• Season 7, Ep 13
  • 08/29/2012

A nature documentary series focuses on groups of animals that strongly resemble the crew.

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn.

Thus begins their 1000-mile journey

back to the exact stream in which they were born.

So how do wefind our way home?

Nobody knows!

NARRATOR: Experts are unsure

whether salmon navigate by memory, sense of smell,

or by detecting variations in Earth's magnetic field.

Okay, everybody do oneof those three things.

Well, this is it.

Home, stream home.

No, it isn't!

I was bornin the next stream up!

You're from Next Stream Up?

So am I!

I can tell by the magnetsin my head, or whatever.

Let's go!

NARRATOR: The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably

toward the stream of its birth.

Stupid body!

Why won't you go tothat other stream?

Nobody knows!

NARRATOR: I just told you!


It was fun maturing with you,

but at this pointin my life cycle,

I need a mate who's withinsquirting distance.

I'll never forget you... fish.

Come on, loxy lady,

it's time for us toget naughty by nature!


(talking indistictly)

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature,

few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal.

Certainly not the salmon.

And the tortoise?

Yeah, right.

The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach

to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds.

Just as in human society,

only the biggest, most obnoxious males

have any chance of mating.

Aw, yeah!

Survival of the fattest!

NARRATOR: The dominant male, or "Beachmaster,"

maintains a harem of up to 50 females.

Okay, harem, let's get to it.

Form an orderly heapon top of me.

(cows barking)

I like mating with Beachmaster'cause he's the largest.

NARRATOR: While the Beachmaster enjoys the spoils of victory...


I'm doin' it in my sleep!

...the lesser males languish at the edge of the colony,

unable to attract their own harem due to age...

Harem?!I can barely see 'em!


(high-pitched laugh)

I'm scared.

...or other reasons.

Hmm. I don't know...

Does this kelp scarfmake me look fat enough?

It's so unfair.

That bloated Casanovagets all the ladies!

Even that one with theexquisite fat rolls.