May 28, 2015 - FIFA Scandal & "The Briefcase"

  • 05/28/2015

Abbi Jacobson, Ilana Glazer and Ricky Velez sit down with Larry to discuss breastfeeding photos on Instagram and racist reactions to the National Spelling Bee winners.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry: THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

WELCOME TO "NIGHTLY SHOW."

SUCH A GREAT AUDIENCE TONIGHT.

I'M LARRY WILMORE.

WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOUTONIGHT.

THE HILARIOUS STARS OF "BROADCITY" ABBI JACOBSON AND

ILANA GLAZER HERE TONIGHT.

THEY ARE IN THE HOUSE, VERYFUNNY.

TONIGHT, SO EXCITED, WE'RE GOINGTO TALK ABOUT SOCCER.

FOOT HOCKEY. FOCKEY, IF YOU WILL

YEAH YEAH, HOCKEY, THATBALL-KICKING GAME, AND HOPEFULLY

SOMEBODY SCORES IN 90 MINUTES.

( APPLAUSE )ALL RIGHT, SO WHY AM I TALKING

ABOUT SOCCER?

>> THE U.S. JUSTICE DEPARMENTUNSEALED THE MASSIVE 47-COUNT

INDICTMENT ON WEDNESDAY,CHARGING 14 SOCCER OFFICIALS AND

SPORTS MARKETING EXECUTIVESACROSS THE WORLD WITH ACCEPTING

BRIBES OF MORE THAN $150MILLION.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry: 150 MILLION IN

BRIBES?

DAMN, FIFA, FUNYUNS ONLY GAVE ME$40.

I HAVEN'T HAD FUNYUNS IN AWHILE.

( APPLAUSE )THE SAME SPEECH BY THE GOVERNING

BODY OF WORLD SOCCER WASCONCERNING THE HOST CITY BASED

ON THE HIGHEST BIDDER.

THERE HAVE BEEN SUSPICIOUS FORYEARS THAT THERE HAVE BEEN

SHADING DEALS. BUT WHAT TIPPEDOFF AUTHORITIES?

>> FIFA DOGGED BY CONTROVERSY INTHE PAST. MOST RECENTLY,

AWARDING UPCOMING WORLD CUPS TORUSSIA AND QATAR, TWO COUNTRIES

ENTRENCHED IN HUMAN RIGHTSINVESTIGATIONS

>> Larry: HUMAN RIGHTSVIOLATIONS LIKE FORCING PEOPLE

TO PLAY SOCCER IN QATAR

THE AVERAGE TEMPERATURE IS 350DEGREES.

WHAT WAS YOUR SECOND CHOICE,OVEN ROASTING A CHICKEN?

THE TIMING WAS INTERESTING AS ITCOMES ON THE EVE OF THE LATEST

ELECTION FOR FIFA PRESIDENT SEPPBLATTER.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S THE GUY'S NAME, SEPPBLATTER.

WHICH IS KIND OF WEIRD BECAUSEI'VE GOT A LITTLE CORRUPTION IN

MY SEPP BLATTER.

( APPLAUSE )SO WITH ALL THIS SCANDAL ON HIM,

I'M GUESSING MR. BLATTER ISGOING TO BE LOOKING FOR A NEW

JOB?

>> FIFA'S INCUMBENT PRESIDENTSEPP BLATTER, REGARDED AS ONE OF

THE MOST POWERFUL MEN IN SPORT,IS EXPECTED TO BE ELECTED TO A

FIFTH TERM.

>> Larry: NOW THAT IS BEINGDEDICATED TO CORRUPTION.

( LAUGHTER )ALL RIGHT, HERE TO SHED SOME

MORE LIGHT ON THE CONTROVERSYPLEASE WELCOME AN INTERNATIONAL

SOCCER BALL.

THANKS FOR BEING HERE, SOCCERBALL.

>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, LARRY.

>> Larry: YOU AREINTERNATIONAL.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO ADMIT, MOSTAMERICANS DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT

SOCCER.

I MEAN, WE HEAR THAT YOU'RE FUNPUT WE'RE JUST NOT THAT IN TO

YOU.

YOU'RE LIKE THE "MINDY PROJECT"OF SPORT.

>> Audience: OOOOOH!

>> PLEASE, CALL ME FOOTBALL,LARRY, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I AM.

>> Larry: I'LL CALL YOUSOCCER.

SO WHAT IS YOUR REACTION TO ALLTHESE CORRUPTION CHARGES?

DOES IT GIVE YOUR SPORT A BLACKEYE?

>> I THINK IT'S FANTASTIC,LARRY.

WE'RE FINALLY GETTING THERESPECT WE DESERVE.

>> Larry: WAIT, RESPECT?

>> YEAH, AMERICANS THINK ABOUTSOCCER, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, ONCE

EVERY FOUR YEARS WHEN THE WORLDCUP COMES AROUND.

THESE CORRUPTION ALLEGATIONSWERE TALKED ABOUT ON "MORNING

JOE," THE NBA FINALS AREGOING ON AND WE'RE TALKING

ABOUT SOCCER!>> Larry: THAT'S TRUE.

I HADN'T THOUGHT.

THAT.

VERY GOOD POINT.

YOU DON'T MIND THE CORRUPTIONBECAUSE IT'S GIVING YOU SOME

ATTENTION?

>> NO, IT'S OLD.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GOING TOGIVE US ATTENTION, PLAYING IN

ONE OF THE HOTTEST PLACES ONEARTH.

QATAR WORLD CUP 2022, BABY!

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ATTENTIONTHAT WILL BE?

IT'S LIKE PLAYING SUPER BOWL INTHE SOUTH POLE.

YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR CORRUPTIONCARDS RIGHT.

>> Larry: I GUESS I GET YOURPOINT.

>> KEEP THE SACRED SUPER BOWLOUT OF YOUR MOUTH, YOU FILTHY

EURO-TRASH BALL.

IF I HIT NUT NUMBERS WITH IT.

>> THE MASTER ORATOR HASARRIVED.

>> YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY, LARRY!

YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SCANDAL.

THE NFL CAN TEACH LESSONS INSCANDAL.

>> Larry: YOU KNOW, HE'SRIGHT.

I MEAN THEY'VE GOT DOMESTICABUSE, CHILD ABUSE, ABUSE,

ABUSE.

>> THANK YOU, LARRY.

U.S.A.!

U.S.A.!

U.S.A.!

>> Larry: NO, GUYS, THAT'SNOTHING TO BE PROUD OF.

>> YOU WANT CORRUPTION, THREEWORD DE-FLATE-GATE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Larry: I'M NOT SURE THAT'STHREE WORDS.

>> PUT A CORK IN IT, YOUPIG-BELLIED HANDBAG!

FIFA HAS BEEN ENTRENCHED INGLOBAL CORRUPTION FOR 24 YEARS.

THERE BRIBES COULD TOTAL $150MILLION!

>> DEFLATED. I WAS DEPRIVED OFOXYGEN.

THEY STUCK A NEEDLE IN ME.

A NEEDLE!

>> THEY STICK NEEDLES IN ALL OFUS, YOU IDIOT.

AND YOU COULD USE A LITTLE LESSOXYGEN.

LOOK AT YOU ALL, FAT IN THEMIDDLE.

NO WONDER AMERICANS LOVE YOU.

>> Larry: HOLD ON, HOLDON!

>> I SAID IT!

>> Larry: COME ON AMERICANSAREN'T THAT OVER-- WELL, WHAT

WERE YOU GOING TO SAY?

>> LOOK, AT LEAST OUR FOOTBALLIS PLAYED WITH OUR FEET UNLIKE

THESE CONCUSSED AIRHEADS.

>> STOP IT.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK, YOU HAVECORRUPTION.

WE HAVE OUR CORRUPTION, BUT THEREASON WE'RE BETTER IS BECAUSE

WE KEEP PLAYING LIKE NOTHINGEVER HAPPENED.

THAT'S WHAT MAKES US SUPERIOR.

THAT AND WE DON'T USE YOURSTUPID METRIC SYSTEM!

>> OH!

OH!

( APPLAUSE ).

>> OH, THAT, THAT, THAT REALLYSTINGS, MATE.

I'M JUST GOING TO LIE HERE ANDWRITHE-- I'M JUST KIDDING.

IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME AT ALL.

I WAS FLOPPING.

>> Larry: YOU KNOW, BOTH OFYOU SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT

THE CORRUPTION IN YOUR SPORTS?

>> NOT AT ALL.

SOCCER IS A MULTIBILLION-DOLLARJUGGERNAUT, LARRY.

>> WHY DON'T YOU JUG THESE NUTS?

>> IT'S FOOTBALL.

>> Larry: YOU'RE BOTH EQUALLYWONDERFUL SPORT, WORTHY OF

RESPECT, AND FILLED WITHCORRUPTION.

>> THANK YOU, LARRY.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Larry: YOU'RE WELCOME.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

ANYHOW, I FELL ASLEEP ON THECOUCH LAST NIGHT AND WOKE UP TO

THIS NIGHTMARE.

CBS HAS FOUND A NEW WAY TOEXPLOIT THE UNDER-PRIVILEGED FOR

THE SAKE OF RATINGS.

IT'S CALLED "THE BRIEFCASE."

>> WHAT WOULD DO YOU IF $101,000LANDED ON YOUR DOORSTEP?

>> Larry: OKAY, SPEAKING AS ABLACK MAN, I WOULD THINK 100K AT

MY FRONT DOOR WAS A TOTAL SETUP.

I'M JUST SAYING.

I DON'T TRUST, THAT ALL RIGHT.

I JUST DON'T.

SOMETHING'S THERE.

NOT GOOD.

( APPLAUSE )BUT, SORRY, I INTERRUPTED.

PLEASE CONTINUE YOUR PITCH.

>> EACH WEEK TWO DESERVINGFAMILIES THAT HAVE BEEN DEALT A

TOUGH HAND WILL BE GIVEN ABRIEFCASE WITH $101,000 INSIDE.

>> BUT THERE ALSO IS A DECISION.

>> Larry: NO, "BUT THERE ALSOIS A DECISION."

JUST LET THESE NICE HARDWORKINGDOWN-ON-YOUR-LUCK PEOPLE KEEP

THEIR MONEY.

I GET IT.

IT ONLY LASTS FIVE MINUTES, BUTIT'S A GOOD SHOW.

WHAT JEDI HEAD GAMES DOES THISSHOW HAVE IN STORE FOR AMERICA'S

MOST VULNERABLE?

>> THERE ALSO IS A DECISION.

>> YOU CAN KEEP ALL OF THEMONEY.

YOU CAN KEEP SOME OF THE MONEY.

OR YOU COULD CHOOSE TO GIVE ALLOF THE MONEY AWAY.

>> IF YOU DECIDE NOT TO KEEP ITALL, WHATEVER IS LEFT IS GOING

TO HELP ANOTHER FAMILY WHO MAYBE IN AS MUCH NEED, OR MAYBE

MORE THAN YOU GUYS.

IS THERE MORE NEEDY?

WHO IS THE OTHER FAMILY,PRECIOUS AND MO'NIQUE?

I MEAN, GOOD LORD.

OKAY, "BRIEFCASE" LET'S SEEWHO'S NEEDY AND WHO'S KIND OF

FAKING IT.

>> MEET BERGIN FAMILY.

AFTER GETTING LAID OFF FROM HISSALES JOB AT THE AGE OF 40, JOE

BERGIN WAS AT A LOSS FOR HOW TOPROVIDE FOR HIS WIFE, KIM, AND

THEIR THREE TEENAGED DAUGHTERS>> Larry: OH, MAN, THAT'S AWFUL.

YEAH, THIS GUY, HE KIND OFDESERVES THE MONEY.

>> MEET THE BRONSONS.

DAVE IS AN IRAQ WAR HERO.

HE LOST HIS LEG AFTER A ROADSIDEBOMB DETONATED NEAR HIS TANK.

>> Larry: ( BLEEP ) THAT OTHERGUY.

FORGET WHAT I SAID.

HOLD ON.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

LEGLESS VET?

LEGLESS VET GETS IT.

IT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE.

I KNOW THEY'VE GOT TO RAISE THESTAKES SOMEHOW.

>> BOTH OF YOU WERE GIVEN ABRIEFCASE WITH $100,000 CASH,

AND HAVE BEEN DECIDING ONWHETHER TO SHARE ANY MONEY WITH

EACH OTHER.

>> Larry: UNBELIEVABLE.

THEY'RE PITTING TWO POORFAMILIES AGAINST EACH OTHER,

MAKING THEM FEEL GUILTY ABOUTHELPING SOMEBODY FOR OUR

ENTERTAINMENT?

MAN, THIS SHOW MAKES BUM FIGHTSLOOK DOWNRIGHT UPPITY.

HERE TO SHED SOME LIGHT ONTHIS IS REALITY PRODUCER, XANDER

McCOOL.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )XANDER, THANKS FOR JOINING US.

YOU'RE A REALITY PRODUCER,RIGHT.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THISCONDESCENDING SHOW PITTING POOR

PEOPLE AGAINST EACH FOR MONEY?

>> I MEAN, I THINK I WISH I'DTHOUGHT OF IT.

UN WHAT I MEAN?

RIGHT NOW, THERE IS NO BETTERGROUP TO MAKE MONEY OFF OF THAN

THE POORS.

THERE'S NO BETTER GROUP.

>> Larry: HOLD ON.

THE POORS.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO EXPLOIT THE POOR?

>> BECAUSE PEOPLE LOVE IT.

I MEAN, LARRY THIS GOES BACK TOANCIENT ROME, THE GLADIATORS.

THEY WERE SLAVES, IT WASBRILLIANT.

>> WHICH IS WHY WE DON'T LIVE INANCIENT ROME?

>> BUT DON'T WE?

DON'T WE, LARRY?

>> NO, WE DON'T.

>> LARRY, I'M GOING TO BRING OUTTHE CHARTS.

WE'RE GOING TO FOLLOW THE MARKETTRENDS.

SEE, THIS BRITISH ANYTHING.

SEXY 20 SOMETHING SINGING STUFF.

THEY'RE ALL DOWN, LIKE, 300%RIGHT NOW.

IF YOU GO OVER HERE, LOOK ATTHIS, TOYING WITH THE POORS.

LOOK AT THIS.

LOOK, IT'S SO OFF THE CHARTS.

>> Larry: NO, NO.

( APPLAUSE ).

>> Larry: NO, NO, NO.

>> I NEEDED A WHOLE OTHER CHART.

>> Larry: I DON'T CARE WHATKIND OF CHART YOU NEED.

DON'T YOU HAVE ANY COMPASSION?>> IT'S NOT PERSONAL

THESE POORS ARE CASH MACHINESWHICH IS REALLY FUNNY BECAUSE

THEY'RE TOO POOR TO NEED AN ANA.T.M.

>> Larry: THAT IS NOT FUNNY.

>> I'M HEARING SOME FEEDBACK.

PROBABLY THE JET ENGINE.

I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE,LARRY.

>> Larry: NO, IT'S SAD BECAUSEIT'S TRUE.

>> WE'LL HAVE TO AGREE TODISAGREE.

LARRY, HERE'S THE DEAL.THE LOWERTHEIR INCOME, THE HIGHER OUR

PROFIT.

IN FACT I JUST PITCHED THESICKEST SHOW TO SPIKE.

IT'S CALLED "HOBO BABY SWAP."

WE TAKE TWO HOBO BABIES, WE TAKETHEM AWAY FROM YOUR HOBO

PARENTS, AND SWAP THEM, AND WERAISE THEM TIL THEY'RE LIKE 10

AND THEN WE BRING THEM BACK, OH,WHAT HAPPENED!

"HOBO BABY SWAP."

>> Larry: HOBO BABIES.

>> THAT'S MONEY IN THE BANK.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Larry: THAT'S ONE OF THEWORST IDEAS I'VE EVER HEARD--

RAISING CHILDREN ALREADY IS THEULTIMATE CHALLENGE.

>> OH, YOU LIKE ULTIMATECHALLENGES.

I JUST SOLD THIS TO NBC.

IT'S CALLED "THE ULTIMATECHALLENGE."

A PREGNANT LADY WITHOUT HEALTHINSURANCE, ALL RIGHT, SHE'S

SUPER POOR OBVIOUSLY.

AND A THREE-LEGGED BUNNY GOESIN.

ONE COMES OUT WITH A NEW LEG!

THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE.

>> Larry: GO IN?

GO IN WHERE?

TO DO WHAT?

>> I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOUTHAT, LARRY.

I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL IT.

IT'S GOLD, BABY.

>> Larry: BY THE WAY, ARE YOUON AN AIRPLANE?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?>> I'M NOT JUST ON AN AIRPLANE,

I'M ON A G6, THE BEST AIRPLANE.I'M ON MY WAY TO HAITI.

GOING TO WHIP UP A FRESHIDEA. I GOTTA TELL YOU,

MY BRAIN JUST CHURNS OUT GEMS

I HAVE LIKE BRILLIANT IDEATOURETTES.

>> Larry: WHAT'S THE BRILLIANTIDEA YOU HAVE.

>> EVERYONE IS GOING TO LOVETHIS.

IT'S CALLED "HAITIAN DIVORCE."

TWO PEOPLE IN HAITI WHO ARETOTALLY IN LOVE.

WE MAKE THEM GET DIVORCED.

( LAUGHS ).

>> Larry: WHY ARE YOU DOINGTHAT IN HAITI?

>> WHO IS POORER THAN THEHAITIANS.

>> Larry: XANDER McCOOL,EVERYBODY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

I'M HERE WITH MY PANEL, "NIGHTLYSHOW" CONTRIBUTOR, RICKY VELEZ.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND THE VERY FUNNY LADIES ON

"BROAD CITY," ABBI JACOBSON ANDILANA GLAZER.

VERY FUNNY.

BEFORE WE START, I GOTTA SAY ITDOESN'T FEEL QUITE RIGHT TO BE

AT A DESK WITH THE STARS OF"BROAD CITY."

YOU GUYS ARE SO CHILL AND RELAX.

IT SEEMS A BIT FORMAL.

THIS SEEMS LIKE A GREAT TIME TOFINALLY USE THE "NIGHTLY SHOW"

LOUNGE IN COOL MILLENNIALHANGOUT AREA HOSTED BY LARRY

WILMORE.

IT'S FOR COOL PEERS LIKE THIS.

SHALL WE?

>> YES.

>> Larry: YEAH!

( APPLAUSE )ALL RIGHT!

COME ON OVER, LADIES.

♪ ♪( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> OH, YEAH.

>> Larry: THIS IS BETTER.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

( APPLAUSE )THIS IS A LOT FOR THE.

>> Larry: FEELS BETTER,DOESN'T IT?

>> YES.

>> YES.

>> Larry: IT SMELLS LIKE AXEBODY SPRAY AND RED BULL OVER

HERE.

WHAT'S UP, TIM?

HE'S ASLEEP UPON.

DONT WORRY ABOUT HIM.

>> I FEEL LIKE I GOT BED BUGS.

>> LOOK AT THIS, A DOUBLE?

>> Larry: I KNOW, COOL.

>> A DOUBLE BAG OVER THERE.

>> Larry: LET'S GET TO OURFIRST TOPIC, SHALL WE?

SO WE MENTIONED THIS BREASTFEEDING THING.

THERE IS A THING-- A CONTROVERSYABOUT BREAST FEEDING.

I THINK KATHIE LEE AND HODA WERETALKING ABOUT.

YOU WATCH KATHIE LEE AND HODA.

>> THOSE ARE MY PEOPLE.

>> Larry: AND THEY WERETALKING ABOUT WOMEN WHO ARE

OVERSHARING BREASTFEEDINGPHOTOS ON INSTAGRAM.

>> THERE ARE TWO TYPES OFPEOPLE, HODA-- THOSE WHO FEEL

THE NEED TO SHARE THEIR MOSTPRECIOUS MOMENTS AND THOSE WHO

LIKE TO KEEP THEM PRIVATE, WHICHI PREFER.

GOD BLESS US ALL.

>> I SAY BREAST FEEDING ISBEAUTIFUL AND NATURAL, BUT

SHARING IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

T.M.I.

>> Larry: THAT WAS JUSTBIZARRE.

>> KNOW.

YOU'RE SCARED TO SAY IT SO YOUREMOJIS ARE SAYING IT?

>> Larry: YEAH, WHAT WAS UPWITH THAT?

BREAST FEEDING ISN'T AWKWARDENOUGH.

NOW WE'LL HAVE CARTOONCHARACTERS TALK ABOUT IT.

DO YOU GUY-- ANYBODY HAVE APROBLEM WITH WOMEN BREAST

FEEDING IN PUBLIC?

HOW ABOUT THAT FIRST?

>> NOPE.

>> I LOVE IT.

>> I'VE NEVER BEEN MAD AT ATITTY, LARRY.

LARRY.

I CAN'T REMEMBER BEING ANGRY ATA TITTY.

>> I HAVE.

>> Larry: YOU DON'T CARE.

>> YOU'VE BEEN MAD AT A TITTY?

>> TWO IN PARTICULAR.

>> Larry: ONE OF THE ISSUES ISPEOPLE AREN'T JUST DOING IT IN

PUBLIC, WHICH IS FINE.

I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITHTHAT.

BUT THEN THEY'RE SHARING IT ONINSTAGRAM, WHICH SEEMS A LITTLE

OVER THE TOP.

YEAH, NOW MY TITTIES ARE GOINGTO BE OUT FEEDING A BABY ON

INSTAGRAM.

>> IT'S LIKE-->> IT'S GETTING IN THE WAY OF,

LIKE, WHAT, TWERKING VIDEOS?

>> I KNOW, WHO CARES.

>> Larry: NOBODY CARES?

>> I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY'RECAPTIONING.

>> THAT'S LIKE-- PEOPLE TAKEPICTURES OF THEIR FOOD, AND IT'S

A BABY HAVING ITS MEAL.

>> Larry: THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

( APPLAUSE ).

>> IT'S ORIGINAL FOOD PORN.

THERE WE GO.

ORIGINAL FOOD PORN.

>> Larry: DOES ANYBODY THINKIT'S NARCISSISTIC?

>> I THINK THE INTERNET ISNARCISSISTIC.

I'M SURPRISED THAT ANYBODY ISSURPRISED.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

IT'S ALL PORN.

INSTAGRAM IS PORN.

TELL THEM TO STOP FOLLOWINGTHEM.

>> Larry: NO.

OKAY, SO WE ALL THINK IT'S COOL?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> I'M COOL WITH IT.

( APPLAUSE )>> THUMBS UP.

THUMBS UP.

LET'S GO TO THE NEXT ONE.

EVERYBODY IS WITH BREAST FEEDINGON INSTAGRAM.

COOL.

WE JUST HAD THE NATIONALSPELLING BEE-- I'M JUST A LITTLE

HUNGRY.

THIS IS KIND OF COOL, YOU GUYS.

BEFORE TONIGHT INDIAN AMERICANSTUDENTS HAVE WON FOR THE LAST

SEVEN YEARS IN A ROW.

THEY'RE CRUSHING IT.

>> YEAH.

>> Larry: AND SOME PEOPLE HAVEMADE THESE RACIST COMMENTS ON

FACEBOOK SAYING THE KIDS IN THESPELLING BEE SHOULD ONLY BE

AMERICAN.

>> FIRST OF ALL, THEY AREAMERICAN.

>> Larry: YES!

WHEN DID WE BECOME RACIST ABOUTSPELLING BEES?

>> THIS YEAR, I GUESS.

( LAUGHTER )>> DO THEY ONLY SPELL AMERICAN

WORDS?

>> YEAH, THEY'RE AMERICAN KIDS.

THEY'RE AMERICAN KIDS IN TEXAS.

>> Larry: WHY WOULD PEOPLE BEUPSET ABOUT THAT?

I DON'T GET IT.

THE OTHER THING IS-- LET ME ASKYOU THIS-- IS IT OKAY TO FEEL

THAT CERTAIN GROUPS CAN DOTHINGS GOOD?

>> 100%!

IT'S INSANE.

>> Larry: IS IT RACIST TO SAYA GROUP CAN DO SOMETHING GOOD?

BUT, RICKY, WOULD IT BE WRONG TOSAY, INDIANS, THOSE ( BLEEP )

CAN SPELL.

>> NO!

( APPLAUSE )>> Larry: YOU DON'T HAVE A

PROBLEM WITH THAT?

THAT'S TRUE?

>> WHEN YOU'RE LIKE-- I NEEDSOMEBODY TO HELP ME SPELL.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

>> Larry: WHO YOU GONNA CALL?

YOU'RE GOING TO CALL THE INDIANGHOSTBUSTERS.

>> WHO DO YOU NEED FOR SPELLING,NOW WE KNOW.

IT'S EFFICIENT.

>> IF YOU'RE GOG GET A DECKBUILT ON YOUR HOUSE, AND FIVE

HASIDIC JEWS SHOW UP TO BUILDIT.

YOU ARE GOING TO CALL JOSE.

>>>> Larry: ARE POSITIVE

STEREOTYPES OKAY?

>> IT'S BETTER THAN A NEGATIVESTEREOTYPE.

>> Larry: EXACTLY.

>> IT'S ON THE WAY TO BEINGBETTER.

>> I GUESS SOME PEOPLE FEELPIGEONHOLED BUT IT'S ALSO LIKE

DO YOU FIT THE STEREOTYPE?

WE'LL HIRE YOU, TO FINISH DECKOR WHATEVER IT IS.

>> BUT, LARRY, YOU'RE BLACK.

YOU HAVE THE BIG [BLEEP]STEREOTYPE.

I DON'T HAVE THAT.

THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY GAVE US.

>> Larry: NO, BUT WE ALWAYS--LOOK, LOOK--

>> I'M PUERTO RICAN, THEY SAY WESTEAL. IT'S NOT THE SAME

>> Larry: WELL DON'T STEAL MYBIG [BLEEP].

HOW ABOUT THAT?

( LAUGHTER )WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )