Rubbing Our Clips

  • Season 4, Ep 9
  • 06/16/2016

The Inside Amy Schumer team comes together for a "Real Housewives"-style reunion hosted by Andy Cohen.

(Andy Cohen)Tonight, on the"Inside Amy Schumer Reunion"...

What was that just now whenI just said it to Andy Cohen?

A lie?

You mix reds and whites.

I've got yourinfection right here.

No, I do not wanna have brunch,thank you for asking.

♪♪

Hey, everybody,I'm Andy Cohen.

And I'm here withthe beautiful and beguiling

ladies of "Inside Amy Schumer."

You all look so amazingand classy and stunning.

Yes.

Hi, Amy Schumer.

Hi, Andy Cohen.

Amy, I love your hair,very Barbarella.

Oh, thank you, um...

I wanted somethingdifferent and, um...

With my new linecoming out.

And my name wasalmost Barbara.

So that's a very funnyyou mention that.

'Cause my lineis coming out.

Hi, Kim Caramele.

Hi, Andy Cohen.

Gosh, supervising producer,writer, Amy's sister...

Look at you.You look like a princess.

You look like Kate Middleton.

Thank you, but, like, whatI always say about that

is just, like, I just do me.

And then that's it,like, I do me.

I've literally never heard yousay that your whole life.

And, like, I've known youyour whole life.

Oh, do you have ears?

'Cause, like, I justsaid it to Andy Cohen.

What are these on my head?Check the tape,check the tape.

What are these on my head?Check the tape.

Check the tape.What are these?

Check the tape.Check the tape.

What are these on my head?Check the tape.

(Kim)They're ears.

Greta Lee, you've beenon the show every season.

Yes, but I've yet to be paidfor any of my appearances.

But on the plus side,you are Asian.

Hi, Bridget Everett.

Hi, Andy Cohen.

Bridget Everett,you are a socialite,

you're a debutante,you're a goddamn legend.

Hi, Andy Cohen.

Hi, Amy Schumer.

Hi-- Andy Cohen.

Are we still doing hellos?I thought...

Oh, yeah, the hello'son reunion shows

last for about half an hour.

Hi, Andy Cohen.

Well, this showis only a half hour,

so, like, let's move it along.

(Andy)Oh, okay.

Okay, Mavis L. fromRancho Cucamonga writes,

"Amy, why do you talkabout your pussy so much?

"Are you scared we don'tbelieve you have one?

We get it.You're disgusting."

I have to saythat I have no idea

what that isin reference to.

(snickering)

Uh, you know.

No idea.

You know.We all know.

I have literallynever in my life

said that word before, so...

What did you just say?!

I said you're delusional!What did you just say?

Say it to my face!I said "You're day-loo..."

(both shouting)

I said you're delusional!

You don't even knowwhat delusional means!

You don't knowwhat it means.

You don't know whatanything means!

I'm not delusional.

Yeah, you alwaystake her side!

No, you know what?I can't, no.

(Kim)Sit down.

Good, good, walk outlike you always do.

I'm not, I'm not.

Walk out likeyou always do.

No, because you knowwhy I'm not?!

Because, becauseyou know why I'm not!

And what you wroteis very hurtful to me.

I didn't say anything!

It's very hurtful to me!Prove it!

I didn't say anything!

Sit back down, Amy.

Okay.Come back.

Sit down, Kim.

Amy, are you seriously saying

that you've neversaid the word "pussy"?

Andy, on my life... never!

Never have I ever saidthat word on my life.

On my children's lives!

On my children'schildren's lives.

Never have I said that word.

That's family, and youdon't do that to family.

Wait, are you sayingyour pussy is family?

She knows whatI'm talking about.

Nobody knows whatyou're talking about!

You know whatI'm talking about!Nobody knows!

Nobody knows.

Okay, well, let's see whateverybody is talking about.

Take a look.

Close your eyes.Okay.

Give me your hand.Mm-hmm.

Guess where your fingeris right now.

My pussy.

My pussy tasteslike nothing.

'Cause I ate pussyfor breakfast.

I hope this kid's readyto (bleep) a ton of pussy.

Pussies.Pussy.

Pussy!

Stop talking outof your pussy right now.

If my pussy hada voice,

it would soundlike Terry Gross

with just a mouthfulof crackers.

My character has a pussy.

Pussies.

Can you not say... pussy?

♪ My pussy's (bleep) magic

With a pussy on it.

I don't see what'sso hard about...

just saying "vagina."

Will this fixmy garbage pussy?

Are you that girlfrom the television

who talks abouther pussy all the time?

Yes!

Kinda seems likeyou say "pussy" a lot, Amy.

Thank you.

I see whyyou would think that.

And I, I want to"sincereiously" apologize

to my fans if that's whatthey thought I was saying.

But I have grown a lot.

This has been a journeywith me and God.

And everyone at the precinctnear my house.

And I know what's in my heart.

And it is my pussy.

Okay, I mean-- and, and I do,I do wanna say this.

I do wanna say thisabout Amy, okay?

I know that we have hadour differences.Mm-hmm.

And I know that she knowsthat I do hate her.

Okay, but she also doessay that, like,

she has a good heart.

Okay, and she says

she has a good heartand family is family.

Thank youfor saying that.

Family is family.

Family is family.

(sobbing)Family is family.

(Andy)That's nice,that was kind of you.

We'll be right back.