Mark Viera & Barry Brewer

  • Season 3, Ep 2
  • 10/11/2014

Gabriel Iglesias hosts stand-up from Mark Viera and Barry Brewer and debuts a new "Hey It's Fluffy!" animated short about how he met his best friend, Martin Moreno.

Not-not everybody can

handle toys.

No, no, no, not everybody.

Not everybody's readyfor toys, but...

No, no, no.But if you are,

you know, it doesn't hurtto go to the shop.

Like, you took meto the sex shop the other day.

No, no, no. No, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, that didn'tsound right.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey! Hey!

Look at everybody'salmost mad now.

Like, "Fluffy, say it ain't so!

"Tell me you're nota sucio like Martin.

"Tell me you're not dirty

like him."

Let me tell you guyswhat happened, okay?

I did not take himto a sex shop, okay?

The sex shop just happenedto be in the same parking lot

as this restaurantwe went to go eat at, okay?

Here's what happened.

We went to go eat at this place.

It was amazing.We walk outside, and, um,

I'm stuffed, Martin's stuffed,

and he goes,"Hey, look what's next door."

I go, "Oh, yeah,big deal, dude."

You know, it's this placein Dallas, Texas,

called Condom Sense.

Which is an amazing catchy namefor a, you know,

a place "like that."

You know what I mean?

And, uh, he goes,"Let's go check it out."

I go, "Dude, I-I'm good, bro."

And he goes,"Man, it's freaking hot."

And I go,"Well, let's get in the car."

And the car wouldn't start.

We're freaking burning up,so I'm like,

"I bet you anything there'sgood AC in that, you know,

"in that shop.

Let's go over there."

And I get closer,

and I start getting recognizedin the window.

I'm like,"I'm not going in there."

And Martin goes,"Come on, go with me!"

I'm like, "Oh, great."

So we walk inside,

and as soon as we walkinto this shop,

that freaking little sensorat the door--

you know...(imitates sensor dinging)

In my head, I hear,

"Pervert."

Yeah, Yogi, I wasn't feeling it.

I was like, "Ah,

"you know what,I don't need anybody

taking pictures of mein this type of place."

So I tell Martin, "Hey, bro,I'm out. I'll be outside."

And he goes,"Come on, bro, go with me."

I said, "Dude, man, nah.This is not cool."

(chuckles) And then this guyleans over the counter,

and he sees Martin and Istanding there,

and he goes, "Get in here,you two. Get in here!

It's a party, couples only!"

And I'm like, "Oh, my God,Martin, he thinks we're gay."

I said, "I'm going outside."And then Martin

yells at me, "Go with me!"

And I'm like,"Great, he's yelling at me.

That makes me the bitch."

Flying a lot,you see a lot of things.

I don't like flying coach.I hate that.

Anybody else?Oh, somebody'll say,

"Aw, you first classall the time? Okay.

Bougie, first classall the way."

I don't like flying for...

I don't like flyingwhen I can't fly first class

because when I walkpast first class,

they always make mefeel like I'm poor.

Anybody ever fly and walkpast first class?

They're all seatedand got their drink,

their little wine, they lookat you like you're a peasant?

You ever see that?

They're like,"Look at the peasants."

And you feel like a peasant'cause you've been waiting

in the jet bridge to geton the plane in the line.

And you be like, "Excuse me,

"I'm just tryingto get to coach.

"Don't want to bother nobody.

"No, I ain't tryingto bother nobody,

"I'm just tryingto get to coach.

"Trying to get to where

"I'm trying to get to, brother.

"I ain't tryingto bother nobody.

"Excuse me, sir, how you doing?

Your wine looksnice and lovely, yes."

That's the worst, man.One time I got stuck.

You know, if you ever fly,you get sometimes stuck in line

when you're getting on a plane,and people putting

their luggagein the overhead bins,

and you get stuck.

So you're standingin first class.

I'm standing in first class,and the lady clenched her purse.

Like I'm gonna take it.

We... I'm-I'm getting

on the same plane as you!

Like, what?I'm gonna take your purse

and go-go-go to my seat?

Like, "Give me,give me your purse!

Give it to me!"

(audience laughs)

"Would y'all hurry upback there?

"Lady, stop looking at me.

"Stop looking at me!

"I'll give your purseback later,

I'm gonna seewhat's in it first."

know how long you've beencarrying this trifler, Martin?

No, they don't.

Let's watch.

Shall we?

♪ This is the Fluffy Show

♪ Hey, it's Fluffy!

Hey, Martin, stop.

Aw, what is it, Dad?

(heavy sigh)

Martin, I came to this country

so you could have a good life,

but you've become a bad person.

You hang out with otherbad children and drink.

What are you talking about?

Look at Gabriel--he's my best friend.

Hi, Mr. Hernandez.

He doesn't drink,he doesn't party,

he doesn't go with girls.

He doesn't doanything cool, ever.

He's just a gigantic nerd.

Is this true, Gabriel?

Are you as boringas my son promises me you are?

Sure.

Go in peace, Martin.

I should nothave doubted you.

That was not cool, Martin.

Dude, I'm sorry--I just needed to gethim off my case.

He's got thisbug up his ass.

He thinks I'm ditching schooland drinking all the time.

I'm sorry to beso sensitive, Martin.

It must be rough to have yourdad not trust you like that.

It is.

(lively chatter, dance music)Later.

(siren blares)

I don't feel so good.

You're so hot, Martin.

I know, right?

(moaning)

(babbling)

(zapping)

Martin! Martin!

Huh?You almost gotyourself killed, bro.

Come on, you got to stop tryingto be cool, and wise up.

Dude, you're right.I'm not coveringfor you anymore.

You're a goodfriend, Fluffy.

I'm gonna change my ways.

Hey, Martin, we'rein the mood to dosomething crazy.

And wild.Nice!

Let's steal my dad's carand go to Mexico.

That's a reallycool idea.

(laughs):Later, Fluffy!

This is so cool.And wild.

And sexy.

(engine sputtering)

Aw, shoot,I'm going back.

We need waterin the engine.

Fluffy! Martin'scoming back.

And his car'sfull of weed!

(tires squeal)

(whooshing)

(grunts)

Must... destroy... son.

Dad, no!I can explain!

Must... find something

to beat son.

Save me, Fluffy!

You got to saythat I'm cooler than you

in front of all your friends.

Fine! Fluffy hereis cooler than me.

Well, if Fluffy'scooler than you,

then you're not cool at all.

Later.

(growling)

Mr. Hernandez, I knowyou're looking forward

to brutallydisciplining your son...

I am.

I know that.But before you do,

how would you like to...

...have a little somethingto settle your nerves first?

That's a good idea.

You're a good little boy,Gabrielito.

Oh... ho-ho!

I can't be madat you, son.

Come to Papa.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, too, Martin!

Let's all go have some pie.

I don't know what themoral of any of this is.

Neither do I, Fluffy,neither do I.

Maybe that's the moral--

that sometimes youstick up for your friends

even if there is no moral.

Nah, that'snot it.

Pure foolishness.Dumb girl.

Dude, thatdog's a liar.

I don't think so, you guys.