Comedy Central Presents
Season 3

CC Presents: Steve Marmel

  • Season 3, Ep 2
  • 05/15/2000

HOW ARE YA?

HELLO, NEW YORK.

I HAVEN'T BEEN HEREIN A WHILE.

I HAVEN'T BEEN BACK HERE

SINCE GUILIANIMADE THE HOMELESS DISAPPEAR.

I HAD FRIENDS GOING,

"DON'T YOU CAREWHERE THEY WENT?"

NO.

DON'T KNOW WHEREFLOCK OF SEAGULLS WENT EITHER;

I'M JUST [bleep] GLADTHEY'RE GONE.

LOOK, I TRY TO HAVE SYMPATHYFOR THE HOMELESS.

I REALLY DO.

BUT I'M $25,000IN CREDIT CARD DEBT,

SO IT'S NOTGOING TO HAPPEN EVER.

"DO YOU HAVE A QUARTER?I'M BROKE."

"[bleep] YOU.YOU'RE NOT BROKE; YOU'RE EVEN."

LOOK, I COMEFROM A PART OF THE COUNTRY

THAT DOESN'T HAVEA HOMELESS PROBLEM.

I'M FROM WISCONSIN.

WE DON'T HAVE A HOMELESS--

HA, HA! NICE.

WE DON'T HAVEA HOMELESS PROBLEM THERE

BECAUSE WE HAVE A PROGRAMTO TAKE CARE OF THOSE PEOPLE.

IT'S CALLED WINTER.

[laughter]

AND IT IS PRETTY DAMN EFFECTIVE.

JUNE: HOMELESS;JANUARY: I DON'T KNOW.

THE HOMELESS HAVEN'TREALLY BEEN AN ISSUE

THIS ELECTION SO FAR,HAVE THEY?

IT'S AN ELECTION YEAR.

I LOVE ELECTION YEARS,BUT I HATE THIS ELECTION YEAR,

'CAUSE IT'S OVER.

IT'S BUSH AND GORE.THAT'S IT.

BUSH AND GORE.

DOESN'T SOUND LIKE AN ELECTION.IT SOUNDS LIKE A SNUFF FILM.

[laughter]

IT REALLY--IT SUCKS.

IT'S JUST--BUSH, LIKE,WALK AROUND GOING,

"I'M NOT AN INSIDER."

YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT'S KID.YOU'RE A BALDWIN.

YOU KNOW, JUST LISTENINGTO BUSH AND McCAIN--

WHO BY THE WAY HAS BEENIN THE SENATE FOR, LIKE, WHAT,

TWO DECADES--

CLAIM THAT EACH OTHERIS AN INSIDER.

IT'S LIKE LISTENINGTO SIEGFRIED AND ROY

CALL EACH OTHER HOMOS.

[in German accent]"YOU'RE A HOMO."

"NO, YOU'RE A HOMO.

I'M NOT THE HOMO;YOU'RE A HOMO."

I THINK THE BIGGEST REASONI'M MIFFED

IS 'CAUSE I LOVED McCAIN.

I LOVE JOHN McCAIN.

I THOUGHT HE WOULD HAVE MADEA GREAT PRESIDENT, MAN.

YEAH. EVEN THOUGH HE'SA LITTLE BIT GOOFY IN THE HEAD.

AND HE KEPT GOING,

"I'M GOING TO BE A PRESIDENTTO ALL PEOPLE."

YOU KNOW, SOMEHOW I DON'T THINKTHE VIETNAMESE

WERE GOING TO EVEN OUTIN THAT EQUATION.

"HEY, PRESIDENT McCAIN,

"THE CHAIRMAN OF THE VIETNAMESEBUSINESS ASSOCIATION

IS HERE TO SEE YOU."

"GREAT, GREAT, GREAT.PUT HIM IN A BOX!"

NOW BUCHANAN AND PEROTARE REARING THEIR HEADS AGAIN.

IT'S LIKE,"NOW DO YOU LIKE ME?"

"HEY, HEY, NO MEANS NO."

THESE GUYS ARE LIKE HERPES.EVERY FOUR YEARS--AAHH!

YOU KNOW WHY--YOU KNOW WHY IT SUCKS?

IT SUCKS 'CAUSE OFTHE PRIMARY SYSTEM.

IT'S JUST--BY THE TIME YOUGET TO ACTUAL STATES, IT'S OVER.

IT'S LIKE,SOUTH CAROLINA HAS A SAY?

WHEN DID WE ALLOW THATTO HAPPEN?

SHOULDN'T IT BE ACTUAL STATESWITH REAL PEOPLE?

I WOULDN'T LET THESE PEOPLESET A WATCH,

LET ALONE PRECEDENT.

THEY'RE TRYING TO GET RIDOF THEIR MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY

AND REPLACE ITWITH A PRO-SOUTH CIVIL WAR DAY--

THREE OF THEM:

JEFFERSON DAVIS DAY,ROBERT E. LEE DAY,

AND OF COURSE THE OVERLY POPULARLYNYRD SKYNYRD DAY.

THEY DON'T GET THE FACTTHAT WE DON'T LIKE THEM.

THEY HAVE THE REBEL FLAG.

THEY HAVE THE CONFEDERATE FLAGON THEIR STATEHOUSE,

AND THEY DON'T GET THE FACTTHAT WE'RE MIFFED.

"WHAT'S ALL--WHAT'S ALL THE FUSS ABOUT?"

IT'S A SYMBOL OF EVIL.

YOU CAN'T WASH THAT AWAYWITH A DITTY

OR A PUBLIC, YOU KNOW,PUBLIC RELATIONS CAMPAIGN.

"WE'RE OKAY-K-K."

♪ SOUTH CAROLINA...YES, WE KLAN. ♪

LETTING THESE PEOPLESTEER THE ELECTION

IS LIKE PUTTING THE KIDWITH THE HELMET

IN CHARGE OF THELITTLE YELLOW BUS.

"WHO DO YOU LIKE THIS YEAR?"

"I LIKE PUDDING."

AND GEORGE BUSH IS PROUDOF THIS VICTORY.

IT WAS HIS DEFINING MOMENT.

"I TOOK SOUTH CAROLINA."

GREAT, YOU'RE THE FASTESTRUNNER AT THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS.

"I GOT A MEDAL!"

EVERYBODY GETS A MEDAL.

UTAH--UTAH HAS A SAY.

HOW HARD IS ITTO WIN IN UTAH?

YOU GET TEN GUYSTO VOTE FOR YA;

THEY FORCE THEIR WIVESTO VOTE FOR YA--IT'S OVER.

[laughter]

MORMONS!

I'M SORRY.

THEY SCREWED UP THE OLYMPICS,AND I'M REALLY UPSET ABOUT THAT.

I LOVE THE OLYMPICS.

I LOVE THE IDEAOF THE OLYMPICS.

BUT WHY IS IT EVERY TIME WEBRING THE OLYMPICS TO AMERICA,

WE PUT IT IN THIS SCREAMINGRATHOLE PART OF THE COUNTRY?

SALT LAKE CITY,

ATLANTA IN THE SUMMER.

EVEN THE ETHIOPIANSARE WALKING AROUND GOING,

"GOD, I'M HOT."

OF COURSE, NEW YORK.

I LOVE NEW YORK POLITICS,ESPECIALLY WITH AL SHARPTON.

AH, HE'S A HOOT.

NO MATTER WHAT THE ISSUE IS,

HE HAS THE PAT AFRICAN-AMERICANANSWER, DOESN'T HE?

HE'S LIKE THE BLACKSEE-AND-SAY.

[laughter]

JUST PULL THE STRING--ZZHHTTT--

"THE COPS WERE MURDERERS."

ZZHHTTT.

"O.J. WAS INNOCENT."

ZZHHTTT.

"I LIKE MOESHA."

AND YOU GOT HILLARY RUNNINGFOR SENATE.

[laughs]

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT AMERICA NEEDS:ANOTHER WHITE MALE SENATOR.

YOU GOT TO HAND IT TO HERTHOUGH.

HER LIFE HASN'T BEEN EASY,HAS IT?

THE LAST EIGHT YEARSOF THE WHITE HOUSE

HAS BASICALLY BEENA LONG EPISODE OF THE MAN SHOW.

"HEY, AL, WHO DO WE HAVEON THE TRAMPOLINE THIS WEEK?"

I FEEL SORRY FOR HER.

AND I'LL TELL YOUSOMETHING ELSE:

I THINK SHE'S KIND OF HOT.I REALLY DO.

OH, NO, I'M SERIOUS.

AND I'LL TELL YOUSOMETHING ELSE:

THERE ISN'T A GUY IN AMERICA--THERE ISN'T A GUY IN THIS ROOM

THAT, IF GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY,WOULDN'T NAIL HILLARY CLINTON.

IT COULD TAKE A BEER,IT COULD TAKE A KEG,

BUT WE WOULD ALL LOVE TO BEBEHIND THAT BIG WHITE ASS GOING,

"WHO IS THE PRESIDENT?"

"YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT."

THAN WE'VE BEENIN A REALLY LONG TIME,

BECAUSE THESE SMALL COUNTRIESHAVE NUKES NOW.

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

INDIA AND PAKISTANHAVE THE BOMB.

DO YOU CARE?NO.

YOU KNOW WHY?

THEY DON'T HAVE ANY MISSILES.

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO?STRAP IT TO AN OX?

"PREPARE TO DIE.HYAH!"

BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO BELIEVEIN REINCARNATION HAVE A NUKE.

THAT IS HILARIOUS.

BOOM!"HELLO, WE'RE BACK."

OUR RELATIONS WITH CUBA SUCKRIGHT NOW.

WHY?'CAUSE OF THAT KID.

LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SORRY THIS ALL HAPPENED,

BUT I AM SO TIREDOF HEARING ABOUT THIS KID, MAN.

I DON'T WANTTO SEE HIS FACE AGAIN

UNLESS IT'S ONA CARTON OF MILK.

ENOUGH!

EVERY DAY, I'VE GOT TO WATCHHIS LITTLE GODPARENTS

BRIBE HIM WITH SOMETHINGHE CAN'T GET IN CUBA,

LIKE A CELL PHONEOR SOME TOY OR HOPE, RIGHT?

"SHOULD WE KEEP HIM?SHOULD WE SEND HIM BACK?"

I DON'T KNOW.

LET'S WAIT A FEW YEARS;

SEE WHAT KIND OF PITCHING ARMTHE LITTLE SON OF A BITCH HAS.

[laughter and applause]

HE'S GOT SOME HEAT?GREAT!

WELCOME TO AMERICA.

IF HE THROWS LIKE A GIRL,"BACK IN THE TIRE!"

I WOULD LOVE A GOOD WAR.

I MISS THE FACT THAT WEHAVEN'T BEEN TO WAR IN A WHILE.

AND I'M TIRED OF HEARING ABOUTHOW AMERICA'S A BULLY.

AMERICA IS NOT A BULLY.

BULLIES BEAT YOU UPAND TAKE YOUR MONEY,

AND THAT IS NOTWHAT AMERICA DOES.

AMERICA GIVES YOU MONEY,AND THEN WE BEAT YOU UP.

WE'RE THE MOB.

WE JUST KIND OF WAITFOR THE CHECK TO CLEAR,

AND THEN WE SHOW UP GOING,

"HEY, UH, YOU'VE GOT A REAL NICE[bleep] COUNTRY HERE.

"BE A SHAMEIF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT.

"I'M NOT SAYINGWE'RE GOING TO DO ANYTHING;

"I'M JUST SAYINGSOMETIMES BRIDGES BLOW UP

ALL BY THEMSELVES, HUH?"

AND BULLIES WORK ALONE.

WE HAVE A TEAM.

A POWERFUL ALLIANCE OF NATIONSCALLED NATO.

YEAH, NATO.

REALLY MASSIVE NATIONS LIKEBELGIUM AND FRANCE AND CANADA.

CANADA SHOWING UPAT THE END OF EVERY WAR

WITH THAT LITTLE TUGBOATOF THEIRS.

[imitates foghorn]

DING-DING!DING-DING!

LOOK OUT, EVIL.

NATO'S LIKE "TAKE YOUR DAUGHTERTO WORK DAY."

"I'M HELPING. I'M HELPING."

"YES, YOU ARE.YOU'RE HELPING.

"YOU ARE DADDY'S LITTLE HELPER.

"NOW, WHY DON'T YOU, BELGIUM,AND CANADA GET TOGETHER

AND MAKE DADDY A WAFFLE?"

TENSIONS IN YUGOSLAVIA.

WE MIGHT HAVE TO STARTPOUNDING THEM AGAIN,

WHICH IS GREAT.

SHOULD'VE STARTEDBLOWING YUGOSLAVIA UP

WHEN THEY INTRODUCEDTHAT CRAPPY LITTLE CAR.

IT WAS A GOOD WAR.

IT WAS AN EXCELLENT WAR,

'CAUSE WE HADAN EXCELLENT VILLAIN:

SLOBODAN--SLO--

YEAH, THAT'S A HARD NAMETO PRONOUNCE.

NO, IT IS.

THAT NAME'S SO HARDTO PRONOUNCE,

ONLY MAGIC JOHNSONCOULD GET IT RIGHT

BY SCREWING IT UP.

"HEY, WHO WE FIGHTING?"

"SLOBODAN MILODEVID."

[laughter]

GREAT MOMENTS IN THIS WAR--

EVERY TIME WE HAVE AN AIR WAR,

THERE'S THIS MOMENT,WHICH I LOVE.

THE COUNTRY WE'RE POUNDING GOES,

"HEY, WHY DON'T YOU GUYSCOME DOWN AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN?"

"'CAUSE WE DON'T HAVE TO.

CATCH."

[laughter and applause]

"SORRY 'BOUT YOUR OX."

MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS WARWITH YUGOSLAVIA

IS WHEN WE BLEW UPTHE CHINESE EMBASSY.

GORGEOUS!

OH, MY GOD,WERE THEY PISSED!

[in Chinese accent]"YOU!YOU BLEW UP OUR EMBASSY."

[chuckles]YEAH. I GUESS WE DID.

I GUESS THAT GUIDANCE SYSTEMYOU GUYS STOLE

WASN'T SO HOT AFTER ALL,WAS IT?

IF YOU HAD OPENED UPYOUR COOKIE THAT MORNING,

IT WOULD'VE READ:"DUCK."

I'M GONNA MISS HIM.

I DON'T CARETHAT HE HAD AFFAIRS.

I REALLY--IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME.

HE'S NOT SCREWINGMY GIRLFRIEND.

AND EVEN IF HE WAS,THE ECONOMY'S IN GREAT SHAPE.

I CAN'T GET ANOTHER ECONOMY.

[laughter and applause]

PROBLEM WITH CLINTONISN'T THAT HE'S HAVING AFFAIRS;

IT'S WHO HE'SHAVING AFFAIRS WITH.

MAN, I'M A GUY.

I THINK THERE'SSOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

ABOUT EVERY WOMAN I MEET.

THEIR EYES, THEIR HAIR,SOMETHING, RIGHT?

BUT CLINTON'S WOMEN--JESUS!

YOU ARE THE PRESIDENTOF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,

THE MOST POWERFUL NATIONON THE PLANET.

TAKE THE BEER GOGGLES OFF.

TRY TO SCREW A SIX OR HIGHER.

THE FRENCH ARE LAUGHING AT US.

PAULIE SHORE GETS BETTER ASSTHAN OUR PRESIDENT.

[laughter]

IT'S LIKE HE'S CRACKING OPENMOBILE HOMES

TO GET TO THE PRIZE INSIDE.

[laughter]

YOU CAN TAKE THE PRESIDENTOUT OF ARKANSAS, BUT...

[laughter]

IF YOU LINE UPALL OF CLINTON'S WOMEN IN A ROW,

IT'S LIKE A DARWIN CHART.

[laughter]

YOU START AT MONKEY,AND YOU END AT MONKEY.

CLINTON'S WOMEN--AND THEY WON'T GO AWAY.

THAT'S WHAT KILLS ME.THEY'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

PAULA JONES IS STILLIN THE NEWS.

SHE JUST GOT A NOSE JOBAND THEN STOPPED.

"I'M DONE.I'M DONE.

HAD MY SURGERY,TOOK CARE OF IT. I'M PURTY."

[laughter]

CUT OFF HER HEAD,TIE A ROPE AROUND HER NECK,

AND USE HERTO CLIMB A MOUNTAIN.

[laughter]

YOU KNOW WHY I DON'T LIKE HER?

SHE'S UNGRATEFUL.

SHE GOT $850,000FOR A LITTLE GAME OF GRAB-ASS,

AND SHE'S MOANING ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?SHE SHOULDN'T BE COMPLAINING.

FOR HALF THAT--FOR HALF THAT--

THE PRESIDENT COULD FONDLEMY BALLS.

AND I WOULDN'T SAY A THING.

NO BOOKS, NO MOVIES, NO CRYINGTO BARBARA WALTERS, NOTHING!

A THANK YOU, A SMILE,A [honk], AND I'M ON MY WAY.

[laughter and applause]

YOU KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE I LOVE THIS COUNTRY.

TIMES OF GREAT NATIONAL CRISIS,

THE PRESIDENTCOULD CLACK MY NADS TOGETHER

LIKE A PENDULUM.

"STEVE, I DON'T KNOWWHAT TO DO ABOUT THE NRA."

[imitates clacking noise]

MONICA LEWINSKY'SSTILL IN THE NEWS.

SHE'S DOING ADSFOR JENNY CRAIG NOW.

"I LOST 31 POUNDSAT JENNY CRAIG."

"HEY, THAT'S SUPER.ONLY 400 TO GO."

YOU KNOW, THEY PAY HEREVERY TIME SHE LOSES A POUND,

BUT APPARENTLYTHEY'RE PAYING HER IN FUDGE.

AND THIS IS ANOTHER GIRLTHAT IF SHE WOULD JUST SHUT UP,

I THINK SHE'S REALLY ATTRACTIVE.

SHE'S GOT THE NICE EYES,SHE'S GOT THE BIG PUFFY LIPS,

SHE'S GOT THE SHINY HAIR.

OF COURSE, PROTEIN'SA NATURAL CONDITIONER.

YEAH!OH, COME ON!

YOU DON'T THINK THE DRESS ISTHE ONLY PLACE HE MESSES, DO YA?

SOMETIMES YOU GO LOW;SOMETIMES YOU GO HIGH.

THAT CRAP'SLIKE SILLY STRING;

YOU CAN'T AIM IT.

IT GOES WHERE IT GOES.

YEAH, THE PLASTIC SURGERY'SHELPING.

LINDA TRIPPJUST HAD PLASTIC SURGERY.

YOU SEE THAT?

SHE'S GOT HER NEW PHOTO.

HER HAIR IS FROSTED,AND HER HAND'S RIGHT HERE.

"OH, I JUST LOVE AMERICA."

YOU KNOW WHY HER HAND'SHERE THOUGH, DON'T YOU?

TO STOP THAT LITTLETURKEY WATTLE FROM POPPING OUT.

"I JUST WANT EVERYBODYTO STOP MAKING FUN OF--"

[gobbling]

"EVERYBODY'S TEASING MEAND STUFF."

[gobbles]

YOU KNOW WHY SHE'S SO MAD?

IT'S THE ONLY WOMAN IN D.C.

CLINTON LOOKED AT WITHA STRAIGHT FACE AND WENT,

"OH, I'M SORRY; I'M MARRIED."

EVERY PRESIDENT HAD AFFAIRS.EVERY ONE OF THEM.

BUSH ALLEGEDLY HAD ONE.

REAGAN PROBABLY HAD A BUNCHHE CAN'T REMEMBER.

REAGAN'S PROBABLY NAILING NANCYRIGHT NOW GOING,

"WELL, DON'T TELL MY WIFE."

AND JOHN F. KENNEDYWAS HAVING SEX WITH?

MARILYN MONROE.

DO YOU DENY HIM THAT?

THE HOTTEST WOMANOF HIS ERA?

OH, MY GOD.

MY GIRLFRIEND--"WOULD YOUHAVE SEX WITH MARILYN MONROE?"

[laughs]

YES!

OH, MY GOD.

I WOULD [bleep] HERON TOP OF MY GIRLFRIEND.

[laughter]

I'D TRY TO GET HER IN ON IT.

"COME ON. LET'S MAKE HERSING US HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

THANK GOD HE HAD SEX WITH HER,

CONSIDERING HOW HIS LIFE ENDED,DON'T YOU THINK?

YOU KNOWTHAT WAS THE LAST THOUGHT

THAT WENT THROUGH HIS HEADWHEN THE BULLET HIT HIM.

BAM!"AT LEAST I [bleep] MARILYN."

WE JUST LOST A KENNEDY,YOU KNOW.

WELL, WE DIDN'T LOSE HIM.

I MEAN, WE FOUND HIM.YEAH.

THEN THEY PUT HIM BACK.

A BURIAL AT SEA.

ISN'T THAT A LITTLE REDUNDANT?

DIDN'T HE DO THATALL BY HIMSELF?

TED KENNEDY--"WELL, HE LOVED THE SEA."

YEAH, THAT'S BEFOREIT KILLED HIM.

IT'D BE LIKE TED GETTINGMURDERED BY A CRATE OF SCOTCH.

[laughter]

HEY, THE MOST AMAZING THINGTO ME ABOUT THIS

WAS THE MEDIA COVERAGE.

'CAUSE THEY REALLYHAD NO IDEA HOW TO HANDLE IT.

ESPECIALLY THE TV MEDIA.

PLANE GOES DOWN,

CAMERA CREWS GO OUTTO THE WATER,

AND THEY JUST POINTA CAMERA AT THE WATER.

FOR 40 HOURS.

"HEY, THERE IT IS--WATER."

IT'S LIKE A BLUE'S CLUES.

"HEY, CAN YOU HELP US?"

[laughter]

THEN AT THE 40-HOUR MARK,

THE SISTER-IN-LAW'S LUGGAGEPOPS UP,

AND THE GUY ON CNN SAYS,WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT,

"WE THINK THERE MIGHT HAVE BEENSOME SORT OF ACCIDENT."

OH, YOU THINK?

LET'S GET THE SCOOBY DOO GANGOUT HERE

TO CRACK THIS SON OF A BITCHOPEN.

"JINKIES, GANG,I THINK WE HAVE A MYSTERY."

[imitating Scooby Doo]"WHY WOULD HE FLY AT NIGHTWITHOUT A RICENSE?"

[laughter]

I KNOW THAT'S HARSH.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

EVERY TIME A KENNEDY DIES,A COMIC GETS HIS WINGS.

AND I TRY TO HAVE SYMPATHYOVER THIS.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHEN THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE DIES,I MOVE UP A NOTCH.

[laughter]

THE ONLY TIMEI REALLY FEEL BAD IS,

I THINK ABOUT HOW HARDIT HAD TO BE

TO GROW UPON THE KENNEDY COMPOUND.

I MEAN, JUST WALKING AROUNDGOING,

[whispers]"I see drunk people."

[laughter]

WHEN?

"All the time."

[laughter]

TED KENNEDYIN THE SIXTH FIFTH.

[laughter]

IT'S JUST AMAZING

'CAUSE THEY THINKTHEY'RE INVULNERABLE.

THAT'S WHAT CRACKS ME UP.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DIDFOR NEW YEAR'S--THE KENNEDYS?

THEY WENT TO ASPEN.

KENNEDYS, AS A GROUP, PILED INTOA BUNCH OF SMALL PLANES

AND FLEW TO ASPEN TO SKI.

[laughs]

HEY, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT,

WHY DON'T YOU SWING BY DALLASAND PICK UP A BOOK?

[laughter]

THEY DO.THEY THINK THEY'RE INVULNERABLE.

AND NONE MORE THAN TED.

HOW MANY TIMES DOES LIFEJUST PUT ON A CLEAT

AND NAIL TED IN THE NADS,

AND IT NEVER LEAVES A MARK?

IT IS AMAZING.

YOU KNOW HE WASIN A PLANE CRASH?

YEAH.

1964--LITTLE PLANE GOES DOWN.

EVERYBODY DEAD EXCEPT TED.

DRUNK IRISH ASSFLIPS OUT OF THE WRECKAGE.

[laughter and applause]

"NICE [bleep] TRY, GOD."

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[applause]

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