March 22, 2016 - Donald Trump's AIPAC Speech & Social Media

  • 03/22/2016

Pundits marvel at Donald Trump's use of a teleprompter for his AIPAC address, and Larry talks social media with Jenn McAllister, Ricky Velez and Franchesca Ramsey.

Whew!

Thank you very much!

Man, what a great crowd!

Look at this crowd tonight.

Thank you so much, you guys.Oh. Mmm.

Really means a lot.Welcome to The Nightly Show.

I am Larry Wilmore. Thank you.Such a great crowd.

Thank you so muchfor coming tonight, guys.

You know, before I get started,I just wanted to take a minute

to acknowledgethe people of Belgium

and the horrific terroristattack that took place.

We just want you to knowour hearts are with you guys.

And this type of thingreally has to stop.

And until it does, we willall continue in the fight.

And we here at The Nightly Show will...

you know, we'll do our part byhopefully providing some laughs.

And, you know, they may becheap laughs but who knows?

So on that note,let's get an update

on the de-Negroficationof the White House...

and see what's happenin'with the Unblackenin'.

(dramatic music playing)

Okay. Yes. So, yesterday,

Donald Trump shifted his focusfrom the blacks to the Jews

at a conference for AIPAC,

America's most powerfulpro-Israel lobbying group.

18,000 people came to showsupport for the Jewish homeland,

including the presidentialcandidates who were

in full Jewish pander mode.

You hadHillary Rodham Clinton-berg,

Theodore Cruz-owitz,

Jonathan Kasichhh,

and, of course, the evil pharaoh.

Oh, God.

It's so true.

Okay. So what did Tutan-uncommonsay this time?

With President Obamain his final year...

-Yay!-(laughter)

He may be the worst thingto ever happen to Israel,

-believe me. Believe me.-(cheering)

Mm, no, I don't believe you.

Whether or not you like Obama,there are many worse things

that have happened to Israel,such as religious persecution

and 5,000 more yearsof religious persecution.

I mean, you don't hear me sayingGuy Fieri is the worst thing

to ever happen to boatsjust because he's opening up

a barbecue chain aboardCarnival Cruise Ships.

Yes, I think that's disgusting

but so wasthe Atlantic slave trade.

Still, as tone-deafas Trump may sound about Israel,

he played up his personalconnection to the tribe.

My daughter Ivanka is aboutto have a beautiful Jewish baby.

(cheering)

In fact,it could be happening right now,

which would be very nice,as far as I'm concerned.

Mm.

The level of pandering hereis just so amateurish, you guys.

I mean, most politicians kissa baby.

His daughter's havinga Jewish baby,

or, as Trump calls it,some Jewish kid coming out

of my daughter's wherever.

Mm-hmm.

Then again, Trump's probablyjust jealous that his grandson

will be born with bigger handsthan he has, right?

Actual size. We did not doctorthat photo, you guys.

We did not doctor it.Mm-mm. Mm, mm, mm.

All right, so Trump did allof his sucking up talking points

for applause lines,but the takeaway the media had

wasn't the content of his speechbut the style.

REPORTER: First time we saw him

actually read from a teleprompter.

The first time he's everdelivered a prepared speech.

REPORTER 2: Reading that speech, that was, I think,

a huge step to political maturity.

Are they shockedthat Trump can read?

Think about this, you guys.

The bar is set so lowfor this Lilliputian-fisted,

ignorant Orangesicle...

right...

that they're actually fawningover the fact

that he can read a speech?

Funny, I don't recallanybody praising Obama for that.

Now, what about Barack Obama?He says a lot of words, too,

but he also travelswith a teleprompter at his hip.

-He's also taken a lot of hitsfor being... -Yeah.

They-they say he has,um, a-a tele-diction,

that he's addictedto his teleprompter.

Addicted to his teleprompter?

Why does the black presidenthave to have an addiction?

Right? "Yo, man, I gotsome teleprompter. Um...

"you want to do somescrolling lines or something?

I got some over here."

All right, okay, I get it.So I'm supposed to be impressed

that Donald Trump can read,fine.

So is this actually his attemptto be more presidential?

All right, here to commentis Donald Trump.

(cheering and applause)

Hey, Donald.

You're welcomefor me being here, Larry.

A tremendous week. Unbelievable.

I just made a perfect speechto the Jews.

They loved it.

Okay. All right. All right.

Um, I actually wantto talk about that.

Now, this is the first timeyou used a teleprompter, right?

Is that because you wantedto seem more presidential?

No, using a teleprompterwill ensure I don't upset people

in the media like Megyn Kelly,

who, by the way,she's an awful journalist.

She's terrible, really.I don't know how she's on TV.

Did you know she just turned45 years old?

-That's disgusting.-What?

What are you saying?!

Look, once a woman hits 25,

we all know she's worthless.

Believe me, believe me.

And no one's a bigger supporterof women than I am.

That doesn't even make sense.

That is absolutely offensive.

Look, let's talk aboutyour speech to AIPAC yesterday.

Well, the Jews, they loved me,okay?

I'm actually in a synagogueright now

where the Jews prayto their Jew god.

Who, by the way,is a tremendous god.

I mean, a big, big supporterof mine, big.

The Jew godis a big supporter of yours?

-What are you basing that on?-Look,

the Jew god respects mebecause, first of all,

-I'm a good negotiator, okay?-Okay...

A little bit better than he was,okay?

-Quite frankly, unlike him,I would have gotten -What?

a tremendous exodusfrom the Egyptians.

Believe me, I make great deals.

Okay, that makes no senseat all.

How-how can you be so flippantabout the Jews' struggle?

Hey, hey,the only person responsible

for the Jews' strugglesis Obama, okay?

He's so bad, this guy, really.

They should make another one ofthose depressing Jewish holidays

-dedicated to him.-Okay, this is...

this is ridiculous.Look, Mr. Trump,

the things you're sayingare horrible.

You should really stickto only saying

what's in the teleprompterfrom now on.

This is in the prompter.

What?

See, dummy, I carefully plannedthis. Hold for...

Hang on. Hold for applause.

Stupid follow-up questionfrom the black.

Okay, go ahead.

LARRY: You just can't helpyourself, can you?

Wait, wasmy off-the-cuff response to you

in the prompter? Wait,I'm referred to as "the black"?

TRUMP:I predicted you'd say that.

You know, the prompterequals presidential,

unless you're Obama, okay,

who's completely addictedto the prompter.

I'll see youon Inauguration Day,

guy who's not Stephen Colbert.Okay?

That is just wrong.Donald Trump, everybody.

We'll be right back.That is not nice. Not nice.

Okay, welcome back.

All right, guys, guys,

we have to talk about thislatest thing Ted Cruz said.

I mean, I could not believe...

-(siren blaring)-Oh, my God!

Oh. How could I have forgotten?It's Tampon Tuesday again!

You guys thoughtit was a one-off segment,

-(cheering, applause)-but no, it's a two-off segment!

Oh, my God!

-♪ -Yeah!

Who wants a T-shirt?Who wants a tampon T-shirt?

Yeah, you ready?You want one up there?

Yeah! There you go!

Yeah! All right!

-♪ -Whoo!

All right!Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcomeyour Tampon Tuesday mascot,

Absorbee the Bear!

(cheering, applause)

All right! Yeah!

Okay, we got to get started,Absorbee,

so if you couldjust dance over there

while I do the restof the segment, that'd be good.

Good job.Okay, now, of course,

last week we hadour first Tampon Tuesday,

because there's thishorrible tax on tampons,

a necessity for women,while men products,

like, uh, Rogaine and condoms,

are consideredmedical necessities

and are therefore untaxed.

Um...

You can... Yeah.

(laughter)

I don't knowif you have to dance

during the whole segment there.

Oh, oh, it's okay.Okay, yeah, there you go. Okay.

Mm-hmm.

And wouldn't you know it,this week there's been

more tampon news.

Chicago's city councilvoted unanimously

to remove the 1.25% city taxfrom feminine hygiene products.

Illinois legislators are reportedly considering

introducing a bill thatwould remove the tax statewide.

Should Illinois adopt that bill,

it would join the company of five other states

who have already killed a tampon tax.

Ye... Wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Only five states don't tax womenfor their tampons right now?

Come on, guys, that's absurd.

You all knowthat if men got periods,

guys would get a paid week offevery month...

(laughter)

-(whooping, applause)-...and-- you know it's true,

it's true-- and free tamponswould be delivered

to your door bygovernment-funded tampon drones.

Be honest, guys. Be honest.

We've got to move fasteron this issue.

Women are already paid lessbecause they have vaginas.

And then most statescharge them more

for the proper careand maintenance of said vaginas?

It's a snatch-22.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.I couldn't help it.

I couldn't help it.Look, I...

look, I'll be honest, you guys,I actually...

I feel pretty silly as a mantalking about this issue.

I wish there was a woman hereto really lay this out.

WOMAN:What about me?!

Oh, my God!

(cheering, applause)

Hey, guys, Absorbee the Bearis actually Holly Walker!

-(whooping, applause)-Hi, Holly.

-Yes, Larry. And don't worry,I got this. -Okay.

Hi. I'm Julianne Moore.

(laughter)

Look, we have a lot of fun hereon The Nightly Show,

but the tampon tax isvery serious business.

Not only becauseit's yet another symptom

of the patronizing patriarchythat taxes women

for the simple actof being women,

but also becauseit leaves us open to...

you guessed it--bear attacks.

(laughter)

When a womancan't afford tampons,

well, that blood'sgot to go somewhere.

And once it's on her clothes,her sheets, her office chair,

that's when bearsfor miles around...

-(laughter)-pick up the scent.

And you can bet thatonce those bears hone in

on that sweet,sweet menstrual blood...

-(laughter)-they're coming for it.

And man or woman,they will tear limb from limb

anyone who stands between them

and the bloodthey crave so dearly.

The point thatI'm trying to get across

to lawmakers all aroundthe country is this:

if you're not going to get ridof the tampon tax

for women's sake, do itso that we all don't get eaten

by a bloodthirsty bears.

(laughter, applause, whooping)

Now, who wants some tampons?!

-Yeah! Holly Walker, everybody!-Yeah!

Who wants some tampons?Who wants some tampons?

-♪ -Who wants...Tampon T-shirt! Tampon T-shirt!

Tampon... Come on!

Whoa!

There we go! Yeah!

Are you ready for this?

Come on!

-♪ -Tampons!

Yes!

-♪ -(rhythmic clapping, whooping)

Mm! (chuckles)

Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor, Ricky Velez.

-(cheering, applause)-And Nightly Show contributor,

Franchesca Ramsey.

(cheering, applause)

And she's a YouTube sensation

with overtwo million subscribers

and 130 million views, The New York Times

bestselling author--and you can see her next

in the YouTube Red series Foursome airing March 30--

author and actress,Jenn McAllister.

(cheering, applause)

Yeah. And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter @NightlyShowusing the hashtag Tonightly.

So, guys, today isTwitter's birthday.

Twitter turnedten years old this week.

-Whoo-hoo! -Or this week.I don't know which day.

-Yay!-(laughing)

But it's amazing,'cause there are now, they said

there's around 500 million tweets sent every day.

-That's amazing to me. -McALLISTER: That's insane.

Now, it's interesting,

social media, from Twitterto Facebook to Snapchat,

has really changed, like,the world in the last year.

So my question is this:what change has been

the most significant?

Uh... our access to the world,or the world's access to us.

-Ooh.-Ooh.

-Very good question.-Well, thank you.

Just doing my job, man.

Um, I mean, I thinkour access to the world

is probablythe most significant change,

'cause we're always so awareof what's going on now

and we can get all thatinformation in a second.

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm. -You know?-Yeah, I think what's been

really cool is the fact thatit's leveled the playing field

for people to get into media--for people like you, YouTube...

and me, YouTube reallykind of opened the door for me.

You don't haveto move to Hollywood

or even leave your bedroomor put pants on.

-McALLISTER: Yeah.-Most of the time,

I do most of my bestInternet work with no pants on.

-So do I. I seriously do.-That was part

of my contract negotiationfor the show.

I was like,"Do I have to wear pants?"

-And, I mean... -VELEZ: You'remaking me think weird tweets.

There's weird thingsI could be tweeting.

I'm sitting here like, "Oh!"

But no, I think the best partabout social media

is you don't needto meet somebody

-to know they're an asshole now.-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

-(laughter)-McALLISTER: Very true.

It'll be like, "Oh, you liketo post pictures of your cat?"

We shouldn't hang out.No, thank you, I'm good.

Is-is one of the functionsof it primarily

so you can feel likeyou're closer to other people?

That, like, do your fans feellike they're closer to you,

-like they know you?-Yeah, I think so.

-I think, um, social media...-And you go, "Ha, ha, ha,

-no, you don't."-No, I mean, I think they do.

I-I'm super openon the Internet, and I think

social media, uh, gives peoplea whole new way to connect

to other people and I'm...it's, like, a very organic way

to connect to other people,because it kind of cuts out,

like, the middleman.Like, I make everything myself,

I, like, post every video,every tweet,

so it's all just coming from meand it's unfiltered.

In some ways I think it's madepeople a little too close,

-'cause people shareway too much. -Yeah.

It's like, yeah, I wentto middle school with you,

but I don't need to seeyour C-section on Facebook.

I don't want to see that,and some people, I don't think,

know where the boundariesare, and share...

I don't want to see it anyway--I don't want to see slides,

-I don't want to see...-Yeah.

But she said cut outthe middleman. I-I mean,

I travel, I'm on the roaddoing comedy every weekend,

and I love weed, so,I'll just be like, "Yo, Chicago,

where the weed at?"And... somebody delivers it.

And I don't needa middleman no more.

(cheering, applause)

WILMORE:Unbelievable.

So, social mediais your drug dealer,

-is what you're saying?-Mm-hmm.

-Very nice. -For ten years, man.Happy birthday, Twitter.

Oh, my God.

Um...

Social media is gonnasnitch on you, you realize that.

No, it's not.

Why do you think people getso emotional on social media?

That's the partI don't understand.

They get...people get so angry on it.

-Why is that? -Because when theyhave... Like, they-they see

the number of friends they have

and they thinkthat's actually their friends.

That's not your frien...Ask them... A-A... Go on,

type your next status,"Who wants to help me move?"

-And see how many people...-Yeah.

...actually want to (bleep) withyou after that.

Yeah, it's that illusion,right. Right.

You-you get a lot of people

angry with youall the time, right?

Oh, my God,don't look at my mentions,

whatever you do.I mean, I think the outrage

is the same. I think it's justa matter of the audience

is a little bit bigger,you know?

I think it's the same as, like,

when you fartin an empty elevator

versus one that's crowded.

It's disgusting both times,

but there's more outrage whenthere are more people there

to actually observe it. I thinkthe Internet's the same...

But that makes sense, though.See, that-that makes sense.

I think the Internet's the same.

I think that as soon as yousay it on the Internet

you are broadcasting itto a huge audience

and that those same stupidor bigoted ideas

are gonna make people upset,

but now you're exposing itto more people,

and that's whythe Internet gets so upset.

So, that's probably one ofthe most significant things,

is the way it hasbroadcasted ignorance.

Mm-hmm, I agree.

It used to just be the networksthat broadcasted ignorance.

Now it's everybody.

Where do you guys go for news?Do you watch news anymore

-or do you...-Um, I mean, I definitely

-go to Twitter first, because...-Twitter's the first place

-you go to find out what'shappening in the world. -Yeah.

But I do watch the news, but Ithink that's just because, like,

I grew up in a householdthat watches the news every day.

But, definitely,when something happens,

the first thing I think aboutis going to Twitter

-and, like, see what's going on.-But it breaks first on Twitter.

-It always breaks first now,because the news... the new...

They need three separate sourcesbefore they can say it, so...

-It's called journalism, right.-I mean... Well... Well...

-I mean, you said it.-Listen, what you...

No, but you said it like there'ssomething wrong with it.

-No, no, no, I disagree.That's old journalism. -"Larry,

they got to do all this...all this (bleep)."

-"Fact checking" and all thatstuff. -I'm gonna disagree too.

No, no.You don't need that no more.

You don't need to go to collegeand become a journalist.

You can... 140 characters,I got this (bleep). Let's go.

-Yes, I have a problem withthat. -Well, I'm gonna say,

for, especially for movementslike Ferguson--

the news was ignoring what waswhat was happening on the ground

and in... we were actuallyseeing in real time.

The news was saying,"Oh, no, there's no tear gas"

and then it was like,actually, here's a Vine

-of it actually happening.-Yeah, it was a real person.

So we could see it in real life,so I will say that even though,

yeah, people aren'tactual journalists,

it's citizen journalism andwe're seeing things in real time

or even, you know, with what'sbeen going on with, you know,

-these terror attacks.-In the Middle East and, uh...

People are keeping updatedon Facebook,

you can check to make sure yourfriends and family are okay.

And so it's a different wayto connect people to the story

in a way that TV can't do,

because they can'tturn around as fast.

It is interesting, 'cause a lotof the Arab Spring took off

because of Twitter,and because of-of the Internet

and people, uh, seeing movementshappen in real time,

and that kind of stuff.That... that is unbelievable,

when you think of how farthe world has come

to see those kind of thingsin real time.

But at the same time,like, wasn't there, like,

-an ISIS joining group youcan join... like... -Facebook.

Yeah, on Facebook,so, I mean, like...

that's pretty (bleep) crazy,to just join ISIS.

-What are you into?-Right.

Basketball, baseball, ISIS.Like, what the (bleep)?

Like, it's...it's a different world now.

What... Here's my question.Okay, why do people...

why are people so obsessed withtaking pictures of their food?

This is what I want to know.

What is up with that? Do youtake pictures of your food?

-Yeah, I'm guilty. Um...-Why do you do that?

I mean, I feel like it's justanother thing, like sharing.

I mean, when you get a good meal

and it looks so goodand it tastes so good,

you just want to share itwith everyone.

And make them jealous?I don't know.

I just... I just want to bragthat my husband's a good cook.

I just do it on Snapchatand what better way--

it goes away in 24 hoursand then you don't have to

think about it. It doesn'ttake up space on your phone.

It's annoying, I hate it.I hate it with a passion.

Don't take pictur...I'll take pictures once I ate it

and it's... been through me.

-No, no.-No. -When it's gone?

Ate too much greens last night.

You take pic... you takepictures of your weed, right?

Then say, "World don't needno journalists. We got Twitter."

All right.We'll be right back.

YARD: If you live in the New York City area

or planning to visit, grab some free tickets

to The Nightly Show.

Thanks to my panelists,Ricky Velez, Franchesca Ramsey

and Jenn McAllister.Special thanks to Bob DiBuono

as Donald Trump for being here.We're almost out of time.

Before we go,I got to Keep It 100.

Got to Keep It 100for you guys. All right,

so, tonight's question is froman audience member named Laura.

All right,let's take a look, Laura.

Hey, Larry, Keep It 100.

(bleep), marry or kill:

Donald Trump, Vladimir Putinor Kanye West?

What?

That is impossible.

Um, I'm gonna have to getsome tea for this,

'cause I'm killingall of them MFs, all right?

Thanks for watching.Don't forget to ask me

your Keep It 100 questions onTwitter. Good night, everyone.

Who wants a tampon T-shirt?Tampon T-shirt.

Give me some tea, I don't care.

Yeah? Yeah? Come on.

Up there. All right.

Oh, oh!