Monday, May 23, 2016

  • 05/23/2016

Jessica Lowe, Ginger Gonzaga and Rhys Darby of the series "Wrecked" explain high-tech spy gadgets to a new 007, update classic fictional characters and make up #CollegeCelebs.

They're looking for a new Bond,James Bond.

And Anderson--Gillian Anderson--

has thrown her hat-- James Hat--

into the ring-- James Ring!

Gillian Anderson tweeted out

this fan-made Photoshopon Saturday.

She saidshe'd be down to play 007

now that Daniel Craig is donewalking out of the ocean

and getting hit in the ballswith ropes.


Predictably, the Internet lostits (bleep), James (bleep),

and suggested... suggestedthis blunt for the roll.

James Blunt.No, that's Emily Blunt.

I'm sorry. It's a different...different person.

Uh, I fully supportthis campaign. Why not?

They're characters. It's fun.

Like, mix it up.Have fun. Who cares, right?

I think it'd be greatto see a woman's take on...

-(applause and cheering)-Why not?

Don't clap...

DARBY:I'm clapping.

You know... you knowwhen people were like,

"Should there bea female Doctor Who?"

Sure. Why not?You know, let's mix it up.

Why not have some fun with it?

And if you have a problem withit, you can suck my (bleep).

-Uh, and if...-(laughter and groaning)

(applause and cheering)

So, comedians, 007 flicks areknown for their spy gadgets.

As Q, I'd like youto explain a gadget

to the new Jane Bond.Jessica, go.

Pay attention, 007.

This body suit is made to makeyou look 15 pounds heavier.

When you wear it,you will be invisible.

-(laughter)-HARDWICK: All right.

-(applause and cheering)-All right. Excellent.


Um, pay attention, 007.

This is your paycheck.

It is 73% of whatwe would pay a man, but...


-(applause and cheering)-Reality.

Rhys Darby.

Pay attention, 007.


Why do I get the feelingyou're actually auditioning

for the role right now?

I am. I'm gonna usemy own voice.

-HARDWICK: Okay.-Pay attention, 007.

This is a UFO--

an uninformed foreign object.

Code name Rhys.

Get as close to him as you can,

but be warned-- he's a killeron the dance floor.


(applause and cheering)

-HARDWICK: I mean...-He is.

If I'm casting the movie,you got my vote.

Ever since Frozen came outand blew kids' (bleep) minds

with itscatchier-than-cooties music,

adults have been speculatingabout Queen Elsa's sexuality.

-Of course they have. Uh...-(laughter)

Of course they have.I think some adults

have been speculating really hard.

-(laughter)-I mean, you know, she's not...

if you look at... you know,

she's not interestedin male suitors,

she sings about keepingher emotions hidden,

she's super into construction...


So for Frozen 2, fans wantDisney to give Queen Elsa

a lady love to go with it.

Uh, the #GiveElsaAGirlfriendmovement

was startedby a 17-year-old blogger,

and even the voice of Elsa,Adele Dazeem, chimed in...

-(laughter)-with her support.

So it looks like Frozen 2

could be a charming lesbianlove story-- though no word

who will voice the couple'smatching French bulldogs.

-(laughter, applause)-Comedians...


#GiveElsaAGirlfriendis going so well, uh...

And I thinkit's a (bleep) awesome idea

which they should totally do.

Why wouldn't they?

Um, I would like you to come upwith another fictional character

and update them.Jessica.

Um, #SisterWives2GastonAndThemTriplets.

-All right, points. All right.-(cheering, applause)

Rhys Darby.







(laughter, applause)

It's now timefor tonight's #HashtagWars.

(cheering, applause)

Across the country,college students are moving on

to bigger and better debts,but first they get to experience

the spectacle of graduation,

while everyone puts ondiscount Harry Potter robes

and packs in an auditorium withmalfunctioning air conditioning.

And the highlightof these festivities

is the celebrity speakerswho come to impart wisdom,

like, "Follow your dreams,"

and, "Be bornreally good-looking!"

-(laughter) honor this annual tradition

of A-listers meetingA-achievers,

tonight's hashtag is#CollegeCelebs.


Examples might be:Sean Penn State is a fun one.

Or: Dining Hall & Oates.

I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

-Jessica.-Ole Missy Elliot.

-Yes! Perfect! Points!-Ah!

-Jess. -Kim and Kanye'sdaughter, Northwestern.

-Points!-(cheering, applause)

Rhys Darby.

Lady Di in a Balcony Collapse.

(laughter, groans)

-That's... -Classic...classic balcony collapse.

That's like somethingthat happens in college

and then you just threw Lady Diin there for some reason.

Uh... Rhys.

Dick Van Diein a balcony collapse.

-(laughter)-No! I don't know what that...

-No points. -Anotherclassic balcony collapse.

Dick Van Dyke for a Week,'cause it's just college.

-(laughter)-LOWE: Ha-ha! That was good!

All right, Ginger!

Robert Downey Junior College.

-Yes! Points!-(laughter)

-DARBY: Oh, got one!-Yes.


Kate Winslet Me KnowWhen You've Finished (bleep)

-So I Can Come Back to the Room.-All right, perfect.