Week of 2/11/2013 - Snoop Lion, Glaser, Madrigal, May

  • Season 2, Ep 6
  • 02/12/2013

Jeff shoots Friendly Fire with Snoop Lion and Rob Corddry, and helps Nikki Glaser, Al Madrigal and Ralphie May put Valentine's Day and hipsters on blast.

THEN HIT IT WITH A ZOMBIE.

NOW, GIVE IT UP FOR JACK FROST.

>> YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

WOW.

ALL RIGHT TO "THE BURN."

YEAH!

IT'S OUR SEASON FINALE, I FEEL

THE LOVE, EVERYBODY.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR, HAPPY ALMOST

VALENTINES DAY.

THE DAY WE GIVE CHOCOLATES TO

THE LAST PERSON WE EVER WANT TO

BECOME FAT.

[LAUGHTER]

>> WHY IS IT OKAY TO USE CANDY

TO GET SEX ON VALENTINES DAY?

YOU TRY IT ONCE ON A PLAYGROUND,

EVERYBODY GETS APE [BLEEP].

I DON'T KNOW.

VALENTINES DAY THE BIGGEST DAY

OF THE YEAR FOR PROPOSALS.

BUT FOR AS MANY MEN AS WILL GET

DOWN ON ONE YEAR, A LOT MORE

WOMEN GETTING DOWN ON TWO!

[APPLAUSE]

>>

[LAUGHTER]

>> THE PRESIDENT AND FIRST LADY

WILL BE SEMIBROUGHTING BLACK

HISTORY MONTH, AND VALENTINES

DAY AT THE SAME TIME.

AND WHIPS THEM IN THE LINCOLN

BEDROOM.

OBAMA UNCHAINED, COME ON,

BARACK.

SHOW HER THE ONE WEAPON YOU

DON'T WANT TO BAN.

[APPLAUSE]

>> HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO CASE

BROWN AND RHIANNA, I HEAR THEY

ARE BACK TOGETHER.

I BET THIS YEAR HE GIVES HER A

RING, AROUND HER OTHER EYE.

>> OH.

[APPLAUSE]

>> AND WISH THEM NOTHING BUT

ROMANCE TO KIM AND CANNING YEA,

YOU HAVE AS MUCH CHAMPAGNE AS

YOU WANT, BECAUSE FETAL ALCOHOL

SYNDROME WILL BE THE LEAST OF

THAT KID'S PROBLEMS.

PERSON HIGHER THAN CO DO BROWN,

THIS WEEK I WENT TO VISIT MY

BUDDY SNOOP WHO SHOWS ME I HAVE

A LOT TO LEARN WHEN IT COMES TO

CAN BURN.

A HANG OUTLY NEVER FORGET, AND

BARELY REMEMBER.

INHALE THIS.

>> ALL RIGHT, I HAVE BEEN

WAITING ALL DAY, BUT THE GROUP

IS FINALLY HERE.

>> WOW.

>> WHY WERE YOU LATE?

WERE YOU GROWING THAT WEED.

YOU WERE FOUR HOURS LATE PER.

>> 45 [BLEEP].

MAKE YOU WAIT ANOTHER HOUR.

>> I SAY YOU PICKED UP A FEW

POUNDS SINCE I SEEN YOU.

I LIKE YOUR HAIR DO TO.

YOU GOT THE JESUS LOOK ON?

JESUS CHRIST.

YOUR HAIR GET ANY MORE, I MAY

HAVE TO ROLL IT UP AND SMOKE IT.

BURN ONE.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW

THAT'S MINE.

>> WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME?

>> LET ME SHOW YOU, WHAT IS

GOING TO HAPPEN IS YOU ARE GOING

TO BECOME STALWORTH, MAN.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF SNOOP

DOG.

YOU GOOD ON THE CAMERA.

I CAN'T CAPTURE AS WIDE AS YOU

ARE.

>> I JUST WENT ON A SLIM FAST

COMMERCIAL.

>> .

.>> WHAT IS THIS AMERICA'S NEXT

STONED MODEL?

>> OH, MAN.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING NICK

QUILL?

SIT UP.

>> WORKING HARD.

>> LOOK AT THIS GUY.

EMINEM'S COUSIN.

[LAUGHTER]

>> DON'T HAVE A HEART ATTACK,

PLEASE.

IT WOULD BE TERRIBLE.

>> COME ON, MAN, WE ARE HAVING

FUN.

THIS IS THE BURN, MAN.

ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS.

>> THANK YOU FOR ROASTING ME IN

EVERY WAY TODAY.

>> YEAH.

IT AIN'T EASY, BUT IT IS A WHOLE

LOT OF FUN.

>> BENEATH CERMET FOR THIS GUY.

>> ONCE I GET LIKE THIS, MY

ROASTING SKILLS JUST FALL AWAY.

>> YEAH.

YOU DO WHAT I DO.

>> NO

BEAUTIFUL NIKKI GLASER.

POWER HOUSE.

RAIL FEW MAY, EVERYBODY.

[APPLAUSE]

>> AND THE HILARIOUS AL

MADRIGAL, EVERYBODY.

[APPLAUSE]

>> GREAT TO SEE YOU GUYS.

AL, CONGRATULATIONS ON APPEARING

MONTHLY ON THE DAILY SHOW.

>> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

>> [BLEEP].

>> JOHN STEWART'S PERIOD.

[LAUGHTER]

>> AND CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU

FOR HAVING THE SHOW.

THAT'S AMAZING.

50 YEARS OF DOING STAND UP AND

YOU FINALLY HAVE YOUR OWN GIG.

>> IT IS GREAT TO BE HERE ON

CHELSEA LATELY.

>> THAT'S AWESOME.

>> THANK YOU.

>> I HAD NO IDEA YOU ARE

HISPANIC ALL THIS TIME.

>> YEAH.

>> I THOUGHT YOB WERE LIKE

IRANIAN OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

>> YEAH.

>> I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE A

WHITE LADY.

>> OFF THE STUDIO.

>> THANK YOU.

>> FROM POD CAST.

>> RIGHT.

>> THIS IS TO BE'S DRESSING

ROOM.

>> RALPH, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

>> THANK YOU.

>> RALPH IS VERY POPULAR, HE

ONCE TRIED TO EAT HIS OWN

TWITTER FEED.

>> I WAS GOING TO SAY IT LOOKED

LIKE THE EVOLUTIONARY CHART OF

UGLY.

>> WAIT, WHERE DOES IT START?

WHICH WAY?

>> IT IS AS TO UP.

>> I'M FAT, BUT I'M PRETTY.

>> THAT'S TRUE.

>> I'M ALWAYS NICE TO YOU,

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE YOU MIGHT BE

A REAL CELEBRITY, IN A FAT SUIT.

>> EXACTLY.

>> SO I'M ALWAYS KIND TO YOU.

>> I AM.

>> IT IS JUST A RUIZ.

>> IF YOU ARE TYRA YOU HAVE TO

TELL ME NOW.

>> I'M RICKIE LAKE.

>> RICKIE, GREAT LAKE MAKE.

>> I LIKE MOSTLY GUYS I SLEEP

WITH LOOK LIKE YOU THREE -- AND

THAT'S LIKE WITH DRINKING.

IT REALLY IS.

>> ARE WE THE GUYS WITH $20

EACH?

>> SHE ISN'T A HOOKER, SHE IS A

ABSOLUTELY, THERE'S A

DIFFERENCE.

>> I KNOW, SHE HAS A GROUPON.

>> NO, IT IS A THING THAT TRIPS

ME OUT ABOUT RALPH, IS NOT THE

WAY HE [BLEEP].

THE VOICE.

IT IS LIKE GHETTO MICKEY MOUSE.

>> ARE YOUR LIKE THIGHS PUTTING

THAT MUCH PRESSURE ON YOUR BALLS

THAT --

>> NO, THEY ARE RIGHT HERE, THEY

ARE GOOD.

THEY ARE OUT.

MY BALLS ARE OUT.

>> A YOUR DICK NOBODY CAN SEE.

>> I SAW IT LAST NIGHT, IN THE

REFLECTION OF YOUR MOTHER'S

FOREHEAD.

OH [BLEEP].

>> OH, OH.

>> RALPH [BLEEP].

YOU CRAZY.

>> YOU ARE LIKE THE WORST

EPISODE OF ELIMINATE DATE EVER.

DUDE.

>> HEY MAN.

>> A BAD TIME?

>> UHM -- NO.

NO, DUDE I'M DISTURBED.

IS THIS FOR YOUR SHOW?

>> YEAH.

>> YOU ARE MY FAVORITE HAIRLESS

ACTOR?

>> OH, WELL, GOOD, YOU ARE MY

FAVORITE JESUS CHRISTLESS

COMEDIAN.

>> SORRY I WOKE YOU, DUDE?

>> NO, IT IS FINE.

>> ARE YOU DONE WITH THIS?

>> YOU KNOW YOU LOOK LIKE RIGHT

NOW, YOU LOOK LIKE THE HOST FROM

MAN VERSES FOOD, BUT FOOD IS

WINNING.

>> THAT'S TRUE.

>> YEAH.

>> SO WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING IN

ARE YOU PLAYING THE LAST FEW

MONOS OF STEVE JOB'S LIFE.

>> UH-HUH.

CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING ELSE,

LIKE A GLASS OF WATER OR A HAT?

>> OR A MASK.

>> I THINK I LOOK GOOD.

YOU ARE THINKING WRONG.

>> YOU HAVE THE NUMBER ONE

[BLEEP] IN THE MOVIE IN THE

COUNTRY RIGHT NOW.

>> YEAH.

>> IN THE MOVIE WARM BODIES.

>> GET THE NAME RIGHT, DUDE.

>> IT IS UNCLEAR HOW THE DISEASE

SPREADS IN THE MOVIE.

>> RIGHT.

>> BUT YOU ARE IN IT SO I KNOW

IT ISN'T SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED.

>> OH, I LOVE CHILDREN'S

HOSPITAL, OBVIOUSLY ONE OF MY

FAVORITE SHOWS EVER.

CONGRATOZEN A NEW SEASON.

>> THANK YOU, I FEEL LIKE WE

ONLY HAD ONE BAD EPISODE EVER.

>> OH, MAN, NAILED IT.

THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY ACTING

CAREER.

>> NOT ANYBODY ELSE'S.

HOW IRONIC IS THAT A PEDOPHILE

WOULD STAR IN A SHOW CALLED

CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL.

>> I'M NOT REALLY A PEDOPHILE,

RIGHT?

>> ARE WE GOING TO [BLEEP] OR

WHAT.

IT'S ABOUT TIME, GET THESE

HOMELESS PEOPLE CLOTHES OFF.

CUT.

>> CONGRATULATIONS ROB NUMBER

ONE MOVIE.

WHAT'S NEXT, ED?

>> RESEARCHERS IN ISRAEL FIND

THAT REGULAR MARIJUANA USE

IMPROVED THE QUALITY OF LIFE.

>> GREAT.

>> NICE.

>> NICE.

>> GREAT NEWS.

>> NOW I HAVE TO DROP MY GRANDMA

TO FIVE DIFFERENT WEED STORES TO

GET THE BEST PRICE.

>> .

>> THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN

MARKHOOREN JEWISH FOOD TASTY.

>> ARE YOU CRAZY, JEWISH FOOD IS

GREAT, IT IS [BLEEP] NASTY.

Y'ALL ARE ALLERGIC TO FLAVOR.

OH MY GOSH.

I PUT YOU IN TWO OVEN JUST TO

COOK SOMETHING BETTER.

LET'S COOK SOMETHING BETTER.

>> I JUST CAN'T GET OTHER HOW

JUBE WE YOU DO LOOK.

EYE LOOK LIKE A NAZI PROPAGANDA

POSTER CAME TO LIFE.

[LAUGHTER]

>> I DON'T THINK OLD PEOPLE

SHOULD BE SMOKING TOO MUCH.

IT'S LIKE DUDE WHERE IS MY CAR.

SIR, IT IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE

FLEE MARKET.

>> YEAH, THEY CAN LOSE THEIR

SCOOTERS AND [BLEEP].

HILARIOUS.

>> I DON'T THINK JEWS IN ISRAEL

NEED ANOTHER LIKE -- TO BE MORE

PARTICULAR NODE RIDING THE BUS.

>> RIGHT.

[BLEEP].

>> THAT'S TRUE.

>> WHEN THEY SAY -- BLEEP IT

COULD BE.

>> I DIDN'T THINK OLD JEWISH

WOMEN PUT THEIR LIPS ON

ANYTHING.

>> [BLEEP].

>> I MARRIED ONE THAT'S THE

TRUTH, MAN.

>> THAT'S THE GOD DAMN TRUTH.

>> THE STUDY TOOK PLACE ON 420,

BUT FOR YOU, 419.

>> PASS THE WEED.

>> PUT THE -- THAT'S THE GOOD

BOMB FOR COMPANY.

>> IT'S STILL GOT PLASTIC ON IT.

>> YOU'RE NOT A BIG SMOKER.

>> I HAVE SMOKED WITH YOU

BEFORE.

AND YOU HAVE PAPERS AND YOU LIKE

SPRINTED AWAY.

>>

[LAUGHTER]

>> THAT WAS HILARIOUS.

>> MY FRIENDS NIKKI, RAIL FEW,

AND AL.

FANTASTIC.

LIGHT UP, BUDDY.

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