Tuesday, August 26, 2014

  • 08/26/2014

Riki Lindhome, Kate Micucci and Pete Holmes guess which Emmy-based meme got the most favorites on Twitter, list #DogBands and caption bizarre viewer-submitted vacation photos.

>> RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

IN THE HALLOWED HALLS OF VIDEOGAMER-DOM, THERE'S NO HOLIDAY

MORE REVERED THAN THE ANNUALRELEASE OF THE NEW MADDEN NFL

GAME.

IT'S EVEN MORE SACRED THAN THECELEBRATION OF WHEN MARIO ROSE

FROM THE DEAD AFTER BEINGCRUCIFIED BY BOWSER.

NOW YOU GUYS PROBABLY SAWTHE SPOTS WITH KEVIN HART AND

DAVE FRANCO, WHICH HAVE RACKEDUP OVER 6 MILLION-ISH HITS ON

THE YOUTUBES.

OH, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT?

WELL, WE'RE GETTING PAID TO SHOWYOU ONE, WHICH IS HILARIOUS

BECAUSE WE WOULD HAVE SHOWN ITANYWAY.

>> IT'S MADDEN SEASON, THE MOSTVENGEFUL TIME OF YEAR.

I WILL (BLEEP) YOU, PICK YOU,HIT YOU, THERE'S NO RIVAL THAT I

FEAR.

>> YOU CAN'T JUST KEEP SHOWINGUP --

GET OFF ME, RICHARD!

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

THE GAME WAS RELEASED ATMIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT, AND AS

ALWAYS, THE FANS ARE OUT IN FULLFORCE.

WHICH OF THESE MADDEN-FAN VINESGOT THE MOST LIKES?

A, THIS MAN, WHO HAS HISPRIORITIES STRAIGHT.

>> LET ME HAVE ALL OF YOU GRASPTHE CONCEPT OF THIS.

LADIES, NOT SEX FOR THE NEXTWEEK.

WE OCCUPIED.

( LAUGHTER )THAT'S A BRAVE MAN.

>> B, THIS MALL DWELLER.

>> HELLO KITTY TAT ON FOR THETHE MADDEN RELEASE, AIN'T NOBODY

IN HERE.

>> C, THIS MADDEN-THEMED TAKE ONA CLASSIC DANCE VIDEO.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

WHICH ONE?

YES, RIKI.

>> A, BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO HAVENO PROBLEMS FOR FILLING THAT,

NOT GETTING LAID.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

A IS THE CORRECT ANSWER!

( APPLAUSE )>> THAT IS HORSE ( BLEEP ).

>> WHY?

>> BECAUSE "C" WAS AMAZING.

>> ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE ON.

THE EMMYS WERE LAST NIGHT ANDI WAS A PRESENTER ON THE EMMMYS,

WHICH WAS -- WEIRD.

I GUESS MY PRESENTATION WASEXTRA AWESOME BECAUSE IT MADE IT

TO THE TOP OF R/CRINGE ONREDDIT.

I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT ISAID.

I WAS JUST THANKFUL I DIDN'T( BLEEP ) MYSELF AND THROW UP ON

THE MICROPHONE.

>> THAT PHOTO DEFINITELY LOOKSLIKE YOU'RE (BLEEP)ING YOURSELF.

>> I HAVE TO SAY THOUGH, THEYHAD REALLY AMAZING SEATS, WHICH

WAS GREAT UNTIL THIS HAPPENED.

WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

>> 99% OF AMERICA THOUGHT THATWAS A GIDDY AARON PAUL.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> NOBODY THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.>> POINTS TO PETE HOLMES.

>> LIKE EVERYTHING IMPORTANT INTHE WORLD, THE EVENTS LED TO THE

CREATION OF SOME GLORIOUS MEMES.WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING EMMY

MEMES GOT THE MOST FAVS ONTWITTER?

A, THIS GWEN STEFANI-INSPIREDCOLBORT MEME.

MY SON IS ALSO CALLED COLBORT.

B, GEORGE R.R. MARTIN LOOKINGALL "I'LL SHOW YOU A RED CARPET"

C, THIS GLORIOUS HOMAGE TO"NIGHT AT THE ROXBURY" FROM

DIRECTOR ADAM SHANKMAN.

>> PETE.>> C?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS IN FACT"C."

YES, WELL DONE.

NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'S"HASHTAG WARS."

I'M SURPRISED WE'RE AT WORKTODAY.

BECAUSE TODAY IS NATIONAL DOGDAY.

AND GUESS WHAT?

YOU'RE THIS EXCITED.

PUT HIM ON THE GLASS!

>> BETTY WHITE LOOKS GREAT!( LAUGHTER )

SO IN HONOR OF THIS MOSTPRESTIGIOUS OF HOLIDAYS,

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS #DOGBANDS,#DOGBANDS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE MUTTALICA ORBIJONCE.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK STARTING NOW AND GO.

RIKI.

>> LCD HOUNDSYSTEM.

>> YES GOOD POINTS. KATE MICCUI.

>> BAD FINGERS, BAD, BAD,FINGERS.

>>YES GOOD, POINTS. -- ALSO I'MSLIGHTLY TURNED ON. PETE.

>> THREE DOGGY DOORS DOWN.

>> YES, POINTS.

PETE.

>> BEETHOVEN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

GOD DAMNIT. IT'S-A PERFECT!IT'S-A PERFECT.

POINTS. KATE.

>> KENNEL LOGGINS.

>> POINTS!

PETE.

>> BARE NAKED RABIES.

>> YES- OH, SO GOOD.

POINTS.

RIKI.

>> CONWAY WESTMINSTER KENNELCLUB DOG SHOW.

>> YES POINTS.

( LAUGHTER )AND NOW , IT'S TIME TO PLAY

"@MIDNIGHT FAMILY VACATION."

WE JUST GOT BACK FROM OVER A TWOWEEK VACATION, AND BECAUSE WE

KNEW OUR RESEARCHERS WOULD BETOO HUNG OVER TO STARE AT A

COMPUTER ALL DAY TODAY, WE ASKEDYOU TO TWEET US YOUR BEST SUMMER

VACATION PHOTOS WITH THE HASHTAG#MIDNIGHTVACATION.

SO YOU GUYS SENT IN SOME AMAZINGSTUFF, AND AS A REWARD, OUR

COMEDIANS ARE GOING TO ( BLEEP )ON YOU.

ALL RIGHT, SO I'M GOING TO SHOWYOU SOME REAL VIEWER-SUBMITTED

PHOTOS THAT WERE HASHTAGGED#MIDNIGHTVACATION, AND YOU

HAVE TO CAPTION THEM FOR 250PPINTS.

LET'S FIRST START WITH @SPLODEYTWEETED: "@MIDNIGHT, THIS IS FOR

YOU."

UH, YES, RIKI.

>> DESTINY'S CHILD MOLESTER.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> POINTS.

KATE.

>> HOW DID ALL THREE OF MYEX-BOYFRIENDS END UP IN ONE

PICTURE?

>> WELL DONE, POINTS.

NEXT ONE.

@BLUEFOOLIO TWEETED, "WE GETFREAKING NUTZ IN AUSTIN!"

IS THAT SQUIRREL WEARING OTHERSQUIRREL'S FUR ON HIS HEAD?

KATE, YES.

>> NO, GO TO THE C-MINOR 7th YOUDUMB SQUIRREL.

>> THAT WAS AN ADORABLE JOKE,KATE. POINTS.

>> I USED TO HAVE A SQUIRRELLIKE THAT BUT HE WAS FISHING.

>> DID YOU REALLY?

>> OH, YOU HAD A SAD CHRISTMAS.

I LIKE THAT EVEN THE WALL BEHINDTHEM WANTS THEM TO STOP.

( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )

LAST ONE. @DEERODRI TWEETEDTHIS GEM. RIKKI.

>> PHYLIS LOVES TWO THINGS,PUSSY AND BEER.

>> POINTS. KATE.

>> MY EYES ARE UP HERE, BUTALSO DOWN HERE.

POINTS.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME,"WHILE WE WERE OUT," "WHILE WE

WERE OUT.

DURING THE TWO WEEKS WE WERE ONBREAK, THE INTERNET WAS USED FOR

A TRULY INSPIRING NUMBER OFSOCIAL AND POLITICAL CAUSES, BUT

WE'RE GOING TO INSTEAD FOCUS ONTHE COO-COO CRAZY BULL (BLEEP)

THAT WE FOUND INSTEAD.

SO I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU TWOBONKERS HEADLINES AND YOU'RE

GOING TO TELL ME WHICH IS THEACTUAL NEWS STORY THAT BLEW UP

DURING THE LAST TWO WEEKS.

FIRST ONE. NICOLAS CAGE'SPROFANITY-LACED RANT RUINS

QUINCEANERA, OR FLORIDA MAN ASKSPOLICE TO SHUT DOWN KID'S

ILLEGAL LEMONADE STAND.

>> PETE?

>> FIRST ONE, JUST BECAUSE IWANT IT TO BE TRUE.

>> ALL RIGHT, LET'S FIND OUT.FLORIDA MAN ASKS POLICE TO SHUT

DOWN KID'S ILLEGAL LEMONADESTAND.

>> CAN I USE THIS PLATFORM TOSAY -- WHERE'S THE CAMERA -- NIC

CAGE IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO MAKETHE FIRST ONE A REALITY.

>> BY THE WAY, PETE --

CAN I JUST-- CAN I JUST TELL YOUTHAT THE SHOT OF YOU WITH YOU

LOOKING TO THE SIDE.( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )YOUR CAMERA'S RIGHT ( BLEEP )

THERE, MAN!

>> I WANT YOUR CAMERA!

>> YOU DON'T GET MY CAMERA.

>> I WANT DADDY HARDWICK'SCAMERA.

>> NO, DAD'S CAMERA IS DAD'SCAMERA.

WHEN YOU GROW UP SOME DAY YOU'LLGET YOUR OWN CAMERA, SON.

>> I JUST MISS HOSTING SO MUCH!

>> WELL, YOU HAD YOUR OWN CAMERAAND YOU WOULDN'T LOOK INTO IT.

>> AT TBS, WE ONLY HAD ONECAMERA.

>> OH, I'M SO SORRY.

NEXT ONE. NEW MEXICO MAN KICKEDOUT OF A.A. FOR BRINGING SWORD

TO MEETING OR MAN'S MARRIAGEPROPOSAL INCLUDES 1,001 HOT

DOGS. KATE.

>> MAN'S MARRIAGE PROPOSALINCLUDES 1,001 HOT DOGS.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> MAN'S MARRIAGE PROPOSALINCLUDES 1,001 HOT DOGS.

>> I LIKE TO THINK SHE SAID NOWWHEN IT WAS JUST 1,000, THEN

HE WAS LIKE, "HUH?"

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME,"LEBOWSKI FEST F.A.Q.s."

LIVE FROM A SECRET UNDISCLOSEDLOCATION IS THE STAR AND

PRODUCER OF THE FILM "THEGIVER," THE ONE AND ONLY, THE

DUDE, JEFF BRIDGES!

>> HEY ALL, YOU LEBOWSKI-HEADS.

LEBOWSKI FEST WAS LAST WEEKENDIN NEW YORK BUT IT'S NEVER TOO

LATE TO START THINKING ABOUTNEXT YEAR, MAN, YOU KNOW BECAUSE

YOU CAN STOP BY THE FEST WEBSITE AND ACQUAINT YOURSELF WITH

THE FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS.

LIKE WHAT HAPPENS AT A LEBOWSKIFEST?

OR HOW MANY WHITE RUSSIANS WILLI DRINK IN ONE DAY?

OR ARE YOU ALLOWED TO ( BLEEP )WITH THE JESUS?

I PERSONALLY WOULD NOT.

THAT'S A MISTAKE.

SO, COMEDIANS, YOUR CHALLENGEIS TO COME UP WITH AS MANY NEW

LEBOWSKI FEST FACTS AS YOU CAN,ALL RIGHT?

AND JUST, YOU KNOW, HAVE FUNWITH IT.

IT'S NOT A LEAGUE GAME, MAN.

>> CHECK OUT JEFF IN "THE GIVER"IN THEATERS NOW.

THANK YOU, JEFF BRIDGES --@THEJEFFBRIDGES.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK AND GO.

YES, PETE.

>> DO YOU SERVE VIRGIN WHITERUSSIANS-- NOT THE DRINK?

>> POINTS. RIKI.

>> WILL TARA REID BE WORKING THECONCESSION STAND?

>> POINTS.

>> THERE ARE A LOT OFMOVIE- THEMED FESTIVALS.

DO THE DATES CONFLICT WITHSCHINDLER'S FEST?

>> OH GOD.

NO POINTS.( LAUGHTER )

KATE MICUCCI.

>> CAN YOU GET ME ANY MAN'STOE'S AUTOGRAPH.

POINTS. RIKI.

>> IT SMELLS LIKE DOUG BENSON INHERE. IS DOUG BENSON HERE?

>> HE PROBABLY IS, POINTS. KATE.

>> WHY DO MY KIDS CALL SOMEOTHER DUDE DAD?

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