Slade, Swisher, Hastings, Marley

  • Season 6, Ep 610
  • 01/03/2003

Dwight Slade vents his frustration with modern parents, Drew Hastings describes trips to Walmart, and Bob Marley recalls an unfortunate diving mishap.

IN NEW YORK.

LOVE LIVIN' IN NEW YORK;

NO PLACE LIKE IT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

ALL RIGHT.

I HAVE FAMILY IN VIRGINIA.

WHEN I FIRST MOVED TO NEW YORK

THEY WERE LIKE, "GIRL, YOU--

NEW YORK?

YOU BETTER BUY A GUN!"

THAT'S WHAT MY FATHER SAY.

"YOU OUGHTA BUY A GUN."

I WAS LIKE "I AIN'T BUYING

A GUN.

THAT'S STUPID.

NEW YORK AIN'T ALL LIKE PEOPLE

THINK.

YOU KNOW."

"NO, NO. YOU GOTTA BUY A GUN."

HE EVEN TOLD ME THE TYPE OF GUN

TO BUY.

YEAH.

I WENT TO LOOK FOR THIS GUN,

THIS GUN COST $400.

MAN, IF I SPEND $400 FOR A GUN,

I'M SHOOTING SOMEBODY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I AM NOT LETTING A $400 GUN

GO TO WASTE.

AND I KNOW ME.

I GET ANNOYED EASILY, YOU KNOW.

SO I'M THE WRONG PERSON TO HAVE

A GUN.

I MEAN, I WILL SHOOT PEOPLE IN

MY HOUSE THAT I INVITED OVER.

(LAUGHTER)

"WHAT YOU SAY?

OH, THAT'S STUPID.

WHERE THE HELL'S MY GUN?

NO, NO, NO.

DON'T GO NOWHERE.

LET ME SHOOT YOUR ASS FIRST."