Extended - Tuesday, July 22, 2014 - Uncensored

  • 07/22/2014

In this extended episode, Tom Lennon, Reggie Watts and "Weird Al" Yankovic learn about a terrifying Danish pastime, list #BadJeopardyCategories and figure out which wacky morning radio shows are real.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

(CHEERING)THE FACEBOOK ANNOUNCED A NEW

FEATURE TO THEIR HOMEPAGE ANDSMARTPHONE APPS AND

SURPRISINGLY, IT'S NOT ANOTHERNEWS FEED THAT WILL HAVE SOCCER

MOMS AND 40-YEAR-OLD GUYS INBANDS MAKING EMPTY THREATS ABOUT

GOING TO GOOGLE+.

THIS IS A SAVE BUTTON...

A SAVE BUTTON THAT ALLOWS YOUTO MARK ARTICLES THAT YOU

WANT TO READ FOR LATER...

'CAUSE I GET MY NEWS ONFACEBOOK, WHY SHOULDN'T YOU?

UH... WHY NOT JUST STARTHOARDING ARTICLES ON MY PHONE,

TOO.

UH... SO COMEDIANS, WHATFEATURES WOULD YOU WANT TO SEE

ADDED TO FACEBOOK TO ENHANCEYOUR EXPERIENCE?

TOM LENNON?

>> UH, FILTER THAT BLOCKS ANYPICTURE OF A CAT THAT'S NOT

TRAPPED ON A CEILING FAN.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY.

VERY SPECIFIC, BUT YEAH, I'LLGIVE YOU POINTS FOR THAT.

REGGIE?

>> I WANT A FEATURE THAT MAKESME APPEAR DECEASED IN A...

(LAUGHTER)...IN A VERY CREDIBLE WAY.

(LAUGHTER)UH, TO ANYONE.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, GOOD. POINTS.

AL.

>> UM, ANYONE WHO SENDS ME AFARM BILL REQUEST GETS EXPLOSIVE

DIARRHEA.

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

POINTS TO WEIRD AL. EXCELLENT.

UH, LAST NIGHT FANBOYS WEREGIVEN ANOTHER REASON TO GET

IRRATIONALLY ENRAGED ABOUT THENEW TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

MOVIE WHEN THE NEW NINJA TURTLERAP BY JUICY J, WIZ KHALIFA AND

TY DOLLA $IGN HIT YOUTUBE.

UNFORTUNATELY, THERE ISN'T AVIDEO TO GO WITH THE SONG

BESIDES THIS PICTURE...

UM, SO... WE JUST DECIDED TO PUTUP THIS VIDEO OF AN OLD GUY

DANCING THAT WAS TRENDING ONFACEBOOK ALL WEEKEND LONG.

(HIP-HOP PLAYING)(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING)

>> HARDWICK: WELL...

(APPLAUSE)I...

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY TOOK MYADVICE AND CAST DANNY DEVITO AS

SPLINTER.

(LAUGHTER)COMEDIANS, PLEASE GIVE ME THIS

SOLID-OLD DANCERS REVIEW OF THENEW TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE

MOVIE. TOM. TOM LENNON.

>> UH, BAY'S NINJA TURTLEREBOOT HAD ME SITTING ON THE

EDGE OF MY SEAT... SHITTING INTOTHE PLASTIC BAG... THAT'S TIED

AROUND MY BELT.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: OKAY.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS.

BY THE WAY...

THE WAY THAT YOU DESCRIBED THATDIDN'T MAKE IT SOUND MEDICAL IN

ANY WAY.

HE'S GOT THIS BAG...

>> IT'S FOR FUNZIES.

>> HARDWICK: PAPER OR PLASTIC?

I LIKE TO SHIT IN THE PLASTIC.

UH, REGGIE WATTS.

>> UH... UH...

(LAUGHTER)UH...

(OLD MAN VOICE): NO, WAIT. THISMOVIE HAD MORE EXCITEMENT THAN

THE MOVIE OF THE TRAIN THAT CAMERAPIDLY TOWARDS THE SCREEN.

(LAUGHTER)>> POINTS.

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

IN 1599, WILLIAM SHAKESPEAREWROTE HAMLET, HIGHLIGHTING HOW

BAT-SHIT FOLKS ARE IN DENMARK,AND THE NEEDLE REALLY HASN'T

MOVED A WHOLE LOT SINCE.

HERE ON @MIDNIGHT WE'VE MADE ITOUR MISSION TO EXPOSE THIS...

STRANGELY CHAZ BONO-HAIRCUTTEDNATION OF PICKLED FISH EATERS

FOR THE UNHINGED WHAC-A-MOLESTHAT THEY ARE.

THIS WEEK A NEW VIDEO SURFACEDON YOUTUBE OF A BIZARRE DANISH

RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY, AND ITALREADY HAS 300,000 VIEWS.

WE'RE JUST GONNA PLAY THE AUDIO,AND THEN, COMEDIANS, YOU HAVE TO

TELL ME WHAT THE HELL WE'RELISTENING TO.

>> HOLY GOD!

(CLATTERING, CRASHING)AAH! MY GOD!

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT...

IT COULD BE ANYTHING.

GIVE ME ANYTHING.

BUT WHICH OF THE FOLLOWINGSLICES OF HELL IS IT. IS IT...

BUT WHICH OF THE FOLLOWINGSLICES OF HELL IS IT. IS IT...

(BELL DINGS)AL.

>> I'M GONNA SAY B, 'CAUSEDANISH PEOPLE ARE JUST LIKE

THAT.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, EXCELLENT.

B!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: I MEAN...

(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)>> HOLY SHIT.

>> HARDWICK: THE BARELY NOT ACARNEY OPERATOR AT THE TOP GAVE

NO SHITS ABOUT DROPPING THAT GUYOFF THE THING. WHATEVER.

"THE CABLE'S NOT..."

>> EH, FUCK YOU. WHO CARES.

FOR BONUS POINTS, PLEASE NAMETHIS RIDE. TOM LENNON.

>> FOR ONE THING, YOU COULD JUSTCALL IT BROKEN.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: TOM LENNON...

STOP RIGHT THERE.

>> LEAVE IT AT THAT.

>> HARDWICK: STOP RIGHT THERE.

>> LEAVE IT.

DON'T TAKE MY POINTS.

>> HARDWICK: I'LL GIVE YOUPOINTS, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, REGGIE.

>> THE SHIT-MAKER.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS. YEP.

AL.

>> THE SPLATTER-HORN.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. OH, GOOD,YES, WELL DONE. POINTS.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)I OFTEN REFER TO OUR LITTLE

PROGRAM AS "JEOPARDY WITH DICKJOKES," SO I WOULD BE REMISS IF

I DID NOT MENTION THAT TODAY ISALEX TREBEK'S BIRTHDAY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALEX TREBEK.

(WHOOPING, CHEERING)HE'S BEEN ON THE NERDIST

PODCAST.

HE'S A DELIGHTFUL MAN.

I HAVE BEEN ON JEOPARDY.

IT WAS FUN.

UH, I WON, BUT LET'S NOT BRAGABOUT IT. UM...

(WHOOPING)NO, IT WAS CELEBRITY JEOPARDY.

THE ANSWER'S WERE, LIKE, "WHATIS BLUE?" LIKE, IT'S...

(LAUGHTER)UH...

SO LET'S HONOR THE LEGENDARYHOST WITH TONIGHT'S HASHTAG:

BAD JEOPARDY CATEGORIES.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE "MARIJUANASTRAINS" OR "HIDDEN RACIST

AGENDAS" OR "F-WORDS ENDING INUCK."

UH, I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK, STARTING NOW!

REGGIE.

>> THINGS YOU FIND INSIDE OFCOCONUTS.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

TOM LENNON.

>> JUGGALO GRAMMAR.

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

AL.

>> FAMOUS ACTORS ENDING INUMBERBATCH.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

POINTS. REGGIE.

>> SUPER DEEP SHIT OVERHEARD INDORM ROOMS.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

YEP. AL.

>> UH, POL POT-POURRI.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

AL.

>> HOUSEHOLD CLEANERS YOU CANGET DRUNK ON.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS. TOM.

>> RHYMES WITH "SHARTS."

>> HARDWICK: YEP. POINTS.

REGGIE.

>> UH, HOW MUCH HASH IS IN HASH?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. POINTS.

YEAH. AL.

>> FAMILY-FRIENDLY NWA LYRICS.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)(LAUGHTER)

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY THEUNCHARTED ZONE.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)THE UNCHARTED ZONE IS A

PRODUCTION COMPANY IN CENTRALFLORIDA... (CHUCKLES)

THAT SHOOTS MUSIC VIDEOS FORAMATEUR MUSICIANS.

THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH HIRINGTHEM IS THAT THEY'RE APPARENTLY

WORKING WITH VIDEO EQUIPMENTFROM THE MID TO LATE '80S.

AND THE FOUNDER INTRODUCES ALLTHE VIDEOS, AND HE LOOKS LIKE,

UM... UH, A... PLUMP, WHITEMORPHEUS THAT DEFINITELY OWNS A

WINDOWLESS VAN, IS THAT FAIR TOSAY?

LET'S TAKE A LISTEN.

>> THIS NEXT MUSIC VIDEO WASSUBMITTED TO UZ BY THE ARTIST

DISC.

(LAUGHTER)>> WOW. WOW!

>> HARDWICK: UM... (CLEARSTHROAT) CAN I JUST TAKE THE BLUE

PILL AND GET THE FUCK OUT OFHERE?

(LAUGHTER)OH, MAN! COMEDIANS, I'M GONNA

SHOW YOU A MUSIC VIDEO FROM THEUNCHARTED ZONE, AND YOU'RE GOING

TO NAME THE ALBUM THAT IT'SFROM.

OKAY, YOU READY?

FIRST ONE-- THIS BIG 5 ASSISTANTMANAGER FROM BEYOND THE STARS...

♪ >> ♪ YOU'RE SO HEAVY NOW

JOIN THE INSTANT WORLD... ♪(BELL DINGS)

>> HARDWICK: AL.

>> UH... I GOT TO GO WITH "DORKSIDE OF THE MOON."

(LAUGHTER, CHEERING, APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: YEAH. POINTS.

TOM, DID YOU WANT TO THROW ONEIN THERE?

>> YEAH. THIS RECORD... THE REALNAME OF THIS RECORD IS ACTUALLY

"RUSS MAINES: DOES THIS EARTHMAKE ME LOOK FAT?"

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU

POINTS.

YOU NARROWLY SCRAPED BY THERE.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS FOR THAT.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

HOW ABOUT THIS ANIMAL LOVER?

>> ♪ SAY, HEY, GIRAFFE, HOW'STHE WEATHER UP THERE?

(LONG WHISTLE)♪ I'M AT THE ZOO

THE GULF BREEZE ZOOI'M AT THE ZOO.

(BELL DINGS)>> HARDWICK: I MEAN...

A GREENSCREEN ZOO WAS MYFAVORITE KIND OF ZOO.

>> HEY, HEY, SPOOF MUSIC GUYS--THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT.

>> THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.

TAKING LESSONS.

>> YEAH, COPIOUS NOTES.

>> HARDWICK: TAKE LESSONS FROMSMELVIS.

AL.

>> UH, ELVIS NOT-IMPRESLEY.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS, POINTS.

YEAH, TOM?

>> OH, I-I KNOW THE ACTUAL NAMEOF THIS RECORD, I HAVE IT.

IT'S JUST "KEN MANNING: GREATESTHITS."

>> HARDWICK: WELL DONE.

THAT'S, UH...

THAT'S A FOUR-VOLUME SET, RIGHT?

YEAH, POINTS.

>> IT JUST KEEPS FOLDING OUT.

>> HARDWICK: REGGIE'S CRYING.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: DID YOU WANT... DIDYOU WANT TO THROW ONE IN,

REGGIE?

>> (LAUGHING): I DON'T KNOW.

>> I AGREE.

NOT EVEN... DOUG BENSON'S NEVER EVEN DONE

THAT.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, NEXTONE.

HOW ABOUT THESE MIDDLE-AGEDPARTY ANIMALS?

>> ♪ HUGS AND KISSESAND SMILES AND LAUGHTER

YOU'RE GIVING ME MY HAPPILY♪ EVER AFTER

(EXCLAIMS)(BELL DINGS)

>> HARDWICK: JESUS CHRIST, SHENEVER GETS A WORD IN.

REGGIE.

>> "THE ULTRA-WHITE ALBUM."

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

ANYONE... AL, DID YOU WANT TOTHROW ONE IN?

>> YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE THEBEGINNING OF THE WORLD'S

GROSSEST KEY PARTY.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

TOM?

>> UH, I JUST CALL THIS ALBUM"WILK & DONNA: LAST KNOWN

FOOTAGE OF DONNA."

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

THIS FUTURE VICTIM OF A COCAINEOVERDOSE:

>> ♪ WE EAT LUNCH OFF EACHOTHER'S PLATES

HOW GREAT TO SEE YOU...

♪ THIS TIMEBA-BA, BA, BA.

(BELL DINGS)>> HARDWICK: YEAH, AL, AL.

>> I'M GOING WITH, UH,"UNRELEASED SKRILLEX DEMO."

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> GOOD, GOOD.

GOOD, VERY GOOD.

VERY GOOD.

>> HARDWICK: LAST ONE, LAST ONE.

THIS TROUBADOUR, WHO WASAPPARENTLY AT THE SEAL TEAM SIX

RAID ON OSAMA BIN LADEN'SCOMPOUND AND NOT IN FRONT OF A

CRAPPY GREENSCREEN AT ALL-->> ♪ THOUGH OUR DOORS WERE

ALWAYS OPEN WIDE,YOU NEVER TOOK THE CHANCE TO SEE

♪ OUR SIDENOW YOU'VE CHOSEN YOUR ETERNITY

AND SOON YOU'LL DIE.

(BELL DINGS)>> HARDWICK: YEAH, REGGIE?

>> "SONGS IN THE KEY OF RACISM."

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

TOM.

>> "WEIRD AL-QAEDA YANKOVIC."

AND THE...

>> HARDWICK: POINTS, DONE.

POINTS.

DON'T START SWISHING 'EM YET,TOM, YOU HAVE DROPPED THE BALL

FROM THIS POINT BEFORE.

>> MANY TIMES.

LOOK AT ME, MA.

>> HARDWICK: THINGS ARE GOINGWELL RIGHT NOW, THOUGH, YEAH,

NO, YOU GOT THE VOICE FOR THAT.

IT'S MORNING ZOOS.

MORNING ZOOS.

HEY, WAKE UP, THERE, PARTYPEOPLE, IT'S @MIDNIGHT IN THE

MORNINGS, WE'RE COMING AT YOUWITH 30 MINUTE NONSTOP ROCK

BLOCK OF MADNESS.

(WHOOPING)(ORGAN PLAYS)

YEAH, THERE IT IS.

COMEDIANS, I'M GONNA GIVE YOUTWO WACKY MORNING RADIO ZOO SHOW

NAMES, YOU TELL ME ONE IS THEREAL DEAL, ONE IS THE PHRASE

THAT PAYS, AND THEN GIVE US THEPHRASE THAT PAYS!

(CASH REGISTER CHIMES)FIRST ONE: MOTOR CITY, WHO MAKES

YOUR MORNING DRIVE TIME AMORNING LI-LI-LI-LIVE TIME?

STONEY & BILL WITH SARAMORNINGS...

(BUBBLING)IS HER LAST NAME MORNINGS?

I DON'T THINK I GET...

OR THE A.M. MAYHEM?

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)WAIT, I WANT TO DO THAT...

THE A.M. MAYHEM!

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)A.M. MAYHEM.

A.M. MAYHEM.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)YEAH, THERE...

(BELL DINGS)ALL RIGHT, REGGIE.

>> UH, OR?

>> THAT WAS HIS FINAL ANSWER!

>> HARDWICK: I'M GONNA GO AHEADAND GIVE YOU 100 POINTS FOR

THAT.

THE ANSWER IS...

STONEY & BILL IN THE MORNINGAND SARA IN THE MORNINGS.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

IF YOU GOT TO TUNE IN TO SOUTH93.5-- WHO'S PUTTING THAT

DOWN-HOME PEP IN YOUR STEP?

MOBY IN THE MORNING...

(WHALE SINGS)OR UNCLE JIM & THE POSSUM?

(BANJO PLAYS)YES, AL?

>> MOBY IN THE MORNING.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S FIND OUT.

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: MOBY IN THEMORNING.

>> YEAH, BABY.

>> BOY, SIDEKICK RON... SIDEKICKRON MICHAELS DOESN'T GET SHIT IN

THE BILLING.

>> EH, SIDEKICK RON MICHAELS.

>> HARDWICK: PLEASE, CAN I JUSTAT LEAST GET ALL CAPS?

NO, SHUT UP AND GET BACK INTOYOUR CAGE.

YOU GET THE FUCK BACK THERE.

I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD ALL...

WE SHOULD ALL SEND AN E-MAIL TOMOBY.

>> YES.

>> HARDWICK:MOBY@MOBYINTHEMORNING.COM AND

SAY "FREE RON MICHAELS!">> YES.

YES.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, LASTONE.

>> YOU WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUTRON MICHAELS!

>> WE-WE FIND OUT LATER HE'SALSO RON MICHAELS.

>> WHAT?

>> IT'S A FIGHT CLUB KIND OFTHING.

>> IT'S LIKE FIGHT CLUB.

IT'S FIGHT CLUB.

>> HARDWICK: IN NOMINE PATRIS, ET FILII, ET SPIRITUS SANCTI,

AMEN, YEAH, BABY.

I MEAN, WHY DOESN'T, UH, POPE...

>> OH, YES, YES.

(WHOOPS)BRAVO, BRAVO.

>> RON, RON, RON, RON, RON, RON,RON, RON, RON.

>> HARDWICK: FINALLY, RONMICHAELS DONE GOT HIS DAY!

RON MICHAELS, RON MICHAELS...

(EVERYONE CHANTING):RON MICHAELS, RON MICHAELS,

RON MICHAELS, RON MICHAELS...

>> YOU'RE THE BEST!

>> NO MICHAELS, NO PEACE!

NO MICHAELS, NO PEACE!

ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME FOR OURNEXT GAME, EVEN MORE PORTLAND.

EVEN MORE PORTLAND.

MEANWHILE, IN PORTLAND, A BANDOF MERRY AND STILL AT LARGE AND

PROBABLY BEARDED PRANKSTERS HAVEBEEN LEAVING PASTRIES ON CAR

WINDSHIELDS, CAUSING LOCALPOLICE TO WISH EVERYBODY WOULD

JUST GROW UP FOR FIVE GODDAMNMINUTES.

BY THE WAY, I SPEND A LOT OFTIME IN PORTLAND, AND IT

DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU GO,IT'S ALWAYS THE WRONG PLACE TO

GO.

LIKE...

YOU COULD GO TO A COFFEE PLACEYOU'D HAVE TO SCUBA DIVE TO AT

THE BASE OF ONE OF THE BRIDGESMADE FROM THE SILT ON THE

RIVERBED, AND SOMEONE WOULDSTILL BE LIKE, "FUCKING

TOURIST."

NOW, YOU MAY NOT RECOGNIZE THESEDONUTS AT BEING FROM PORTLAND,

BUT, TRUST ME, THEY'RE $12 EACH.

THEY ARE FROM PORTLAND.

SO, COMEDIANS, I WANT YOU TONAME ME AS MANY, UH, EVEN MORE

PORTLAND PRANKS AS YOU POSSIBLYCAN.

BUT BEFORE YOU DO, WE PUT THISUP ON OUR TUMBLR PAGE EARLIER

TODAY, AND WE GOT SOME GREATRESPONSES.

OUR FAVORITE WAS FROM TUMBLRFOLLOWER, NOIDONTHAVEATUMBLR,

WITH, "PUTTING 5 SPEEDS ON AFIXIE BIKE."

ALL RIGHT, LET'S HEAR THOSEPORTLAND PRANKS.

60 SECONDS AND GO.

(BELL DINGS)AL.

>> TAKE A BIRD OFF IT.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)TOM.

>> SWAP OUT YOUR FRIENDS' GOOD,EARLY MODEST MOUSE FOR LATER,

SELLOUT, SHITTY MODEST MOUSE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)YEAH, REGGIE.

>> DECLARE A SHORTAGE ON EDISONBULBS AND RECLAIMED WOOD.

>> HARDWICK: HOW DARE YOU.

POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)AL.

>> TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU'REGOING TO A PAVEMENT REUNION

CONCERT WITH THE ENTIRE ORIGINALLINEUP BUT, SECRETLY,

PERCUSSIONIST BOB NASTANOVICHHAS BEEN REPLACED BY A STUDIO

MUSICIAN.

BURN!

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

A VERY ELABORATE PRANK.

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