Carol Siskind & Len Austrevich

  • Season 1, Ep 0120
  • 02/24/1992

AND I HATE TO MAKE A CHEAP SEGUE

BECAUSE I'M NOTA CHEAP KIND OF GUY, BUT...

YOU KNOW, IT'S HARDTO BE HOT NOW.

I USED TO BE HOT IN COLLEGE,IN THE '60s.

IN COLLEGE, IT WAS SO EASY,TO MAKE LOVE.

BOOM! THE CLOTHES ARE OFF.

BINGO, BANGO!

LIKE ANIMALS, YOU KNOW?

A GIRAFFE WOULD MAKE LOVETO A BEAR, SCRATCH HIS ASS

THAT'S THE END OF IT.

NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO--I JUST-- CONDOMS--

KIDS, IF YOU'RE UP LATE--IF YOU'RE UP EARLY--

I DON'T KNOW WHENTHIS SHOW WILL BE ON--

YOU KNOW, BUT IT TAKES--I'M OLD.

I'M AN OLD JEW.

THE CONDOMS SHOULD COME INTHOSE ZIP-LOCK THINGS, QUICKLY.

I CAN'T-- IT TAKES ME HOURS.

I GO, "LISTEN, YOU ALWAYSWANTED TO GO TO LAW SCHOOL.

"GO TO LAW SCHOOLFOR A COUPLE OF YEARS.

I'LL BE READY THEN," BECAUSE IJUST CAN'T OPEN THOSE THINGS UP.

I DON'T KNOW, I JUST--

I THINK SAFE SEX IS...

WELL, IT'S IMPORTANT

BUT I-- YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDGET THE BEST CONDOMS AVAILABLE

YOU KIDS, WATCHING,IF YOU'RE UP TONIGHT

AND I HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

I GOT-- NEVER AGAIN--I GOT SOME CONDOMS

THAT WERE RIBBEDWITH INCONCLUSIVE CASE STUDIES

WHICH I FELT WERE REALLY...

BUT I WEAR-- I MEAN, I--

WAY BEFORE IT WAS VERYIMPORTANT, YOU KNOW, TO WATCH--

YOU KNOW, TO PROTECT YOURSELF,I WORE EAR CONDOMS.

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO LISTENTO WHAT I MIGHT BE CONTRACTING.

SERIOUSLY.

YOU COULD GET ANYTHING--

YEAST INFECTION, WHAT?

WHAT IS THAT?

DOES IT HAVE ANYTHING TO DOWITH SOURDOUGH STARTER?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

DO YOU GO TO A DOCTOR,DO YOU GO TO A BAKER?

WHAT HAPPENED?

I TRIED PHONE SEX AND, UH...

I DON'T KNOW, IT DIDN'T...

I'M A HYPOCHONDRIAC, AND...LOOK, I GOT AN EAR INFECTION.

( laughter, scattered applause )

AND I WAS DATING A COMEDIENNE

AND-- NOT YOU, CAROL-- WE HADA LITTLE SEXUAL TALK BACKSTAGE

BUT I WOULD NEVER SUGGEST HAVINGPHONE SEX WITH A COMEDIAN

BECAUSE-- I MEAN, I WASREALLY GETTING INTO IT

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN--"QUICK, PUT ON NICKELODEON.

THERE'S A GREAT MR. ED ON."

OH, GOD, I'M...

WHICH WAS A DRAG,YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, IT'S HARD.

IT'S A TOUGH TIME NOW.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

YOU GO TO A SINGLES BAR,YOU WALK IN

AND YOU CAN'T BELIKE CARY GRANT--

NOT THAT THAT'S CARY GRANT.

I MEAN, THAT COULD HAVE BEENMIGHTY JOE YOUNG, LET'S FACE IT.

AND WHAT DO YOU SAY TO SOMEONE?

YOU KNOW, I'M...

HEY, I... YOU'RE HOT.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'M HOT,BUT I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU

AND I'M JUST CURIOUS--YES, TWO DAIQUIRIS--

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING AT ALLTHAT RHYMES WITH "WERPES"?

I'M JUST CURIOUS?

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU DO?SERIOUSLY?

YOU GET HOME AT NIGHT

YOU GET UNDRESSED, YOU...

"LISTEN, I DON'T MEANTO BE DISRESPECTFUL

"BUT BEFORE WE MAKE LOVE,CAN WE JUST BOIL OURSELVES?

IS THAT ALL RIGHT?"

ACTUALLY, I'M LUCKY TO BE HERE.

I SHOULDN'T BE DRIVING.

I MEAN, I JUST SHOULDN'TBE DRIVING.

I'M ON MY WAY HERE--

AGAIN, A GUY CURSES ME OUTJUST BECAUSE I CUT HIM OFF.

( laughter )

OKAY, WELL, THIS IS THE THING.

I'M A PEOPLE PERSON.

I WANT TO BEIN YOUR LANE WITH YOU.

( laughter )

I'M TRYING TO REACH OUTAND TOUCH SOMEONE.

THE REAL TRUTH IS THAT I'MTOO HOSTILE TO BE ON THE ROAD.

CAN YOU RELATE TO THIS AT ALL?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU.

I FIND MYSELF RACINGPEOPLE I DON'T KNOW

TO DESTINATIONS I HADNO INTENTION OF GOING TO.

I'LL PASS MY EXITJUST TO BEAT THEM.

REALLY, I'LL GET HOME THREEHOURS LATE, BUT SCREW THEM!

I WON.

( applause )

RIGHT?

IT'S SICK.

HOW CAN YOU HATE THE BACKOF SOMEBODY'S HEAD?

IS THIS A MATURE RESPONSE?

I'M A GROWN WOMAN, AND I CAN'TEVEN SEE HIM, BUT I HATE HIM.

HE'S A DORK-- LOOK AT HIS NECK.

HE'S A JERK--CHECK OUT HIS SKULL.

I'M NOT KIDDING.

YOU KNOW WHENI REALLY HATE THEM?

WHEN THEY'RE IN FRONT OF ME

JACKED UP ON THOSEBIG, FAT TIRES.

OH, MAN, WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

IT'S A MACHO THING, HUH?

IT IS.

IT'S A TREAD THING.

IT'S A RUBBER THING.

IT'S A GUY THING.

IT IS, IT'S ALWAYS A GUY.

IT'S ALWAYS A GUY IN SOMEFOUR-WHEEL SOMETHING, ISN'T IT?

IT IS, IT'S ALWAYS A GUY.

IT'S NEVER A WOMANIN A STATION WAGON

JACKED 65 FEET IN THE AIR...

( laughter )

WITH THE KIDSHANGING OUT THE WINDOWS.

YOU DON'T REALLY SEE THAT A LOT.

SO DON'T GET NERVOUS,BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.

WE ADORE YOU.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU'RE NICER THAN WE ARE,YOU'RE CUTER THAN WE ARE.

YOU'RE WALKING AROUNDIN A TESTOSTERONE FOG.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHATTHE HELL IS HAPPENING.

( laughter )

OF COURSE YOU'RE NICERTHAN WE ARE.

YOUR LIVES ARE LESS STRESSFUL.

DO YOU KNOW THIS?

FOR ONE THING,WHAT YOU'RE WEARING TONIGHT

WILL BE IN STYLE FORTHE REST OF YOUR LIVES.

( laughter and applause )

THAT'S RIGHT.

THEY DON'T TRY TO SELL YOU

THE RUSSIAN PEASANT LOOKEVERY FOUR YEARS, DO THEY?

YOU NEVER FALL FOR THAT CRAPANYWAY-- THAT DESIGNER STUFF?

NO WAY.

LIKE YOU'D FOLLOW MADONNAWITH THAT UNDERWEAR TREND?

OH, YEAH, LIKE YOU'D WEARA JOCKSTRAP OVER DRESS PANTS.

( laughter )

I SHOULD BE A DESIGNER.

YOU'D BE VERY HAPPY.

I'M NOT KIDDING.

YOU'D ALL BE WEARING BATHROBESWITH A NICE THICK SOCK.

( laughter, applause )

THE TIE WOULD BE OPTIONAL,WHATEVER YOU WANT.

BUT WE HAVE THESE MEN

IN OUR LIVES,SO WHAT CAN WE DO WITH THEM?

WE HAVE TO LEARN FROM THEM.

THAT'S RIGHT.

FOR ONE THING, YOU'RE BETTERFRIENDS THAN WE ARE.

MEN SEEM TO HAVE FRIENDSHIPSTHAT LAST FOR YEARS.

YOU KNOW WHY-- YOU GUYSDON'T TALK TO EACH OTHER.

( laughter )

IT I TRUE.

WATCH US--

WOMEN TALK SO MUCHOUR HEADS ACTUALLY EXPLODE.

WE WEAR EACH OTHER OUT.

WE HAVE TO RECYCLE FRIENDSEVERY SEASON.

MY BEST FRIEND IS A GIRLI MET IN THE BATHROOM

FIVE MINUTES AGO.

( applause )

RIGHT?

SHE SAID, "I LIKEYOUR LIPSTICK."

SHE'S MY NEW BEST FRIEND.

I'M A GREAT FRIEND, I REALLY AM,BECAUSE I CAN KEEP A SECRET.

THAT MAY NOT SOUND LIKE MUCH

AND IT'S NOTTHAT I'M MORALLY SUPERIOR

I JUST NEVER REMEMBERWHAT ANYBODY TELLS ME.

( laughter )

MY FRIENDS ARE THE WORST.

THEY'RE REALLY-- IT'S SAD.

I'M OUT WITH FIVE GIRLFRIENDSTHE OTHER NIGHT.

I WALKED AROUNDTHE ENTIRE EVENING

WITH TOILET PAPERSTUCK TO MY SHOE.

NO ONE TELLS ME.

AT THE END OF THE NIGHT,ONE SAYS

"I THOUGHT YOU WANTED ITLIKE THAT."

"YES, I ALSO WANTEDMY SKIRT TUCKED UP

"INTO THE BACK OF MY PANTYHOSE--

"A LITTLE LETTUCEBETWEEN MY TWO FRONT TEETH.

THANK YOU."

AND THEN THERE'S THE FRIEND--GET THIS-- WHO ONLY CALLS ME

WHEN SHE'S DEPRESSED.

YOU ALL KNOW PEOPLE LIKE THIS.

I'M ON THE PHONEWITH HER THREE HOURS.

IT'S A WASTE OF TIME.

SHE NEVER LISTENS TO MY ADVICE.

SHE WILL NOT JUMP.

( wild cheering and applause )

NOW, OF COURSE,MEN ARE BETTER FRIENDS.

THIS MAKES SENSE.

IT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE,BECAUSE MEN LEARN TO BOND.

YOU LEARN IT EARLY IN SPORTS,WHICH IS VERY IMPRESSIVE.

I HAVE A GUY FRIEND

GOES UP TO A BASKETBALL COURT

JOINS A GAME WITH GUYSHE HAS NEVER MET BEFORE.

HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS?

IT BLOWS MY MIND.

I TRY TO PICTURE WOMENDOING THIS IN A MALL.

"I FEEL LIKE SHOPPINGWITH THOSE GALS OVER THERE."

( laughter )

YEAH, LIKE WE'D EVER LET HER IN.

( laughter )

COULD YOU SEE USTRYING TO CHOOSE UP SIDES?

"PICK THE ONE WITH THE LONG ARM.

SHE CAN REACH THE SALE RACK."

THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOWDIFFERENTLY YOU'RE WIRED.

YOU HAVE A WHOLEDIFFERENT CIRCUIT GOING.

YOU ARE WIRED FOR SPORTS.

YOU CAN REMEMBER STATISTICS,SCORES, TEAMS

COLORS, TOWNS, STADIUMS, RIGHT?

LOOK, HE KNOWS,THE WHOLE THING--

AND HALF OF YOU HAVE NO IDEA

WHERE THE HELL YOU PARKEDTHE CAR TONIGHT.

( applause, cheering, laughter )

IT'S AMAZING.

THE THING THAT GETS MEIS FOOTBALL.

I THINK THAT'S THE SICKEST.

I REALLY DO.

DO YOU GUYS KNOW,TO HANG OUT WITH YOU

WE PRETENDWE UNDERSTAND FOOTBALL.

DO YOU KNOW THAT FAKING FOOTBALL

HAS REPLACED FAKING THE ORGASMIN AMERICA?

I SIT THERE-- I HAVE NO IDEAWHAT'S HAPPENING.

I MEAN, I KNOWTHE ATHLETIC ABILITY'S GREAT

AND SOMEDAY I WOULD LIKE TO MEETAND PERSONALLY THANK

WHOEVER DESIGNEDTHOSE KNIT PANTS.

GIVE ME THREE HOURS OF WATCHINGTHOSE GUYS' BUNS ON THE FIELD

I'M A HAPPY WOMAN.

( laughter and applause )

MAYBE I'M SICK, I DON'T KNOW

I JUST WANT TO GO UPTO THE TV AND GO, "OOH!"

( laughter and applause )

NEVER TELL FRIENDSYOU THINK SOMEONE'S SEXY.

THEY RUIN IT FOR YOU ON PURPOSE.

I TELL A GIRLFRIEND I THINKTHIS GUY IS REALLY GREAT.

SHE GOES, "HE'S A CREEP.

HIS EYES ARE CROSSED."

THEN I FEEL STUPID.

I'M THINKING, "I LIKE THE WAYTHEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER."

( laughter )

I SAY THE REAL MIRACLE ISTHAT MEN AND WOMEN GET TOGETHER.

THAT'S A MIRACLE, ISN'T IT?

YOU KNOW IT IS, BECAUSEBASICALLY, YOU DON'T GET US.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

BUT I HEAR FROM ONE GUY I DON'TTHINK I'M SEEING ANYMORE.

HE SAYS, "IT'S ONLYBEEN TWO WEEKS."

I'M THINKING, "TWO WEEKS.

DO YOU KNOW WHATTHAT IS IN GIRL YEARS?"

( laughter )

"WE'RE TALKING SIX, SEVEN,EIGHT, NINE YEARS, HONEY."

( applause, women laughing )

YOU NEVER COVER YOUR MOUTHWHEN YOU'RE LAUGHING.

DON'T DO THAT.

LET IT OUT, LET IT OUT.

YOU'RE SUCH A NICE GROUP.

YOU ARE, YOU'RE LIKETHE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

I'M NOT SICK OF.

( laughter )

YOU'RE MY NEW BEST FRIENDS.

( laughter )

FAMILY IS IMPORTANT.

EVERYTHING IS IMPORTANT.

I'D KILL FOR A GOOD NIGHT'SSLEEP AT THIS POINT... REALLY.

I HAVE A FRIEND TELLS ME HE GETSBY WITH ONE HOUR OF SLEEP.

TO ME, THIS IS CRAZY.

IT'S LIKE SOMEONE BRAGGING

THAT THEY ONLY NEEDONE TOOTH TO CHEW.

YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHTDO IT WITH ONE

BUT YOU LOOK A HELLOF A LOT BETTER WITH MORE.

I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING.

I BOUGHT NEW PAJAMAS--GORGEOUS SILK PAJAMAS.

I SLID RIGHT OFF MY BED.

I SWEAR, I'M, LIKE, HEADINGFOR MY NEIGHBOR'S APARTMENT.

( laughter )

PAJAMAS... THEY'RE STUPID!

THEY'RE STUPID,THEY MAKE NO SENSE AT ALL.

IF I'M GOING TO MAKE THE EFFORT

OF PUTTING ON MATCHINGTOPS AND BOTTOMS

I MIGHT AS WELL PUT ON HEELSAND GO OUT FOR THE EVENING.

( laughter and applause )

AND DON'T THINKA NIGHTGOWN'S ANY EASIER.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T GETA REGULAR NIGHTGOWN NOW--

THE COTTON FLANNEL THING--YOU CAN'T GET IT.

IT'S ALL SEE-THROUGH AND LACEAND RIBBONS AND BOWS...

IT'S ALL ABOUT SEDUCING PEOPLE.

I GOT TO TELL YOU GUYS,SOMETIMES, YOU JUST WANT A NAP.

( laughter )

NO, I MEAN IT.

IT'S ALL "VICTORIA'S SECRET."

OOH!

COME ON, WHAT THE HELLIS VICTORIA'S SECRET?

PLEASE, MY GUESS IS THAT SHELIKES TO DRESS LIKE A SLUT.

TRY TO GET A LITTLE RESTBEFORE THE SHOW.

THE PHONE KEPT RINGING--

RING, RING, RING, THIS MORNING.

PICK IT UP, "HELLO."

"HELLO, IS LEN THERE?"

"YEAH, THIS IS LEN, WHO'S THIS?"

"IT'S SANTA CLAUS.

I'M SORRY, DID I WAKE YOU?"

I SAID, "HEY, YOU FAT BASTARD,YOU KNOW WHEN I'M SLEEPING."

( laughter )

AND HE KNOWS WHEN I'M AWAKE.

I DON'T CARE IF HE'S COMINGTO TOWN OR NOT.

ANYWAY, I'M IN A BAD MOOD.

MY CHIA PET DIED TODAY, SO I'MKIND OF BUMMED OUT ABOUT THAT.

GOT A GAME BOY FOR MY BIRTHDAYA COUPLE OF WEEKS BACK.

AND FORGET MORPHINE--

THIS IS THE MOST ADDICTIVETHING ON EARTH.

HAS ANYONE PLAYEDTETRIS GAME BOY AT ALL?

PLAY THAT THING,THAT SONG JUST KEEPS...

( humming tune )

♪ I HAVEN'T DONE A THINGFOR EIGHT DAYS ♪

♪ EXCEPT PLAYTHIS STUPID GAME. ♪

YOU HEAR IT IN YOUR SLEEP.

YOU SEE THOSE LITTLE BLOCKSFALLING IN YOUR SLEEP.

DRIVING DOWN THE ROADI SEE BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO.

OH, LOOK, THERE'S THE "U"

AND THEN YOU COULD PUTAN UPSIDE-DOWN "L" OR A "T".

HALF OF YOU ARE GOING,"WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?"

THE OTHER HALF ARE GOING

"I KNOW EXACTLYWHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT."

( laughter )

COULDN'T SLEEP ALL NIGHT.

SO WE GET UP AT 8:00,GET IN THE CAR

DRIVE FOR HOURS AND HOURS--HE'D TAKE ME DOWN TO DISNEYLAND

AND PUSH ME UP AGAINST THE FENCEIN THE PARKING LOT

AND SAY, "SEE THAT?

"THAT'S A GOOD TIME.

COME ON, WE'RE GOING HOME."

AND HE NEVER TOOK ME HOME.

HE ALWAYS TOOK METO MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE

AND I LOVE MY GRANDMOTHER

BUT IF SHE OFFERS MEONE MORE BLACK BANANA

I'M GOING TO KILL HER, OKAY?

WHAT IS IT WITH OLD LADIESAND GRANDMOTHERS?

THEY'RE ALWAYSOFFERING YOU BLACK BANANAS.

THROW IT OUT, HUH?

BRUISED-UP, YICKY, BLACK...

"HERE, HAVE A BANANA."

"I DON'T WANT IT, NO.

IT'S ALL BRUISED."

"OH, THAT'S OKAY,THAT'S THE BEST PART.

IT'S SWEET, IT'S LIKE CANDY."

"IT'S LIKE PUDDING IN A PEEL.

I DON'T WANT IT."

I LOVE MY GRANDMOTHER.

IT'S HER HOUSE I CAN'T STAND.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS

BUT ALL OLD PEOPLE'S HOUSESHAVE THAT SAME FUNK--

THAT STINKY, HOMEMADE-BREAD,MOTHBALL, DIRTY-SOCK SMELL.

IT'S JUST--

IT'S NOT RIGHT.

( applause )

THEY ALL SMELL THE SAME--

THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME, TOO,WITH OLD FURNITURE

BUT THIS DOESN'TBOTHER GRANDMOTHERS

BECAUSE THEY GOT THIS THEORY

THAT NO MATTER HOW UGLYOR OUTDATED THE FURNITURE IS

THEY CAN MAKE IT LOOK BETTERBY THROWING DOILIES ON IT.

DOILIES HERE, DOILIES THERE

DOILIES HERE-- UGLY KID,DOILY ON YOUR HEAD.

MY GRANDMOTHER'S FOREVER TRYINGTO OFFER ME STUFF I DON'T WANT.

IT'S NEVER GOOD STUFFLIKE CARS OR CASH.

IT'S ALWAYS BANANAS OR CANDY.

AND NOT REGULAR CANDY,NO, NO, NO.

OLD LADY CANDY, HUH?

YOU KNOW THE KINDI'M TALKING ABOUT--

COMES IN A LITTLE TIN CANISTER?

SHE GOT IT FOR CHRISTMASAROUND V-E DAY.

( laughter )

IT'S NOT CHOCOLATES OR LICORICE.

IT'S HARD CANDY.

HARD CANDY--45,000 DIFFERENT COLORS

BUT THEY ALL TASTE THE SAME--BOYSENBERRY FILLING.

BOY, I CAN'T WAIT.

FINALLY SHE'LL CONVINCE YOUTO TAKE A PIECE.

YOU GRAB ONE PIECE AND A WHOLEFOUR-POUND CHUNK COMES WITH IT.

WHAT THE HECKIS GOING ON HERE?

BEING A FAT KID YOU JUSTDIDN'T GET CHICKS.

AND LIKE, MY LAST GIRLFRIEND

SHE WAS JUST DEDICATEDTO WATCHING WHEEL OF FORTUNE.

THAT'S ALL SHE DID ALL DAY.

FINALLY I'M WATCHING ITWITH HER ONE TIME

RIGHT AFTER PAT SAJAKLOST HIS NIGHTTIME SHOW

AND HAD TO GO BACK ANDHOST THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE

AND HE'S GOTTHREE IDIOTS PLAYING

AND HE'S GETTING FRUSTRATED.

HE'S GOING, "WE'LL STARTWITH YOU, MARLENE.

MARLENE?"

"COME ON, 1,000, COME ON, 1,000.

"COME ON, 1,000.

"COME ON, 1,000, COME ON, 1,000.

"COME ON, 1,000,COME ON, 1,000.

"COME ON, 1,000, COME ON, 1,000.

COME ON, 1,000,COME ON, 1,000."

"600."

"YES, PAT, ARE THERE ANY 'R's?"

"NO, I'M SORRY,THERE ARE NO 'R's.

"WE GO ON TO YOU, MARY.

MARY."

"COME ON, 1,000, COME ON, 1,000.

"COME ON, 1,000,COME ON, 1,000.

"COME ON, 1,000.

COME ON, 1,000, COME ON, 1,000."

"900."

"YES, PAT, ARE THERE ANY 'R's?"

( laughter )

"NO, MARY, THERE ARE NO 'R's.

"SHE JUST ASKED FOR 'R's.

"FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, PLEASEWATCH THE USED-LETTER BOARD.

"ON TO YOU, FRANK.

FRANK?"

"COME ON, 1,000, COME ON, 1,000.

"COME ON, BIG MONEY,BIG MONEY, COME ON, 1,000.

COME ON, 1,000, COME ON, 1,000."

"1,000."

"YES, PAT, I'D LIKETO BUY A VOWEL."

"YES."

"ARE THERE ANY 'R's?"

( laughter )

"THERE'S NO 'R's, YOU IDIOT.

"'R' IS NOT EVEN A VOWEL.

"WATCH THE USED-LETTER BOARD.

BACK TO YOU, MARLENE."

"COME ON, 1,000, COME ON, 1,000.

COME ON, 1,000."

"1,800."

( laughter )

"YES, PAT, I'D LIKE TO KNOW,ARE THERE ANY 'W's?"

"YES, THERE ARE THREE 'W's."

( ringing )

"I'D LIKE TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE."

"LOOKING FOR A TITLE OF A SONG."

"IS IT'ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT'?"

( laughter and applause )

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