Monday, January 13, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 01005
  • 01/13/2014

Cristela Alonzo, Matt Braunger and Kyle Kinane create professional wrestling TV show titles, spot the fake event on Eventbrite and build ridiculous Tumblr blogs.

IT'S "RAPID REFRESH!"

(APPLAUSE)FIRST COMEDIANS TO BUZZ IN WITH

THE CORRECT ANSWER GET 1S00POINTS.

CELEBRITIES HAVE TO BE EXTRACAREFUL WITH THE GOLDEN GLOBES.

GAFFES BECOME GIVES AND ONEWEIRD MOMENT ON THE INTERNET FOR

AN ETERNITY.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS ANACTUAL TREND BORN OUT OF THE

VODKA SWEATS OF SUNDAY'S GOLDENGLOBES.

PHOTO BOMBING WITH HIS FACE INTHE BACKGROUND.

THAT'S TAYLOR SWIFT LOOKING ATHUMANS FOR THE FIRST TIME FACE

TO FACE.

B)DIDDYING, PUTTING CUCUMBER

PATCHES ON YOUR EYES LIKE DIDDYDID.

OR; C)LAWRENCES, USING HOUSEHOLD ITEMS

TO MATCH THIS AMAZING PICTURE OFJENNIFER LAWRENCE?

CHRIS TLAEL?

>> I'M GOING GO WITH (C)AND I THINK I'VE DONE THAT

BEFORE WHEN I WAS DRUNK.

>> Chris: LET'S SEE.

THE CORRECT SANS IN FACT (C)JENNIFER LAWRENCING.

TIP TO COLTON HAYNES FORINSTAGRAMING THIS TREND.

IT WILL GO ON FOREVER AND EVERAMEN.

THIS ONE IS HAPPENING QUITE ON ABIT ON THE INTERNET.

IT TURNS OUT THE TREND WASACTUALLY BIGGER THAN WE THOUGHT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)LAST NIGHT ON INSTAGRAM, PHOTOS

STARTED POPPING UP OF EVERYONE'SFAVORITE PARTY MAYOR ROB FORD

HAVING A NIGHT OUT AT A TORONTONIGHTCLUB CALLED MUZIK.

IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE THIS GUYFINALLY CUTTING LOOSE.

(LAUGHTER)TAKING THE BREAK HE NEEDS FROM

THE JOB WHERE ALL OF HIS POWERSHAVE BEEN STRIPPED.

ONE INSTAGRAM USER MANAGED TOSOMETHAT THAT A PICTURE OF FORD

CAPTIONING IT "BOOZIN' WITH THEMAYOR" AND WHICH OF THE

FOLLOWING HASHTAGS?

(A)#ILLVOTEFORYOU

(LAUGHTER)(B)

#SWEATYTOMATOHEAD OR (C)CRACK ROCK THE VOTE?

MATT?

>> I'VE GOT GO WITH (A) WHICH ISWHAT I WOULD SAY IF I'M

HAPPENERED.

>> Chris: YES, THE CORRECTANSWER IS "A" #ILLVOTEFORYOU.

>> HOW CAN YOU NOT VOTE FOR THATGUY?

I WAS IN TORONTO AND I SAIDFIRST OFF, NO ROB FORD JOKES,

THE PLACE WENT INSANE.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: SO THEY DIDN'T WANT

THEM OR THEY DO?

>> THEY DON'T WANT THEM BECAUSETHEY'VE ELECTED HOMER SIMPSON.

NOW IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)LAST WEEK THE WWE ANNOUNCED THEY

ARE STARTING THEIR OWN 24 HOURWRESTLING NETWORK "(BLEEP) YEAH,

AMERICA!"I DON'T EVEN NEED TO LEAVE THE

HOUSE!

WITH THAT IN MIND, TONIGHT'SHASHTAG IS WRESTLING T.V. SHOWS.

WRESTLING T.V. SHOWS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE "HOW I BODYSLAMMED YOUR MOTHER" OR "HULK

HOGAN'S HEROES."

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK.

GO.

YES, CRISTELA?

>> JAKE THE SNAKE AND THE FATMAN.

>> Chris: POINTS!

KYLE?

>> RANDY MACHO MAN VERSUS WILD.

>> Chris: POINTS!

CRISTELA?

>> $6 MILLION MACHO MAN.

>> JERRY LAWLER AND ORDER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Chris: KYLE?

>> BROCK'S TICKLE PARTY.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: THAT'S SOMETHING I'D

WATCH.

POINTS.

CHRIS TLAEL?

>> REMINGTON STEELE CAGE MATCH.

>> Chris: POINT?

>> TWO MEN AND A MEN WE BROKE INHALF.

>> Chris: POINT!

TRIPLE H ARE PUFF AND STUFF.

CRISTELA?

>> OWEN HEART TO HEART.

>> Chris: POINTS!

YOU HAVE A LOT OLDER REFERENCES.

YOU'RE A YOUNG GIRL.

HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HART TOHART.

>> I USED TO WATCH IT.

>> Chris: HOW DID YOU WATCH IT?

>> IN MEXICO IN SPANISH.

>> OH!

>> WE'RE LIKE 20 YEARS BEHIND.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris:.

>> Chris:>> WE JUST GOT SINGLED OUT LAST

WEEK!

>> Chris: YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE ITONE?

>> BROKEN SPINEFELD.

TIME TO PLAY YAHOO! ANSWERS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)IF YOU'RE A FAN OF CROWD SOURCED

MISINFORMATION AND BORDERLINERACISM, YAHOO! ANSWERS IS FOR

YOU!

I'M GOING TO READ A REALQUESTION POSTED TO YAHOO!

ANSWERS AND IF YOUR ANSWER ISBETTER THAN THE FAVORITE ANSWER

YOU GET 250 POINTS.

READY?

HERE'S THE FIRST QUESTION: HOWWERE UNICORNS MADE?

I JUST WANT TO KNOW EVERYONE'SIDEA OF HOW UNICORNS WERE MADE.

THANKS!

KYLE?

>> NO SUCH THING AS UNICORNS,JUST GAY HORSES WITH TIARAS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Chris: I'M ALREADY GOING TO

GIVE YOUR POINTS FOR YOURANSWER.

THE MOST POPULAR ANSWER WAS: AKID WITH ICE CREAM WAS LIKE OH,

PONY.

THE KID TRIED TO RIDE IT BUTDROPPED HIS PONY BUT THE CONE

STAYED AND WHEN THE PONY HAD ABABY THE BABY HAD A HORN.

>> SOLID.

THAT IS SOLID.

(APPLAUSE)>> Chris: IT IS A GOOD ANSWER

BUT I LIKED YOURS.

NEXT ONE: "HOW DO I SUCCESSFULLYFOOL AN ELEPHANT TO GO TO THE

SEA?"BRAUNGER?

>>,LIFANINO!

JUST KILLING, YOU TELL THEMTHERE'S NO ELEPHANT GOD.

THE.

>> Chris: YOU HIT THEM ON ANEXISTENTIAL LEVEL.

IS "EVERYTHING I BELIEVED IS ALIE.

I PRAY TO YOU EVERYDAY GANESH."

THE TOP ANSWER WAS "PROMISES THECREAM AT THE BEACH."

POINTS MATT BRAUNGER.

TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME, EVENTSOR INVENTED.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I'LL READ A PAIR OF EVENTS AND

FOR 250 POINTS YOU HAVE TOFIGURE OUT WHICH ONE IS AN

EVENT.

"I LOVE YOU BUT I CAN'T STANDYOU RIGHT NOW MOTHER DAUGHTER

SEMINAR AND FAIR."

(AUDIENCE REACTS)OR "TRAMPOLINING THROUGH THE

HURT.

OVERCOMING INFIDELITY THROUGHBOUNCING."

(LAUGHTER)YES, KYLE?

>> I WANT THE TRAMPOLINING ONETO BE TRUE SO --

(LAUGHTER)IS THAT RIGHT?

IT DOES INHERENTLY MAKEEVERYTHING BETTER.

>> Chris: THAT YOUR ANSWER?

>> THAT'S MY ANSWER.

>> Chris: CORRECT ANSWER IS "ILOVE YOU BUT I CAN'T STAND YOU

RIGHT NOW MOTHER DAUGHTERSEMINAR AND FAIR."

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: THEY SELL T-SHIRTS.

>> Chris: THEY SELL T-SHIRTS.

I MADE THIS MACRAME WITH MYBITCH MOTHER OVER HERE.

(LAUGHTER)NEXT ONE "THE FOURTH ANNUAL

AFTERLIFE AWARENESS CONFERENCE"OR "PLAYING TAPS.

TAP DANCING FOR SENIORS WHOAREN'T DONE YET."

(AUDIENCE REACTS)>> OH!

>> MY GOD!

(LAUGHTER)CAN'T CATCH ME IF I'M ALWAYS

MOVING, KIDS!

BRAUNGER?

>> OH, GOD!

I'M GOING TO GO WITH TAP DANCINGFOR SENIORS BECAUSE (BLEEP)

THAT'S AMAZING.

>> Chris: IT WOULD BE BUT IT'STHE FOURTH ANNUAL AFTERLIFE

AWARENESS CONFERENCE.

>> I KNEW IT BUT -- WHO CARES?

>> Chris: YOU GUYS AREN'T ANYGOOD AT GUESSING STUFF.

(LAUGHTER)NEXT ONE "KARDASHIAN FANTASY

CAMP" OR "TRAPPED IN A ROOM WITHA ZOMBIE."

YES, CRISTELA?

>> I'M GOING TO SAY "TRAPPED INA ROOM WITH A ZOMBIE" BECAUSE

THERE'S NO (BLEEP)ING WAY I'DEVER DO THE OTHER ONE.

>> I AGREE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Chris: I'M VERY HAPPY TO SAY

THAT "TRAPPED IN A ROOM WITH AZOMBIE" IS THE CORRECT ANSWER.

>> ISN'T THAT THE SAME THING?

>> Chris: THEY ARE PRETTY MUCHTHE SAME THING, YEAH.

NEXT ONE "SCRUNCHO'S FIRST SPUNKOF THE YEAR OR THE KIDNEY STONE

ZUMBA ON THIS AND CHILI COOKOFF.

>> SCRUNCHO'S FIRST FUNK OF THEYEAR.

>> YES, THAT'S THE CORRECTANSWER.

POINTS TO YOU MATT BRAUNGER.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE!

THAT'S THE SAME AS M.L.K. DAY?

>> YOU'VE NEVER KNOWN SCRUNCHO?

HE'S A HUGE CIVIL RIGHTSACTIVISTS.

THIS LAST GAME IS CALLED TUMBLR,I HARDLY KNOW HER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)TUMBLR IS A PLATFORM WHERE

ANYONE CAN CREATE A BLOG ABOUTANYTHING NO MATTER HOW

RIDICULOUS.

SOME SUMABLES ARE ARE "ANIMALSIN HOODIE" OR "OLD PEOPLE

WRITING ON RESTAURANT FACEBOOKPAGES."

SO FOR 250 POINTS, COME UP WITHTUMBLRSS THAT ARE EVEN MORE

RIDICULOUS THAN REAL ONES.

SO LET US BEGIN RIGHT NOW.

GO.

YES, BAUNGER?

>> BONERS IN GYM SHORTS ON GUYSNOT AT THE GYM.

>> Chris: POINTS!

CRISTELA?

>> COSBY CO-SPLAY.

>> Chris: POINTS!

KYLE?

>> GORILLAS WITH HOT BOBS.

>> Chris: CRISTELA?

>> MY TOKEN ETHNIC FRIENDS.

>> Chris: POINTS!

KYLE?

>> THREE MEN AND A BA EROTICFAN FICTION.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)YOU KNOW IT'S OUT THERE

SOMEWHERE.

>> Chris: THE AUDIENCE IS WRONG.

THAT WAS AMAZING.

POINTS.

BRAUNGER?

>> PICTURES OF MY MOM'SBOYFRIEND 1984 TO TWELVE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

CRISTELA?

>> MEXICAN STAR TREK.

>> Chris: POINTS!

KYLE?

>> HOT DOGS OR LEGS OR TWO DONGSREAL CLOSE TO EACH OTHER.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: I WOULD BE SHOCKED IF

THAT'S NOT A REAL ONE.

BRAUNGER?

>> (BLEEP) YEAH OLD PEOPLECRYING AT LAST CALL IN BARS.

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