Monday, October 21, 2013

  • Season 1, Ep 0101
  • 10/21/2013

The contestants try to determine whether quotes belong to OkCupid members – or, twist – serial killers.

TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME CALLED"TAG IT."

IM GOING TO READ YOU A CELEBRITYTWEET

AND FOR 250 POINTS I WANT YOU TOADD A FUNNY HASHTAG

KUMAIL?

>> #ALLERGIC TO DOUCHEBAGS#BUTT.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: YOU SAVED IT WITH

#BUTT.

I'LL GIVE YOU 250 POINTS FORTHAT.

NATASHA?

>> #J/K I HAVE A LONG (BLEEP)(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINT!

>> CAN I DO ONE MORE?

>> Chris: SURE.

>> #POKER FACE, #BUTTER FACE.

(LAUGHTER)#BUTTER DICK.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: #POKER FACE WITH THAT

HUGE (BLEEP).

250 POINTS TO KUMAIL.

FROM HUGH HEFNER.

DOUG?

#TRICK OR TRICK!

>> Chris: I'LL GIVE YOU 250POINTS.

KUMAIL?

YOU WANTED TO BECAUSE IN?

-- BUZZ IN.

>> #DICK OR TREAT.

TIME TO PLAY "NAME THAT BARBIE."

GUYS, THERE'S A TUMBLR CALLED"WEIRD BARBIE PHOTOGRAPHY"

BECAUSE RULE 34.

(LAUGHTER)IT PHOTOGRAPHS BARBIE IN

SURPRISING POSITIONS.

I'LL SHOW YOU A PICTURE AND FOR250 POINTS YOU HAVE TO COME UP

WITH A NAME FOR THE DOLL.

READY?

LET'S START WITH THIS ONE.

WHAT IS THAT?

(LAUGHTER)DOUG?

>> JUMP START BARBIE.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: YES!

POINTS!

POINTS.

I WOULD HAVE SAID CAPITALFUNISHMENT.

>> OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU SOMEPOINTS.

>> Chris: THANKS, DOUG!

I CAN'T TAKE DOUG'S POINTS.

HE'S IN THIRD PLACE.

NEXT ONE, THIS THING.

LOOK AT THAT.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)YES, NATASHA?

>> SUPER FUN NIGHT BARBIE.

(LAUGHTER)WHAT?

>> Chris: I HATE THAT I HAVE TOGIVE YOU POINTS FOR THAT.

>> ME!

ME!

>> Chris: DOUG?

>> SALACIOUS CRUMB'S B.F.F.

BARBIE.

>> Chris: YOU TITILLATE IT HADNERDS IN THE AUDIENCE.

JUST FOR YOU DOUG.

NEXT ONE?

YES, KUMAIL?

>> "(BLEEP) ON MY FACE EITHERONE BARBIE."

>> Chris: POINTS FOR SURE!

YOU WANTED TO ADD ONE, NATASHA?

>> "I LOST MY VIRGINITY AT APUDDLE OF MUD CONCERT."

>> SHE COULD HAVE JUST SAID ILOST MY VIRGINITY IN A PUDDLE OF

MUD.

>> Chris: I'M GOING TO GIVE YOUA HUNDRED POINTS FOR THAT.

I LIKE HOW EXCITED YOU GET.

I'VE GOT TO GIVE YOU 250 MOREPOINTS FOR THAT.

THIS NEXT ONE, GUYS, COME ON.

WHAT'S THAT.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)DOUG?

>> YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUYBARBIE.

(LAUGHTER)>> WAY TO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD!

250 POINTS!

THE HIGH ROAD!

FUN!

NEXT ONE?

WHAT IS THIS ONE?

WHAT'S THAT ONE?

KUMAIL?

>> FIRE CROTCH BARBIE.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: NO, I'M NOT GIVING YOU

POINTS FOR THAT.

NATASHA?

>> ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT WHO(BLEEP)S YOUR HUSBAND BARBIE.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: DOUG?

>> DOES THE CARPET MATCH THEDRAPES, BARBIE?

>> 250 POINTS.

>> THAT'S A VARIATION OF MYBARBIE!

I SAID FIRE CROTCH.

>> Chris: WE ALL HAD RED HAIR TODEAL WITH KUMAIL!

COME ON, MAN, DOUG NEEDS THIS!

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

>> Chris: WE ALSO WOULD HAVEACCEPTED "I JUST FARTED BARBIE."

(LAUGHTER)TIME TO PLAY "ETSY STORE OR PORN

TITLE."

(LAUGHTER)ETSY IS A GREAT WEB SITE WHERE

ANYONE CAN HAVE A SHOT BUTPROBABLY SHOULDN'T.

MANY OF THE NAMES ON THERE SOUNDSURPRISINGLY PORNY.

FOR 250 POINTS, I'LL GIVE YOU ANAME AND YOU TELL ME IF IT'S AN

ETSY STORE OR PORN FILM.

FIRST ONE, "MOM MY MILK."

KUMAIL?

>> ETSY STORE.

>> Chris: THAT IS AN ETSY STORE,AS A MATTER OF FACT!

>> OH, (BLEEP) THAT LOCKET.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: NEXT ONE, TOY GIRLS.

NATASHA?

>> THAT IS PORN.

>> Chris: THAT IS DEFINITELYPORN -- FROM THE BARBIE THING

EARLIER.

(LAUGHTER)BEAR FEVER.

SDMOUG>> (LAUGHS)

>> Chris: DOUG?

>> THAT'S AN ETSY STORE.

>> Chris: NO, THAT'S PORN, DOUG.

THAT'S DEFINITELY PORN.

(LAUGHTER)>> I HAD TO QUIT FOR A SECOND TO

FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT WAS RIGHTTHERE?

>> Chris: IS THAT FRONT OR BACKSHOT?

>> THAT IS THE PICNIC BASKET.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE, MY WIFECAUGHT ME (BLEEP)ING MY MOTHER.

KUMAIL?

>> I'VE GOT GO WITH PORN.

>> Chris: YOU'D THINK IT WOULDBE AN IRONIC T-SHIRT SHOP ON

ETSY BUT IT IS A PORN.

>> Chris: NOW IT'S TIME PLAY"O.K. CUPID OR SERIAL KILLER?"

(LAUGHTER)I'M GOING TO READ YOU A QUOTE,

YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF IT'S FROMAN O.K. CUPID DATE PROG FILE OR

WAS SAID BY A FAMOUS SERIALKILLER.

THE GAME IS WORTH $250.

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE.

>> I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO COLLEGEAND GONE INTO REAL ESTATE AND

GOT MYSELF AN AQUARIUM.

KUMAIL?

>> GOTTA BEEN SERIAL KILLER.

>> Chris: YES, THAT WAS JEFFREYDAHMER.

WELL DONE.

THERE HE IS.

(APPLAUSE)>> I LIKE HIM SAYING THAT IF HE

HAD AN AQUARIUM IT WOULD BEFINE.

>> Chris: IT WOULD BE ANAQUARIUM FULL OF HEADS.

LIKE THE GOVERNOR.

WELL PLAYED.

THE NEXT ONE.

"I WAS BREAST-FED."

NATASHA?

>> I WOULD SAY O.K. CUPID.

>> Chris: YOU'RE ABSOLUTELYRIGHT.

"THE MOST PRIVATE THING I'MWILLING TO ADMIT IS THAT I WAS

BREAST-FED UNTIL I WAS FOUR."

>> DID YOU GIVE ME SOME POINTS?

>> Chris: NO BUT I LIKE YOU.

>> BUT I WON THAT ONE!

>> Chris: NO POINTS.

OH, DID YOU GET IT RIGHT?

>> YEAH!

>> Chris: THEN (BLEEP)ING TAKEPOINTS.

WHAT ARE YOU HITTING YOUR BUZZERFOR, CUE SNAIL

>> FOR THAT GUY!

>> Chris: LET ME READ IT FIRSTBEFORE YOU GET IT ALL BUZZER

HAPPY.

"FY CLOSE MALE FRIENDS CALL MEMR. CHLOROFORM OR BLOODY

KNUCKLES AND MY FEMALE FRIENDS,THEY DON'T CALL ME ANYMORE."

KUMAIL?

>> THAT'S GOT TO BE O.K. CUPID!

>> Chris: THAT IS AN O.K. CUPIDPROFILE BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT THE

FUTURE HOLDS.

IT'S TIME FOR HASHTAG WARS.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU GUYS AHASHTAG AND I WANT YOU BUZZ IN

WITH AS MANY TWEETS AS POSSIBLE.

THIS HASHTAG IS VERY IMPORTANTWHICH IS WHY I THOUGHT IT WOULD

BE A GOOD FIRST ONE TO DO ON OURFIRST SHOW.

JOHN HODGEMAN TAUGHT ME THIS ONEMANY YEARS AGO.

#FILMPOOPS.

YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME AS MANYMOVIES THAT SOUND LIKE POOPING.

FOR INSTANCE "OPERATION DUMBODROP."

"THE BROWN BUNNY" "THERE WILL BEBLOOD."

IT GOES ON AND ON FROM THERE.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK.

GO.

DOUG?

>> PRECIOUS BASED ON THE NOVELPUSH!

>> Chris: KUMAIL?

>> SPLASH.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: NATASHA?

>> LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE.

>> Chris: CUE SNAIL>> ANACONDA.

>> Chris: POINT?

NATASHA?

>> AMERICAN BEAUTY.

>> Chris: POINT!

I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.

KUMAIL?

>> CHILDREN OF THE CORN.

>> Chris: DEFINITELY GIVING YOUPOINTS FOR THAT.

DOUGING?

>> UNSINKABLE MOLLY BROWN.

>> Chris: YES!

CUE HAIL?

>> REMAINS OF THE DAY.

>> Chris: DOUG?

>> BRING IT ON!

>> Chris: VERY EXCITABLE DOUG.

KUMAIL?

>> PEARL HARBOR.

>> Chris: CROWD WASN'T WITH YOUON THAT.

NO POINTS.

DOUG BENSON?

>> GO!

>> Chris: POINTS!

KUMAIL?

>> NUTTY PROFESSOR.

>> Chris: YES!

POINTS.

DOUG?

>> OVERNIGHT DELIVERY!

THE.

>> Chris: POINTS?

KUMAIL?

>> CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS.

>> Chris: POINT!

KUMAIL?

>> GREEN MILE!

>> Chris: NO, SORRY, NO ONECAUGHT THE OBVIOUSLY NUTTY

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