Tommy Hawk

  • Season 5, Ep 2
  • 01/23/2008

Tommy Hawk, bounty hunter and reality TV star, runs afoul of the Reno Sheriff's Department.

BRINGING THEMTO JUSTICE.

WHAT ARE WE DOINGIF THERE'S TROUBLE?

SHOOT FIRST.

IT'S THE RENOSHERIFF'SDEPARTMENT.

Whispers:IT'S TOMMY HAWK.

IF YOU GUYS ARE HERE,THEY'RE PROBABLYNOT HERE.

MAYBE WE CAN USESOME OF THIS.

LIEUTENANT JIM DANGLE,RENO SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.

BIG FAN.

OK. YEAH. WE'RE NOTDOING INTROS NOW.

NOT DOINGNO INTROS, NO.

JUST GO BACK TO ONE,AND COME OUT AND SAY,

"HAWK,HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

WE ARE THE RENOSHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT."

TRY IT ONE TIME.

HAWK, HERE TO HELP YOU.HOW CAN WE?

HAWK, HERE WE ARE.HOW CAN WE HELP YOU?

WE'RE BIG FANS.WE'RE REALLY BIG FANS.

JUST KEEP ROLLING.KEEP ROLLING.

GO BACK TO ONE.

COME BACK, PEOPLE.YOU HEARD HIM.

HAWK.

ALL RIGHT. WE RECONNOITEREDLAST NIGHT, TEAM HAWK.

YOU REMEMBER. SO THIS ISTHE RODRIGUEZ BROTHERS--

HIGH-VALUE TARGET,HIGH-VALUE TARGET, 250.

WHY ARE WE DOINGWHAT HE SAYS?

HE MUST BE TRYINGTO CATCH OUR BOUNTY, RIGHT?

IS HE TRYING TO GETTHE RODRIGUEZ BROTHERS?

Hawk: COME ON.COME BACK IN.

WAIT. WE'RE LATEFOR THE CUE.

WE'VE MISSED OUR CUE.HAWK!

OH, HEY. IT'S THE RENOSHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.

GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.

NOW'S THE TIME.SAY IT. NEVER MIND. CUT.

HOW YOU GUYS DOING?

HAWK! WE'RE THE RENOSHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.

IT'S LATE.IT'S TOO LATE.

WE'VE ALREADY CUT.

OH, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD.YOU CAN'T USE THAT?

NO. LISTEN, IF YOUGUYS ARE HERE--

WHAT ARE YOU DOINGIN RENO?

WE'RE AFTERTHE RODRIGUEZBROTHERS.

IT'S 250.

NO, NO, NO. WE'RE AFTERTHE RODRIGUEZ BROTHERS.

NO, I'M SORRY.IT'S 250.

I GOT A WARRANT.

DO YOU REALLY HANG OUTWITH SAMMY HAGAR?

YEAH. WE'RE GOODFRIENDS. YEAH.

HOW DID YOUKNOW THAT?

WHAT'S SAMMY HAGAR LIKE?

HE'S COOL. HE LOVESTO PARTY, MAN.

WE LOVE TO PARTY ANDSHOOT OFF FIREARMS.

THAT'S WHATWE LOVE TO DO.

DOES HE DRIVE 55?

NO, HE SAYS SPECIFICALLYTHAT HE CAN'T DRIVE 55.

THAT'S THE ONE THINGWE ALL KNOW ABOUT SAMMY HAGAR.

HIS CREED IS THATHE CAN'T DO IT.

HE ACTUALLYTOOK 55 OFFHIS SPEEDOMETER.

AH. IT'S NOTEVEN THERE?

YOU CAN'T EVENSEE IT?

NO, YOU CAN'TSEE IT.

WHAT DID HE PUT,LIKE WHITE-OUTOR SOMETHING?

NO. HE JUSTSCRATCHED ITRIGHT OFF.

IT'S STILL THE SAMESPEEDOMETER, BUTYOU CAN'T ACTUALLY--

[GUNSHOTS]

[BEEP]

[MEN SHOUTING]

THAT'S A LOTOF AMMO THERE.

[POLICEMEN RETURNING FIRE]

OFFICER, GOOD JOBNOT FIRING YOUR GUN.

OH, YEAH. IT'S STUCK.

I GOT PEANUT BUTTERIN THERE OR SOMETHING.

JEEZ! JEEZ! AAH!

[SHOUTING]

Announcer:THIS HAS BEEN

YOUR TOMMY HAWKRED BULL MOMENT.

YOU'RE WATCHINGTOMMY HAWK.

E-BAY THIS.

I LOVE YOU, BABY.

KIDS, THIS IS WHATIT'S ALL ABOUT.

WHOO!

OH, YEAH. THE HAWKLOVES THE HUNT.

GUYS, WE WERE JUSTON THE TOMMY HAWK SHOW!

[CHEERING]

STUFFED IN A SAMSONITESUITCASE

WITH A BUNCHOF EXOTIC BIRDS.

I GUESS THEY WERESMUGGLING HER IN

AS PART OF A SEX SLAVETRADE RING.

IT WAS EITHER SHIP HER BACKTO WHERE SHE CAME FROM,

AND FRANKLY, WE DIDN'THAVE THE SHIP FARE.

SO WHAT WE DID ISWE GAVE HER A JOB HERE,

A CHANCE AT A SLIGHTLYBETTER LIFE.

PUT HER IN CHARGEOF DISPATCH.

HEY, CINDY.HI.

YOU'RE DOING A REALGOOD JOB OUT HERE.

YOU'RE A REAL GOOD INTERN.

GLAD YOU'RE NOTA SEX SLAVE ANYMORE.

BUT I HATETO BRING THIS UP.

PROCESSING.

PROCESSTHE PRISONERS?

PROCESS THE PRISONERS.YEAH.

YOU KNOWWHAT YOU'RE DOING?

YOU'RE ADDING A LITTLE BITTO THE PROCESS

THAT WE'D LIKE YOU NOT TO BEADDING TO THE PROCESS.

WHAT PART?

FINGERPRINTING, GOOD.

OK. I FINGERPRINT.

TAKING THEIRINFORMATION, GOOD.

TAKING THEIRINFORMATION.

THEN WHAT HAVE YOUBEEN DOING NEXT?

THIS ONE.

YEAH. THIS ONE.YEAH. NO. NO.

YOU'RE NOT A SEXSLAVE ANYMORE.

THUMB PRINTS--

THAT GUY LIKE IT.THAT GUY.

YEAH, THEY ALLLIKE IT.

THE COMPLAINTS AIN'T COMINGFROM THE GUYS GETTING--

THEY LOVE IT.I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.

THEY LIKE IT A LOT.

NOT WHAT WE'RESUPPOSED TO BE DOING.

I DON'T TAKEANY MONEY.

I DON'T CHARGE ANY MONEY.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEMNOT LIKE IT LESS.

THAT MAKES THEMLIKE IT MORE.

YOU UNDERSTANDTHAT, RIGHT?

SO YOU DON'T WANTTHEM TO BE HAPPY?

NO, WE DON'T WANT THEMTO BE HAPPY.

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT.CRIME AND PUNISHMENT.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.OK.

WHAT YOU'RE DOINGIS YOU'RE HELPING

THEIR SELF-ESTEEM.WE DON'T WANT TO HELP IT.

PEOPLE ARE COMMITTINGMINOR CRIMES OUT THERE

JUST TO GET INJUST FOR YOUR PROCESSING.

WE DON'T WANT THAT.OH.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Woman: ALL RIGHT!

WE HAVE WORKED OUTTHE KINKS,

AND TODAY WE ARE JUMPINGTHE SHARK FOR AUTISM!

Woman:"F" YOU, AUTISM!

NOT IN FAVOR OF AUTISM.TO FIGHT AUTISM.

AND WE'VE RAISEDHOW MUCH?

$67!

$67! MINUS THE SIGNS--OR WITH THE SIGNS.

SO WE'RE DOING PRETTY GOOD!YEAH. HERE WE GO.

READY?YEAH.

SET. YEAH.

[GUNSHOT]

[SCREAMING]

SOMEBODY GRAB IT!SOMEBODY GRAB IT!

GET DOWN.GET DOWN, JIM.

OH, IT'S FINE.

OH!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BYMTV NETWORKS

HOW YOU DOING?HI THERE, CAPTAIN.

LIEUTENANT. WE'VE BEENOVER THIS. REMEMBER?

OH, LIEUTENANT.

I'M NOT THE CAPTAIN.

HI THERE,LIEUTENANT HANDSOME.

I KNOW. WE'VE BEENOVER AND OVER...

COULD YOU DO MEA SOLID

AND JUST FAX THATFOR ME?

YOU REMEMBER HOWWE WENT OVERTHE FAX MACHINE?

OK. YOU WANT METO [BEEP] FOR YOU.

NO, THAT'STHE THING.

I DON'T WANT YOUTO [BEEP] THIS.

NO [BEEP] THIS.

BUT YOU JUST TOLD MEYOU WANT ME TO [BEEP] IT.

NO.

THEY ONLY TAUGHT YOUSEX, DIDN'T THEY?

THEY DID.

THEY TAUGHT YOUNOTHING ELSE?

I TAUGHT MYSELFSOME, THOUGH.

YEAH?YEAH.

WHAT ELSEDID YOU LEARN?

YOU LEARNEDENGLISH GOOD.

YEAH.

"FAX." THAT WORDLOOKS LIKE THIS.

OK. F-A-X. FAX.

SAY IT.

FAX.

THE THING THATWE DON'T SAY?

UH...OH, THAT ONE?OH, [BEEP].

NOW WE DON'TDO THAT ANYMORE.

WE JUST...WE SEND THE FAX.

OK.

I WILL FAX ITREALLY GOOD FOR YOU.

DON'T [BEEP] IT.

DON'T [BEEP] IT. OK.

WHAT'S THE WORD?LET'S SAY ITTOGETHER.

FAX.FAX.

WE DON'T HAVEA [BEEP] MACHINE

ANYWHEREIN THE BUILDING.

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