OR C?

>> I'M GOING TO SAY B BECAUSE

DRIVING AND SEX OF TEXTING, I

WANT TO GET THE WORD OUT.

>> YOU GET THE WORD OUT, JUNE

DIANE RAPHAEL.

( APPLAUSE )

>> THE NEW iPAD WAS NOT THE

ONLY PIECE UNVEILED TODAY.

MOTO BROUGHT US A NEWS OF A LINE

OF HIGH-TECH UNDERWEAR THAT CAN

TO WHAT?

A, ADJUST THE TEMPERATURE OF

YOUR GEN TALZ, SEND AND RECEIVE

SEX.

OR C, FILTER OUT YOUR FARTS.

YES, MIKE LAWRENCE.

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH A,

BECAUSE THE FUTURE IS IT NOW.

( LAUGHTER )

WELL, THE FUTURE IS NOW, BUT

IT'S ACTUALLY, C, FILTERING OUT

YOUR FARTS.

WELL DONE, WHOEVER DID THAT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU GUYS DIDN'T

REACT LIKE THAT.

THAT SOUNDED GENIUS.

I COULD HAVE SEEN THEM PITCHING

IN ON MADMEN.

>> IT SOUNDS LIKE THE UNDEES ARE

GETTING CERTAIN FARTS .

>> I DIDN'T KNOW COUCH CUSHIONS

WERE LETTING US DOWN SO MUCH.

>> YOU WALK AROUND WITH COUCH

CUSHIONS IN THE BACK.

IF I KNEW THERE WAS A PAIR OF

UNDERWEAR THAT COULD ARE YOU FIN

BEFORE THE BRACK, I TOLD YOU A

NEW KIND OF UNDERWEAR HAD BEEN

NVENTED THAT FILTERS OUT THEI

SMELL OF YOUR FARTS.

THEY'RE CALLED SHREDDIES.

I WOULD HAVE CALLED THEM THUNDER

WEAR.

WHAT WAS YOUR AMAZON REVIEW?

JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> I GAVE IT TWO AND A HALF

STARS.

IT SMELLS FINE BUT IT STILL

TASTES LIKE FARTS.

>> I NEVER FARTED IN FRONT OF

HER.

>> THAT'S A LIE.

>> I SWEAR IT'S NOT A LIE!

>> ARE YOU SAVING IT FOR

MARRIAGE?

>> YES, I'M A FART PERSON.

DO YOU HAVE A FART CHAMBER.

WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND AND I MAKE

THE CONTRACT WITH THE LORD I

WILL FEEL FREE ENOUGH.

>> TWO STARS.

YEAH, THEY WORK AND STUFF BUT I

KIND OF MISS THE SMELL OF MY OWN

FARTS.

>> MIKE LAWRENCE.

>> FOUR STARS.

THE WORST ENEMY OF BROWN SINCE

THE BOARD OF EDUCATION.

IT'S F.M.L., OR YOLO.

SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO TELL IF

YOU SHOULD GRAB LIFE BY THE

HORNS OR COMPLAIN HOW SUPER

CRAPPY IS.

YOU HAVE TO GUESS IF THE HASHTAG

WAS F.M.L., OR YOU ONLY LIVE

ONCE.

THE ANSWER IS WORTH 250 POINTS.

I WANT TO TOUCH MY LADY PARTS

BUT I WORE JEANS.

>> YOLO.PRKS OF,

>> SHE WAS GOING TO DO IT

ANYWAY.

>> NOT YET.

NOT TO HER.

>> SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST

NEGATIVE.

>> IT'S A LOW THRESHOLD FOR

FAILURE.

I COULD WAIT UNTIL I TAKE MY

KEYNES OFF LATER BUT I'M GOING

TO GO TWEET ABOUT IT FIRST.

THE NEXT ONE, I ENJOY THIS ONE,

WAXING ME MOM'S EYEBROWS.

YES, MIKE LAWRENCE, " WHY OLO.

>> YOLO!

>> YEAH!

LIGHTS RIP THOSE OFF!

BAM!

HERE WE GO.

BIG, FAT SENSITIVE PREGNANCY

NIPPLES.

JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> YOLO?

>> NO!

ALL RIGHT NONE, I JUST TOOK A...

>> I'M SORPRY, WASN'T IN THE

GAME ANYMORE.

I WISH I HAD THAT URNT WEAR.

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH YOLO.

>> YOLO!

YOLO!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> DOESN'T THAT HAPPEN DAILY?

>> I'VE BEEN HOLDING THIS IN FOR

28 YEARS BUT TODAY IS THE AT A.

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE THAT'S WHAT

HIS MOM SAID WHEN SHE GAVE BIRTH

>>

>> SEX TOY OR DOG TOY?

( LAUGHTER ).

>> CAN'T IT BE BOTH?

>> I THINK IT JUST DEPENDS ON

WHICH ORDER YOU START.

>> I WANT TO SHOW YOU THE

HEADLINE FOR USER REVIEW ON

AMAZON.

YOU TELL ME IF THIS IS A REVIEW

FOR A DOG TOY OR SEX TOY.

IT'S WORTH TWO OF 50 POINTS.

THE LITTLE SPINY THINGS ARE TOO

SHARP.

SEX TOY OR DOG TOY.

JUNE.

>> DOG TOY.

>> THAT IS A DOG TOY, YES.

A DINOSAUR CHEW POINT.

>> 1500 POINT.

>> YOU GET 250.

I LIKE THIS NAME YOUR OWN SCORE

GAME THAT YOU'RE PLAYING RIGHT

NOW.

YOU'RE DOING FINE.

IT'S CHEAP PLASTIC AND SMELLS TO

HIGH HEAVEN.

MIKE LAWRENCE?

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH DOG TOYS

BECAUSE ALL DOGS GO TO HIGH

HEAVEN.

>> THAT WAS AN ADORABLE WAY TO

SAY THAT.

THAT'S AN INCORRECT ANSWER.

THAT WAS A SEX TOY.

IT KIBE DOG TOY.

IT COULD BE.

>> IS IT USED?

>> I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S USED OR

NOT.

>> WHY DOES IT STOIRCHG HIGH

HEAV JEAN THEY WEREN'T SPECIFIC

ABOUT WHICH POINT IN THE PROCESS

THEY SMELLED IT?

THAT COULD BE USER ERROR.

>> THIS LARGE BLACK ONE WAS

FINALLY INDESTRUCTIBLE.

JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> DOG AND SEX TOY.

>> IT COULD BE BOTH BUT IT IS A

DOG TOY.

>> THAT COULD BE BOTH.

THAT COULD GO ALL KINDS OF

PLACES.

♪ WEREWOLVES OF LONDON ♪ ♪.

>> I'D BE FOAMING HE MOUTH.

>> IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S

HASHTAG WARS.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A HASHTAG

AND I WANT TO YOU BUZZ IN WITH

AS MANY TWEETS AS YOU CAN THAT.

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS FAT TV

SHOWS.

FAT TV SHOWS.

THIS WILL BE THINGS LIKE

SIGN-FAT, OR BREAKING BED.

OR TWO AND A HALF MAN.

I AM GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ON

THE CLOCK.

YOU GUYS READY?

GO.

>> THE GOLD BURGERS.

>> POINT.

>> SHOCKY BREWSTER.

>> POINT.

JUNE.

>> PEEL ME ANOTHER POTATO, WON'T

YOU?

>> I'LL GIVE THAT YOU, POINT.

MIKE.

>> FAT MIDNIGHT.

>> OH!

I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS AND A HUG

FOR THAT ONE.

WELL PLAYED.

WELL PLAYED.

JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> DARK WING PORK.

>> NO, NO POINTS.

JUNE, JUNE.

>> THE RULES OF INDIGESTION.

>> THE CROWD WAS AGAINST YOU,

I'M SORRY.

MIKE LAWRENCE.

>> PORRIDGE WARS.

>> YES!

MIKE DOMINATING THIS.

JAMES.

>> GILLIGAN THOUSAND ISLAND.

>> WELL PLAYED.

THE AUDIENCE LIKED IT.

MIKE LAWRENCE.

>> DIFFERENT FATAL STROKES.

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