Ranger Games

  • Season 2, Ep 6
  • 10/08/2013

The Brickleberry rangers compete in the Ranger Games, and Malloy adopts a new pet.

- I SEE YOU WENT ALL OUT.

WAS THE HOME DEPOTOUT OF MEXICANS?

- NO, THEY WON'TGET IN MY CAR ANYMORE,

SINCE THE PINATA INCIDENT.

GATHER AROUND, BOYS.IT'S PAYDAY.

- YOU'RE PAYING THEMWITH METH?

- WHY NOT?IT SAVES THEM A STEP.

PLUS, IT MAKES 'EMWORK FASTER.

- THANKS, BOSS.- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

THIS BAGLOOKS A LITTLE LIGHT.

- YEAH, F.I.C.A. WITHHOLDING.

- [bleep] OBAMA.

- KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK,AND YOU BOYS

JUST MIGHT GET A RAISE.

- THANK YOU, OBAMA.

LET'S GET BACK TO WORK.

- WHAT THE--

- [muttering]WOW, I CAN USE THAT.

YEAH, THIS'LL FIT.

THIS OUGHT TO FIT.

- AND WHO ARE YOU?

- HOBO LARRY'S NAMEIS HOBO LARRY.

YES, SIR.- HMM.

STRAY HOBO, HUH?

- [whistling]

[squish]HEY!

WHO THE HELL TOOK A SHITIN MY BOOT?

- OH, THAT MUST'VE BEENMY NEW PET.

- HOBO LARRY'S SORRY ABOUT THAT,YES, SIR.

W-WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

- YOU HAVE A PET HOBO?

- YOU WOULDN'T BUY MEMY OWN PET,

SO I HAD TO MAKE DO.

- [chuckles]OKAY.

I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.

YOU'RE DOING THISTO SCREW WITH ME.

WELL, FINE. YOU WANTA PET HOBO, HAVE AT IT.

BUT IF YOULET THIS ONE DIE,

IT'S THE LAST PETYOU WILL EVER GET.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME?EVER!

- THANKS, DADDY.

- NOW WHERE'S MY OTHER BOOT?

OH, GOD DAMN IT!

- HOBO LARRY WAS WRONGABOUT THAT WHOLE

- WELCOME TO BRICKLEBERRY PARK

AND THE 2013 RANGER GAMES.

- AAH!

- [grunts]

crowd: OOH.

[cheers and applause]

- WELL, WELL.

IF IT ISN'T WOODY JOHNSON.

I GUESS THEY'LL LETANY PSYCHOPATH

BACK IN THE RANGER GAMESTHESE DAYS.

[laughs]

- RADCLIFF,I WILL RIP THE HEAD OFF

YOUR MOTHER'S ROTTEN CORPSE

AND MAKE HER GO DOWNON HERSELF.

HEY, WHO YOU CALLIN'A PSYCHOPATH?

- OH, MAN, I'M MISSIN'THE OPENING CEREMONIES.

WE GOTTA GETTHIS TRAINING STARTED.

WHAT'S FIRST?- IRON MY LAUNDRY, BITCH.

- WHAT? HOW IS THATGONNA HELP ME ICE SKATE?

- HOW DARE YOU QUESTION"CRISP SHIRT" CARRUTHERS?

NOW LET'S STARTTHE TRAINING MONTAGE.

THEY DON'T CALL ME "BREAKINGTHE FOURTH WALL" CARRUTHERS

FOR NOTHING.

MOP THAT FLOOR.

CUT THAT SANDWICH.

WIPE MY ASS.

- I'M STILL NOT SUREHOW BRINGING YOU

A KEG OF COLT 45IS TRAINING TO BE--

WHAT?

I'VE BEEN DOINGALL THESE CHORES

JUST TO SET UPSOME STUPID PARTY?

I KNEW THAT WASN'T TRAINING.

- YOU'RE RIGHT, SON,THAT WASN'T TRAINING.

THIS IS.- GETTIN' DRUNK?

- MY SECRET TO SKATINGLIKE A STEED ON SPEED

IS TO DO IT WHILE [bleep] UPAND LIQUOR AND WEED.

- IF IT RHYMES,IT'S GOTTA BE TRUE.

[rustling]

- WHAT IS IT, BOY?

- [growls]

[both grunting]

- OH, NO.

THAT'S NOT ONE OF YOURREGULAR SCABS, BUDDY.

THAT STRAY HOBO BIT YOU.

- OH, NO.OH, GOD, NO.

BITTEN BY A RABID HOBO--

SON, I'M AFRAID WE'LLHAVE TO PUT YOUR PET DOWN.

BUT DON'T WORRY.IT'LL BE EXTREMELY PAINFUL.

- NO!- WELL, OKAY.

BUT IF HE SHOWS ANY SIGN,YOU'LL HAVE TO FOLLOW

THE AMERICAN MEDICALASSOCIATION'S GUIDELINES

AND "CAP THAT CRACKERIN HIS MOTHER[bleep] DOME."

[all cheering]

[puma growling]

[puma growls]

- NOW TAKING THE ICEFOR TEAM BRICKLEBERRY,

DENZEL JACKSON.

- WHOO!

[beatboxing]

[giggles]

[beatboxing]

[vomits]

I HOPE I MADE YOU PROUD,MR. CARRUTHERS.

- MR. CARRUTHERS?WHY, HE DIED IN 1998.

THIS IS SILLY WILLIE.

HE HAS SEVERE LATE STAGEALZHEIMER'S. VERY SAD.

- THEY DON'T CALL ME"WHERE THE [bleep] AM I?" WILLIE

FOR NOTHING.

- NOW, FOR OUR FINAL EVENT--FOREST GYMNASTICS.

- HA! LOOK AT 'EM, MAGNUS.

YOU'VE GOT RADCLIFFSO SCARED,

HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE SOMEONETO GO UP AGAINST YOU.

THE GOLDEN ACORNIS AS GOOD AS OURS.

[laughs maniacally]

- YOU GUYS, I'M REALLY WORRIEDABOUT STEVE.

I CAN'T FIND HIM ANYWHERE.

- COMPETING FORTEAM BRICKLEBERRY,

THE SWISS FIST...MAGNUS BLICKENSDERFER.

[cheers and applause]

AND FOR TEAM YELLOWSTONE,

THE RANGER OF DANGERSTEVE WILLIAMS.

- WHAT'S UP, BITCHES?

[all groaning]

- [gasps] STEVE,WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF?

- I TOOK A SHIT-TONOF STEROIDS,

LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO.

- I NEVER TOLD YOUTO DO THAT.

- YOU IMPLIED IT.

AND NOW LOOK AT THE STEVE--

HE'S RIPPED!

- DID YOU WORK OUT AT ALL?

- YOU HAVE TO WORK OUT?

WHAT THE HELL GOODARE STEROIDS THEN?

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