Wednesday, May 11, 2016

  • 05/11/2016

Riki Lindhome, Jen Kirkman and Rory Scovel revamp Instagram's new logo, sum up #PromIn3Words and answer questions about reimagined Disney princesses.

Instagram, the premier app

for seeing what yourex-girlfriend's been eating,

revealedtheir redesigned interface,

along with a brand new logo!

There it is!

It looks like the old logo

that someone puked a mimosaup on.

-Um... -Yeah.-(laughter)

This actually... this looks...I liked the other icon.

I mean, I guess I'm fine withthis, but it kind of looks more

like a beauty markon a unicorn's asshole.

(laughter and groaning)

And you know,

people on the Internet do notenjoy change of any kind.

And they are not happyabout this.

Like @LaMontiezIvy9 who said,"That uglass Instagram update."

(laughter)

So, comedians,since this logo is so uglass,

what's a more...?

It is, like,the uglassist, guys.

What would be a more appropriateInstagram logo?

-Jen. -Um, I thinkeveryone will agree on this.

Just a white box, and it says,

"My life isn't actuallythis good."

-(laughter)-HARDWICK: Yeah. Points.

-(applause and cheering)-Points. Right.

Rory Scovel.

Someone on their phonein a crosswalk

-about to get hit by a car.-(laughter)

-Points.-(applause and cheering)

It's now timefor tonight's #HashtagWars.

(loud cheering)

(Lindhome and Kirkman screaming)

HARDWICK:Yay...!

Prom season is here!

-(cheering, applause)-It's prom season!

-Yes!-It's a magical t...

magic...

You don't, uh...you don't get to go to prom.

-Nope.-Don't get to go to prom.

It's a magical time where someof us chugged our first PBR

and ruined a rented garment,

while othersdressed up real nice

on their Saturday game of D&D.

-(laughter, chatter)-Now, in cele...

(laughter)

There you see Brian Posehn,our friend Blaine Capatch.

This is a thingthat actually happened.

-Uh...-(laughter)

in celebrationof this tragical time of year,

our hashtag is #PromIn3Words.

Examples might be:Flatulence ruined everything,

and: Slow dance boners.

I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

-Riki.-Underwhelming finger blast.

-All right, points.-(laughter, applause)

-Rory.-Masturbated alone afterwards.

-Points.-(laughter)

-Jen.-Overdressed and undersexed.

-Points.-(whooping, applause)

-Rory.-Prom sucks (bleep).

-All right, points.-(laughter)

-Riki.-Prepurchased plan B.

-Points.-(laughter, applause)

-Rory.-Surprise! Went naked.

-Yes, points!-(laughter, whooping)

-Jen.-Gay best friend.

Points! Rory.

Rusty trombone solo.

-Points!-(whooping, applause)

Solo?!

How would you...?The mechanics of...

I do a lot of yoga.

-It's not a big deal.-All right, perfect. All right.

-Riki Lindhome.-Dumpster baby bonanza.

(laughter)

Bonanza!It's a bonanza!

-It was amazing!-Points.

-Jen.-Nobody asked me.

-All right, points.-Not true. I went to two.

(whooping, applause)

Disney is a huge partof our lives--

also, mostof our children's lives--

and the Disney princesses,specifically,

are some of the mostprominent role models

teaching kids they can be smart,teaching kids they can be brave,

teaching kids they can be cementmixers, if they want to be.

-(laughter) -So empowering toyoung cement mixers out there.

But pictures like this show usjust how obsessed

the Internet is with reimaginingclassic Disney heroines

as other things.

It's the perfect mixof nostalgia and randomness

in one Internet stew that brings all the upvotes to the yard.

So, comedians, I will show youa picture of a Disney princess,

redrawn as something else,and I want you to answer

a question about itfor 250 points.

First one--this little meat maid.

(laughter)

Who was the villainof this movie?

-Rory.-Chris Christie.

-(laughter)-(bleep)

(applause, whooping)

Wait a minute.

Now I'm just picturingChris Christie

in Ursula cosplay.

Next, let's goon a magic Nickelback ride.

What song is Princess Kroegersinging? Rory.

A song that everyone pretendsto hate but secretly loves.

All right, points.

Uh, Jen.

Um, just a generic song thatsounds like all the others.

All right, points, yeah.Riki.

"Asshole New World".

Yes, points.

Next up, it's beautyand the Jigsaw torture doll.

There it is.

Uh, what happens in this movie?

Riki.

Belle has to saw her own leg offwith a dancing knife.

Yes, that's exactlywhat happens!

Points.

♪ Cutting through your leg,getting ready for some dinner. ♪

Next up, thisdelicious-looking Cinderella.

Who is her Prin...

That isa jelly doughnut Cinderella,

for those of youwho can't really tell

or Cinderella's havingan embarrassing moment

at a... at the ball.

Oh, why now? It's not supposedto start till tomorrow.

The good news, though--she's not pregnant.

So, there you go.

Uh, who is...

(cheering, applause)

who is her Prince Charming?Riki.

No one, because

♪ I don't think you're readyfor this jelly. ♪

All right, perfect. Yes.God damn it, yes.

-Yeah. -Very good, very good.Jen Kirkman.

I actually know her suitor,and he's great.

It's, uh, Mr. Kris P. Kreme.

-All right, points.Ver-Very good, yeah. -Come on.

-No.-That's... No, that's good.

I don't think you heard me.

I said Mr. Kris P. Kreme.

-It's a Krispy Kreme joke.-No, they got it, Jen.

-No, no, no, but it was so good.-No, they got it.

-No, I know it was good.-I felt like...

This is what I honestlythought was going to happen.

I thought you wouldstop the show

and be like, "We're done--that was too good."

-And then everyone just...-And then we just

-stop the show forever. Yeah.-Yeah, yeah.

(cheering, applause)

-Oh, well.-And then...

You know what,I'm with Jen on this one--

Kris P. Kreme.

Jesus (bleep) Christ.

Wow.

Next up, a beautifulsleepy streamer. Aw.

What's a lyricfrom this musical? Rory.

Netflix and pills.

All right, points.

Yup.

Jen.

Once a upon a stream.

-Yes. Points.-Aw, how fun.

Riki

♪ Some day my princewill give me his password. ♪

All right, points.

But until then she'sjust looking at the...

the splash page.