Flashback in the Day

  • 07/31/2012

The story of how Adam, Blake and Ders first met.

- "ADAM 'DWAYNE THE ROCKROOMMATE DEMAMP'"?

ALL RIGHT.

AAH, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.- WHOA, NO, NO, NO.

I AM SO SORRY.I WAS NOT EXPECTING ANYBODY.

- IT'S MOVE-IN DAY.- OH, WOW, OKAY.

POINTING FINGERS ALREADY.

NOT A GOOD STARTTO OUR RELATIONSHIP.

HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,I ALREADY KINDA

LAID CLAIM TO THIS SQUADRENT.

- THAT'S GREAT,'CAUSE I GOT THE MICROWAVE,

AND I'LL JUSTPUT IT THERE, SO--

- SICK. I LOVE POPCORN, SO--[knock on door]

- HEY. GREETINGS, EARTHLINGS.

ANDERS HOLMVIK,RESIDENT ADVISOR.

- HI, I'M BLAKE.- BLAKE.

- WHAT'S UP? I'M ADAM.DEMAMP.

- UH, YOU PLAY SPORTS.

- SWIM TEAM.- SO NO?

- [laughs]SORRY, THAT WAS--

THAT WAS A FUNNY ONE.- OH, YEAH? THAT'S FUNNY?

YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT FUNNY?BURNING ALIVE

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHTBECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW

YOUR MICROWAVEJUST CAUGHT ON FIRE.

MICROWAVES, NOT ALLOWEDIN THE DORM.

SO I'LL BE TAKING THIS,BECAUSE I'M YOUR R.A.

- HEY, NO,I DIDN'T MEAN ALL THAT.

COME ON, MAN,JUST GIMME A BREAK.

- THERE ARE NO BREAKSIN COLLEGE!

OH, HEY, HEY, HEY!CUT IT OUT! PULL THOSE UP!

- I'M SORRY, I WASSO CLOSE TO FINISHING

WHEN YOU CAME IN,INITIALLY.

- YOU'RE LUCKYI DON'T WRITE YOU UP.

ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO ARE

ON MY S-[bleep]-[bleep]-T LIST.

AND IT'S A SHORT LIST.

IT'S TOO LONG.T-O-O LONG.

WELCOME TO COLLEGE.

- BUT THAT'S MY MICROWAVE!

- GREETINGS, EARTHLINGS.

ANDERS HOLMVIK,RESIDENT ADVISOR.

- HEY, DUDE.- YOU GO IN THE CAFETERIA,

AND YOU JUST SWIPE A CARD,AND THEY GIVE YOU

AS MUCH PUDDING AS YOU WANT.- OH, COOL.

- WHAT'S THIS, YOUR SCHEDULE?- YEAH, YEAH.

- WHAT'S UP WITH ALLTHIS THEATER, MAN?

- WELL, I'M A THEATER MAJOR,SO--

YEAH, I CAUGHT THE ACTING BUGPRETTY BAD.

BUT YEAH, I ALREADY AUDITIONEDFOR THE FALL PRODUCTION--

LES MISERABLES.- THAT'S COOL.

SO CAN YOU, LIKE,CRY ON COMMAND AND STUFF?

- OH, YEAH, IT'S EASY.

THINK OF SOMETHING REALLY SADREAL QUICK.

LIKE, A BUNDLE OF BABIESEXPLODING,

OR, LIKE, DOGS EXPLODING.

OR, LIKE--LIKE, MAYBEYOUR MOM'S REALLY SICK,

OR YOU, LIKE, WALKED INON, LIKE--ON HER RAPE

YOU NOW, STOP HIM--YOU CAN'T STOP HIM

BECAUSE HE'S BIGGER THAN YOU.

LIKE, YOU JUST THINK OF THAT...

- OH, THAT HIT SO CLOSETO HOME FOR ME.

MY DOG ACTUALLY EXPLODEDWHEN I WAS A KID.

- I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO--- IT'S OKAY.

YOU ARE A REALLY GOOD ACTOR.- THANK YOU.

- YOU'RE LIKESEANN WILLIAMS SCOTT.

YOU'RE ATA SEANN WILLIAMS SCOTT LEVEL.

- THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

WELL, YOU KNOW,IT'S JUST LIVING TRUTHFULLY

IN IMAGINARY CIRCUMSTANCES,AND WHATEVER.

ENOUGH ABOUT ME.WHAT'S--WHAT'S ON YOUR SCHEDULE?

- OH, ME...WOMEN'S SEXUALITY,

SEXUAL REVOLUTION,THE HUMAN BODY,

REMEDIAL MATH...

THE BIBLE AS LITERATURE.

I'M DOING THAT FOR MY GF.

- GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE.YOU ALREADY SCORED A GIRLFRIEND?

- OH, NO,SHE'S BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL.

WE'RE, LIKE, CRAZY RELIGIOUS,THOUGH.

WE ALWAYS GET ON OUR KNEES...AND PRAY TO JESUS.

NOT ORALLY, PLEASE.- OH.

- YOU KNOW, SHE'S ACTUALLYCOMING NEXT WEEKEND.

WE'LL GO SEE YOU ACT THE [bleep]OUT OF THAT PLAY, DUDE.

- UH, THAT'S NOT FOR A WHILE.

PLUS, I ALREADY GOT CASTAS, LIKE, A POLICE OFFICER.

I'M JUST IN THE BACKGROUND.I DON'T EVEN HAVE LINES.

- WHAT?- YEAH, I KNOW.

IT'S JUST A POPULARITY CONTEST

WHEN YOU GET DOWN TO IT.

- WHOA, MAN.

I'M, LIKE, THE MOSTPOPULAR DUDE IN MY HIGH SCHOOL

NOW THAT I'VE GRADUATEDHIGH SCHOOL,

AND I AM THROWING YOU...A PARTY, BRO,

SO YOU CAN INFILTRATETHAT THEATER-NERD CREW.

- LIKE IN MEAN GIRLS.

- YES!- [laughs]

- YOU KNOW, MEAN GIRLS ISMY FAVORITE MOVIE.

- IT'S MINE TOO.

both: THE DVD SPECIALCOMMENTARY...

- OH!- OH, MY GOD. OH, MY--

- LISTEN TO IT.LINDSAY JUST TELLS ALL.

- OH, YEAH.

- TINA FEY.

[sighs]NOW WHAT?

I'M WORKING ON SHREK,BUT...

[imitating Shrek's brogue]IT'S YEARS AWAY, DONKEY.

- JESUS CHRIST...YOU OOZE TALENT.

THAT WAS DISGUSTING.

AND I CAN'T EVEN CONCENTRATEON THAT

BECAUSE I'M TOO BUSYHATING THAT DUDE.

- I DON'T BLAME THE GUY,THOUGH.

HE'S CRANKY 'CAUSE HE HAS TOWAKE UP SO EARLY

FOR SWIM PRACTICE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE WE NEED TO MAKE ITSO THAT HE NEVER, EVER WAKES UP

FOR SWIM PRACTICE AGAIN.

ONE TIME I WENT SWIMMINGIN, LIKE, THE NEIGHBOR'S POOL

WHEN THEY HAD JUST SHOCKED ITWITH CHLORINE.

MY SKIN GOT ALLFIERY RED,

AND MY HAIR STRAIGHTENED OUTFOR, LIKE, A MONTH.

- WHEN I WAS A TODDLER,I ACTUALLY FELL

INTO A WASHING MACHINEFULL OF BLEACH,

AND I DIDN'T GET ITCHY AT ALL.

I DID DIE, THOUGH...FOR, LIKE, FOUR MINUTES.

THE DOCTORS SAIDTHEY COULDN'T BELIEVE

HOW MUCH BRIAN DAMAGEI DIDN'T GET.

THEY WERE, LIKE,REALLY IMPRESSED.

THAT WAS FUN. YOU WANNA DOANOTHER STORY BATTLE?

I KICKED YOUR ASS.

- NO. I JUST BROUGHT THAT UPBECAUSE I THOUGHT

WE COULD MAYBE SHOCK THIS POOL.

- GOOD IDE--YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID THAT.

- NOW WE'RE TALKING.

ONE OF THESE HAS GOTTO DO THE TRICK.

- THERE'S, LIKE,60 MORE BACK THERE, MAN.

- ALL RIGHT.

- HEY, THERE.WHAT'S THE MATTER?

SWIM PRACTICE CANCELED?

- UH, YEAH.

- THAT'S COOL. AT LEASTYOU GET TO SLEEP IN, RIGHT?

- ACTUALLY, THEY, UM...THEY KICKED ME OFF THE TEAM

AND TOOK MY SCHOLARSHIP,SO...

I'M KINDA SCREWED SINCEMY DAD'S MAKING ME

PAY MY WAY THROUGH SCHOOL.WHATEVER.

EX-JOCK COMING THROUGH.HEADS UP.

[knock on door]

- HEY, WE JUST WANTEDTO CHECK ON YOU

BECAUSE YOU WERE CRYINGPRETTY HARD IN THE SHOWER.

- FROSH DOGS, GET IN HEREAND HELP ME

POLISH OFF THIS CASE,

SEEING AS THAT I'M NOT EVENYOUR R.A. ANYMORE.

- ALL RIGHT.- YEAH, COME ON IN.

- THESE WERE ACTUALLYOUR BEERS FROM BEFORE, SO--

- OH, THESE ARE YOURS?- YEAH, THESE ARE OURS.

- SORRY.

- SO YOU GUYS WANNAMAKE A TOAST OR SOMETHING?

TO...UH...LET'S GET DRUNK!

- YEAH!- NOW WE'RE TALKIN'.

- ALL RIGHT!

ONE, TWO, THREE, CHUG RACE.

all: CHUG RACE!

- YOU CHUG IT, BOY.CHUG IT!

- THIS IS A WRESTLINGFIGURE-FOUR, BABY!

- OH...OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH.

♪ YOU WORK AT A SMILEAND YOU GO FOR A RIDE ♪

♪ YOU HAD A BAD DAY,THE CAMERA DON'T LIE ♪

♪ YOU'RE COMING BACK DOWN

♪ AND YOU REALLY DON'T MIND - [belches]

- ♪ YOU HAD A BAD DAY [laughter]

♪ YOU HAD A BAD DAY

- YEAH, I JUST--YOU KNOW, I GOTTA GO.

I GOTTA GET GOING, SO...UM...THANKS...

AND GOOD-BYE FOREVER.

- YEAH, BYE FOREVER.

- BYE FOREVER.

- YEP.

- [sighs]PBBBBBBB...

- SO THAT GUY'S GONNAKILL HIMSELF, RIGHT?

- YEAH. MM-HMM.- ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE THROWING YOU A PARTY.- WHAT?

- YEAH, WE'RE THROWING YOUA MASSIVE PARTY

THAT EVERYBODY'SGONNA COME TO.

AND WE'RE GONNA MAKEENOUGH MONEY

TO KEEP YOU IN SCHOOLFOR NOW.

- LIKE VAN WILDER?- YEAH, LIKE A LOT OF MOVIES.

- I'M TECK.- ALL WE NEED IS BEER...

AND DRUGS...- AND TITTIES.

YOU GOTS TA HAVE SOME TITTIES,BABY.

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