January 26, 2016 - Planned Parenthood Wins & Hillary Clinton

  • 01/26/2016

Planned Parenthood scores a legal victory in Texas, and Larry examines critics' perceptions of Hillary Clinton with Jena Friedman, Mike Yard and Robin Thede.

Yeah. Yeah.

Welcome to The Nightly... Thank you.

Welcome to The Nightly Show. I like this crowd, man.

-(cheering, whooping)-Yeah. I know.

So cool.All that good energy.

I am your host, Larry Wilmore.

Um, now, I have to say, on thisshow, we spend a lot of time--

I know-- talking aboutmiscarriages of justice.

Well, tonight we havean honest-to-goodness

carriage of justice.

-Mm.-(hooves clopping)

Very nice.

Now, the good news comes,amazingly, from Texas.

Remember those undercover videostaken at Planned Parenthood

over the summerthat supposedly showed them

illegally selling fetal tissue?

Well, it turned out

not to be true

and Planned Parenthoodhas been cleared.

REPORTER: The footage prompted an outcry

and a Houston grand jury investigation.

But the panel instead cleared Planned Parenthood.

Guys, this is the best thingto come out of Houston

since Beyoncé.

And, to a lesser extent,Solange. Now...

Sorry.Sorry about that.

Terrible joke.

And the jurors didn't stop withclearing Planned Parenthood,

they also went after the people

trying to set upPlanned Parenthood.

REPORTER: But the panel instead cleared Planned Parenthood

and indicted the activists.

REPORTER 2: Both face felony charges

they tampered with a government record.

Daleiden is also charged with violating the state's

prohibition on the purchase and sale of human organs.

They could go to jail for this.

Hold on. Let me seeif I got this right.

The people who madethose (bleep) videos

lying about Planned Parenthoodselling body parts

are the ones being charged?

Let me see that carriage again.

Mm. Mm.

Mm.

Ah.

I'm so happy.

Now I'm sad.

No, I'll tell you why.Here's the thing, you guys.

Here's the thing about (bleep).

People remember it a lot morethan they remember the truth.

Right? So even though PlannedParenthood has been cleared

in most people's minds...or in some people's minds

they'll incorrectlybe associated with this.

Selling the body partsof aborted babies.

They are taking babies apart.

-Baby parts. -Baby parts.-Baby parts. -Little baby parts.

Rip up their body partsand sell 'em

-like they're parts to a Buick.-A dead baby's head.

To harvest its brain.

No, they didn't.

So the damage has been done.

Especially when peopleare predisposed

to wanting to believe something.

It's like when Donald Trumpspread those (bleep) lies

about Obama being born in Kenya.Right?

So then Obama produces his longform birth certificate,

but it doesn't matter.

Guys, this is true:20% of people still think...

still don't thinkhe was born here.

I don't have a joke for this,

I just want this (bleep)to sink in.

This is the powerof (bleep), all right?

In fact--this is another true number--

43% of Republicans still thinkhe's a secret Muslim.

Are you kidding me?

Just because somebody likesto pray five times a day...

Ooh. Ooh.

Did I do that?I'm sorry.

All right, onto our main,uh, story.

Uh, teenagers aregetting into trouble, you guys.

So we're kicking offa new segment,

Larry's Naughty Teen Round-Up.

-♪ -(whip crack)-Wait a second.

Um...

Uh...

Uh, hold on, guys, uh...

I don't thinkI approved that name.

I mean, yes, technically,

we are covering a storyabout teens misbehaving,

but you're making itsound a little pervy.

Can we try that again?Try...

-♪ -WOMAN: Larry Eyes Filthy Teens. Mmm.

No.

Larry does not eye filthy teens.

God, that's even worsethan the first one, right?

-Eh. -♪ -(whip crack)

What's the whip?

I wasn't saying play it again.

You know, my graphicsdepartment hates me.

I just want to say.

All right, so how are thesefilthy teens getting naughty?

Tensions are highat a high school in Ahwatukee

after this photowas posted online.

It shows six Desert VistaHigh School students

wearing shirts spelling out whatappears to be a racial slur.

It doesn't appear to be a racial slur.

That is a racial slur.

It appear to bethe word "nigger."

That's what it appears to be.

Okay, all right,so, apparently--

this is so insane--

these kids were tryingto do, like, a class photo,

spelling out Best You've Ever Seen Class Of 2016.

Best you've ever seen?

Well, not when it comes to photocomposition, apparently.

You can't evenread the damn thing.

And then... Like, a coupleof girls were wearing

those T-shirts and theydecided to play, like,

a life-sized version of WordsWith Stupid Friends, right?

Okay...

But people, there'snot even an "I" or a "G"

in the original message.

That's how committedthese dum-dums were

to spelling the N-word.

They had to get creative.

Okay girls, I knowhow bummed we all are

that we can'tspell out the N-word,

but if we justuse the "1" in 2016

as an "I"

and asterisks for the "G",

then we're golden.

We're golden.

I've never seen anybodymake such an effort

to use the N-word.

But hey, I guess that's what youget for sending your kids

to Quentin Tarantino High.

But, for me, guys, I have to saythere's a real villain here

who I believeis being overlooked.

The asterisk.

Because the wordthey really spelled

is N, I, asterisk,asterisk, E, R.

We're the ones who turned whatthey wrote into the N-word.

Maybe these filthy, naughtyteens are giving us a test.

Oh, you doubt... Okay.

For instance, what word do youthink of when you see this?

Hmm? Hmm.

You (bleep) werethinking of (bleep).

Don't (bleep) with me.All right?

That's a lot of bleepingthey got to do right now.

(laughing)

No, it was "folk."

Yeah, like Obama says,"Folks want to pop off."

Mmm. Now, you might wonder,

"Larry, why would you beoffended by the word 'folk'?"

You ever hadyour teenage daughter drag you

to a Mumford & Sons concert?

All the vintage-y tom-tomsand echoey songs

that just go, "Ho, ha, ho, ha."

Ugh, folk.That noise, I can't take it.

And finally,I guess I have to say

this is progress for Arizona.

Arizona, your younger generation

is learningto be more respectful

by using asterisksto spell out hateful words.

That's good, 'cause you guysare a really racist state.

You are. I rememberwhen you fought really hard

to not celebrate MLK Day.You know you did that.

You know you did.And then you passed that law

that you could just pullover brown people

'cause you thought they wereMexicans. I saw you.

I saw you do that.

Makin' progress, man.Good for you.

A-asterisk-asterisk-holes.

-(cheering and applause)-We'll be right back.

Welcome back.

Now, ever since, uh,the #OscarsSoWhite nominations,

um, we've been unable to process

how this is still happeningin 2016.

So to help us kind of wrapour brains around, uh, things

we can't unders...uh, comprehend,

it's time for another dashof Black Magic.

(cheering and applause)

All right.

Thank you.Thank you very much. Uh...

Thank you very much.Now, I'm gonna be doing,

uh, some magic.So I have some witnesses here

to, uh, keep me honest.

-(cheering and applause)-Uh, thank you, witnesses.

And, uh, now...Oh, I have to mention,

the last time we did this,there was some, um...

(sighs) so-called... It'scalled black reacting. Um...

Look, for those of youthat don't know what that is,

well, black peopleare a bit suspect of magic,

and they tend to, whatscientists call, black react.

Okay? This is a true term.

Uh, here's an example of ithappening to David Blaine.

-(laughter)-Open.

-Open it.-(shouting, laughter)

It's true. What happened?

Okay, so this time,I'm giving you fair warning.

You guys black reactedlast time. But this time,

-remain calm, okay? -All right.-Okay. -Okay, okay. No problem.

-I do not actually have magicalpowers, okay? -Okay. All right.

This is only a demonstration. Noneed to be alarmed, all right?

-We got you. We got it,we got it. -Okay. -Yeah.

-We're just gonna be calm.-That's us. That's us, man.

Okay. All right. Okay, guys,

let's imagine, uh,these aces represent actors.

Okay? Uh, I'm gonna showyou guys the power of focus.

-Rory, can you hold outyour, uh... -Yeah, of course.

your hand there? Okay.Uh, I'm just gonna ask you

a couple questions, Rory.They're very simple, okay?

-What is the color of this ace?-Uh, it's black.

Wrong. African-American. That'sokay, Rory. Take your time.

-Sorry. I'm sorry. -It's okay.It's my fault. My fault.

I know. It's my fault.I should have been more clear.

Okay, what is the... whatis the suit of this card, Rory?

And keep in mind I'm justa little sensitive right now,

so I'd be care...No, it's a joke. It's a joke.

It's a horrible joke.It's a horrible joke.

Okay, Rory, but here'sthe trick question.

Here's the trick question, Rory.Which ace

should be on top? The aceof spades or the ace of clubs?

It's a trick question.Which ace should be on top,

-the ace of spades or the aceof clubs? -Ace of clubs.

Okay. See, you're really focused

on black right now, aren't you?

-Yeah. Yeah, I... Yeah.-I know. That's why it's...

-But, see, the Academy isn't.-No! -(indistinct shouting)

-What the (bleep)?! -Guys...-(indistinct shouting)

Guys... Guys, no...What are you doing?

Get the (bleep) out of here!Get the (bleep) out of here!

-Stop it. Guys.-Get the (bleep) out of here!

-Okay, guys, calm down. Calmdown. -What the (bleep) is that?

-You don't need to react... It'snot real magic. -What happened,

-Rory?! What the (bleep)?! Getout of here! -It's just a trick.

-Come on! Get the (bleep) outof here! -Mike. Okay. Mike...

Guys... Mike...

This-this is a rare strainof black reacting.

He's the... he's theaggressive insulter. It'll pass.

-No, no, no! You're a (bleep)witch, Larry! -No. Calm down,

-Mike. Mike, calm down. It's me.-No, you're a witch! No,

-listen... -It's Larry. It'sLarry. It's Larry. It's Larry.

-It's me. No, no. It's Larry.It's me, Mike. -But it was r...

It's okay. It's okay. Yeah.

-Okay. Good? Okay. All right.-All right. Okay. Okay.

-He's good. Yeah. -I'm justsaying, it was black and then...

-I know. I know. Okay.It's okay. -Okay. -Whew.

-Okay, are we all back?Okay. Okay. -Can I...

-Yeah. I think so. We tried,but... -We got it, we got it.

-Are you guys gonna be...Can I do this? -Yeah. Yeah.

-You're gonna be okay?You're not gonna react? -Yeah.

-'Cause I'll just leave.-Just... No, no, no, no.

Okay. All right.

(sighs) Okay. All right.Take a look, guys.

This is Hollywood racismwe're talking about, okay?

And Academy voters aren'tjust like any old magicians.

They're practically DougHenning. Google him, bitches.

(chuckles)Here, I'll-I'll show you, okay?

Let's say that these cardsare people of all stripes

who have givengreat performances this year.

They could've been Latino,they could've been black,

they could've been Asian.They could've been

any people of color.All of these people

are people that could have been,uh, performing this year.

But once the Oscars get mixedinto it, boom...

-Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Uh-uh.-Oh... now.

-White. White. -Uh-uh. -No, no,no, no! -(indistinct shouting)

White. Now, look, that...that...

-This is what I thought. This iswhat I thought. -Come on, man!

-No... W... -What are youdoin'?! What are you...

How'd you do that?! Howthe (bleep) you'd do that?!

She's giving her CPR.She's giving her CPR.

-(shouting) -I can't take it!I can't take it, Larry!

The Academy members are coveredin cobwebs,

and spiders crawl outof their eye sockets!

But those witchesare so powerful

because they made a pactto never reveal their secrets!

-I told you he was the devil!-Damn, Mike, stop it!

-We'll be right back!Oh, thank you. -God help me!

(cheering and applause)

Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Mike Yard.

(cheering and applause)

And Nightly Show contributorRobin Thede.

(cheering and applause)

And very funny comedianJena Friedman.

(cheering and applause)

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter, @NightlyShow,using the hashtag, #Tonightly.

Okay, so last night, um,I was watching the, uh,

top secret Democratic debate

cleverly disguisedas a Democratic town hall.

And a, uh... It was on CNN.

And this was amazing to me.A kid stood up

and asked Hillary a question

that even she seemed to betaken aback by. Take a look.

It feels like there's a lotof young people like myself,

um, who are very passionatesupporters of Bernie Sanders.

And I just don't seethe same enthusiasm, um,

from younger people for you.

Um, in fact, I've heard fromquite a few, uh, people my age

that they thinkyou're dishonest.

(audience groaningand gasping)

That's messed up, man.

But it seems like

Hillary is always beingquestioned on her reputation.

First of all,is this a fair take on Hillary?

-The dishonesty?-Well, I'm just...

-Can I just say something?-Yeah.

This is... It's...My honest take about Hillary,

politics aside, you can disagreewith things she's done...

-WILMORE: Right.-... uh, politically.

But we haveto stop hating women.

-(applause and cheering)-Like, as a culture,

-I feel like there's... -Youthink this is about women hate?

-I agree with that.-Yes, because other politicians

-don't have this kind ofrhetoric about them... -Right.

...and these things that havenothing to do with the campaign.

-WILMORE: Narratives, uh-huh.-Really.

-(cheers and applause)-I'm tired of it.

That's a fair takeon any politician.

Are you tryingto tell me that...?

-I mean, I loveBernie Sanders... -THEDE: Right.

...but is he really more honestthan Hillary?

Is any of 'em more honest?

You really think Bernie'sgonna get free college

for every kid?You really believe that?

Do you think Donald Trumpis gonna build a wall

and have Mexico pay for it?That's not happening.

They all lie. People don't wantto hear the truth.

They want you to tell them the(bleep) that they want to hear.

-WILMORE: Yeah, but... but...-FRIEDMAN: And...

Go ahead, -FRIEDMAN: Well,nothing about...

I mean, who said that anything

about politics had to dowith fairness?

And, like, I think Hillary justbeing in the public eye...

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm. -...like,knows this more than anyone.

You know, like, last time shewas president, she had to...

(laughter)

...deal with everyonecalling her "Bill."

-WILMORE: I don't remember that.Yeah. -You know, so...

THEDE: That was tough for her.That was tough.

Well, do you...?

How much does Bill have to do

with this whole narrativeof her being untrustworthy?

Seven percent. I don't know.

-WILMORE: No, but it...-THEDE: I think a lot...

YARD: I don't think he hasanything to do with it.

It sounds likeshe's paying for the sins

-of his administration.-THEDE: Absolutely.

-Back in the '90s... -Or thefact that she stood next to him?

And people are still madat her for that?

Yes, the fact that she stood...

I think they areabsolutely still mad about that.

I think peopleare still resentful.

In the 90's,it was cool to blame the woman

-when the husband cheated.-WILMORE: Uh-huh.

And nowit's the total opposite.

We feel really sympatheticfor women who get cheated on,

but she still hasthat residual resentment.

It's like the partneryou broke up with,

like, four or five times.Like, you... -Uh-huh.

There's a lot of love, butthere's a lot of resentment

over the time they didn'ttake out the garbage in '94.

-WILMORE: Uh-huh. -YARD: Yeah.I don't know, though,

-that it has anything to do withBill, man, 'cause... -Mm-hmm.

...I don't think people lovedHillary before Bill cheated.

THEDE: They did!She was a darling!

FRIEDMAN:Oh, no, they love her. I love...

Listen, I never heardthat kind of love

for Hillary before Bill cheated.

-I never heard that.-Really?

-No. -She had that little cutebob haircut.

-FRIEDMAN: I'm always... -Ithink people just don't like...

Hillary is a strong womanwho's unapologetic

for being strong,and it scares people.

-WILMORE: Yeah?-That's what I think it is.

-That's true. -Look, I... Yeah.-Go ahead, Jena. -(applause)

I was just going to say, I loveher, I always have loved her.

I love herlike I love Lady Macbeth.

I just... I feel like...

YARD: How much do you loveLady Macbeth, though?

-You kind of have her firsthairstyle, Jena. -THEDE: Yes!

-YARD: That it? -That's onpurpose. No. I just, you know...

And we all have skeletonsin our e-mails.

-You know, it's not like...-WILMORE: Right.

I just thinkwe do give her a hard time.

I don't know if it's 'causeshe's a woman, or you know.

Well, there has been...

To me, I'm a little suspicious.

Let's just saya little suspicious.

Because I agree with you.

I think all politiciansare untrustworthy, you know.

But this whole drip, drip, dripwith the e-mail thing

seems a little biton purpose to me, you know?

-YARD: Of course.-And it's one of those things.

But it's this themewe're putting out there.

Once it gets out there that

you can't trust her, you can'ttrust her, you can't trust her,

she's a liar, she's a liar--how do you put

-that genie back in the bottle?-THEDE: Right.

I mean, when I look at that kid,he doesn't remember the '90s.

-THEDE: No. -You know,he's just hearing all this

Benghazi (bleep)and all this stuff.

And he's saying, "I don't knowif I can trust her."

-Well, you...-Mm.

Yeah, it's hardto put it back in the bottle.

-Yeah. -It's hard, man.Let me tell you something.

I never had sexwith Lazy-Eye Alice, but once...

Once the hood startedtalking about it...

-(laughter)-Yeah, it's true, because

-I still believe it.-I didn't, though.

-THEDE: Yeah.-YARD: But I never did.

Well, but there's that muralof you guys on the wall.

There's no... Somebody drewthat. I never had sex with her.

Yeah, they drew it,and it's still there.

I don't even really knowLazy-Eye Alice.

I have no (bleep).I don't know her.

(laughter)

Can't put that (bleep)back in the bottle.

-Yeah.-Everybody think I did it.

It's hard to put things back in.

Trump is like the master atjust putting things out there.

I mean, he tried itwith Obama.

We talked about that earlierwith the birthing.

-Now he's doing it with Cruz.-THEDE: Right.

And people seem to, like,just buy it.

I mean, Malcolm Gladwell talkedabout the stickiness factor,

he was talking about.

Why are lies so sticky? Why dothey have so much stickiness?

People just want to believe it.

I think that's a...I mean, sticky is a weird word.

(laughs)Just in general.

-Um...-(laughter)

WILMORE: Hey, let me go to whereJena is thinking right now.

-THEDE: No, I know what youmean. Like, moist. Yeah. -Yeah.

People just wantto believe that stuff,

rather than the obvious truth,right.

Yeah, I think people wantto believe things...

Yeah. You know, and Trump's demoisn't really like that tuned in

-to reality, so, like...-WILMORE: Yeah.

THEDE: No, they're onlytuned in to reality shows.

-That's the problem.-Yeah, reality shows.

Yeah, but I thinkthe biggest part about...

-Like, people love the juice,right? -WILMORE: Yeah, they do.

You love to hear the juice.Like the Lazy-Eye Alice story.

Like, I'm nevergonna forget that, but...

You know, like, I...

People love to stick with that,and then when you hear

what's really real,you don't want to let it go.

-Right.-For instance, think about it.

Michael Jackson.Everybody thinks

-he bleached his skin, right?-WILMORE: Uh-huh.

Well, after he passed,

it was shown medicallythat he had vitiligo.

Like, he had a skin diseasethat made his skin that color.

-WILMORE: Right. Right.-And everybody still thinks,

"Nah, he bleached it.He wanted to be white."

-Yeah. -And it's, like,no one can let that go.

-I don't know.-The truth is boring, man.

It's not that funny,but the truth hurts, people.

-Yeah. -(laughter) -The truth isboring. -Maybe that's it.

I thought you were gonna bringup the thing about the kids.

-THEDE: Uh-oh.-I don't know.

Well, you wouldn'thave been wrong,

but I cut that fromwhat I was.... Yeah, well.

I mean just saying, you know,he built an amusement park.

A true Michael Jackson fanwill never bring that up.

-It's like a... -You know,everybody's not perfect, Larry.

It's like a child-molestingroach motel.

-Oh.-I mean, seriously.

-But he's gone, Larry.-But with amazing rides.

Remember Thriller?

That's what people bring up whenthey want to defend Michael.

-Remember Thriller, though?-WILMORE: Yes, exactly.

(laughter)

That's (bleep) so wrong.

-Leave Michael alone!-Yeah, leave him alone.

Okay. We'll be right back,all right?

(laughter)

(applause and cheering)

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Yeah. Thanks to my panelists--

Mike Yard, Robin Thedeand Jena Friedman.

We're almost out of time,

but before we go,I'm gonna Keep It 100.

Keep It 100.

Okay, tonight's question isfrom @jwhypick1? Okay.

They ask,"Game seven of NBA finals."

All right."Lakers at Knicks.

"Only way in is wearing fullKnicks gear next to Spike Lee.

Do you do it? #Keepit100."

I'm a Laker fan.

There's no way in the world

I'm wearing Knicks gearnext to Spike Lee?

I'll watch it on TV.I don't care.

That's how much I'm a Lakersfan. That's Keeping It 100.

-YARD: Aah!-THEDE: All right. All right.

That's Keeping It 100.Let's do it. Come on.