Old Wounds

  • Season 3, Ep 6
  • 10/21/2014

Woody scrambles to get his job back after the Secretary of the Interior demotes him.

- NOW, KIDS, IN HONOROF VETERANS DAY,

WE'VE GOT A VERY SPECIALGUEST SPEAKER.

A REAL, LIVE WAR HERO:

WOODY JOHNSON.

- HI, KIDS, SHE'S RIGHT.I AM A WAR HERO.

- MY DAD'S A FIREMAN.

- YOUR DAD IS A PUSSY.- AW.

- WHILE YOUR FATHERSWERE ALL SMOKING DOOBIES

AND WASHING OUTTHEIR VAGINAS,

I WAS IN THE SHITFIGHTING FOR YOUR FREEDOM...

WHEN I WASN'T GIVING IRAQIWHORES MY VEINY HUSSEIN-Y.

[laughs]

- CAN YOU SKIP TO THE PARTWHERE YOU GOT YOUR MEDAL?

- I'M GETTING TO THAT,BITCH.

I WAS IN AN ELITE SPECIAL OPSUNIT CALLED THE RED SKULLS.

ONE DAY WHEN WE WEREON PATROL,

A FELLOW SOLDIER,PRIVATE JACKUBOWSKI,

GOT WOUNDED.

I SAVED HIS LIFE.

I DRAGGED THAT HALF-DEAD BASTARDOVER THREE MILES

OF WAR-TORN DESERT.

IT WAS A TRULY BRAVE ACT.

- HOW DID THE SOLDIERGET HURT?

- WHAT ARE YOU,THE [bleep] HAGUE?

IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

LIKE I CAN REMEMBERALL THE DETAILS.

[grunts]

NOW WE ARE BLOOD BROTHERSFOR LIFE.

WE'LL ALWAYS HAVEEACH OTHERS' BACKS.

both: RED SKULLS!RESPECT AND PROTECT!

- OH, THERE YOU GO.- AAH!

- LET'S TALK ABOUTSOMETHING IMPORTANT.

PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN.

DO YOU THINKI'M [bleep] WITH YOU?

I AM NOT [bleep] WITH YOU.

YOU CALL YOURSELF A RANGER,YOU SON OF A BITCH?

- I PEED.

- YOU ARE THE SORRIEST EXCUSEFOR RANGERS I'VE EVER SEEN,

AND I'VE BEEN IN THIS BUSINESSFOR 15 YEARS.

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?- [bleep] YOU.

THAT'S MY NAME.

- IS THAT KOREAN?

- BRICKLEBERRY IS THE WORST PARKIN THE COUNTRY.

[bleep] AUSCHWITZ WOULD GETA BETTER YELP REVIEW.

I'M HERE TO TURNTHIS DUMP AROUND,

AND I'M NOT LEAVINGUNTIL I DO.

THERE ARE GOING TO BE CHANGES.

NUMBER ONE: DRUG TESTS.

- IT'S BEEN A PLEASUREWORKING HERE.

I'M GONNA MISS ALL OF Y'ALL.BYE-BYE.

- THAT BRINGS USTO WOODY JOHNSON.

YOU COULDN'T MANAGE A BLOW JOBIN A DICK FACTORY.

- DICK FACTORY?IS THAT WHERE THEY MAKE DICKS,

OR IS IT A FACTORYMADE OUT OF DICKS?

- SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT!

I SHOULD FIRE YOUR FAT ASS.

- NO! PLEASE GIVE MEANOTHER CHANCE.

I KNOW THIS PARK SUCKS,

BUT I'LL HAVE A PLANTO FIX EVERYTHING

FIRST THINGIN THE MORNING.

- ALL RIGHT, JOHNSON,BUT IT BETTER BE GOOD

OR THERE'LL BE HELL TO PAY.

- BYE, [bleep] YOU.