Workaholics
Season 3

The Business Trip

  • Season 3, Ep 1
  • 05/29/2012

Adam, Blake and Ders plan their first acid trip.

- CHECK IT OUT, DUDE.

THIS IS MY GOD STATION.

C-DOUBLE-O-D, GOD.

- VERY LATINO.- THAT SPELLED "GOOD."

- YEAH, I HEARD,WHEN PEOPLE TRIP,

THEY, LIKE, TALK TO GODOR WHATEVER.

WONDER IF GOD'S A CHICK,DUDE.

BIG OL' TITTIES!- YEAH!

- BIG OL' GOD TITTIES!

- BLAH.- YEAH.

- LIKE, ONES THAT YOUMUST RESPECT.

- ABSOLUTELY.- ALSO MADE A LIST OF QUESTIONS

SHE'S PROBABLY GONNAWANT TO ASK ME.

- WELL, ADAM, HOW MANY GIRLSHAVE YOU SLEPT WITH?

- WHOA! YOU THINKYOU'RE GOD, BRO?

- HUH?- YOU'RE NOT GOD, BRO!

YOU CAN'T ASK ME THAT.- SORRY.

- I'VE HAD SEX WITH FIVE.

JUST KIDDING.100, RIGHT?

[both laugh][softly] FIVE.

- YEAH, I'M JUST TRYINGTO SEE SOMETHING

WAY MORE REAL THAN GOD,LIKE...A DRAGON.

THAT'D BE SWEET.

- OH, THAT'S BLASPHEMOUS.I'M SORRY.

- OH! HEY, DERS, BUD!

HERE'S YOUR COLLAR.

- NO CAN DO, GUYS.

ALICE JUST BUZZED MY CELLY

AND WANTS ME TO JOIN HERIN WEST COVINA

FOR A BUSINESS CONVENTION.

- THEN YOU EXPLAIN TO HERTHAT YOU CAN'T,

BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING ACIDWITH US, RIGHT?

- WE'RE DOING DRUGS, WE'RE DOINGA LOT OF DRUGS TOGETHER.

- GUYS...COME ON.

THIS IS KIND OFA BIG DEAL FOR ME.

IT'S MY FIRST BUSINESS TRIP,RIGHT?

I'M LIKE STEVE MARTININ THAT JOHN CANDY MOVIE.

- I THOUGHT YOU WANTEDTO BE LIKE STEVE JOBS

AND DO A BUNCH OF ACIDWITH US.

- STEVE JOBS, RIGHT?CREATED APPLE.

GREAT COMPANY.

BUT THEN HE LEFTAND CREATED PIXAR,

WHICH IS WAY BETTER,THEN HE CAME BACK TO APPLE,

MADE THAT WAY BETTER.

WE GOT iPADS, iPHONES,ALL SORTS OF STUFF.

LET ME GO CREATEMY PIXAR.

THEN I'LL COME BACK AND WE'LLDROP iPHONES, OKAY?

- I HAVE NO IDEA WHATANY OF THAT STUFF MEANT.

- NO.- AM I PIXAR?

WE ARE DOING ACID TOGETHER,DUDE!

[buzzing and screaming]

- [high-pitched screaming]

- OH! OH, GOD!

- OKAY, HELP ME OUT.- OKAY, GET THIS OFF.

- HELP ME OUT.- OKAY.

- WISH ME LUCK!

- WE ARE DOING ACID TOGETHER

DON'T HITTHE MAIDEN SLAYER.

THAT'S WHAT I'M CALLINGMY FACE NOW--THE MAIDEN SLAYER.

- HEY, DON'T WORRY.I PLAYED A LOT OF AREA 51.

HERE WE GO.[knock on door]

- UH, GUYS...WE HAVE COMPANY.

- OH, FUDGE.

- OH...YOU TWO ARE HERE.

AND A HOMELESS PERSON.

OKAY, GAYLE, THESE ARE JUSTA COUPLE MORE EMPLOYEES OF MINE.

ALL RIGHT,SO WHERE'S THIS ACID?

- WHAT?

YEAH, WHERE'S THE ACID?

THAT'S A TRICK QUESTION.

IT'S PROBABLYAT A DRUG DEALER'S HOUSE.

- UH, ADAM...- NO, NO. NO, NO.

WE KNOW--I TOLD THEM.

JUST--IT'S IN THE SAFE.

- MM. MM-HMM.

- YEAH, WELL, LET'S...

GET IT OUT, I GUESS,

AND...LET'S DO ACID.

- ALICE MURPHY, YOU DOG.

[fireworks popping]

[ominous music]

- BYE.

- I ALREADY DID IT.WAS I SUPPOSED TO WAIT?

- IT'S GOOD.

- YES. FINALLY.

SO WHAT DO YOU GUYSWANNA DO?

GO OUT TO THE DESERT,SHOOT SOME FIREWORKS?

STARE AT STARS?

- I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.

[rock music]

- SEE THAT BIG DICK!

LET ME SEE IT!

AAH!IT'S A BIG DICK.

[giggles]

- SO ARE YOU ENJOYINGYOUR TRIP?

- THIS IS UN-[bleep]-REAL.

IT'S LIKE ALL I CAN HEARIS THE SOUNDTRACK FROM DRIVE.

BUT ALL I SEE IS MY MOTHERRIGHT BEFORE SHE DIED.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, "DIRGE"?

- YES, OF COURSEI KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

'CAUSE I'M--I'M TRIPPIN' WITH YOU GUYS.

WE'RE ALL--WE'RE ALL GONNA TRIP.

- NO DOUBT.WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

- IT'S GOD.BEHIND THE DESK.

THAT GIRL.

THAT'S GOD.

[angelic choir]

- THAT BLONDE LADY'S GOD.NO SHIB?

- YES, SHIB.VERY, VERY REAL SHIB.

- LET ME SEE WHAT I CAN DO.- THANK YOU.

- [humming]

I DON'T MEANTO BE DISRESPECTFUL,

BUT I THOUGHTTHEY'D BE A LITTLE BIGGER.

YOUR PUPS.YOUR SWEATER MEATS.

- UH, PARDON ME?- YEP, SORRY.

DON'T WANTTO DISRESPECT.

- I DON'T KNOW WHATYOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- I'VE ONLY HAD SEXWITH FIVE GIRLS.

AND I'M THE KIND OF GUYTHAT NEEDS TO JUST

BE SLAYIN' BABESWITH MY MEAT SWORD.

BUT I'M NOT.

IT'S ALWAYS IN ITS SHEATH.

AND YOU'RE JUST THE WOMAN,GOD, TO HELP ME WITH IT.

OKAY, YEAH, ALSO,WHY AM I NOT TRIPPING YET?

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TRIPPIN',AND I'M NOT.

WHICH IS BOGUS, GOD.

YOU DO SOME CRAZY,EFFED-UP SHIB SOMETIMES.

- WHOA, GOD HASA PICTURE OF ME.

- SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?THAT'S MY DOG COCO!

- HELP. HELP ME.

I THINK THIS CHAIRIS SPANISH.

[crying]I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH!

- I'M NOT GONNA GIVE YOUTHAT ROOM NUMBER.

- YEP, THAT IS CORRECT.THANK YOU.

WE CHANTED EARLIER.- RELAX.

STILL GOT MY ACID,

AND I'M READYFOR THE ACID LIFE.

LATRO.

[firecrackers popping]

[overlapping chatter]

- UH, WE BETTERGET GOIN', HUH?

- NO. IT'S FINALLYKICKIN' IN!

- WHAT DO YOU SEE?

- I SEE A BEAUTIFUL DANCING ANGEL GOD

WITH FLAMES FLICKERINGFROM HER FINGERTIPS.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

- NO, THAT'S A GUY ON FIRE.

- DAMN IT, I MUST HAVEGOT A BUM TAB.

THIS SUCKS, DUDE!- OH, BOY, HE'S CATCHING.

- I'LL SEE YOU NEXT YEAR,PSYCHO D!

YEAH!

OWW!

- WHOO!I'M JUST GLAD

THAT I GOT TO STAYIN A HOTEL FOR ONCE, MAN.

NOW I CAN SAY THAT.

- GOD, I CAN NEVERSHOW MY FACE

AT THIS CONVENTION AGAIN.

- DERS, JUST DRIVE ME HOME.

I WANT TO FORGET ANY OF THISEVER HAPPENED.

[discordant guitar note]

- [high-pitched]I WISH I WOULD HAVE TRIPPED.

- [high-pitched]DRIVE ME. DRIVE ME!

- OH, NO, I DON'T THINKTHAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

NOT RIGHT NOW.

- THIS IS NOT NEGOTIABLE.RIGHT HERE. DRIVE.

[ominous music]

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