Cold Warriors

  • Season 6, Ep 624
  • 08/25/2011

Fry's sneezing reintroduces the common cold to the world of the future.

You'd better stay hereduring biology.

Mrs. Jenkins dissects anythingsmaller than a fifth-grader.

(gasps, sneezes)

Well, if it isn'tGrandmaster Phlegm.

I heard you're entering theNASA science competition.

Maybe I am, LL Fool J.

So what's your project-- theeffects of losing on idiots?

No, I'm gonna infect myguinea pig with the common cold

and launch it into space to seeif it gets cured by cosmic rays.

(wheezing laugh)

Lame, though the common coldvirus does seem

like a judge-pleaser.

I think I'll steal thatand do an experiment

that's slightly lessvery stupid.

But that's my idea.

You are an evil, evil nerd.

Gedgie out.

We'll show him who's stupid.

(coughs)

(guinea pig coughs)

(coughing)

Linda?

Borbo, the so-calledcommon cold,

introduced by livingfossil Philip J. Fry,

is spreadingout of control.

All citizens are advisedto wash their hands thoroughly

after beating upPhilip J. Fry.

Phew! Lucky I'm safelylocked up here with you guys.

There he is!

Get him!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait!

The situation is expectedto deteriorate

as newscasters whipthe city into a panic.

Run! Run for your lives!

(screaming and yelling,thudding)

(chuckling)

And finally, the heartwarmingstory of a handicapped magician

who didn't know when to give up.

Look, I just have a common...

(high-pitched):...cold!

It'll be gone as fastas I can sneeze, hurl,

and squirt it out.

No, it won't.

The common cold died out500 years ago,

and subsequently, humanity lostall resistance to its ravages,

but the virus survived in you,

frozenfor a thousand years.

Huh, so it was hidingdeep down inside of me,

like my skeleton bones?

Give it to us straight,Professor.

How incredibly deadly is it?

We don't know.

It could killmillions or nobody.

I suppose it might even bringa few people back to life.

Anything is possiblein science.

(sneezes)

Oh, no,I've got it, too.

(all shudder)

My nose is all gunked upwith blork.

(sneezes)And I've got a hankeringfor a useless remedy

created by a schoolteacher.

(all shudder)

Uh-oh, I thinkI'm getting swollen glands.

(sickly croaking)

(all groaning)

Screw the quarantine,I'm out of here.

Initiate containmentprocedure.

(grunting)

Aah, ow, oh!

Go on now.

(sneezes)

Now I'm sick.

I shudder to thinkwhat this cold will do to me.

Yesterday I was nearly killedby a tight hat.

I'd be remiss if I didn't rubyour goopy noses

in the fact that I'm immune.

(laughs)

Which is why we'll all becounting on you and you alone

to nurse usthrough this catastrophe.

(sighs)

Why, God?

Why have I been singled out?

(coughing and groaning)

Everyone just calm down and makeyourself a tissue walrus.

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