Wednesday, September 14, 2016

  • 09/14/2016

Chelsea Davison, Adam Ray and Amir K of "MADtv" guess what Donald Trump's next big televised stunt will be, list #HipHopCharities and name bizarre celebrity product lines.

IN REACTION TO HILLARY CLINTON'SRECENT ILLNESS, UNFLUSHABLE WAD

OF TOILET PAPER DONALD TRUMPIS OUT TO PROVE

THAT HE'D BE THE HEALTHIESTPRESIDENT IN HISTORY.

LOOK HOW HEALTHY HE LOOKS.

WHAT A HEALTHY SMILE THAT IS.(MUTTERS)

AH, DOESN'T LOCK IN PAIN AT ALL.

-(LAUGHTER) -AND THAT'S WHYTOMORROW HE'S GONNA APPEAR

THE TV PROGRAM OF MOM SHAMAN--OR "SHMOMAN"-- DR. OZ--

TO DISCUSSHIS PERSONAL HEALTH REGIMEN,

WHICH I ASSUME INCLUDESEXERCISES

LIKE FIGHTING OFF ASSASSINSFROM THE FUTURE.

-(LAUGHTER)-UH...

IN THIS DAY AND AGE...

IT TAKES A SECOND.THINK ABOUT IT. UH...

-(LAUGHTER) -INITIALLY,TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN SAID

HE'D RELEASE THE RESULTSOF HIS RECENT PHYSICAL.

THEN HE SAID HE WOULDN'T.

NOW IT LOOKS LIKE HE JUST GONNAGIVE IT A QUICK RUNDOWN.

WHATEVER THE CASE IS,YOU GOT TO WATCH, RIGHT?

TRUMP MAY NOT KNOW MUCH,BUT THE MAN KNOWS ENTERTAINMENT!

HE'S LIKE IF MUSSOLINIHAD A LINE OF STEAKS.

-(LAUGHTER)-SO, COMEDIANS, WHAT'S THE...

WHAT'S THE NEXT TELEVISED STUNTFOR DONALD TRUMP?

-CHELSEA.-UH, THE FIRST

FATHER-DAUGHTER SEASONOF THE BACHELOR.

HARDWICK:POINTS.

-(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)-POINTS.

CHELSEA!

AND NOW IT'S TIMEFOR TONIGHT'S #HASHTAGWARS.

(CHEERING)

BAD NEWS THIS WEEKFOR HIP-HOP MAN NELLY,

WHO FOUND OUT THAT HE OWESTHE IRS MORE THAN $2 MILLION.

-(AUDIENCE GROANS) -I KNOW.THEY'RE GONNA TURN OFF HIS HEAT.

♪ IT'S GETTIN' COLD IN HERE

♪ SO PUT ON ALL YOUR CLOTHES

♪ I AM GETTING SO COLD

♪ I WANNA PUT MY CLOTHES ON.

-(LAUGHTER)-I'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

THAT WAS THE FIRST AND LAST TIMEI WILL EVER DO THAT.

-(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)-I APOLOGIZE TO NELLY.

I KNOW. AS IF...IF THIS WEEK WASN'T BAD ENOUGH,

THEN I DID THAT.I APOLOGIZE.

BUT THE TWEETING HEARTSOF TWITTER

HAVE COME TO HIS RESCUEWITH A PLAN

TO STREAM AND BUY NELLY'S MUSICSO HE GETS ENOUGH ROYALTY CASH

TO PAY OFF HIS MASSIVE DEBT.

(AUDIENCE WHOOPING, GROANING)

UH, SO WE'RE--WELL, YOU DIDN'T SAVE HIM.

UH... SO WE'RE GONNA JOIN INWITH SOCIAL MEDIA,

HELPING DOWN-AND-OUT RAPPERSWITH TONIGHT'S HASHTAG

#HIPHOPCHARITIES.

EXAMPLES MIGHT INCLUDE:GOODWILL.I.AM;

AND: NOTORIOUSASPCA.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDSON THE CLOCK, AND BEGIN.

-CHELSEA.-BONE THUGS-N-AMNESTY.

POINTS. YES, VERY GOOD.

-ADAM RAY.-MOMS AGAINST CRUNK DRIVING.

POINTS! ADAM RAY AGAIN.

GET RICH OR RECYCLE TRYING.

POINTS! CHELSEA.

-FUND THA POLICE.-YES, POINTS!

POINTS. ADAM.

THE SISQÓ FIBROSIS FOUNDATION.

POINTS. AMIR.

COME ON, GUYS,SNOOP DOGGY RESCUE.

-COME ON, EVERYBODY.-YEAH, YEAH, POINTS,

POINTS, POINTS, YEAH, COME ON.

-CHELSEA.-BABY GIVES BACK.

POINTS! VERY GOOD.

-AMIR.-TOYS FOR THOTS.

-ALL RIGHT, POINTS.-(LAUGHTER)

NOW... WHEN YOU'REA REALLY FAMOUS ACTOR

LIKE TOM CRUISE OR O.J. SIMPSON,EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR NAME.

WHICH MEANS YOU'LL WANT TO MAKEA LITTLE EXTRA MONEY

ON THE SIDE.YOU CAN SLAP YOUR NAME

ON A PRODUCT AND WATCH ITFLY OFF THE SHELVES.

THE LATEST CASE:WHOOPI GOLDBERG'S

LINE OF MARIJUANA PRODUCTS.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

IT'S CALLED WHOOPI & MAYA,'CAUSE I GUESS

THEY WERE JUST TOO STONEDTO THINK THAT IT WOULD BE

MUCH BETTERTO CALL IT WHOOPI KUSH. UH...

-IT'S... IT'S SO MUCH BETTER.-THAT'S SO MUCH BETTER.

AS WE KNOW, WHOOPI ISN'TTHE ONLY ACTOR WITH HER NAME

ON A PRODUCT, SO COMEDIANS,I WOULD LIKE YOU TO GIVE ME

AS MANY OTHER WEIRD CELEBRITYPRODUCT LINES AS YOU CAN

IN 60 SECONDS,AND BEGIN. CHELSEA.

UH, DRAKE'SNO MORE TEARS BABY SHAMPOO.

POINTS. AMIR.

JAY ZZZ...

SLEEPING PILLS.

ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

-ADAM RAY.-DANNY GLOVER STOOL SOFTENER,

'CAUSE YOU'RE TOO OLDFOR THIS (BLEEP).

ALL RIGHT, POINTS. ADAM.

COLIN KAEPERNICK'S(BLEEP) AMERICA KNEE PADS.

ALL RIGHT, POINTS.CHELSEA DAVISON.

MATT LAUER SOFTBALLS.

POINTS. AMIR.

GEORGE FOREMAN'S GRILL.

-ALL RIGHT, POINTS. CHELSEA.-PRETTY GOOD, PRETTY GOOD.

RANDY QUAID'S BRAIN WORMS.

-WORMS FOR YOUR BRAIN!-ALL RIGHT, POINTS. PERFECT.