April 15, 2015 - Snitching in America & Mike Yard's Tax Tips

  • 04/15/2015

Chris Distefano, Ras Baraka and Cam'ron discuss the taboo against snitching to the police, and Mike Yard offers questionable advice for Tax Day.

>> TONIGHTLY, ARE WE ACULTURE OF SNITCHES, I WOULD

TELL YOU BUT I'M AFRAID SUGEWOULD RUN ME OVER.

SHOULD WE GO THE POLICE ANDSNITCH WHEN WE SEE A VIOLENT

CRIME?

I SAY YES.

OFFICER, I WOULD LIKE TOREPORT A CRIME, THAT I'M

PRETTY SURE I JUST SAW YOUCOMMIT.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> AND FINALLY, IT'S TAX DAYSO WATCH THIS SNITCHIN SHOW

OR I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE IRS.

THIS IS THE NIGHTLY SHOW,EVERYBODY!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: THANK YOU VERY

MUCH.

THANK YOU.

>> LARRY, LARRY, LARRY!

>> Larry: THANK YOU VERYMUCH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I LOVE HOW WHEN IT'S JUSTKIND OF-- LARRY, LARRY, OH

YEAH, LARRY!

LARRY!

NO, I APPRECIATE IT.

THANK YOU.

WELCOME TO THE NIGHTLY SHOW.

I'M LARRY WILMORE.

BEFORE WE GET STARTED, IDIDN'T WANT TO MENTION THIS

BUT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO.

LAST NIGHT I'M AT HOME,RIGHT.

TRYING TO FIGURE OUTSOMETHING TO WATCH.

SO NATURALLY I HIT THE "TVGUIDE" CHANNEL AND NOTICE

THAT "TV GUIDE" LISTS THENIGHTLY SHOW LIKE THIS ON

THE ON SCREEN GUIDE,ABSOLUTELY TRUE.

REALLY, "TV GUIDE"?

YOU COULDN'T EVEN FIT THE HIN.

THAT H WOULD GO A LONG WAY,RIGHT!

I MEAN-- MAYBE MAKE THE FONTA LITTLE SMALLER.

HOW ABOUT THAT.

YOU DON'T NEED THREE DOT,HOW ABOUT TWO DOTS.

PUT THE H IN, WHATEVER, "TVGUIDE".

I'M DONE WITH YOU.

"TV GUIDE", WE HAVE A SHOWFOR THREE MONTHS, AND

ALREADY, RIGHT?

ANYWAY, MOVING ON.

ITS WEDNESDAY SO I'M SUREYOU'RE ALL THINKING WHAT IS

GOING ON WITH SUGE KNIGHT.

I KNOW.

ME TOO.

ALL RIGHT?

SO FIRST THE BACK STORY FROMJANUARY.

>> KNIGHT DRIVING THE REDPICKUP, THE TRUCK REVERSES,

STRIKING SLOAN, THEN HITSTERRI CARTER AND LEAVES THE

SCENE.

>> Larry: OKAY, GUYS, CALMDOWN.

IN ALL HONESTY, A TYPICALTHURSDAY FOR SUGE, ALL

RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

IN L.A., EVEN KILLERS HAVETO GET THAT SPIN CLASS IN

AND LOOK GOOD FOR THEIR MUGSHOTS, ALL RIGHT.

YOU GUYS JUST DON'TUNDERSTAND LOS ANGELES.

BUT THE REASON I'M BRINGINGTHIS UP IS THAT ONE OF THE

PEOPLE WHO SURVIVED SUGE'SALLEGED PARALLEL PARKING

MISHAP-- (LAUGHTER)

>> Larry: TESTIFIED THISWEEK.

>> CLE BONE SLOAN TOOK THESTAND AT A HEARING IN LOS

ANGELES.

>> Larry: WAIT, WAIT, THEGUY'S NAME IS CLE BONE

SLOAN?

SORRY, THAT IS NOT HIS NAME.

SLOAN?

PLEASE.

COME ON.

ALL RIGHT.

HOW DID CLE BONE TESTIFY.

>> HE TESTIFIED IN COURTTHAT HE WOULD NOT SNITCH AND

HELP PROSECUTORS PUT SUGE INPRISON.

>> Larry: WHAT THE TUPAC?

HE'S NOT GOING TO SNITCH?

EXCUSE ME, CLE BONE, YOUWERE JUST RUN OVER BY A

TRUCK.

THERE'S A DISTINCTIONBETWEEN SNITCHING AND

ANSWERING THE QUESTION WHATTHE [BLEEP] JUST HAPPENED TO

YOU.

THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OFDIFFERENCE THERE.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, LOOK, IHAVE TO ASK A QUESTION HERE,

IS NOT SNITCHING STILL ATHING IN THE BLACK

COMMUNITY.

I THOUGHT WE GOT OVER THATLIKE JHERI CURLS AND BLACK

BART SIMPSON T-SHIRTS, FORANY SNITCHING NOVICES, STOP

SNITCHING WAS A MOVEMENTTO TRY AND CONVINCE THE

BLACK PEOPLE TO NOT TALKTO THE POLICE WHICH RAISES

THE QUESTION, SOMEBODYREALLY NEEDED TO ORGANIZE

THAT?

NOW AS MISGUIDED AS THE STOPSNITCHING CAMPAIGN IS IT WAS

DEFINITELY A THING THATCAUGHT ON IN THE EARLY AUGHTS

AND THE GUY WHO ORGANIZED IT WAS THIS GUY,

SKINNY SUGE, NOT TO BECONFUSED WITH FULL SIZED

SUGE.

WHO AS I SAID BEFORE WASACCUSED OF RUNNING OVER CLE

BONE SLOAN, ALLEGEDLY.

EVEN THOUGH IT'S ON CAMERAAND EVERYBODY SAW IT.

CLE BONE, I JUST SNITCHEDFOR YOU, MAN, I DID

THAT FOR YOU.

DID IT.

(APPLAUSE)>> HELPING A BROTHER OUT,

HELPING A BROTHER OUT.

ANYWAY, SKINNY SUGE-- WASTHE GUY FROM BALTIMORE WHO

MADE A SERIES OF STOPSNITCHING DVDs IN WHICH HE

SAID THINGS LIKE THIS.

>> SNITCHES, BITCH I HATEALL YOU-- [BLEEP].

>> Larry: NOT ON PAR WITHTHE I HAVE A DREAM SPEECH,

BUT IN HIS DEFENSE, ACTUALLYTHERE IS NO DEFENSE.

NOW SINCE THEN SKINNY SUGEAND EVEN THE GUY WHO SHOT

THAT VIDEO WOUND UP IN JAIL.

I DON'T KNOW IF THEY WERESNITCHED ON OR NOT BUT I GET

WHY THAT WOULD BE THEIRCAUSE.

NOW OF COURSE, NOW SNITCHINGISN'T JUST LIMITED TO BLACK

CULTURE, EVERYBODY HAS ASNITCH CODE, JUST ASK ROBERT

DE NIRO.

>> NEVER RAT ON YOUR FRIENDS,AND ALWAYS KEEP YOUR MOUTH

SHUT.

>> Larry: YEAH, SEE, THISCODE OF SILENCE WORKS FOR

BOTH GANGSTER AND GANGSTA.

NOW ON THE OTHER SIDEGOVERNMENT IS GETTING IN THE

BUSINESS OF ENCOURAGINGYOU TO SNITCH.

THERE ARE ADS IN AIRPORTS,BUSES AND SUBWAYS READING IF

YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAYSOMETHING.

WHICH YOU KNOW, KIND OFMAKES SENSE IF YOU SAW

SOMEBODY LUGGING A SIZZLINGBLACK BOWLING BALL WITH THE

WORD "BOMB" ON IT.

I GET THAT.

BUT NOW IN NEW YORK, THIS ISTRUE, IT'S GOTTEN SO OUT OF

HAND THAT THEY ARE TRYING TOGET YOU TO SNITCH ON PEOPLE

FOR SITTING IN THEIR CARWITH THEIR ENGINES RUNNING.

>> CITY COUNCIL PUT TOGETHER APROPOSAL TO DEPUTIZE NEW

YORKERS TO GET SMARTPHONEVIDEO, CATCH IDLERS AND TAKE

HOME HALF OF THE FINESCOLLECTED.

HALF THE MONEY.

>> IN NEW YORK CITY YOUCAN'T LET YOUR ENGINE IDLE

FOR MORE THAN THREE MINUTES.

>> PLEASE STOP HARASSING US.

>> Larry: OH MY GOD.

THAT'S INSANE, YOU SNITCHON PEOPLE SITTING IN THEIR

CAR SO YOU CAN GET HALF THEMONEY FROM THE FINE.

OH, WAIT, SO IS THIS WHYSUGE ALLEGEDLY RAN OVER

THOSE GUYS?

THEY WERE TRYING TO GET HIMFROM IDLING HIS CAR, THAT

MAKES SENSE, RIGHT?

SEE CLE BONE, THIS IS WHYYOU NEED TO SNITCH.

YOU COULD GET HALF THE SUGEIDLING MONEY.

I'M JUST SAYING.

ALL RIGHT, SO NEW YORK HASNO PROBLEM ASKING PEOPLE TO

USE SMARTPHONE VIDEOS TOSNITCH TO THE AUTHORITIES.

THEIR PROBLEM COMES UP WHENYOU USE THAT VIDEO TO SNITCH

ON THE AUTHORITIES.

(APPLAUSE)NOW THIS IS RAMSEY ORTA, THE

GUY WHO TAPED THE ERICGARNER KILLING.

>> DID THEY EVER TRY TO GET YOUTO TRY TO PUT DOWN THE CAMERA.

>> YES.

>> WHAT DID THEY SAY TO YOU?

>> THEY TOLD ME THAT IT'S ACRIME AND SPECIAL

INVESTIGATION AND FOR ME TOGET OFF THE SCENE.

IF NOT I WAS GOING TO BEARRESTED.

>> Larry: BUT HE WASN'TARRESTED UNTIL THE DAY AFTER

THE CORONER DECLARED GARNER'SDEATH A HOMICIDE.

THE DAY AFTER.

HE WAS PICKED UP FOR ANUNRELATED GUN CHARGE.

>> LIKE I TOLD MY LAWYER, SINCETHIS VIDEO HAS HAPPENED.

THEY'VE BEEN HARASSING ME.

THEY'VE BEEN FOLLOWING ME.

THEY'VE BEEN SITTING OUTSIDE MYHOUSE.

THEY'VE BEEN GOING TO MYWIFE'S JOB.

>> Larry: MAYBE SHE FORGOTHER LUNCH.

MAYBE THEY WERE JUST SAYING HI.

I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE VISITME AT WORK.

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT THE THING IS THE COPSWEREN'T JUST VISITING HIS

WIFE AT WORK.

>> 2:00 IN THE MORNING IHAVE-- WE'RE LAYING DOWN AND

MY WHOLE ROOM LIGHTS UP.

I'M LIKE WHAT IS THAT?

AND WE LOOK OUT THE WINDOW,IT'S POLICE CARS.

THEY'RE DRIVING BY AND PUTTHE SPOTLIGHT INTO MY

WINDOW.

WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

>> Larry: THAT WAS FORSNITCHING.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(APPLAUSE)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT, WELCOMEBACK.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUTSNITCHING.

JOINING ME ON THE PANEL YOUCAN SEE HIM ON MTV'S GIRL

CODE, COMEDIAN CHRISDISTEFANO.

AND THE MAYOR OF NEWARK NEWJERSEY RAS BARAKA AND MEMBER

OF THE RECENTLY REUNITED GROUPTHE DIPLOMATS, RAPPER CAM'RON.

SO I THINK SNITCHING IS ONEOF THOSE VERY COMPLICATED

ISSUES.

IT'S NOT ONE OF THOSE BLACKAND WHILE ISSUES, YOU KNOW,

BECAUSE WHEN YOU LIVE IN ACERTAIN COMMUNITY, LET'S

JUST SAY, NO, THERE IS APRICE TO BE PAID FOR THE ACT

OF SNITCHING AS WE ALL KNOW.

WE'RE NOT ALL IGNORANT OF THAT,YOU KNOW.

MAYOR, I DO WANT TO STARTWITH YOU.

HOW CAN THE POLICE TELLPEOPLE IN THE COMMUNITY TO

SNITCH WHEN THEY WON'TSNITCH ON EACH OTHER.

>> FIRST I AGREE WITH THIS.

FIRST I WANT TO SAY IT IS ALITTLE BLOWN OUT OF

PROPORTION.

PEOPLE ARE IN JAIL BECAUSEPEOPLE TOLD ON THEM.

THIS IDEA OF SNITCHING ISN'TBECAUSE AS LARGE AS PEOPLE

MADE IT OUT TO BE

>> Larry: BUT IS IT JUST THECRIMINALS WHO GOT HALF A

SENTENCE?

>> SURE, WELL, THE REALITYIS, IT'S A RELATIONSHIP

BETWEEN THE POLICE AND THECOMMUNITY THAT IS IN

QUESTION HERE. SO IF PEOPLE FELTSAFE,

IF THEY TRUSTED THEPOLICE AND THOUGHT THE

POLICE WERE PART OF THEIRCOMMUNITY.

IF THEY BELIEVED THATSOMETHING WOULD ACTUALLY

HAPPEN TO SOMEBODY BECAUSETHEY CAME FORWARD TO THE LAW

AND THAT THEY WERE ALLOWEDTO BE PROTECTED, I THINK YOU

WOULD GET MORE COOPERATIONFROM PEOPLE IN THE

COMMUNITY.

AS LONG AS PEOPLE HAVE ADISTRUST OF THE POLICE,

THERE IS GOING TO BE LESSFOLKS COMING FORWARD TRYING

TO SAY WHAT IS GOING ON INTHEIR NEIGHBORHOOD AND

COMMUNITY.

(APPLAUSE)>> Larry: DO YOU THINK PART

OF THAT TRUST IS BROKENTHOUGH WHEN YOU SEE COPS

OBVIOUSLY, LIKE, NOT SAYINGWHAT IS REALLY GOING ON.

>> WELL, I THINK WHAT YOUSHOWED EARLIER, AND WHAT HAS

HAPPENED AROUND THE COUNTRYIS JUST REALLY SOMETHING

THAT WE KNEW ALL THE TIME ISHAPPENING IN OUR COMMUNITY

FOR GENERATIONS.

I MEAN FOLKS ARE NOT TOOFRIENDLY WITH THE POLICE

OFFICERS.

AND THEY SHOULD BE, LIKE THEPOLICE SHOULD BE A PART OF

THE COMMUNITY.

>> Larry: RIGHT, ABSOLUTELY.

>> I HAVE DOZENS OF POLICEOFFICERS WHO COME TO WORK

EVERY DAY TO PROTECTINDIVIDUALS.

BUT WHAT WE GET TO SEE ON TVAND WHAT HAPPENS IN OUR

NEIGHBORHOODS IS DIFFERENT,IS SOMETIMES A DIFFERENT

COMMENTARY IN TERMS OF WHATIS GOING ON IN THE

NEIGHBORHOODS.

>> MOST OF THESE COPS AREGOOD.

THE ONLY ONES WE SEE ON TVARE THE DIRT BAGS.

I FEEL LIKE THAT IS ALL WESEE.

MOST OF THE COPS ARE GOODGUYS, AS FAR AS SNITCHING

GOES, I MEAN, IT'S HARD.

WHATEVER COMMUNITY ARE YOUFROM, MY DAD, I'M AN ITALIAN

FROM BROOKLYN SO MY DAD'SNUMBER ONE RULE WAS DON'T BE

A SNITCH.

THAT IS WHAT IT WAS.

IF KINDERGARTEN, HAVE A GOODDAY AT SCHOOL, DON'T RAT ON

ANYBODY.

>> Larry: THIS IS WHAT YOURFATHER PASSED DOWN TO ME.

>> EVERY ANSWER ON MATHCLASS TO ME WAS, PLEAD THE

FIFTH, YOU KNOW.

>> Larry: CAM'RON YOU HAVESOME WORDS TO SAY ABOUT THIS.

A FEW YEARS AGO YOU SAID IFTHERE WAS A SERIAL KILLER

THAT LIVED NEXT TO YOU, YOUWOULDN'T SNITCH.

>> I WON'T SNITCH.

>> Larry: DO YOU STILL FEELTHAT WAY?

WHAT IF THAT SERIAL KILLERAIL KILLED AND ATE RAPPERS.

>> THAT IS A DIFFERENTQUESTION.

I'M STILL NOT SAYINGANYTHING.

WELL, HONESTLY, IT'S LIKETHE MAYOR WAS JUST SAYING,

IT IS THE COMMUNITY.

AND BASICALLY WITH YOU WERESAYING, ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE

LIVING AT.

BECAUSE THE THING IS THIS,JUST BECAUSE YOU SNITCH,

THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY'REGOING TO GET CONVICTED.

NOW YOU ARE ARE SNITCHING ONSOMEBODY WHO HAS TO GO

THROUGH A COURT PROCESS, GOTHROUGH TRIAL, ET CETERA, ET

CETERA, AND THEN COMES OUTBACK ON THE STREET AND LOOKS

AT YOU LIKE THAT WAS YOUWHO TOLD ON ME.

>> Larry: GO AHEAD.

>> THAT REALLY, WE HAVE TODEFINE THIS.

THE SNITCH IS A CO-CONSPIRATOR,IF I'M INVOLVED IN A CRIME

WITH SOMEBODY ELSE AND I TELLON THEM THAT IS SNITCHING.

IF SOMEONE DID SOMETHING TOME OR SOMEONE IN MY

NEIGHBORHOOD, I'M TELLINGTHE POLICE BECAUSE I DON'T

WANT TO YOU DO IT AGAIN.

>> Larry: SO IF YOU ARE JUSTWITNESSING FROM THE STREET,

THAT IS NOT SNITCHING?

>> IN MY DEFINITION, I DON'TKNOW WHAT HIS FATHER WAS

TELLING HIM, BUT IN THEREALITY, IF SOMETHING

HAPPENS IN YOUR COMMUNITY,IF YOU ARE PART OF A SOLID

COMMUNITY, ARE YOU GOING TOSAY SOMETHING, SOMEBODY ON

YOUR BLOCK DOESN'T BELONGTHERE, A CAR THAT LOOKS

SUSPICIOUS YOU TELL SOMEBODY.

>> Larry: IF SOMEBODY ONYOUR BLOCK DOES BELONG THERE

AND DOES SOME [BLEEP].

>> THE THING WITH ME LIKESNITCHING HOW I WAS TAUGHT,

I DON'T GOT TO SAY ANYTHING,BECAUSE GUESS WHAT WILL COME

AROUND, KARMA.

SO IF THIS GUY IS A DIRT BAG,WILL DO SOMETHING ELSE THAT

MAKES HIM A DIRT BAG AGAIN,KARMA-- I LOVE SAYING KARMA.

THE ONLY WORD-- IT'S AN EASYWORD.

>> THE LAW OF KARMA.

>> KARMA HAS A TIME RELEASEISSUE.

>> KARMA.>> YOU KNOW, A LOT OF TIMES

SNITCHING ISSUES ARE DIRECTED ASWHAT I SEE AS THE POWERLESS

PEOPLE-- IT SEEMS LIKEWE NEVER FOCUS ENOUGH ON

SNITCHING ON THE WALL STREETCHEATERS.

(APPLAUSE)YOU KNOW?

WHEN THAT HAPPENS, FOR THOSEPEOPLE ARE WHISTLE BLOWERS,

IT'S A DIFFERENT NAME.

HOW DO YOU CHANGE THATCULTURE THOUGH?

WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TOCHANGE THE CULTURE?

DOES IT START WITH ET GOINGTHE COPS IN THE COMMUNITY,

WITH THE PEOPLE, IS THATWHAT IT IS.

>> THERE ARE SOME THINGS WEARE DOING.

WE ALLOW POLICE TO GO OUTINTO THE NEIGHBORHOODS, TALK

TO PEOPLE, KNOCK ON DOORS,MEET PEOPLE--

>> I KNOW WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE INNEWARK IS, BUT DO YOU GET A LOT

OF PEOPLE THAT COOPERATE ANDKNOW ABOUT IT OR IS IT

PRETTY TOUGH OUT THERE?>> SURE, I THINK BOTH.

PEOPLE ARE COOPERATING LIKEI SAID IN THE BEGINNING

BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLEWOULDN'T BE IN JAIL.

OBVIOUSLY SOMEBODY ISTESTIFYING, SOMEBODY IS TOLD,

SOMEBODY IS COMING TO COURT.

SO PEOPLE ARE COOPERATING.

THEY ARE NOT AS COOPERATIVEAS WE WANT THEM TO BE AND

THAT IS BECAUSE OF THERELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE

POLICE AND THE COMMUNITY.

WE'RE TRYING TO FIX THAT.

>> Larry: HOW CAN YOU MAKEPEOPLE FEEL PROTECTED.

>> YOU HAVE TO DO COMMUNITYROLE CALLS AND YOU HAVE TO

HAVE TRANSPARENCY LIKECAMERAS, CIVILIAN REVIEW

BOARDS, A POLICE DIRECTOR, ACHIEF AND A MAYOR THAT IS

TRYING TO CHANGE THE CULTUREOF THE POLICE DEPARTMENT TO

MAKE SURE THAT THE COMMUNITYFEELS WELCOMED BY THE

POLICE.

THAT THE POLICE ACTUALLYFEEL LIKE THEY ARE PART OF

THE COMMUNITY AND THE COMMUNITYFEELS THEY ARE THERE TO

PROTECT THEM, NOT TO WATCH THEM

IT HAS TO BE A BACK ANDFORTH KIND OF THING.

>> Larry: SO WE'RE RUNNINGOUT OF TIME.

WE'RE GOING TO PLAY A LITTLEGAME CALLED KEEPING IT A

HUNDRED, YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT100% REAL THIS HAS TO DO

WITH SNITCHING.

EVERYBODY GETS THE SAMEQUESTION, MAYOR, WE START

WITH YOU.

I THINK IT WILL BE EASY FORYOU.

SOMEBODY IN YOUR IMMEDIATEFAMILY KILLS SOMEBODY AND

WHAT THEY DID WAS CLEARLYWRONG AND WE KNOW IT WE ARE

NOT TALKING ABOUTSELF-DEFENSE.

THAT WAS WRONG, OKAY.

POLICE ARE COMING TO YOURDOOR.

DO YOU SNITCH?

>> DO I SNITCH?

WELL, IF THEY ARE COMING TO THEDOOR, THEY ALREADY

KNOW THEY DID IT.

>> Larry: NOT NECESSARILY.

DO YOU SNITCH THOUGH?

>> I TELL HIM-- .

>> Larry: I'M GETTING OUT THETEA. DO YOU SNITCH?

>> I DO TALK TO THE POLICEABOUT HOW WE CAN FIX THE

SITUATION.

>> Larry: UH-HUH.

FAMILY MEMBER, ALL RIGHT,YOUR BROTHER, MAN.

>> OKAY.

>> Larry: YOU LOVE THAT GUY.

HE JUST KILLED SOMEBODY INCOLD BLOOD, DO YOU SNITCH?

>> I ABSOLUTELY DO NOTSNITCH.

I GOT TO SEE THAT GUY ATEASTER.

NO WAY.

>> KEEPING IT 100

>> Larry: CAM'RON, SOMEBODY INYOUR FAMILY KILLED SOMEBODY,

SOMEBODY YOU KNOW, KILLSYOUR BOY, YOUR BROTHER KILLS

YOUR BOY.

>> I WILL JUST ANSWER WITHTHIS.

(LAUGHTER)THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.

NOTHING.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S KEEPING IT100.

BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: OKAY, WELCOME

BACK.

TODAY'S TAX DAY A LOT OF YOUARE STRESSED ABOUT THAT,

YOUR MONEY IS FUNNY AND YOURCHANGE IS STRANGE, ALL

RIGHT.

BUT DON'T WORRY THE NIGHTLOW SHOW HAS YOUR BACK WITH

OUR CLASSIC ANNUAL SEGMENTSAVING HARD WITH YARD.

WE PLAY THIS YEAR AFTER YEARAND IT JUST GETS BET WE ARE

TIME.

TAKE A LOOK, EVERYBODY.

♪ YOU HAVE GOT MY MONEY ♪ WHAT?

♪♪ TELL ME WHERE IS MY

MONEY ♪♪ I AIN'T GOT YOUR MONEY.

>> EVERY YEAR UNCLE SAMTRIES TO GET ALL UP IN YOUR

POCKET LIKE HE IS A HOOKAHPLAYING POCKET POOL,

THAT IS NOT COOL.

MY FIRST TIP DEALS WITHINCOME REPORTING.

MY MANTRA IS THE LESS YOUMAKE, THE LESS THEY CAN

TAKE.

SO I MET WITH THE NIGHTLYSHOW ACCOUNTANT TO WORK

SOMETHING OUT.

>> LISTEN, I JUST FOUND OUTI'M MAKING WAY TOO MUCH

MONEY ON THE BOOKS HERE,CAUSING SOME PROBLEMS.

HERE IS THE THING I NEED FORMY PAYCHECK TO ONLY REFLECT

A QUARTER OF WHAT I ACTUALLYMAKE.

I GOT ANOTHER SOCIALSECURITY CARD.

HOW DO WE SPLIT MY PAYBETWEEN THE TWO.

>> THAT WOULD BE FRAUD.

>> BETWEEN ME AND YOU.

>> I SEE YOU.

>> COME ON.

>> IT'S A STRUGGLE.

>> I KNOW.

>> DON'T AGO LIKE YOUFORGOT.

WE MARCHED.

TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW.

>> MY HANDS ARE TIED.

>> WE GOT SHOT. DOGS

>> YOU CAN'T SPLIT MY CHECKINTO TWO SOCIAL SECURITY

NUMBERS?

>> CAN'T DO IT.>> FREEDOM AIN'T FOR EVERYBODY

>> MY TIP, FIND ANACCOUNTANT WITH SOME BALLS,

PUNK ASS.

♪ YOU HAVE GOT MY MONEY ♪ WHAT?

♪♪ TELL ME WHERE'S MY MONEY

♪ I AIN'T GOT YOUR MONEY.

>> TIP TWO, TAX DEDUCTIONS,AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED YOU

SHOULD WRITE EVERYTHING OFF.

THE TRICK IS KNOWING HOW TODO IT I DROVE TO JERSEY TO

TALK TO AN ACCOUNTANT THATWAS MORE OPEN MINDED.

LET'S TALK TAX WRITE-OFFS,JAY.

>> THAT IS THOUGHTDEDUCTIBLE.

>> HE'S A DEPENDENT.

HE'S DEPENDENT ON MY WEED.

>> TO THE DEDUCTIBLE.

>> OFFICE SUPPLIES.

>> SINCE YOU USED THE WORDOFFICE, THAT CONNOTES TRADE

OR BUSINESS SO IT SHOULD BEDEDUCTIBLE.

>> HMMMM, OFFICE AIRFARE.

>> YES, DEDUCTIBLE.

>> OFFICE TAXIS>> IF IT'S FOR YOUR OFFICE

DEDUCTIBLE.>> JUST ADD "OFFICE."

>> MY TIP, ADD THE WORDOFFICE TO EVERYTHING.

THAT'S HOW I GOT THIS OFFICE FURCOAT. CHINCHILLA

♪ HAVE YOU GOT MY MONEY ♪ WHAT?

♪♪ TELL ME WHERE'S MY MONEY

♪.

>> FOR MY LAST TIP, I ASKEDJAY TO HELP ME PICK THE

BETTER OF TWO INVESTMENTOPPORTUNITIES OR AS HE

CALLED THEM, CAPITAL VERSUSNONCAPITAL ASSETS.

AN INVESTMENT QUESTION, I'MWEIGHING TWO OPPORTUNITIES.

ONE IS A SERENGETISAFARI TRIP OR A 1926 CUSTOM

HARLEY-DAVIDSON.

>> I DON'T KNOW TOO MUCHABOUT MOTORCYCLES BUT LET ME

JUST -->> THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BIKE

YOU'VE EVER SEEN IN YOURLIFE.

LOOK AT THAT.

>> THAT IS A PRETTY BIKE.

>> THAT OR DIRTY-ASS SERENGETI,WHICH IS BETTER?

>> I ALWAYS DICTATEEVERYTHING BY THE CODE.

THIS IS WHAT WE CALL ACAPITAL ASSET AND CHOICE

BETWEEN CAPITAL ASSET VERSUSNONCAPITAL ASSET, GO WITH

THE CAPITAL ASSET WHICH.

>> WHICH IS THE MOTORCYCLE.

>> THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKINGABOUT.

YOU CAN GIVE ME ONE SECOND,JAY, BABE, BABE, COME HERE,

COME HERE, COME HERE, BABY.

>> HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> THIS IS PROFESSOR JAY.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> THIS IS BABY,HOLLY.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> PROFESSOR JAY, CAN YOUTELL MY GIRLFRIEND WHY SHE

CAN'T GO TO AFRICA?

>> WAIT, WHAT?

[BLEEP] I'M GOING TO AFRICA,OKAY.

WITH OR WITHOUT YOU.

>> BUT IT'S AN INVESTMENTOPPORTUNITY, THE MOTORCYCLE

IS, WHAT DID YOU CALL IT?

>> CAPITAL ASSET

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHATTHAT MEANS.

>> BUT I DO KNOW SOMETHING,YOU CAN KISS MY CAPITAL ASS,

HOW ABOUT THAT, OKAY?

YOU INVEST IN A CAB RIDEHOME CUZ WE'RE DONE, WE'RE

THROUGH.

NICE MEETING YOU.

>> VERY NICE.

>> BABE, BUT-- JAY!

>> MY TIP, LISTEN YOUR LADYAND JUST GO TO AFRICA.

(APPLAUSE)>> Larry: THANKS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> IF YOU LIVE IN NEW YORKCITY OR MAKING PLANS TO

VISIT, GRAB SOME FREETICKETS TO ATTEND AN

UPCOMING TAPING OF THENIGHTLY SHOW.

THE SHOW TAPES MONDAYTHROUGH THURSDAY.

FOR COMPLETE DETAILS GO TOTHE NIGHTLY

SHOW.COM/TICKETS.

>> Larry: THAT'S ALL THETIME WE HAVE FOR TONIGHT.

I WANT TO THANK OUR PANELISTS,CHRIS DISTEFANO, MAYOR

RAS BARAKA AND CAM'RON.

NOW TOMORROW ON THE SHOWWE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOME

CONSPIRACY THEORIES, WE HAVEWORLD FAMOUS SCIENCE NERD

NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON

I KNOW, OH, THEY'REDISAPPOINTED.

SO IF YOU HAVE CONSPIRACYQUESTIONS YOU WANT NEIL TO

ANSWER, TWEET THEM HERE.

THE #IS IT REAL NEIL?

GOOD NIGHTLY, EVERYONE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)