Kevin Hart Presents - Lil Rel Howery: RELevent

  • Season 1, Ep 101
  • 09/05/2015

Lil Rel Howery describes how he found out that his father wasn't a doctor, the difference between raising a son and a daughter and racism within the black community.

That's the one thing I takepride in, is being a father.

Like, you know, Ilove being a dad man.

For real.

So dope man, you get tosee these little people

you created becomingtheir own little people.

You know what I mean?

And like, having alittle girl is the best

thing you could ever have.

Like, little girls are so muchbetter than having little boys.

Like, my daughter--I'm dead serious.

No, not-- no disrespectto you but I'm for real.

Most people are, I want a son.

Nope, nope.

shibididobos, get a daughter.

Because that's who'sgoing to fight for you.

Like, when you get old andyou need somewhere to stay,

she the one who going toargue with her husband

to get you to stay there.

Real talk.

That's going to be her.

Like, no, my daddy'sstaying here.

So if you don't likeit leave Marvin.

Not your son.

This asshole'll blindfold youand drop you off in a home.

Surprise.

You good.You good.

That's your bed.

He done blindfoldyou like this is

a surprise party or something.

I'm happy, like I live in NewYork now.

And I got a doorman.

You're like-- youknow what I mean?

Like, that's-- a doorman?

No more, like, let metell you, black people be

racist to other black people.

He a black doorman.

He ain't believe I live there.

He still don't believeI live there, honestly.

He always giving me shit.

Old black man, so [bleep] mean.

Like, he phony too.

Like, when like, otherpeople walk in he

be like, oh how you doing?

Hey, good to see you.

OK, this is your dog?Oh, you have a package.

I'm OK.

Oh, oh wait a minuteyoung brother.

Where the [bleep] you going?

No, no, who is you sir?

Who-- wait, wait, where youthink you're going young blood?

No, I'm talking toyou young blood.

Where you going?

Like, no sir.

I-- I live here man.

I just moved in.

You live here?

You can't afford to live here.

Hey look man, you don'tknow what I could do, Joe.

You know what I mean?Like, I'm-- I live here.

You know?

I-- I got a TV show.

What is it?

It's on TruTV.

I ain't never heardof that shit, TruTV.

You ain't no SouthBeach [inaudible].

I never saw your SouthBeach [inaudible].

I ain't seen you pawn shit.

No, I'm a successful comedian.

I got a TV show.

I'm doing-- Youain't a comedian.

Where your Steve Harvey suit at?

You ain't made it till yougot you a zoot suit.

Hey, it feel good tobe in Chicago, man.

I've been trying to do,like, you know, stuff 'cause

I'm back home, just to feel it.

But then you'd be like, no,maybe I shouldn't do that.

Like, I ended upgetting on a bus--

[laughter]

I feel like reminiscing one day.

Like, you know, I'mgonna reminisce.

I'm gonna ride the Jacksonbus and just think about life.

That reminiscinglasted two stops.

[chuckles]

I was reminiscing for two stop.

And then I saw the high schoolkids get on like, god damn.

Oh no, I did it again.

No.

It is about to happen.

They don't give a damn.

What is this?

These are the 15, 16-year-olds.

Boy, they gonna roastthe shit out your ass.

They was having a freestylebattle on the bus,

and I was the punch line.

I didn't even know.

I was there rockingwith [inaudible]

like, you ain't shit!

Like you, right there?

What?

Me?

Damn, fam, why you do that?

What do you mean, me?

You aren't in my life.

I'm doing good.

You ain't shit!

Like buddy right there!

Buddy?

He started grabbingmy clothes and shit.

Heh.

I'm scarier.

I ain't trying to goback and forth with them.

Only people that tryto stay is always

is that one old black manwho can't take it no more.

This [bleep] garbageman.

He been at work all day.

He can't take that shit.

He get up with everything.

Hey, man, could you all cutthat shit out real quick?

[bleep] trying tolisten to his Walkman.

He got a Walkman still.

Come on, I got myplaylist on my tapes.

Could y'all cut that shit out!

I don't want to hear allthat Chief Keef bullshit.

Little ugly mother[bleep].

They turn around.

They just get theroast on his ass.

He just looks straight ahead.

Little dirty ass.

You dirty as hell, fam.

Old as hell, workinglike a mother.

You struggling.

Are you on a bus?

You, like, 60 years old.

You don't know my [bleep] life!

My wife tookeverything, [bleep]!

You lonely as hell, youold lonely-ass [bleep].

[bleep] startedshaking his shit.