April 24, 2014 - George Saunders

  • 04/24/2014

The Supreme Court upholds a ban on affirmative action, a cattle rancher battles the federal government, and author George Saunders discusses "Congratulations, by the way."

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THEREPORT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOININGUS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, LADIES ANDGENTLEMEN. THANKS

FOR BEING WITH US IN HERE,OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD.

WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

MR. AND MRS. AMERICA.

NATION, THANK YOU FOR YOURSUPPORT.

FOLKS, THANK YOU FOR YOURSUPPORT AND COMING TOGETHER TO

MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACEBECAUSE WE AMERICANS HAVE ALWAYS

HAD OUR DIFFERENCES.

YOU SAY POTATO, AND I SAY WHOYOU CALLING A POTATO IS

IS IT BECAUSE I'M IRISH?

YOU'RE A RACIST.

I'M HAPPY TO SAY ALL OUR RACIALCONFLICTS ARE BEHIND US.

AS THE SAYING GOES THE ARC OFTHE MORAL UNIVERSE IS LONG BUT

BENDS TOWARDS JUSTICE.

>> A HISTORIC RULING FROM THESUPREME COURTS COULD SPELL THE

END OF AFFIRMATIVE ACTION ONCOLLEGE CAMPUSES.

THE 6-2 RULE UPHOLDS A MICHIGANAMENDMENT BANNING THE USE OF

RACE IN COLLEGE ADMISSIONS.

>> Stephen: FINALLY, THISDECISION ENDS THE UNFAIR

PRACTICE OF ADMITTING STUDENTSBASED ON THEIR RACE AND ALLOWS

MORE STUDENTS TO BE ADMITTEDBASED ON IF THEIR PARENTS WENT

THERE.

( LAUGHTER )WE DON'T NEED AFFIRMATIVE ACTION

BECAUSE RACIAL DISCRIMINATION ISOFFICIALLY OVER.

DON'T BELIEVE ME?

JUST ASK THESE OTHER WHITEPEOPLE.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> THE DREAM OF AFFIRMATIVEACTION IS-- HAS BEEN REALIZED.

IT'S TAKEN A LONG TIME, BUT WE--I WOULD SAY WE'VE ARRIVED.

>> THIS IS A SCENE THAT MARTINLUTHER KING WISHED FOR.

HE WANTED THIS DAY TO COME.

HE WANTED THE LAW OF THE LAND TOFINALLY BACK OFF AND SAY YOU

KNOW WHAT?

WE DON'T NEED THIS, BECAUSETHERE IS EQUALITY

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT,AFRICAN AMERICANS.

DR. KING SAID HE MIGHT NOT MAKEIT TO THE PROMISED LAND WITH

YOU, BUT THESE GUYS DID ANDTHEY'LL LET YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.

( LAUGHTER )IT'S LIKE M.L.K. SAID HIMSELF AT

THE MARCH ON WASHINGTON-- I HAVEA DREAM THAT ONE DAY THE SONS OF

FORMER SLAVES AND THE SONS OFFORMER SLAVE OWNERS WILL BE ABLE

TO SIT TOGETHER AT THE TABLE OFBROTHERHOOD UNLESS THERE

HAPPENS TO BE ANOTHER SLAVEOWNER'S SON WHO IS SIMILARLY

QUALIFIED THAT HE SHOULD TAKETHE SLAVE KID'S SEAT BECAUSE

IT'S NOT ABOUT QUOTAS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).GREAT MAN.

OF COURSE, THESE DAYS THERE'SSTILL ONE GROUP OF PEOPLE YOU'RE

ALLOWED TO ATTACK-- WHITE GUYS.

SURPRISE!

CASE IN POINT, NEVADA RANCHERAND EXTRA FROM "SMOKEY AND THE

BANDIT," CLIVEN BUNDY.

I KNOW, I LIKE HIM, TOO.

FREQUENT VIEWERS OF MY SHOW KNOWTHAT I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL

YOU ABOUT CLIVEN FOR WEEKS.

BUT HERE'S THE STORY.

BUNDY'S CATTLE WERE SEIZED BYTHE FEDERAL BUREAU OF LAND

MANAGEMENT UNDER THE FLIMSYEXCUSE THAT HE'S GRAZED HIS

CATTLE ON FEDERAL LAND FORDECADES AND OWES $1 MILLION IN

GRAZING FEES.

$1 MILLION TO LET COWS EAT.

WHAT ARE THEY GROWING IN THATDESERT, LOBSTER TAILS?

BUT BUNDY HAS A SIMPLEEXPLANATION FOR NOT PAYING.

>> I DON'T RECOGNIZE THE UNITEDSTATES GOVERNMENT AS EVEN

EXISTING.

( LAUGHTER )>> Stephen: OKAY, YOU CAN'T

PAY A GOVERNMENT IF ITDOESN'T EXIST.

ESPECIALLY NOT WITH THE MONEYTHAT IT ISSUED.

...

( LAUGHTER )BY BRAVELY STANDING AGAINST THE

FORCES OF PAYING YOUR BILLS,BUNDY BECAME A HERO TO

CONSERVATIVES LIKE SEAN HANNITYWHO TURNED BUNDY'S 10 GALLON HAT

UP TO 11.

>> MY NEXT GUEST IS A RANCHERWAGING A BATTLE AGAINST THE

GOVERNMENT.

BACK WITH US IS CLIVEN BUNDY.

BACK WITH US IS CLIVEN BUNDY.

AND BACK WITH US TONIGHT TORESPOND IN A HANNITY EXCLUSIVE

IS RANCHER CLIVEN BUNDY.

CLIVEN, I'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW YOUAS THE CONTROVERSY IS UNFOLDING.

YOU AND YOUR FAMILY SEEM LIKEREALLY NICE PEOPLE.

>> Stephen: MAN, HANNITY ATEUP THAT STORY SO HARD, BUNDY

SHOULD HAVE CHARGED HIM GRAZINGFEES.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

AND THANKS, THANKS TO SEAN'SSYMPATHETIC COVERAGE, ARMED

PATRIOTS FLOCKED TO BUNDY'SRANCH TO DEFEND HIS RIGHTS.

>> WE WERE ACTUALLY STRATEGIZINGTO PUT ALL THE WOMEN UP AT THE

FRONT.

IF THEY'RE GOING TO STARTSHOOTING, IT WILL BE WOMEN THAT

WILL BE TELEVISED ALL ACROSS THEWORLD GETTING SHOT BY THESE

ROGUE FEDERAL OFFICERS.

OFFICERS.

>> Stephen: NOW, THAT'S NOTAS MONSTROUS AS IT SOUNDS.

I'M SURE THEY WERE GOING TOPROTECT THE WOMEN WITH A LINE OF

CHILDREN.

( APPLAUSE )NOW, NO SURPRISE, THE FEDS DID

NOT HAVE THE SACK TO SHOOTTHROUGH A LADY LINE, SO THEY

PACKED IT IN.

AND IN THAT MOMENT OF VICTORYAGAINST AN ENCROACHING FEDERAL

GOVERNMENT, CLIVEN BUNDY BECAMEMORE THAN JUST A MAN.

>> THERE IS A GROWING NUMBER OFSUPPORTERS FOR RANCHER CLIVEN

BUNDY, ALL VOWING TO STANDBEHIND A MAN WHO HAS BECOME

THEIR HERO.

>> A SAVIOR, IF YOU WILL, OR ASYMBOL OF RURAL AMERICA STANDING

UP TO THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ISA HERO, A FOLK HERO IF YOU WILL.

>> Stephen: OH, I WILL.

( LAUGHTER )AND LIKE EVERY FOLK HERO, HE

DESERVES A FOLK SONG.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )♪ HIS NAME WAS CLIVEN BUNDY

A OF BUNKERVILLE, NEVADA.

♪ IF YOU DON'T KNOW HIS STORY ITHINK YOU REALLY OUGHTTA.

♪ BACK IN 1993, THE FEDS DEMANDGRAZING FEES ON PUBLIC LAND THE

BUNDY PLAN SINCE THE 1870s.

BUNDY PLAN SINCE THE 1870s.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

♪ NEVADA STATE DECREE FROM 1953GAVE FEDERAL AUTHORITY OVER ALL

STATE PUBLIC PROPERTY.

♪ AS STATED IF THEGUADALUPE-HIDALGO TREATY

( APPLAUSE )( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )BUT CLIVEN COULDN'T

UNDERSTAND, WHY SHOULD HE HAVETO PAY FOR LAND?

THIS LAND BELONGS TO YOU AND ME.

THIS IS WHAT HE TOLD SEANHANNITY.

♪ THIS IS THE BALLAD OFCLIVEN BUNDY.

TAKE IT.

>> I WANT TO TELL YOU ONE MORETHING I KNOW ABOUT THE NEGRO.

>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'SENOUGH OF THE SONG.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

UNFORTUNATELY, NOTHING RHYMESWITH NEGRO.

OKAY, LET'S SEE, WHERE-- WHEREWERE WE?

OH, YES, CLIVEN BUNDY.

( LAUGHTER )CLIVEN, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING

ABOUT OUR AFRICAN AMERICANBRETHREN?

>> THEY ABORT THEIR-- THEIRYOUNG CHILDREN.

THEY PUT THEIR YOUNG MEN IN JAILBECAUSE THEY NEVER LEARNED HOW

TO PICK COTTON.

AND I'VE OFTEN WONDERED ARE THEYBETTER OFF ENSLAVED, PICKING

COTTON.

>> Stephen: CALM DOWN.

THAT'S NOT RACIST.

THAT'S BEING EXISTENT.

HE DOES NOT BELIEVE IN THEFEDERAL GOVERNMENT SO IT WOULD

BE HYPOCRITICAL TO BELIEVE THEEMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION.

I'M SURE HE HAD A CHANCE TOCLARIFY THE STATEMENT.

>> ARE THEY HAPPIER NOW UNDERTHE GOVERNMENT SUBSIDY SYSTEM

THAN THEY WERE WHEN THEY WERESLAVES AND THEY WAS ABLE TO HAVE

THEIR FAMILY STRUCTURE TOGETHERAND THE CHICKENS AND GARDENS,

AND THE PEOPLE HAVE SOMETHING TODO?

>> Stephen: WELL, THATCERTAINLY MAKES IT CRYSTAL

CLEAR.

HE LEFT THE CHICKENS OUT THEFIRST TIME.

THEY REALLY TIE THE WHOLE IDEATOGETHER.

THE POINT IS, THIS MAN IS AVICTIM OF RACISM, AS IT MADE

CLEAR ON THE BUNDY FACEBOOK PAGESAYING, "CLIVEN IS A GOOD MAN.

HE LOVES ALL PEOPLE.

HE IS NOT A RACIST MAN.

HE WANTS WHAT IS BEST FOREVERYONE."

OKAY, HE WANTS WHAT'S BEST FOREVERYONE.

AND HE'S JUST WONDERING IF FORSOME PEOPLE THAT'S SLAVERY.

( LAUGHTER )IS IT A CRIME TO WONDER NOW?

AND, FOLKS, MY ONE REGRET HEREIS THAT I DID NOT EMBRACE CLIVEN

BUNDY SOONER, LIKE SEAN HANNITYDID, YOU KNOW, REALLY DRAW HIM

TO MY BOSOM, TO LINK USINEXTRABLY, TO HANG HIM

AROUND MY NECK LIKE SOME KIND OFLUCKY DEAD SEA BIRD.

BUT YOU BEAT ME TO IT, SEAN.

YOU'RE GOOD, BUDDY.

YOU'RE GOOD.

THANKS TO YOUR NONSTOP SUPPORTOF COVERAGE OF BUNDY, NOW WHEN

ANYONE THINKS OF FOLKS WHO HAVEINSIGHT INTO THE NEGRO, THEY'LL

THINK OF SEAN HANNITY.

I MEAN, THESE TWO--( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

THESE TWO GO TOGETHER TO LIKE KUAND KLUX.

I MEAN-- SALUTE YOU, SEAN.

I SALUTE YOU FOR BRAVELYSTANDING BY A MAN WHOSE ONLY

CRIME WAS BREAKING FEDERAL LAW.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF TALK

THESE DAYS ABOUT EQUAL PAY FORWOMEN.

WELL, I THINK THERE'S BEEN A LOTOF TALK.

I WASN'T REALLY PAYINGATTENTION.

GAME IS ON.

IT TURNS OUT EARNING LESS ISGOOD.

JUST ASK CONSERVATIVE ICON ANDLADY WHO GIVES OUT RAISINS AT

HALLOWEEN, PHYLLIS SCHLAFLY.

SHE WROTE WOMEN TYPICALLY CHOOSEA MATE, HUSBAND, OR BOYFRIEND

WHO EARNS MORE THAN SHE DOES.

WHILE WOMEN PEFER A HIGHEREARNING PARTNER, MEN LIKE TO BE

THE HIGHER EARNING PARTNER.

MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO DON'T EARNMUCH MONEY.

THAT'S WHY THE HOTTEST PLACE TOPICK UP A LADY IS A HOMELESS

SHELTER. BUT BE CAREFULFELLAS, HER IMAGINARY

ROOMMATE IS CRAZY.

THE OPPOSITE IS ALSO TRUE--WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED TO MEN WHO

MAKE MORE MONEY.

WHY DO YOU THINK WOMEN SLEEPWITH DONALD TRUMP?

( LAUGHTER )SERIOUSLY, DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY?

( LAUGHTER )IS IT A DARE LIKE THE CINNAMON

CHALLENGE OR SOMETHING?

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

IT WOULD EXPLAIN HIS SKIN COLOR.

NOW, THE DANGER-- THE DANGERSCHLAFLY WARNS IS THAT IF WE

ELIMINATE THE PAY GAP, ROMANCEWILL DIE, SIMPLE ARITHMETIC

SUGGESTS HALF OF WOMEN WOULD BEUNABLE TO FIND WHAT THEY REGARD

AS A SUITABLE MATE.

IF A HIGHER EARNING MAN IS NOTAVAILABLE, MANY WOMEN ARE MORE

LIKELY NOT TO MARRY AT ALL.

SO ENJOY YOUR EQUAL PAY, LADIES.

YOU CAN SPEND IT ON FRISKIES FORYOUR HUNDREDS OF CATS BECAUSE

YOU'RE DYING ALONE.

WOMEN, COME ON.

WOMEN, BE HONEST.

BE HONEST, WOMEN.

DO NOT BE ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT--YOU LIKE A GUY TO EARN MORE THAN

YOU.

SAME WAY YOU LIKE THEM TO OPENDOORS OR GIVE UP THEIR SEAT ON

THE BUS YOU'RE RIDING BECAUSEYOU CAN'T AFFORD A CAR.

( LAUGHTER )MEANWHILE, SCHLAFLY'S ARTICLE

TOUCHED OFF THE PREDICTABLEMEDIA FIRESTORM FROM THE LIBERAL

LADIES.

BUT COME ON, IF THESE FEMALEJOURNALISTS REALLY THOUGHT THEY

SHOULD GET PAID MORE, WHY DIDTHEY GO INTO JOURNALISM?

AND THESE DAMES DON'T REALIZETHAT SCHLAFLY IS TRYING TO HELP

WOMEN BY HELPING MEN SO THEY CANHELP WOMEN.

AS PHYLLIS SO ELOQUENTLY SAID,THE PAY GAP HELPS PROMOTE AND

SUSTAIN MARRIAGES.

THE BEST WAY TO IMPROVE ECONOMICPROSPECTS FOR WOMEN IS TO

IMPROVE JOB PROSPECTS FOR MEN INTHEIR LIVES, EVEN THAT MEANS

INCREASING THE SO-CALLED PAYGAP.

WELL SAID.

TO HELP WOMEN, WE MAY NEED TOINCREASE THE PAY GAP.

77 CENTS TO THE DOLLAR IS A GOODSTART BUT WE CAN DO BETTER.

WHY NOT 50 CENTS ON THE DOLLAR?

OR, OR CALL ME A RADICALFEMINIST, BUT MAYBE WOMEN

SHOULDN'T BE PAID AT ALL.

DON'T LISTEN TO ME, LADIES.

I'M JUST A GUY WHO MAKES MORETHAN YOU.

YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE SOME PERSONALRESPONSIBILITY HERE.

TOMORROW MORNING I WANT YOU TOMARCH INTO YOUR BOSS' OFFICE AND

SAY MR. THOMPSON I'VE PROVENMYSELF.

I'VE GOT INITIATIVE.

I'VE GOT ENTHUSIASM.

I'VE EXCEEDED MY SALES QUOTAWHICH IS WHY I DEMAND A 25% PAY

CUT AND GIVE THAT MONEY TO CHUCKIN THE MAILROOM.

HE'S NICE.

SHE'S SINGLE, AND IF I COULDN'TMAKE RENT, HE'D SEEM LIKE A

DREAM BOAT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK EVERYBODY.

THANKS SO MUCH.

FOLKS MY GUEST TONIGHT IS ANAWARD-WINNING AUTHOR WITH A NEW

BOOK ABOUT THE VIRTUES OFKINDNESS.

WHICH MEANS I GET TO YELL AT HIMAND HE'S JUST GOING TO SIT

THERE.

PLEASE WELCOME GEORGE SAUNDERS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

HEY, GEORGE, GOOD TO SEE YOUAGAIN.

THANKS FOR COMING BACK.

>> MY PLEASURE.

>> Stephen: FOR THOSE WHODON'T KNOW YOU'RE A McCARTHUR

GRANT RECEIVEEE AND ABESTSELLING AUTHOR.

AND A NEW ONE IS CALLED--CONGRATULATIONS, BY THE WAY,

IT'S SOME THOUGHTS ON KINDNESS.

THIS STARTED OFF AS A SPEECH YOUGAVE AT SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY, A

COMMENCEMENT?

>> YES.

>> Stephen: SO SELL ME ONKINDNESS.

( LAUGHTER )IT GETS GREAT PRESS.

IT GETS GREAT PRESS, OKAY.

DON'T GET ME WRONG, GOT A GREATPUBLICIST.

WHAT'S IN KINDNESS FOR ME?

( LAUGHTER ).

>> WHEN I WAS WORKING ON THESPEECH, I WAS KIND OF BLANKED

OUT.

I THOUGHT YOU HAVE A ROOM FULLOF YOUNG KIDS THAT ARE

IMPATIENT.

WHAT CAN I SAY THAT'S REALLYURGENT?

I LOOKED BACK AND SAID IN ALL MYLIFE WHAT DO I REGRET?

AND THERE WASN'T THAT MUCHACTUALLY.

( LAUGHTER )NO, LIKE THE LITTLE

HUMILIATIONS-- YOU CAN FORGO ALLTHAT.

BUT THERE WERE A HAND FULL OFTHINGS THEY REALLY REGRETTED AND

THEY ALL HAD TO DO WITH MOMENTSWHERE SOMEBODY NEEDED ME TO BE

KIND TO THEM OR STEP UP AND IDIDN'T FOR WHATEVER REASON.

SO I WROTE ABOUT ONE PARTICULARGIRL IN OUR MIDDLE SCHOOL CLASS

WHO WAS KIND OF AN OUTCAST.

>> AND TRIED TWO OR THREE TIMESTO HELP HER AND THEN I KIND OF

CHICKENED OUT. I HAD THAT FEELING WHEN SOMEBODY IS

DROWNING AND YOU GO TO HELP ANDYOU GO THIS COULD GET UGLY.

AND I KIND OF BAILED ON HER.

>> Stephen: I'VE NEVERACTUALLY DONE THAT TO SOMEONE.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> I RECOMMEND IT.

NO, NO, NO.

BUT-- SO SHE WAS KIND OF A NICEGIRL, AND AT THAT TIME I WAS A

PRETTY STRONG CATHOLIC, AND IIDENTIFIED CLOSELY WITH THAT

KIND OF 70s IDEA OF JESUS ASBEING SO COMPASSIONATE THAT HE

WAS COMFORTABLE ANYWHERE.

AND I THOUGHT, YEAH, I COULD DOTHAT.

>> Stephen: DID YOU HELP HEREVER?

>> WELL, I TRIED.

I SORT OF MADE A FEW ATTEMPTS,BUT YOU COULD SEE THIS HAD

PROBABLY HAPPENED TO HER BEFOREIN OTHER SCHOOLS, AND SHE WAS A

LITTLE LEERY AND REALLY WASN'TTHAT EAGER TO BE HELPED.

SO AT THAT POINT, AT SOME POINTI JUST SAID, YEAH, I'M NOT GOING

TO DO THAT.

AND I COULD SORT OF FEEL MYSELF FALLING AWAY FROM THAT IDEA

OF JESUS I HAD IN MY MIND WHICHI THINK IS WHY I REMEMBERED IT

ALL THESE YEARS LATER.

>> Stephen: SO YOU REGRETTHAT VERY MUCH.

HOW DID MIDDLE SCHOOL GO FORYOU.

>> PRETTY GOOD.

>> Stephen: SO ( BLEEP ) HER.

NO, NO, LISTEN, BUT IT'S AJUNGLE OUT THERE IN MIDDLE

SCHOOL.

IT'S A JUNGLE.

IT'S KILL OR BE KILLED.

I MEAN, HERE'S MY-- HERE'S MYPROBLEM WITH YOUR-- WITH

KINDNESS, GEORGE.

IF EVERYONE TRIES TO BE KIND,OKAY-- LET'S SAY WE ALL TRY TO

BE KIND, AND ONE GUY STAYS ADICK, OKAY, WE'RE ALL SUCKERS.

AND HE TAKES ADVANTAGE OF US.

OKAY?

I FOR ONE DON'T WANT TO GET TOST. PETER AT THE PEARLY GATE AND

SAY, "OH, YEAH, YOU WERE KIND TOPEOPLE BUT YOU WERE A SUCKER AND

SOMEBODY ABUSED FOOD STAMPS.

GO TO HELL."

>> YOU MAKE A GOOD CASE.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

>> I WAS COMING HERE TO PROMOTETHE KINDNESS BOOK AND I WAS ON

THE NEW JERSEY TURNPIKE AND IGET TO THE TOLLBOOTH AND I GET

INTO THAT LITTLE THING, THATLITTLE KIND OF-- AND THE GUY

COMES OUT AND DROPS A CONE RIGHTIN FRONT OF MY CAR.

>> Stephen: A COMB?

>> A CONE.

AND HE SAID, "YOU GOTTA GOBACK."

SO I LOOKED BACK AND IT'SFREEZING RAIN.

IT'S NIGHT.

THE CARS ARE, LIKE, SIX OR SEVENCARS ARE BEHIND ME.

SO I THINK, YOU KNOW, INVOKEKINDNESS.

SO I JUMP OUT OF THE CAR AND IGO UP TO HIM AND SAY IN MY BEST

NEW AGE VOICE, "SIR, I'M NOTSURE THIS IS THE BEST DECISION

GIVEN THE CONDITIONS."

AND HE GOES, "I DON'T GIVE ACRAP.

I'M GOING HOME."

SO I THOUGHT THIS IS A-- YOUKNOW, A REALLY GOOD KINDNESS

CASE.

I SAID, "IF YOU DON'T MIND, ITHINK IT'S NOT EVEN IN YOUR

INTEREST."

HE SAID, "I'M GOING HOME."

AND HE WALKED OFF.

SO THAT'S A CASE WHERE I-- WHATI WANTED TO DO --

>> Stephen: HE DROPPED THECONE IN FRONT OF YOU IT WASN'T

GOVERNOR CHRISTIE, WAS IT?

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE ).

>> NO, I DON'T THINK IT WAS HIM.

>> Stephen: SO BEING NICE ISNOT KIND.

>> IN THAT MOMENT I WANTED TOSAY SOMETHING REALLY CUTTING TO

HIM.

>> Stephen: WHAT WOULD YOUHAVE SAID?

>> I CAN'T THINK OF IT BECAUSEI'M SO KIND.

( LAUGHTER )YOU.

>> Stephen: TEACH AT SYRACUSEUNIVERSITY.

>> Stephen: I DO.

DO YOU HAVE TENURE?

>> I DO.

>> Stephen: WHY ARE YOU KINDSTILL?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE KINDANYMORE?

YOU COULD BE A COMPLETE MONSTERAND NO ONE WOULD DO ANYTHING TO

YOU.

>> I HAVE THE SWEETEST STUDENTSEVER-- WHY NOT BE NICE?

>> Stephen: YOU SAY BECOMINGKINDER HAPPENS NATURALLY WITH

AGE.

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN GRUMPY OLDMEN?

>> YEAH, I--( LAUGHTER )

I GOT A FEW E-MAILS-- "YOUSHOULD MEET MY FATHER-IN-LAW.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RETALKING ABOUT."

FOR ME I THINK WHAT HAPPENS ISYOU GET OLDER, YOU HAVE LESS

ENERGY.

SO IT TAKES A LOT OF ENERGY TOMAINTAIN YOUR NEUROSES AND

HATRED.

I THINK AS YOU GET OLDER YOU'RELIKE I WISH I COULD STILL BE

HATEFUL, BUT I'M TOO TIRED.

( LAUGHTER )YOU HAVE KIDS.

AND YOU SEE THE WAY THE WORLDWORKS ON PEOPLE AND I THINK

YOU-- I THINK ACTUALLY THE DUSTKIND OF SETTLES.

IN MY EXPERIENCE YOU SORT OF SEETHAT LEARNING TO BECOME MORE

SYMPATHETIC AND LOVING ACTUALLYIS REALLY WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

ALL THE OTHER STUFF OF KIND OFJUST DUST, YOU KNOW?

>> Stephen: THE CENTRALMESSAGE TO STUDENTS IS STRIVE

FOR KINDNESS.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: IS THAT BECAUSETHAT'S MORE REALISTIC FOR

GRADUATING SENIORS RIGHT NOWTHAN STRIVING FOR JOBNESS?

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE ).

( CHEERS )>> IT GIVES THEM SOMETHING TO DO

WHILE WAITING FOR THEIRREJECTION LETTER.

>> Stephen: OR WAITINGTABLES.

WHEN HAS KINDNESS WORKED FORYOU?

>> FOR ME.

>> Stephen: WHEN DID IT PAYOFF?

IT DIDN'T PAY OFF FOR THE GUYWITH THE CONES.

>> NOT SO MUCH.

>> Stephen: THE GIRL INMIDDLE SCHOOL.

>> YOU SHOULD SEE THE THINGS ILEFT OUT OF THE SPEECH.

THOSE WOULD HAVE BEEN AGRADUATION BUZZ-KILL.

DON'T KILL A GUY.

>> Stephen: DID YOU KILLSOMEONE?

>> NO.

>> Stephen: OKAY, BUT THAT'SOUT THERE NOW.

WHEN HAS KINDNESS WORKED FORYOU, GEORGE?

>> IT WORKED WHEN I WAS THERECIPIENT OF IT.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

GIMME, GIMME, GIMME.

THE MESSAGE IS BE KIND BECAUSEI'M RIGHT HERE.

( LAUGHTER )IF YOU CAN THINK OF ONE TIME YOU

WERE A NICE GUY, PLEASE COMEBACK.

GEORGE SAUNDERS.

IT'S A GREAT BOOK.

IT'S A WONDERFUL SPEECH.

IT'S CALLED "CONGRATULATIONS."

BUY IT FOR EVERY GRADUATE.

THEY'LL LOVE IT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT,EVERYBODY.

GOOD NIGHT.

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